given enough to supply our daily necessities; but He gives by the day
now, and almost by the hour, as we need it. Nothing came in
yesterday. I have besought the Lord again and again, both yesterday
and today. It is as if the Lord said: "Mine hour is not yet come."
But I have faith in God. I believe that He surely will send help,
though I know not whence it is to come. Many pounds are needed within
a few days, and there is not a penny in hand. This morning 2l. was
given for the present necessities, by one of the labourers in the
work.--Evening: This very day the Lord sent again some help to
encourage me to continue to wait on Him, and to trust in Him. As I
was praying this afternoon respecting the matter, I felt fully
assured that the Lord would send help, and praised Him beforehand for
His help, and asked Him to encourage our hearts through it. I have
been also led yesterday and today to ask the Lord especially, that He
would not allow my faith to fail. A few minutes after I had prayed,
brother T---- came and brought 4l. 1s. 5d., which had come in, in
several small donations. He told me, at the same time, that tomorrow
the books will be brought from the Infant-Orphan-House, when money
must be advanced for housekeeping. I thought for a moment, it might
be well to keep 3l. of this money for that purpose. But it occurred
to me immediately, "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." The
Lord can provide, by tomorrow, much more than I need, and I
therefore sent 3l. to one of the sisters, whose quarterly salary was
due, and the remaining 1l. 1s. 5d. to the Boys-Orphan-House for
housekeeping. Thus I am still penniless. My hope is in God: He will
provide.
Sept. 6. This morning the books were brought from the
Infant-Orphan-House, and the matron sent to ask when she should fetch
them, implying, when they would have been looked over, and when money
would be advanced for housekeeping. I said "tomorrow," though I had
not a single penny in hand. About an hour after, brother T---- sent me a
note, to say that he had received 1l. this morning, and that last
evening a brother had sent 29lbs. of salt, 44 dozen of onions, and
26lbs. of groats.
Sept. 7. The time had come that I had to send money to the
Infant-Orphan-House, but the Lord had not sent any more. I gave,
therefore, the 1l. which had come in yesterday, and 2s. 2d. which had
been put into the box in my house, trusting to the good Lord to send
in more.
Sept. 8. Saturday evening. I am still in the hour of probation. It
has not pleased my gracious Lord to send me help as yet.--The evening
before last I heard brother Craik preach on Genesis xii., about
Abrahams faith. He showed how all went on well, as long as Abraham
acted in faith, and walked according to the will of God; and how all
failed when he distrusted God. Two points I felt particularly
important in my case. 1. That I may not go any by-ways, or ways of my
own, for deliverance. I have about 220l. in the bank, which, for
other purposes in the Lords work, has been entrusted to me by a
brother and a sister. I might take of this money, and say but to the
sister--and write but to the brother, that I have taken, in these my
straits, 20l., 50l., or 100l., for the Orphans, and they would be
quite satisfied (for both of them have liberally given for the
Orphans, and the brother has more than once told me, only to let him
know when I wanted money;) but this would be a deliverance of my own,
not Gods deliverance. Besides, it would be no small barrier to the
exercise of faith, in the next hour of trial. 2. I was particularly
reminded afresh, in hearing brother Craik, of the danger of
dishonouring the Lord in that very way in which I have, through His
grace, in some small measure brought glory to Him, even by trusting
in Him.--Yesterday and today I have been pleading with God eleven
arguments, why He would be graciously pleased to send help. My mind
has been in peace respecting the matter. Yesterday the peace amounted
even to joy in the Holy Ghost But this I must say, that the burden of
my prayer, during the last days, has been chiefly, that the Lord in
mercy would keep my faith from failing. My eyes are up to Him. He can
help soon. One thing I am sure of: In His own way, and in His own
time He will help. The arguments which I plead with God are:
1. That I set about the work for the glory of God, i e. that there
might be a visible proof, by God supplying, in answer to prayer only,
the necessities of the Orphans, that He is the living God, and most
willing, even in our day, to answer prayer; and that, therefore, He
would be pleased to send supplies.
2. That God is the "Father of the fatherless," and that He,
therefore, as their Father, would be pleased to provide. Psalm
lxviii. 5.
3. That I have received the children in the name of Jesus, and that,
therefore, He, in these children, has been received, and is fed, and
is clothed; and that, therefore, He would be pleased to consider
this. Mark ix. 36, 37.
