pierced breasts, lean back against the thongs with blood running down
their bellies. Then we all began dancing with our eyes to the blazing
sun. I did not see them after that, for the hot light stabbed my eyes
and the blindness came back quickly. I heard later that one of them
fainted when the sun was getting low, and there he hung from the tree
until his father had him cut down. But he danced again next day, after
the holy men had fixed his wound and he had slept. The other one leaned
so hard upon the thong that he soon pulled it through the flesh. After
the holy men had washed the wound and put medicine in it, he danced
until night.
“I saw nothing. In the darkness of my eyes I floated alone on the
drumbeats and the singing, and as I floated I prayed, ‘Let me see!
Let me see!’ I wanted to get back to the wide green land and the
sparkling streams; but I saw nothing. Someone came and put a piece of
slippery bark into my mouth. I think it was Chagla. I chewed on this,
and it made my mouth feel better. I went on dancing and praying in the
darkness, ‘Let me see again! Let me see!’ All at once I did see, and
I was not thirsty any more. It was the same wide green land under the
wide blue sky. It was beautiful, but it was empty. I looked and looked,
but there were no people, and no horseback came out of the sky. When
the far-off drums and singing stopped, and this world came back, the
sun was down, and the night was coming.
“I dropped down where I was, and I must have gone to sleep right away.
Then someone was shaking me by the shoulder, and I thought I heard my
father saying, ‘Hold fast! There is more!’ But when I was awake, it was
one of the attendants who were waking the dancers. It was still dark,
but there were stars. The sky was fading a little over where the sun
comes up. People were moving about in the starlight yonder. When I
stood up and looked at the morning star, a power went through me and
I felt good. I was not heavy at all. I felt very strong. Blue Spotted
Horse was praying. There was no sound but his voice raised high. He
prayed that the nation might live. To the Six Powers he prayed and to
the coming sun, and the morning star looked and listened. Then the
drumming began and the singing. It was the sun singing while it came up
out of the night yonder:
“‘With visible face I am appearing.
In a sacred manner I appear.
For the greening earth a pleasantness I make.
The center of the nation’s hoop I have made pleasant.
With visible face behold me!
The four-leggeds and two-leggeds, I have made them to walk.
The wings of the air, I have made them to fly.
The finned of the streams, I have made them to swim.
The rooted ones, I have made them to rise.
With visible face, behold, I appear!
My day, I have made it holy.’
“The morning star went out and the sun blazed over the edge of the
earth. The blindness came. I prayed hard, ‘Let me see!’ I danced hard,
like a homesick runner going home. The blindness did not go away. The
darkness was burning hot. It pressed down upon me with great power. I
did not float on the drumbeats and the singing. I worked hard to keep
on dancing. My tongue was a stranger in my mouth. It was hard to blow
upon my eagle-bone whistle. I kept on trying to pray and to remember,
‘Hold fast, there is more.’ I held fast, but I could not see. Someone
put the slippery bark into my mouth. It was not easy to chew, but it
helped a little. That day, it was like dancing always, but I held fast;
and the drums stopped and the singing. I slept there on the ground,
and had bad dreams about rivers too far off to reach, or they were not
there when I came to where I saw them.
“The third day was harder, and it was very hot. I could not see, and
my tongue filled my mouth. Afterwards I heard that five of the dancers
fell down that day and could not get up. They had to be carried out.
Charging Cat was one of them; but High Horse and Kicking Bear went
through. I prayed to see, but it was only words. I kept on dancing
because I remembered, ‘Hold fast, there is more!’
“That night I dreamed of crawling around in the dark trying to find
water. Afterwhile I heard a voice, and I knew it was my father.
I could not see him, but his voice was like a wind out in the
night, everywhere, nowhere: ‘Let your heart be strong--it is nearly
finished--you will see--you will see!’
“Then the attendant was shaking me awake.
“It was going to be the last day. When I got up from the ground, my
body felt dead and it was hard to lift. But when I looked at the
morning star above the pale streak yonder, my father’s words seemed
to fill the hollow world that listened, and a power ran through me
stronger than ever before. While a holy man was praying, the power in
me grew; and when the drums began and the singers sang, my heart sang
too.
“‘See where the sacred sun is walking!
