The first function of the pre-nuptial festivities is generally a
tea at the bride’s home, where the ushers and bridesmaids meet to
become “acquainted.” It is your duty, as best man, to go to the
hotel where the ushers are stopping and bring them to this tea.
Just as you will leave on this mission the groom will whisper in
your ear, “For God’s sake, remember to tell them that her father
and mother are terribly opposed to drinking in any form.” This is
an awfully good joke on her father and mother.
As you step out of the hotel elevator you hear at the end of the
hall a chorus shouting, “Mademoiselle from Armentières—_parlez
vous!_” Those are your ushers.
Opening the door of the room you step forward and announce,
“Fellows, we have got to go to a tea right away. Come on—let’s
go.” At this, ten young men in cutaways will stand up and shout,
“Yeaaa—the best man—give the best man a drink!” From then on, at
twelve minute intervals, it is your duty to say, “Fellows, we
have got to go to a tea right away. Come on—let’s go.” Each time
you will be handed another drink, which you may take with either
your right or left hand.
After an hour the telephone will ring. It will be the groom. He
will say, “Everybody is waiting for you and the ushers,” to which
you reply, “We are just leaving.” He then says, “And don’t forget
to tell them what I told you about her father and mother.”
You then hang up the receiver, take a drink in one hand and say,
“Fellows, I have a very solemn message for you. It’s a message
which is of deep importance to each one of us. Fellows—her father
and mother object to the use of alcohol in any form.”
This statement will be greeted with applause and cheers. You will
all then take one more drink, put on your silk hats and gray
gloves, and leave the room singing, “Her father and mother object
to drink—_parlez vous_.”
The tea given by the bride’s parents is generally a small affair
to which only the members of the wedding party are invited. When
you and the ushers arrive, you will find the bride, the maid of
honor and the bridesmaids waiting for you. As you enter the room,
make a polite bow to the bride’s father and mother, and be sure
to apologize for your lateness. Nothing so betrays the social
“oil can” as a failure to make a plausible excuse for tardiness.
Whenever you are late for a party you must always have ready some
good reason for your fault, such as, “Excuse me, Mrs. Doe, I’m
afraid I am a little late, but you see, just as I was dressing,
this filling dropped out of my tooth and I had to have it put
back in.” If the host and hostess seem to doubt your statement,
it would be well to show them the recalcitrant filling in
question, although if they are “well-bred” they will probably in
most cases take you at your word.