4. That the faith of many of the children of God has been
strengthened by this work hitherto, and that, if God were to withhold
the means for the future, those who are weak in faith would be
staggered; whilst by a continuance of means, their faith might still
further be strengthened.
5. That many enemies would laugh, were the Lord to withhold supplies,
and say, did we not foretell that this enthusiasm would come to
nothing?
6. That many of the children of God, who are uninstructed, or in a
carnal state, would feel themselves justified to continue their
alliance with the world in the work of God, and to go on as
heretofore, in their unscriptural proceedings respecting similar
institutions, so far as the obtaining of means is concerned, if He
were not to help me.
7. That the Lord would remember that I am His child, and that He
would graciously pity me, and remember that I cannot provide for
these children, and that therefore He would not allow this burden to
lie upon me long without sending help.
8. That He would remember likewise my fellow-labourers in the work,
who trust in Him, but who would be tried were He to withhold supplies.
9. That He would remember that I should have to dismiss the children
from under our Scriptural instruction to their former companions.
10. That He would show, that those were mistaken who said, that, at
the first, supplies might be expected, while the thing was new, but
not afterwards.
11. That I should not know, were He to withhold means, what
construction I should put upon all the many most remarkable answers
to prayer, which He had given me heretofore in connexion with this
work, and which most fully have shown to me that it is of God.
In some small measure I now understand, experimentally, the meaning
of that word "how long," which so frequently occurs in the prayers of
the Psalms. But even now, by the grace of God, my eyes are up unto
Him only, and I believe that He will send help.
Sept. 10. Monday morning. Neither Saturday nor yesterday had any
money come in. It appeared to me now needful to take some steps on
account of our need, i.e., to go to the Orphan Houses, call the
brethren and sisters together, (who, except brother T----, had never
been informed about the state of the funds), state the case to them,
see how much money was needed for the present, tell them that amidst
all this trial of faith I still believed that God would help, and to
pray with them. Especially, also, I meant to go for the sake of
telling them that no more articles must be purchased than we have the
means to pay for, but to let there be nothing lacking in any way to
the children, as it regards nourishing food and needful clothing; for
I would rather at once send them away than that they should lack. I
meant to go for the sake also of seeing whether there were still
articles remaining which had been sent for the purpose of being sold,
or whether there were any articles really needless, that we might
turn them into money. I felt that the matter was now come to a solemn
crisis.--About half-past nine six-pence came in, which had been put
anonymously into the box at Gideon Chapel. This money seemed to me
like an earnest, that God would have compassion and send more. About
ten, after I had returned from brother Craik, to whom I had unbosomed
my heart again, whilst once more in prayer for help, a sister called
who gave two sovereigns to my wife for the Orphans, stating that she
had felt herself stirred up to come, and that she had delayed coming
already too long. A few minutes after, when I went into the room
where she was, she gave me two sovereigns more, and all this without
knowing the least about our need. Thus the Lord most mercifully has
sent us a little help, to the great encouragement of my faith. A few
minutes after I was called on for money from the Infant-Orphan-House,
to which I sent 2l., and 1l. 0s. 6d. to the Boys-Orphan-House,
and 1l. to the Girls-Orphan-House.
Brother Craik left Bristol today for a few days in company with
another brother. I should have gone with them for the sake of
obtaining some quiet for my head; but I must remain, to pass with my
dear Orphans through the trial; though these dear little ones know
nothing about it, because their tables are as well supplied as when
there was 800l. in the bank, and they have lack of nothing.
Today I saw a young brother who, as well as one of his sisters, had
been brought to the knowledge of the Lord through my Narrative.
Sept. 11. The good Lord, in His wisdom, still sees it needful to keep
us very low. But this afternoon brother T---- called, and told me that
one of our fellow-labourers had sold his metal watch, and two gold
pins, for 1l. 1s., that 9s. 6d. had come in, and that two of our
fellow-labourers had sent two lots of books of their own, 19 and 21
in number, to be sold for the Orphans. What an abundant blessing,
that in such a season of trial I have such fellow-labourers! This 1l.
10s. 6d. was given to the Boys-Orphan-House.
Sept. 12. Still the trial continues. Only 9s. came in today, given by
one of the labourers. In the midst of this great trial of faith the
Lord still mercifully keeps me in great peace. He also allows me to
see, that our labour is not in vain; for yesterday died Leah
Culliford, one of the orphans, about 9 years old, truly converted,
and brought to the faith some months before her departure.
