As has been said, a woman is expected to call on her friends once a year
at least. The "Day at Home" has rather gone out of fashion. It imposed an
obligation on the hostess which often proved irksome, interfering with
engagements she might wish to make. If, however, one has "a day," her
friends should so far as possible observe it.
Time and Manner.--The time limit of a call is fifteen or twenty minutes,
not to exceed the latter. This is the protection society affords us from
bores. We can endure even the most tiresome of visitors for fifteen
minutes.
If one does not wish to see callers, the maid or whoever answers the door
should be so informed; the conventional "Not at home" being perfectly
proper; it is merely a polite way of saying it is not convenient to
receive anyone. But for the maid to say "I will see, if Mrs. A is at
home," and return to say she is not at home or not receiving, is a grave
discourtesy. Nor should one keep a visitor waiting while she makes an
elaborate toilette; better say "Not at home." The call counts as a visit
whether the lady is at home or not, and must be returned. It is not
customary to invite a visitor to be seated, to come again, or urge a
longer stay. It is supposed she will take the initiative in these
particulars; and too, that the fact that the two exchange visits warrants
a certain wontedness of habit. Still, among intimates it is by no means
unusual for the hostess to say "Do come again soon; I always enjoy you so
much I should be glad to see more of you," or for the departing visitor to
say: "I shall hope to have the pleasure of seeing you at my home soon."
Men's Demeanor.--A man calling upon a lady either takes his hat and stick
into the reception room with him, or deposits them in the hall; she does
not instruct him what disposition to make of them. He removes his overcoat
of his own volition, or retains it, as he pleases; the lady does not
suggest its removal. This is the strict letter of etiquette. As a matter
of fact, many a man would feel snubbed, and the hostess that she failed in
cordiality, if she failed to invite him to lay aside his coat. One must be
governed by the customs of one's circle. It is safe to say that unless it
is a first call, which is the most formal, in our middle social stratum a
man expects, if he is welcome, to be asked to remove his overcoat.
A man waits for the woman to invite him to call, since it is her privilege
to choose her acquaintances. Such an invitation should not be given too
hastily, nor too soon after a first introduction. It is well not to show
too much eagerness to cultivate the acquaintance, and the woman should be
reasonably sure that the man is desirous of having the pleasure. If
invited, he should avail himself of the permission within a short time, by
way of showing his appreciation of the compliment. Young girls do not
invite young men to call on them; this is their mother's prerogative.
It is more correct in these days when everyone has a telephone, to call up
and inquire whether it will be convenient for the lady to receive callers,
unless, of course, one is paying duty calls, in which case a card
discharges the obligation.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 691]
"Pour Prendre Conge."--In taking leave, it is well not to wait until one
has exhausted the conversational gamut, and "that awful pause" in which
neither seems to have anything to say, occurs. And having risen, do not
"stand upon the order of your going;" do not linger for last words, or
begin a fresh topic at the door, keeping your hostess standing and perhaps
detaining her from other guests. "Parting is such sweet sorrow" in some
cases that it becomes awkward and embarrassing because so prolonged.
Especially does it seem difficult for the youth who has not yet attained
the aplomb which makes him at ease in society, to "tear himself away."
Remember that a too abrupt departure, though regrettable, is better than
one too prolonged.
Girls' Manners.--When the young girl accompanies her mother on a calling
expedition, she waits for the latter to take the initiative in regard to
departure. She must allow the older person to precede her in entering and
leaving, and she must be careful not to monopolize the conversation. Good
manners give precedence to age.
"P. p. c."--The social novice is sometimes puzzled by "P. p. c." written
in the lower corner of a card. The letters stand for the French phrase,
"Pour prendre conge"--to take leave. Such cards are sent when one is to be
absent from home for a considerable period. They are left to be mailed
after departure. Thus the intending traveler is not incommoded by
well-meant but ill-timed calls at an hour when she is most busy. "P. p.
c." cards intimate the acquaintance is to be resumed on the sender's
return.
The custom of turning down the corner to signify the call was made in
person is now entirely obsolete.
First Calls.--It is desirable, when making a first call, to meet the lady
called upon, and it is best to have been properly introduced. In the case
of a stranger, the oldest or most prominent member of the social circle of
the town should call first. A polite expedient by which a newcomer makes
entree into the society of a new place of residence is by sending her
cards to those whom she wishes to know. These are, if possible, to be
accompanied by the card of some well-known friend, who thus becomes her
social sponsor.
[692 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
A first call must be returned, and within two weeks at the outside. Not to
return such a call is a gross breach of etiquette. Even if one does not
wish or intend to keep up the acquaintance the return call must be made.
After this call she may act her pleasure. If a newcomer extends an
invitation to an older resident, she should at once leave cards and send a
regret or an acceptance. If the invitation comes through a friend, and she
is unacquainted with the hostess, she must call soon; but if the call is
not returned, or another invitation extended, she must understand the
acquaintance is ended. The newcomer may invite her late hostess to some
affair at her own house, and if the invitation is accepted, may understand
the acquaintance is established.
A stranger often finds her social progress slow unless she has
acquaintances in her new location who can help place her where she wishes
to be. The easiest way is to identify herself with some church, attend
regularly, and the pastor calling on the new member of his congregation
and finding her acceptable, will ask some of the ladies of the church to
call. These calls should be returned within two weeks; it would be a
discourtesy to the pastor not to acknowledge them.