The first and most positive rule in regard to introductions is that a man
is introduced to a woman; never the reverse, no matter how distinguished
the man may be.
The best form is the simplest. "Mrs. A., allow me to introduce Mr. B." If
the introduction has been solicited, the hostess may say "Mrs. A., Mr. B.
desires the honor of knowing you." If either party resides in another
city, she may mention the fact, or any other little circumstance that may
aid the two to enter into conversation. The woman does not rise when a man
is introduced, but if she is standing may offer her hand. To say "How do
you do" is much better form than "Glad to know you" or "Pleased to meet
you,"
The person who performs an introduction should be careful to choose an
opportune moment. Do not interrupt a conversation to introduce another
party, unless, as hostess, you feel it has continued so long that it is
time the talk became more general. It is not courteous to simply
acknowledge an introduction, and not exchange a few words.
Women and Introductions.--In introducing women, the younger is introduced
to the older; if nearly of the same age a distinction is immaterial. Young
girls are introduced to matrons, and the younger matrons to those older.
If a woman is seated when another woman is introduced she should rise and
offer her hand, and then invite the new acquaintance to a seat near her
where they may converse. If a man has been talking with the lady who
rises, he should rise also and remain standing until they are seated, when
he may bow and take himself away unless requested to remain. Generally,
this is the proper moment to leave.
When Calling.--If making a call, and another visitor enters, the lady of
the house rises to greet her and introduces any other guests who may be
present. A man must rise and find a scat for the newcomer, but the women
bow without rising. If only one guest is present, she should rise if the
hostess and latest caller remain standing, or if a change of seats seems
desirable. Introductions of this kind are semi-formal; they do not
establish a later acquaintance unless both are agreeable; the social
intent is to bridge over a situation that might seem awkward. However,
many pleasant friendships have been made by such casual encounters at the
house of a mutual friend.
[686 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
On the other hand, if two women who are not on friendly terms happen thus
to meet and are introduced, it would be a most grievous breach of
etiquette not to acknowledge the introduction courteously and exchange a
remark or two. Neither has a right to embarrass a hostess by airing a
private animosity under the roof of a friend--or in society generally.
General lntroductions.--The only "collective" introduction possible is
that of a speaker or essayist to an audience. At a club meeting or other
assemblage where a stranger is present as guest of honor, the members
should request the hostess or the president of the club to present them
severally.
Men and lntroductions.--Men seldom ask introductions. They have the
privilege of speaking without them. A man's title should always be given
him in an introduction. A man must request permission before bringing
another man to be introduced to a woman or to a friend's house. In the
latter case he will present his companions to the lady of the house and
any of the family who are present; if others arrive, the hostess should
introduce him to them.
After an introduction, the man waits for the woman to recognize him at
their next meeting. She should bow, even if she does not care to establish
an acquaintance. A casual introduction between women may not be recognized
afterwards, though a slight bow is more courteous.
A Few Things Not To Do.--Do not introduce a person as your "'friend." It
is not supposed you will introduce anyone who is not a friend. Moreover,
in certain circles the term friend is employed in naming a companion,
secretary, governess or managing housekeeper to one's guests. In this
connection it may be mentioned that one should not speak of "visiting a
friend" or "staying at a friend's house." Name the person referred to; or
if you do not wish to do so, do not allude to the circumstance. Naturally,
one visits only friends.
The indistinctness with which people who introduce often pronounce a name
is not infrequently the cause of awkwardness. The failure to hear is no
fault on the part of those introduced, but rather a mishap chargeable to
the person who brings them together. In this case, try to think of
something besides "I didn't catch the name;" that is so cut and dried. Say
rather, "I'm sorry, but I didn't understand Mrs. A. when she presented
me." Forgetting a name in the act of introducing someone is a much more
grievous failure; it speaks for your own social unaccustomedness, and is a
poor compliment to the person you introduce. Do not attempt an
introduction unless you are sure of your names.
One of the society woman's most necessary accomplishments is the ability
to remember names and fit them to the individual to whom they belong. It
is an art she should sedulously cultivate.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 687]
It is not etiquette, but misplaced politeness, to perform what may be
termed casual introductions--as in accidental encounters. Never introduce
on the street, unless your acquaintance is to join you. Don't introduce in
a street car or any public conveyance. In "our best
society"--so-called--it is not considered good form to introduce people in
church. People do not go to church for social purposes. In village
neighborhoods and the less fashionable city churches, this rule is often
violated in the vestibule, where acquaintances linger to greet each other
and introductions are not infrequent. But in the body of the church--the
space set apart for purposes of worship--an introduction is wholly out of
place.
Try to remember family relationships and feuds, that you may not attempt
to introduce those at enmity with each other. A woman once introduced, at
a crowded function, two sisters who had not recognized each other for
years, and afterwards exulted in having "made them speak." Their manners
were far superior to hers.
In Company.--At a reception or dinner-party it is perfectly proper for
those who have never been introduced to converse with each other without
such formality. The roof under which they meet confers the privilege.
Indeed, it is often the greatest kindness to speak to a shy person or one
who evidently has few acquaintances present, relieving his embarrassment
and putting him at ease. Not to reply courteously to such overtures is
great rudeness. The story is told of a prominent society woman who
addressed a stranger at such a function and actually received no reply.
Later, the hostess brought up the strange person and introduced her. Then
she explained that, not having been properly introduced, she felt she
could not respond. The society woman quietly remarked, "Oh, was that the
trouble? I thought you were deaf and dumb."
The late H. C. Bunner and the more recently deceased T. B. Aldrich
cherished an aversion for each other. They were not acquainted, but
disliked each other on general principles, both being engaged in literary
work. They happened to meet at an entertainment where Bunner was in the
house of his friends and Aldrich an outsider. Bunner's native kindliness
and courtesy made it impossible for him to see anyone uncomfortable in a
friend's house. He introduced himself, carried Aldrich to his host's
"den," and over a cigar and a glass of "Scotch" began a friendship that
was ended only by death.
School Girls' Etiquette.--Etiquette is not so formal among school girls,
though its form remains the same. Propinquity in classes, and the being
thrown together by mutual aims and interests, excuses informal
friendliness. In some women's colleges there are what may be termed
"unwritten laws"--school traditions--never set down in books but handed on
from class to class. Thus a member of a lower class would not take
precedence of a Senior, either on entering or leaving a room, or at table.
She would introduce her friends, even her parents, to the Senior and to
any member of the Faculty instead of the Senior to them. These little
matters of punctilio have to be learned by observation, or by the grace of
some friendly classmate who happens to be conversant with them.
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