Sept. 13. No help has come yet. This morning found it was absolutely
needful to tell the brethren and sisters about the state of the
funds, and to give necessary directions as to not going into debt,
etc. We prayed together, and had a very happy meeting. They all
seemed comfortable 12s. 6d. was taken out of the boxes in the three
houses, 12s. one of the labourers gave, and 1l. 1s. had come in for
needlework done by the children.
One of the sisters, who is engaged in the work, sent a message after
me, not to trouble myself about her salary, for she should not want
any for a twelvemonth. What a blessing to have such fellow-labourers!
Sept. 14. I met again this morning with the brethren and sisters for
prayer, as the Lord has not yet sent help. After prayer one of the
labourers gave me all the money he had, 16s., saying that it would
not be upright to pray, if he were not to give what he had. One of
the sisters told me, that in six days she would give 6l., which she
had in the Savings Bank for such a time of need. God be praised for
such fellow-labourers!-Up to this day the matrons of the three
houses had been in the habit of paying the bakers and the milkman
weekly, because they had preferred to receive the payments in this
way, and sometimes it had thus been also with the butcher and grocer.
But now, as the Lord deals out to us by the day, we considered it
would be wrong to go on any longer in this way, as the weeks payment
might become due, and we have no money to meet it; and thus those
with whom we deal might be inconvenienced by us, and we be found
acting against the commandment of the Lord, "Owe no man anything."
Rom. xiii. 8. From this day, and hence-forward, whilst the Lord gives
to us our supplies by the day, we purpose therefore to pay at once
for every article as it is purchased, and never to buy anything
except we can pay for it at once, however much it may seem to be
needed, and however much those with whom we deal may wish to be paid
only by the week. The little which was owed was paid off this day.--When
I came home I found a large parcel of new clothes, which had
been sent from Dublin for the Orphans, a proof that tire Lord
remembers us still. We met again in the evening for prayer. We were
of good cheer, and still BELIEVE that the Lord will supply our need.
Sept. 15. Saturday. We met again this morning for prayer. God
comforts our hearts. We are looking for help. I found that there were
provisions enough for today and tomorrow, but there was no money in
hand to take in bread as usual, in order that the children might not
have newly baked bread. This afternoon one of the labourers, who had
been absent for several days from Bristol, returned, and gave 1l.
This evening we met again for prayer, when I found that 10s. 6d. more
had come in since the morning. With this 1l. 10s. 6d. we were able to
buy, even this Saturday evening, the usual quantity of bread, (as it
might be difficult to get stale bread on Monday morning,) and have
some money left. God be praised, who gave us grace to come to the
decision not to take any bread today, as usual, nor to buy any thing
for which we cannot pay at once. We were very comfortable, thankfully
taking this money out of our Fathers hands, as a proof that He still
cares for us, and that, in His own time, He will send us larger sums.
Today, a brother kindly paid the bill for medical attendance on my
dear wife during her confinement. The same brother also had paid,
some weeks since, the second medical attendant, who was called in.
Thus the Lord, in various ways, sends help to us, showing continually
His fatherly care over us.
Sept. 16. Lords day afternoon. We met again for prayer respecting
supplies for the Orphans. We are in peace, and our hope is in God,
that He graciously will appear, though but one shilling has come in
since last evening.
Sept. 17. The trial still continues. It is now more and more trying,
even to faith, as each day comes. Truly, the Lord has wise purposes
in allowing us to call so long upon Him for help. But I am sure God
will send help, if we can but wait. One of the labourers had had a
little money come in, of which he gave 12s. 6d.; another labourer
gave 11s. 8d., being all the money she had left: this, with 17s. 6d.,
which, partly, had come in, and, partly, was in hand, enabled us to
pay what needed to be paid, and to purchase provisions, so that
nothing yet, in any way, has been lacking. This evening I was rather
tried respecting the long delay of larger sums coming; but being led
to go to the Scriptures for comfort, my soul was greatly refreshed,
and my faith again strengthened, by the xxxivth Psalm, so that I went
very cheerfully to meet with my dear fellow-labourers for prayer. I
read to them the Psalm, and sought to cheer their hearts through the
precious promises contained in it.
Sept. 18. Brother T. had 25s. in hand, and I had 3s. This 1l. 8s.
enabled us to buy the meat and bread, which was needed; a little tea
for one of the houses, and milk for all; no more than this is needed.
