place, I do assure you then, on my never forfeited word, that I neither
by Thought, Word, or Action, ever gave the most distant Cause for such a
Report, and how, or wherefore it was invented & propagated, I know no
more, than I do of any one foreign Circumstance, yet unheard, or
unthought of by me—it is certain, my dear James, that so far from
thinking unkindly of you for your patronage of the Sternes, that you
never to me, appeared in so amiable a Light—Strange; if you had not, as
nothing but a sordid Principle, most narrowly selfish could have induced
me to dislike an action which had its foundation in Generosity, and all
the milder feminine Virtues—but my James, I will be very explicit with
you, on this subject as you have introduced it yourself—the World, I
fear, does not see the beauty of a compassionate disinterestedness, in
the same light, that you and I do—for it has been said, and wrote to me,
more than once, that my friend was betraying the Cause of her Eliza, in
order to acquire the Title of Patroness, to Beauty, and Distress—I never
paid the least regard to such Insinuations—for I [pers]onally supposed
they had their foundation in Ignorance, Malice and that Love of Talk,
which is alike common to the rash Young, and ill natured Old—I cannot
believe any thing to the Prejudice of those I love my dear James—nothing
which arraigns their Morals, I am sure, I cannot!—and if this knowledge,
cannot secure me from Unkindness as deceit—I am, and ever must be a
ready sacrifice to their Hands—for I neither can or will maintain
suspicion, against the Friends I trust—I can but suffer by them, in my
Peace, Property or Fame—and these are ever at the Devotion of those I
love, if more consequential to them, than my Ease—I might in such Case
lament the fate of my ill star’d sensibility, which led me to fix my
Regards on Persons so incapable of promoting my Happiness, from not
being equally conscious as myself how much pleasanter it is to love
another with the most endearing affection, than to regard the Pleas of a
poor Selfish Self—Some Philosophers and Moralists too, assert the proof
to be impossible, but I deny the Facts, and could deduce from my own
Experience, Young as I am, a thousand Instances to validate my Opinion
to the most Incredulous—but of that, no more at present—for it is a Key,
harsh and Untuneful, to the Notes of Peace, and might awaken every
painful sense, which could set my heart a bleeding—You wonder my dear,
at my writing to Becket—I’ll tell you why I did so—_I had heard some
Anecdotes extremely disadvantageous to the Characters of the Widow &
Daughter, and that from Persons who said they had been personally
acquainted with them, both in France and England—I had no reason to
doubt, the Veracity of these Gentlemen Informants, they could have no
view in deceiving me, or motive of putting me on my Guard, but what
arose from Benevolence, which I hope is common to the greatest part of
Mankind—Some part of their Intelligence, corroborated, what I had a
thousand times heard, from the lips of Yorick, almost, invariably
repeated—the Widow, I was assured was occasionally a Drinker, a Swearer,
exceeding Unchaste—tho’ in point of Understanding, and finished Address
supposed to be inferior to no Woman in Europe_—the Secret of my Letters
being in her hands, had some how become extremely Public, it was noticed
to me by almost every Acquaintance I had in the C[ompany’s][48] Ships,
as at this Settlement—this alarmed me—for at that time I had never
Communicated the Circumstance, and could not suspect you of acting by me
in any manner, which I would not have acted in by my self—One Gentleman
in particular told me, that both you, and I should be deceived, if we
had the least reliance on the Honor or Principles of M^{rs}. Sterne, for
that, when she had secured as much as she could, for suppressing the
Correspondence, she was capable of selling it to a Bookseller
afterwards—by either refusing to restore it to you—or taking Copies of
it, without our knowledge—and therefore he advised me, if I was averse
to it’s Publication to take every means in my Power of Suppressing
it—this influenced me to write to Becket, and promise him a reward equal
to his Expectations, if He would deliver the Letters to you (I think I
proposed no other method to Him except this, but I am not sure) in case
they were offered him for sale—I had a long Conflict in my own mind
whether I should, or should not reveal every thing regarding this
Business to you at length, I determined to keep the Secret in my own
breast and that from a motive [of] Delicacy rather than good Judgment—so
well do I know, how harshly it grates, to have those we love, aspersed,
whether with or without Foundation—My Circumstances, as to this Family
were peculiar, and require the nicest Conduct—Interest, Jealousy, a
thousand Narrow Motives, might be supposed to Stimulate me! as I could
not with Honor, have disclosed my Authorities for advancing many things
I must have advanced, to say the half of what I had been told,—and a
real or pretended respect, for myself had prompted the disclosure of
them, it would have been something worse than ungenerous to have
subjected the Persons to ill Will, or being called upon to prove their
assertions when they had a Moral Claim to my handsome treatment at
least, for whether their Intelligence was founded on, Truth or
falsehood, it is not to be conceived, that they meant I should suppose
them influenced by unjust Motives; consequently, it had all the Rights
of well attested Facts, till I could disprove it—This I have never been
able to do, tho’ all my Enquiries, when Yoricks Widow or Daughter has
been named have tended to this effect, in hopes of Accomplishing my
Wishes; for it cannot surely be supposed my dear James, that I am so
fiend like in my nature as to wish that any Woman of Sense and
Character, might be proved vicious rather than virtuous, by the
confirmations of Truth or Chance—it is True my friend! I love not these
Ladies! and what is more, I think, I think! Excuse me my dear—that while
I preserve my Rectitude and Sensibility, I never shall!—and I would not
