"C_h_ommoda" dicebat, si quando commoda vellet
Dicere, et "_h_insidias" ARRIUS insidias:
Et tum miritice sperabat se esse locutum.
Cum, quantum poterat, dixerat "_h_insidias."
Credo, sic mater, sic Liber avunculus ejus,
Sic maternus avus dixerit, atque avia.
CATULLUS, _Carmen_ lxxxiv.
Which--for the benefit of 'ARRY himself, who is not perhaps familiar
with the "Lingo Roruano"--though he may know something of a "Romano"
dear to certain young sportsmen, though not dearer to them than other
caterers,--may thus be _very_ freely adapted:--
'ARRY to _H_oxford gives the aspirate still
He cruelly denies to 'Ighgate 'Ill;
Yet deems in diction he can ape the "Swell,"
And "git the 'ang of it" exceeding well.
Doubtless his sire, the 'atter, and his mother,
The hupper 'ousemaid, so addressed each other;
For spite of all that wrangling Board Schools teach,
There seems heredity in Cockney speech.
* * * * *
FREDERICK THE GREAT AT BURLINGTON HOUSE.--"Bravo, Sir President of
the Royal Academy!" says _Mr. Punch_, U.P.B.B., enthusiastically;
"a splendid lecture, Sir, that of yours last Thursday, given to the
architectural and other Academical students. who, acting upon your
advice, should be each one the architect of his own fortune. Your
sharply dashed-off portrait of The Grand Monarque, the 'Roi Soleil,
majestic in the many-storey'd wig,'--the King being built up quite
mon-architecturally,--'which encircled his retreating brow,' was
masterly. More power to your elbow, Sir FREDERICK--that is, if you
require it. _Mr. Punch_, Universal President of Brother Brushes,
fraternally and cordially salutes you."
* * * * *
LATEST IN MASSAGE.--Our friend, Mrs. RAM, says she will not be "sham
pooh'd;" she will be either really pooh'd, or not pooh'd at all.
* * * * *
"THE BIG BIG D." ENCORED.
[Illustration]
MR. W.S. GILBERT ought to have been engaged as Counsel in the
_Duplany_ v. _Duplany_ divorce case, when, attired in his wig, gown,
and hands--ARTHUR SULLIVAN's full hands of course--he could have put
the question which Mr. GILL had to make a pint of putting, i.e., as to
the occasional use of strong language. Set librettically, "_Firenza la
bella_" would have answered in her sweetest strain and with her most
bewitching Florentine manner, "I never use a big big D." To her the
Counsel, not Mr. GILL but Mr. GIL-BERT, would have retorted musically,
"What '_never_'?'" To him the fair Witness, replying on consideration,
"Well,--hardly ever!" Then the chorus, led by the Judge, Sir FRANCIS
JEUNE, and joined in by all the Jeuniors of his Court, would have
wound up this portion of the proceedings, if not harmoniously, at
least tunefully. For future reference, it would be known as "the
Big Big D-ivorce Case." How such occasional musical outbursts would
lighten the labours of the Court through many a tedious case! And in
a _cause un peu célèbre_ like this, where there is a crammed house
and enthusiastic audience ready to take every point, and risk possible
expulsion rather than remain quiet, what a relief such a burst of song
would be to everybody's pent-up feelings and bottled-up excitement.
The comedy is all very well, but the finale is tragic, the last scene
of all being from the historical subject with modern application
representing "MARIUS seated among the ruins" of what might have been a
happy domestic life.
* * * * *