Thus the Lord has provided not only for this day, but there is bread
for two days in hand. Now, however, we are come to an extremity. The
funds are exhausted. The labourers, who had a little money, have
given as long as they had any left.--Now observe how the Lord helped
us! A lady from the neighbourhood of London who brought a parcel with
money from her daughter, arrived four or five days since in Bristol,
and took lodgings next door to the Boys Orphan-House. This afternoon
she herself kindly brought me the money, amounting to 3l. 2s. 6d. We
had been reduced so low as to be on the point of selling those things
which could be spared; but this morning I had asked the Lord, if it
might be, to prevent the necessity of our doing so. That the money
had been so near the Orphan-Houses for several days without being
given, is a plain proof that it was from the beginning in the heart
of God to help us; but, because He delights in the prayers of His
children, He had allowed us to pray so long; also to try our faith,
and to make the answer so much the sweeter. It is indeed a precious
deliverance. I burst out into loud praises and thanks the first
moment I was alone, after I had received the money. I met with my
fellow-labourers again this evening for prayer and praise; their
hearts were not a little cheered. This money was this evening
divided, and will comfortably provide for all that will be needed
tomorrow.
Sept. 20. Morning. The Lord has again kindly sent in a little. Last
evening was given to me 1s. 6d., and this morning 1l. 3s. Evening.
This evening the Lord sent still further supplies; 8l. 11s. 2 1/2d.
came in, as a further proof that the Lord is not unmindful of us.
There was in the box of the Girls Orphan-House 1l. 1s., and in that
of the Boys Orphan-House 1l. 7s. 2 1/2d. One of the labourers, in
accordance with her promise this day week, gave 6l. 3s. About
eighteen months ago she saw it right no longer to have money for
herself in the Savings Bank, and she therefore, in her heart, gave
the money which she had there to the Orphan-Houses, intending to draw
it in a time of need. Some time since (she told me this evening) she
drew a part of it to buy several useful articles for the
Orphan-Houses; now the sum was reduced to 6l. When she found out the
present need, she went this day week to the Savings Bank, and gave
notice that she wished to draw her money today. Truly, as long as God
shall be pleased to give me such fellow-labourers, His blessing will
rest upon the work! This 8l. 11s. 2 1/2d. was divided this evening to
supply the three houses, and we thanked God, unitedly, for His help.
Sept. 22. Both yesterday and today we have again assembled for prayer
and praise. We are in no immediate want, but on the 29th 19l. 10s.
will be due for the rent of the three Orphan-Houses.--Today there was
only 4s. 7d. in hand for the other objects of the Institution, though
it was the pay-day for some of the teachers. My comfort was the
living God. During this week He had helped me so repeatedly and in
such a remarkable way, as it regards the Orphan-Houses, that it would
have been doubly sinful not to have trusted in Him for help under
this fresh difficulty. No money came in this morning. About two, the
usual time when the teachers are paid, a sovereign was given, with
which I went immediately to brother T. (who attends to this part of
the work), to pay at least in part, the weekly salaries. I found that
he had received a sovereign in the morning. By means of this
sovereign, together with the one which I had received just at the
moment when it was needed, we were helped through this day.
Sept. 25. Yesterday and the previous days we have continued to
assemble for prayer. In four days the rent for the Orphan-Houses will
be due, and we have nothing towards it; also, the housekeeping money
in the three houses is now again gone. May the Lord have compassion
on us, and continue to send us help! A little came in this morning:
there was found 9s. 6d. in the box in my house.
Sept. 27. The 9s. 6d. which came in the day before yesterday, was
given to the Infant-Orphan-House. Thus we were helped through that
day and yesterday. There was every thing that was needed in the
three houses; I had made particular enquiry; there was meat even for
today. We met yesterday again for prayer. Today I was not able to go,
on account of indisposition; I sent, therefore, to brother T. to
request him to divide the l8s. 6d., (10s. of which had come in last
evening, and 8s. 6d. of which we had in hand), between the three
matrons. This afternoon I hear of a fresh deliverance which the Lord
has wrought. About five weeks ago, a farmer applied for the admission
of an orphan-girl, his grand-daughter. As I knew, however, that he
had the means of providing for her, and as our Institution is only
for destitute orphans, I informed him that the child could only be
received, on condition of his paying 10l. a year for her support,
(which is about the average expense for the younger girls), and this,
quarterly, in advance.4 This morning he came, brought the child, and
paid 2l. 10s. in advance, and gave 1l. besides. Thus the Lord has
again most seasonably helped us in this our time of need. May He keep
the memory of these deliverances alive in our souls, and increase our
confidence in Him by every fresh one! In less than two days we have
to pay 19l. 10s. for rent! May the Lord keep us looking to Him, and
mercifully send help!
