For Women.--Card etiquette has been jocosely termed "going into society in
a pasteboard way." Yet cards have a very essential part in the social
regime. They are the expedient resorted to by the woman with a large
circle of acquaintances and many engagements, for keeping herself in mind.
A card represents a visit, or acknowledges a courtesy in the way of an
invitation, There are well-defined rules which regulate the use of cards,
familiarity with which is necessary to all who have social aspirations.
And the questions most frequently asked by the novice relate to whom and
when they should be sent or left.
A General Rule.--Though calling has, in a degree, "gone out of fashion,"
the general rule is that a woman should call on her friends and
acquaintances once a year. This signifies the desire to continue the
relationship. If she finds her friend at home she gives her name to the
maid and at the conclusion of the visit leaves her card on a table or some
convenient place. If her friend is out, the maid receives her card on a
tray. In each case a visit has been paid and the card is a reminder that
the obligation has been discharged. At this call, if it is the first, or
expected to be the only one of the year, a married woman leaves one of her
cards for each lady in the family, and one of her husband's for each lady
and one for the man of the house. One card, of her husband's may include
several grown daughters. If she calls again during the season, she may
leave her own cards only, though she should acknowledge an invitation
received by her husband by leaving his cards. Cards are never to be handed
to the lady of the house or any member of the family.
After Social Functions.--Now here is the law as regards leaving cards
after social functions: After receiving invitations to receptions,
dinners, luncheons, card parties or evening entertainments, calls are to
be made within a week after the event, whether one has accepted or not.
However, in some localities, it is thought correct to leave cards at the
time if one attends the function, or send them if not attending. It is
safest to ascertain the local custom in advance. The correct etiquette is
to call afterwards.
An invitation to a church wedding necessitates sending cards to those in
whose name the invitation was issued and to the newly wedded pair. The
same is true of announcement cards. Cards for an afternoon tea do not
require reply; those present leave their own cards and those of any member
of the family who was invited but did not attend.
After Absence.--Another use of cards is when one returns home after a long
absence. Cards with one's address are sent to previous acquaintances, as a
notification that the sender wishes to resume her social relations. In
case of a friend's illness, one should call to make personal inquiries,
leaving a card on which is written "To inquire." After a death, cards may
be left or sent, on which it is correct to write "With sincere sympathy."
After the funeral, cards are sent by those bereaved to those who have thus
manifested regard, with the words "With thanks for kind inquiries" or
remembrances.
Thus we see cards are not meaningless, but indicate courtesy, kindly
interest and regard.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 689]
For Men.--Whereas the married man may discharge some of his social
obligations through his wife, the bachelor has no such resource. In
response to every invitation, accepted or otherwise, he must pay a visit,
leaving cards. Unless he does this, his invitations will soon cease.
A man may pay Sunday afternoon visits, as he is not supposed to be at
leisure during the week. An evening call indicates greater intimacy. If he
calls upon a young lady he must leave two cards, one for her and one for
her mother.
Letters of Introduction--Letters of introduction are never presented in
person. The man must call and leave the letter, with his card, but on no
account enter the house. The next step is to be taken by the recipient of
the letter.
At a Hotel.--If a man calls on a lady at a hotel he sends up his card and
waits in a reception room. It is not permissible to write on his card the
name of the member of the family whom he wishes to see. That is to be the
subject of later inquiry.
Styles in Cards.--Styles in cards vary, both for men and women. Usually
the stationer will be a reliable guide as to size and style of engraving.
A printed or written card should never be used, nor, according to strict
etiquette, should acceptances, regrets or informal invitations be written
on cards. Use note paper.
A woman's card should be of medium size and nearly square. Plain script,
Old English or Roman are the only letterings used. Engraved plates, once
obtained, may be used a long time. The street address, if used, is at the
lower right-hand corner. This can be changed on one's plate, if necessary,
by ways known to the maker. Men's cards are much smaller than women's, and
must be engraved. The name is always prefaced by "Mr."
Use of Names.--A married woman uses her husband's full name on her cards.
A widow who happens to be the oldest representative of the family may have
her cards engraved without her own or her husband's name, as "Mrs. Astor;"
this signifies her place as social head of the family. A clergyman's card
may have Rev. as a prefix; a physician's Dr., never M. D. A young girl is
always Miss, and pet names are without social recognition. For a year
after she enters society a girl has her name engraved beneath her
mother's; where there are several daughters "out," "The Misses Smith" may
be engraved under the mother's name. A widow may act her pleasure as to
using her Christian name or her late husband's on her card; the latter is
customary. It would be a social convenience to use the Christian name, as
with the prefix "Mrs." widowhood would be indicated.
[690 MOTHERS' REMEDIES ]