_The Shopkeeper's Wife_ (_to her Husband_). Ah, TOM, it's just as
well you stayed behind--you'd never have got through those caves! You
wouldn't believe I could ha' done it unless you'd seen me--clambering
down iron ladders, and jumping on to rocks, and squeezing through
tunnels, and then up a cliff like the side of a house. I do _wish_ you
could ha' seen me, TOM!
_Tom_ (_philosophically_). Ah, well, I was very comfortable where I
was, settin' in the hotel room there, smoking my pipe. GREEN the Guide
gave us, "_Rocked in the Cradle of the Deep_," in first-rate style--he
is a _singer_, and no mistake!
_His Wife_. Lor, I wish I'd known he was going to sing--I'd ha' stayed
too! But here he is, waiting by the road for us--I do hope he's going
to sing again!
_Green the G._ (_mounting the car_). I fear I am an unwelcome visitor.
_The Eld. G._ (_graciously_). It would be the first time in your life
then, GREEN!
_G. the G._ Well, the fact is, I come to levy a little contribution on
behalf of myself and the Coachman. Times are hard, Gentlemen, and both
of us have large families to support. If you don't believe me, ask
the Coachman. (_The Elderly G. explains that his wrappings prevent
him from getting at his purse just then, while the others contribute
with more or less readiness and liberality_.) Many thanks. Ladies and
Gentlemen, on behalf of myself and the Coachman, and to express my
sense of your generosity, I will sing you the great Jersey National
Song, composed by myself, before leaving. (_He sings a ditty with the
following spirited Chorus_):--
There the streets are paved with granite. So neat and clean
And lots of pretty, witty girls, are always to be seen!
With the brave old Mi-litia, Our foes to defy!
And there they grow the Cabba-ges--Ten feet high!
(_All together, Gentlemen, please_!) Yes, there they grow the
Cabbages, there they grow the Cabbages, there they grow
the Cabbages--Ten feet high!
Thank you, Gentlemen, I've sung that song a number of times, and I
never remember hearing the chorus better sung. If you don't believe
me, ask the Coachman.
_Coachman._ _I've_ never 'eard it better sung, Ladies and Gentlemen,
I assure you.
[_GREEN the Guide descends in a blaze of popularity, and the
"Royal Blue" rolls on in excellent spirits._
* * * * *