There is no special code of etiquette for girls. Why should they be
trained in one code, only to discard it for another when they enter
society? Their etiquette is simply more informal. Until they are "out,"
they do not give formal invitations. Their functions are chiefly
luncheons, invitations being given by telephone or personal notes, and the
menu more simple. They may give theatre parties, but never without a
chaperon. They do not invite young men to call on them; that is their
mother's duty. They do not send written invitations to young men; these
are in the mother's name. Thus:
My Dear Mr. Smith:
My mother wishes me to say that it will give her much
pleasure if you will spend Friday evening, March tenth, with us,
quite informally. We hope to see you at eight o' clock.
Yours sincerely,
Mary Gray.
Such an invitation presupposes the presence of other guests. If for cards,
or music or games, mention may be made of the proposed entertainment.
A girl should not receive calls from young men without the presence of
some member of the family, her mother by preference, at some time during
the evening. A young man should not feel that the girl he calls upon is
not properly looked after by her parents.
The Girl and the Chaperon.--Youth scorns the chaperon, regarding her as
superfluous. "I can look out for myself," is the young girl's motto. Yet
scandal has dimmed the fair name of many a girl through her disinclination
to submit to proper chaperonage. The chaperon is much more of a social
necessity in the East than she is in the South and West. If a girl
proposes to "look ant for herself," there are some things she must
carefully abstain from doing. She must not go to a restaurant with a young
man alone; she must not travel about with him alone, even if she is
engaged to him; she must not go "on excursions" unattended, nor go for a
ride with a man and stop anywhere for refreshments; indeed, she should not
accept such an invitation unless another couple or another girl are
included in the party. This is not prudery; it is protection; and any
young man's acquaintance is not desirable if he objects to such
arrangements. He would not permit his sister to do what he asks some other
man's sister to do. A young man loses in respect for a girl if she holds
herself cheap.
If a girl receives invitations of the character just mentioned, it is far
better to say frankly "My father (or mother) does not allow me to accept,"
than to make excuses or plead previous engagements time after time.
[720 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
The Girl and the Young Man.--Do not ask a young man to call on the
occasion of your first meeting. Young people often meet and make each
other's acquaintance when the girl's mother, whose place it is to give the
invitation to call, is not present. After several meetings the girl,
having ascertained the young man's antecedents, may say, if he seems
desirous of the invitation, "'My mother will be glad to know you," or
"Mother and I will be pleased to have you call some evening." The young
man should acknowledge the compliment by calling at an early date, and
should meet the girl's mother, The girl does not suggest when he shall
call, though she may mention that she receives calls on a certain evening.
She must not give him her card; if he is not sufficiently interested to
remember her address he probably does not intend to call.
It is not correct for girls to suggest a walk, ride, hint a wish to dance
or row, or tacitly invite a tete-a-tete. Let those who wish such favors
ask for them. The girl who shows herself most anxious for young men's
attentions generally receives fewest. Despite "the woman's movement," man
still insists on his privilege of taking the initiative.
About Gifts.--It is not correct form for a girl to receive presents from
young men, aside from flowers, candy and an occasional book or piece of
music. In some circles, to offer a girl a piece of jewelry would be
considered insulting. Not until he is engaged to her may a man offer
expensive presents. This rule, it is lamentably true, is often violated by
a certain order of young persons, who rather boast of the gifts of their
gallants, and are thus the object of rather unkind criticism.
As a rule, a girl makes a mistake when she sends a gift to a young man. It
is generally something that is as superfluous to him as a fifth wheel to a
wagon, and it entails an irksome sense of obligation. It is presumed, if
he has been very courteous and shown her many attentions, that it has been
his pleasure to do so, and her gracious acceptance and pleasure in them is
sufficient reward. A girl may give Christmas and birthday gifts to her
fiance, but he should not give her any article of wearing apparel except
gloves.
The Telephone.--A girl should be chary of calling up her young men
acquaintances by telephone. If forced to do so, she should make her
communication as brief as possible. It is annoying to a young man to be
called from his business to answer social or "nonsense" calls--the latter
when some idle, ennuied or "smitten" girl takes a notion she would like to
chatter to somebody awhile. It exasperates an employer to have his men
called from their duties to answer such calls, and fellow employees are
likely to "guy" the man about his "mash." The "note habit" is just about
as bad, though not quite as annoying, as the telephone habit, because a
man can carry such missives in his pocket unopened.
A wise girl will not give her photograph to any young man until she is
engaged to him. What nice girl would care to see her picture neighbored by
ballet dancers and footlight favorites in a young man's rooms! She will be
equally careful about corresponding with men, writing to but a few
intimate and long-known friends, making her letters bright and gay, but
carefully avoiding any warmer expressions of regard than those warranted
by the friendship. Many a girl has bitterly regretted the affectionate
missives sent to some young man who made "werry fierce love" to her for a
time, and whose regard afterward cooled. When the man she truly loves
comes along, she would give her most precious jewel to get those letters
into her hands again. It is a great deal safer not to write them.
A young woman, receiving back her letters at the close of a mistaken
engagement, once said:
"I sat down on the floor and read them over, and I tell you I was proud of
myself. There wasn't one I wouldn't have been willing to have my father
read--and you know what I think of my father!"
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 721]