THE DINER-OUT.
When I speak of the "diner-out," I include under this title the bachelor
guest not only at dinners, but also at luncheons and at suppers. The
formal breakfast is a festivity of the past, and the first meal in a
household is purely a family affair. However, luncheons on Sunday at one
or two o'clock are in New York frequently called breakfasts, because I
believe many fashionable people do not want the impression to go abroad
that even once a week they dine in the middle of the day. The luncheon
after a day wedding ceremony is also called a breakfast, but this, like
the Sunday meal, is simply a title by courtesy.
_Luncheons_, where men are guests, are popular entertainments at all the
large summer resorts, such as Newport, Long Branch, Bar Harbor, as well
as at the more celebrated of the Western and Pacific watering places
and the winter cities of the South. In New York and other great
centers, where there exists a number of gentlemen of leisure, these
entertainments are greatly in vogue, and in Washington they sometimes
assume the color of diplomatic functions.
The hour for a luncheon is half past one o'clock, and sometimes it is
advanced to two. All guests are expected to be punctual to the minute
and to take advantage even of the quarter of an hour latitude is bad
form. Better a little too early than too late. However, do not make
yourself ridiculous by appearing on the scene too soon. Bear in mind
that the reputation of being the "late Mr. Smith" is not enviable. A
tardy guest only accentuates his own insignificance. This rule applies
to dinners and suppers and to all entertainments where you are a guest,
with only one exception--dances, where you have an hour's grace.
Luncheons, as a rule, are informal affairs. Men have attended them in
lounge suits, but it is more courteous to your hostess to appear in
afternoon dress. Overcoats, hats, and sticks are left in the hall. Your
gloves are removed in the drawing room. When luncheon is announced,
unless it is a very formal affair, your hostess leads the way to the
dining room, and she is followed by her guests, women and men, not in
procession. The men, of course, must allow the fairer sex to pass before
them through the drawing-room door and into the dining room. Luncheon
_menus_ consist of oysters, clams, or grape fruit with crushed ice and
saturated with maraschino for the first course. This is followed by
bouillon, an _entree_, a roast or chops with peas, or broiled chicken,
salad with birds, ices and fruits, coffee and _liqueurs_. Sherry and
claret are the wines, and sometimes champagne is served.
A luncheon lasts three hours at most, and the men are left to smoke at
dessert. However, sometimes this formality is waived.
_Dinner_ invitations are sent out at least a fortnight in advance. In
the New York season sometimes they are issued a full month before the
event. They must, under all circumstances, be answered within
twenty-four hours, and cards left on your prospective host and hostess
within a week.
The fashionable hours for dining are between half past seven and eight
o'clock. Dinners being formal evening functions, formal evening dress is
essential.
Except at very small houses and apartments, two rooms are reserved--one
for the men and the other for the ladies--as dressing rooms. Your hat,
coat, and outdoor attire are removed, and a servant will assist you in
arranging your toilet. A nefarious practice of feeing these attendants,
even at private houses, has been somewhat in vogue in a very "smart" and
wealthy set in New York. It is not good form, and I would advise you
against it.
The servant who announces you, hands you a small envelope on which is
written your name. This incloses a card on which is the name of the lady
whom you are to take in to dinner. After exchanging greetings with your
hostess and removing your gloves, you should endeavor to find your
partner and engage in some preliminary conversation. Should you not have
been presented to her, inform your hostess of this fact, and you will be
at once introduced. Dinner is announced by the butler entering the
drawing room and saying, "Dinner is served." The host leads the way with
the woman guest of honor, and you are assigned your place in the
procession by the hostess, who comes last with the man guest of honor.
Each man offers his right arm to his fair partner. In the dining room,
cards are placed at each cover with the names of the guests inscribed
thereon. Even should there be a retinue of servants, pull back the
chair of your partner and assist her to seat herself. In some
old-fashioned houses grace is said, and it is always the rule when a
clergyman is one of the guests. This blessing is asked after the company
is seated.
During dinner you must devote yourself to the comfort and entertainment
of the woman whom you have taken in. She must be your first care,
although there may be some one on your other side, or opposite, who is
more congenial to you. Talking across the table is very bad form. Let
your conversation be pleasant and general, but avoid politics, religion,
and personal criticisms.
There is no form for refusing wine, if it is against your scruples to
drink it. Do not thus force your personal prejudices on your host by
making any demonstration, such as putting your finger over the glass or
shaking your head at the butler. Let him fill your glasses, but do not
drink the contents. The question of waste is not to be considered; and
if you are a man with firm principles regarding total abstinence, in
your heart you should rejoice that at least a quota of the fluid will do
no harm.
The hostess gives the signal at dessert for the ladies to retire to the
drawing room. Everybody rises, and the ladies leave the table in solemn
procession, the man nearest the door opening it for them. A prettier
custom, and one much in vogue in New York, is the escorting of the
ladies by the men to the drawing room, the host leading the way. When
the drawing-room door is reached the men bow and retire again to the
dining room, where coffee, _liqueurs_, and cigars are served. At the end
of a half hour they return to the drawing room. Another half hour of
conversation, during which sometimes there is dancing, and the guests
make their adieus to their hostess and host and leave. On bidding
good-night, always assure your hostess of the pleasant evening which you
have enjoyed.
Progressive dinners are sometimes given, although now almost obsolete.
Small tables are arranged for these with parties of four or six at each
table. The guests change places at each course, the signal for this
being given by the hostess ringing a bell. The ladies remain in their
seats. As there will not be a fresh napkin provided at each course, a
man brings his with him from his first table.
Public dinners, except when given by certain church, debating, or
literary societies, are stag affairs. The guests assemble at the
restaurant, hotel, or hall where the banquet is to be held, and deposit
their hats, coats, and walking paraphernalia in the cloakroom. A ticket
is given with the number of your rack upon it, and a small fee--usually
twenty-five cents--is expected. The guests assemble in one of the
smaller drawing rooms, and each one is handed a plan of the tables with
the location of his cover designated by his name upon it. A procession
is formed, the guests of honor and reception committee leading, to the
banquet hall. After dessert, speeches are in order.
_Dinner dances_ are a form of entertainment where dinner is followed by
a dance, other guests coming in from other dinner parties and meeting at
one house which has been agreed upon as the place where the dance is to
take place. A short time after dinner, at each of the other houses, the
guests are conveyed therefrom in carriages, or, better yet, in stages,
to the general rendezvous. Calls are due within the week at the house
where you have dined as well as at the one at which you have danced.
Supper etiquette differs but little from that observed at dinners. The
occasion is a bit more informal and the _menu_ not so elaborate. The
etiquette of ball suppers is treated in the chapter on The Dance, and
suppers after the play, at restaurants and clubs, being favorite
bachelor entertainments, will be explained in that part of this book
reserved for the Bachelor as Host.