Sept. 29. Saturday evening. Prayer has been made for several days
past respecting the rent, which is due this day. I have been looking
out for it, though I knew not whence a shilling was to come. This
morning brother T. called on me, and, as no money had come in, we
prayed together, and continued in supplication from ten till a
quarter to twelve. Twelve oclock struck (the time when the rent
ought to have been paid), but no money had been sent. For some days
past I have repeatedly had a misgiving, whether the Lord might not
disappoint us, in order that we might be led to provide by the week,
or the day, for the rent. This is the second, and only the second,
complete failure as to answers of prayer in the work, during the past
four years and six months. The first was about the half-yearly rent
of Castle-Green school-room, due July 1, 1837, which had come in only
in part by that time. I am now fully convinced that the rent ought to
be put by daily or weekly, as God may prosper us, in order that the
work, even as to this point, may be a testimony. May the Lord, then,
help us to act accordingly; and may He now mercifully send in the
means to pay the rent!--Whilst in this matter our prayers have
failed, either to humble us, or to show us how weak our faith is
still, or to teach us, (which seems to me the most probable,) that we
ought to provide the rent beforehand; the Lord has given us again
fresh proofs, even this day, that He is mindful of us. There was not
money enough in the Girls-Orphan-House to take in bread, (we give
the bread to the children on the third day after it is baked); but
before the baker came, a lady called who had had some needlework done
by the children, and paid 3s. 11d., and thus the matron was able to
take in bread as usual. I found this morning 2s. in the box in my
house, our extremity having led me to look into it. One of the
labourers gave 13s. This 15s. was divided amongst the three matrons.
Thanks to the Lord, there is all which is needed for today and
tomorrow.
Sept. 30. We are not only poor as regards the Orphan-fund, but also
the funds for the other objects bring us again and again to the Lord
for fresh supplies. Today, when we had not a single penny in hand,
5l. was given for the other objects.
Oct. 2. Tuesday evening. The Lords holy name be praised! He hath
dealt most bountifully with us during the last three days! The day
before yesterday 5l. came in for the Orphans. Of this I gave to each
house 10s. which supplied them before the provisions were consumed.
Oh! how kind is the Lord. Always, before there has been actual want,
He has sent help. Yesterday came in 1l. 10s. more. This 1l. 10s.,
with 4s. 2d. in hand, was divided for present necessities. Thus the
expenses of yesterday, for housekeeping, were defrayed. The Lord
helped me also to pay yesterday the 19l. 10s. for the rent. The means
for it were thus obtained. One of the labourers had received through
his family 10l., and 5l. besides from a sister in the Lord; also some
other money. Of this he gave 16l., which, with the 3l. 10s. that was
left of the above-mentioned 5l., which came in the day before
yesterday, made up 19l. 10s., the sum which was needed.
--This day we were again greatly reduced. There was no money in hand
to take in bread as usual, for the Boys and Infant Orphan-Houses,
but again the Lord helped. A sister who had arrived this afternoon
from Swansea brought 1l. 7s., and one of the labourers sold an
article, by means of which he was able to give 1l. 13s. Thus we had
3l.:-1l. for each house, and could buy bread before the day was
over. Hitherto we have lacked nothing!
Oct. 4. Thursday. The money of Tuesday helped us through yesterday.
Today, when again all was gone, and help was greatly needed, our
loving Lord appeared. The books which had been given some time since,
by some of my fellow-labourers, were sold for 11s., also an old
bedstead for 2s. 6d., and an old sofa for 10s. The boxes were also
opened, as I had been told some money had been put in, and 9s. 1d.
was found in them. This money was a fresh encouragement to us in our
need. By this 1l. 12s. 7d. we were helped through the day.
Oct. 5. This morning, just before I was going to the Orphan-Houses to
meet with the brethren and sisters for prayer, 1l. 3s. was brought
from Teignmouth. This money seems to have been given some months
since to a brother at Teignmouth, but it did not reach me until
today. It is a most seasonable help, to defray the expenses of this
day, and a fresh proof, that not in anger, but only for the trial of
our faith, our gracious Lord delays as yet, to send larger sums.