part with them for so paltry an Exchange, as the Acquisition of New
Acquaintances. “Trifles, light as air”;—You know what these are to the
Jealous—and such they are, to the liberal, Ingenuous Minded, I would
sooner, regulate my opinion of Man or Womens real Worth, from their
Conduct in Trivial Matters, than I would from their grand efforts to
attain a Name or Character.—Ambition, Lust of Praise, Interest, Pride, a
thousand sordid affections, may stimulate, in the one Case—but the other
is of too humble a Nature to affect Glare; broad Day light is not
necessary to it; for few, very, very few, have that sense, which is
capable of feeling, a Grace, a Manner, & Decorum, beyond the fixed &
settled rules of Vice & Virtue—consequently, when such an Attention to
the Minutiæ is uniformly practised, by Male or Female, its source must
be in the Heart, from a preferable love to Goodness only—How I do, more
than Admire, a Creature so Characterized! I would almost suffer
Martyrdom, to see such Perfection in my only Child! and if I live to be
her Monitress it shall be the Study of my Life to make her capable of
it——My dear Friend, that Stiffness you complain’d of when I called you
M^{rs}. James, & said I could not accost you with my usual Freedom
Entirely arose from depression of Spirits, too natural to the Mortified,
when severe Disappointments gall the sense—You had told me that Sterne
was no more—I had heard it before; but this conformation [_sic_] of it
sorely afflicted me; for I was almost an Idolator of His Worth, while I
fancied Him the Mild, Generous, Good Yorick, We had so often thought Him
to be—to add to my regrets for his loss—his Widow had my letters in her
Power, (I never entertained a good opinion of her) and meant to subject
me to Disgrace & Inconvenience by the Publication of them—You knew not
the contents of these letters, and it was natural for you to form the
worst judgment of them, when those who had seen ’em reported them,
unfavorably, and were disposed to dislike me on that account—My dear
Girl! had I not cause to feel humbled so circumstanced—and can you
wonder at my sensations communicating themselves to my Pen? You cannot
on reflection—for such are the Emotions of the Human Heart, that they
must influence human Actions, while Truth and Nature, are unsubdued—I do
not, I assure you my dear James, I never did, think you acted by me
other than the kindest part throughout this whole Transaction with the
Sternes—I lament your attachment to them, but I only lament it for your
sake, in case Lydia, is rather speciously attractive than mildly
amiable; w^{ch}. I have heard Insinuated—whatever cause, I may have to
dislike them on my own account, I can have none to do so on Yours—While
they preserve an Empire in Your Breast from their superiority in Merit
principally—but beware of Deceivers my dear Woman, the best Hearts are
most liable to be imposed on, by them—Frank, Generous, Kind
themselves—they naturally suppose, Each Companion of specious semblance,
a Kindred Spirit, till dire Experience has convinced them, that
Hypocrisy can assume all Shapes meet for her Purpose:—do not suppose my
Caution arises from any thing but affection; for tho’ I hint at
Counterfeits to you, I never suffer any thing of the kind to escape me
to others—On the contrary I ever speak of both Widow & Daughter as you
or they, might wish me to speak, when expatiating on the subject,—for I
have no Idea my James, that Eliza’s opinion is to be the Standard of
other Peoples, well as I think of it in the main—and however Angry I may
be with them in my heart, I should be very sorry to have People I
esteemed think ill of them—as a proof of which, I’ll transcribe for you,
part of a letter I wrote on the subject the other Day, to Colonel
Campbell in Bengal—who is a great Favorite of Mine, had sent me six
hundred Rupees, which He had raised by Contributions for their use, and
hinted[49] his wishes to know something of the Ladies—as He meant to
visit England shortly.—
“I sensibly feel the Exertions of your kindness in behalf of my
Friends Widow & Daughter—and assure myself, if you ever know
them, that your own Complacency will administer a Reward from
the Consciousness of having served two very Amiable Persons; as
well Educated Women, of Talents, and Sensibility, are, I believe
of all others, the most serious objects of a Generous
Compassion, when obliged to Descend from an Easy Elegance, their
Native Sphere, to the Mortifying Vicissitudes of Neglect &
pecuniary Embarrassments. The Ladies, are no Strangers to your
Character; and I please myself with the Notion of their proving
a very agreable addition to your Acquaintance, when you are at
all disposed to cultivate Theirs. M^{rs}. Sterne, I have heard
spoke of as one of the most sensible Women in Europe—she is
nearly related to the M^{rs}. Montague, whose Essay on the
Writings and Genius of Shakespeare has reflected so much Honor,
on the reputation of Female Judgment & Generosity—which
circumstance renders it probable, that she, (M^{rs}. Sterne) may
possess equal Powers from Inheritance—Miss Sterne is supposed to
have a portion of each Parents best Qualities—the Sensibility &
frolic Vivacity of Yorick, most happily blended in her
Composition—Lively by Nature, Youth & Education, she cannot fail
to please every Spectator of capacious Mind; but much, I fear,
that, the Shandy Race will be Extinct with this Accomplished
Young Woman—for She’s of the Muses Train, and too much attached
to them and filial Duties, to think of a change of name with
much Complacency—How is it Colonel (You are a Casius—& can tell
me) that a Woman seldom, very seldom, judges favorably of the
Wedded Life, if once seriously attached to those Moral Doctrines
& Poetic Flights—so truely captivating to a Muse like
Apprehension? And yet the Nine are said to aid the Votary’s of
Love—Apollo himself, sacrifices at Cupid’s Shrine, and Verse Men
of all Ages, have at some period of their Lives, been prone to
follow his great Example.—I fear, I fear: that the Details of
Experience, joined to a little more than ordinary Penetration
may be the true Source of their Dislike to Masculine
Subjection.”