The best personal asset a girl can have is "nice manners;" they will
contribute more to her lasting popularity than beauty or wealth. Girls
sometimes wonder how it happens that a girl they have regarded as "too
homely" to be accounted dangerous, still carries off the matrimonial prize
of "her set." Ten chances to one it is because she has that charm of
manner that makes a man overlook her physical deficiencies. Her manners,
in such case, are the spontaneous expression of a kind and generous
disposition, aided, of course, by a familiarity with the social code that
prevents awkwardness. She has ease, and that puts others at their ease;
she is companionable; and not being engrossed by her own good looks, she
has had time to cultivate the intellectual graces.
[718 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
Nothing is more becoming to a young girl than respect and deference to her
elders. If for no other reason than that it gives observers an unfavorable
opinion of her manners, she should avoid any disrespect or rudeness toward
her parents or older sisters. The young girl is often negligent in this
respect. Her own ego is exaggerated, owing to her youth and inexperience;
she thinks
"What there is to know, I know it;
What I don't know isn't knowledge;"
and is much inclined to dub her own mother "old-fashioned." So she
contradicts her, precedes her in entering a room, takes the easiest chair,
monopolizes the conversation, and in other disrespectful ways endeavors to
assert her own importance. Instead of crediting her with more social
experience, bystanders consider her a very crude and untrained young
person.
Deference to Age.--One reason why convent training is so highly esteemed
in our best circles is because girls are taught such beautiful manners. No
convent-bred girl would think of showing the slightest disrespect to an
older person. They are taught all the little matters of etiquette that
contribute to gentle and refined manners. A lady staying at a large summer
hotel noted the charming manners of a young Southern girl, especially in
regard to the unfailing deference paid to her mother and aunt. She rose
when they addressed her and remained standing during the conversation.
When the aunt came to the breakfast table the girl rose, standing until
the elder lady was seated; if her mother entered one of the reception
rooms she excused herself if conversing and advanced to meet her, finding
a seat for her and perhaps asking permission to introduce an acquaintance.
And it was all done so easily, so naturally, that it was plainly seen
there was no affectation, but the unstudied courtesy due to good-breeding.
On the other hand, girls who undertake to show their respect for their
seniors sometimes overdo the matter. No elderly person likes to be "fussed
over." She doesn't want someone continually thrusting a cushion behind her
shoulders or insisting on providing a foot-stool. The unwelcome service
provokes a little resentment. One must have an intuitive sense of what to
do and when to do it, and tact enough to perform a trifling service
without the appearance of saying "See me! how polite I am!" As young men
should rise when an elderly woman enters the room, so a young girl may pay
the same pretty deference to her mother or an acquaintance. She should be
careful not to take precedence of older women, not to interrupt them when
speaking, and to render any small service unobtrusively.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 719]