In the blue robe of morning he is walking,
With his power greenward walking,
_Hey-o-ha, hey-o-ha_
_Hey-o-ha, hey-o-ha_.’
“I danced, but I did not feel the ground. The star died; the sun blazed
up; the drums and singing stopped. It was time to fulfill the vow I
made when I saw the Crow village and all those horses from the hill. I
had told Chagla about this, and now it was the time. He came to me and
said, so that many could hear, and his words spread through the crowd:
“‘Eagle Voice, the people are asking, that you give them a day.’ And I
answered: ‘I will give them a day.’ My tongue could not make the words
clear, but Chagla said them so that all could understand: ‘Eagle Voice
has said it. He will give a day to the people. Eagle Voice has said
it.’ When they heard, the people cheered with one voice, ‘_hi-ya!_’
“The attendants began painting the dancers again after they had rubbed
our bodies with the sacred sage. My body they painted red all over,
except from the elbows and knees down, and that was blue for the power
to make live and to destroy, as before. My body was red to make me
holy, for through me a sacred gift would come to the people. From each
wrist they hung an eagle feather, and one was tied in my hair, standing
up. These were for the Great Mysterious One whose gift would come
through me, and whose strength must be mine. When this was done, Blue
Spotted Horse came and painted something on my back. It was a flying
eagle, for the one that spoke to me with my father’s voice in my vision
on the hill when I was a boy and Blue Spotted Horse prepared me for my
quest. That is why I am Eagle Voice. So it was painted on my back.
“While this was being done, another holy man came with some sacred sage
to where I had placed the bison skull. He was wearing a bison robe
painted half yellow and half red. Into the eye sockets and the ear and
nose holes of the skull he thrust the sage. Then he sang a bison song:
“‘A sacred nation, they are appearing.
They are appearing, may you behold!
The bison nation, they are appearing!
May you behold!’
“As he was singing the bison song, all at once the sage was blown out
of the holes with great power, and a deep bellowing came forth. I do
not know how this was, but I saw and heard; and I could feel the power
growing in me, so that I felt strong as a bison and light as an eagle
floating.
“When I was painted, they hung the bison skull on my back with a thong
across the back of my neck and under my arms. Then they turned me to
the blazing sun, and I stared straight at it. The burning blindness
turned dark. I heard Blue Spotted Horse praying, and then, far off, I
felt the knife in the flesh of my chest and the thong pushed through.
If it hurt, I do not remember. I think the power lifted me above my
body.
“When the drums and singing began again, I swung backward, leaning from
the thong in my breast. It was like waking all at once from a dream.
I forgot that I wanted to see. I wanted to cry out, but I did not. It
was pulling the raw heart out of my breast. I wanted to stop dancing,
but I kept on. This is the first time I ever told anybody; but now I am
too old to be ashamed. I forgot to pray. I just kept saying to myself,
‘Hold fast, hold fast, hold fast.’ All the power had left me alone with
my body in the burning dark, and my heart was tearing from its roots.
“This was always; and then it was not. Maybe my body was still dancing
on the ground; I do not know. I was swinging in a great hollow night,
back and forth, farther and farther, farther and farther. I was doing
this always; I could not stop; I could not get loose. There was no one
to cry to, there was nothing to grasp, for everywhere it was empty.
“This was always too; and then I swung so far that I broke loose and
flew, head first, belly down, with my hands in front of me--like
diving--no, like an arrow when a strong man draws the bow--_whang!_ I
flew so fast that my body sang. Then I saw the morning star straight
ahead of me, and day was coming very fast. No, it was not coming; it
was yonder and I was going to it. The star went out, and I was there,
floating in clear, white light. The sun did not rise, but day was
everywhere upon a wide green land--hills and valleys and gleaming
streams.
“Then right below me there was a great village, a wide hoop of people,
and they were all looking up at me and singing thanks for the good day.
The light was so clear that I could see their happy faces, and I knew
they were all my people. Many, many of them were glowing, and those
were the ever-living ones who had died. I saw many darker ones who were
still in this world, but all were united in the clear, happy day. When
I looked for my father, he was there all glowing, and beside him was a
young man who did not glow. When I looked harder at the young man, I
could see it was myself. Then the wide land went out and I was falling,
dizzy, in a darkness.
“Blue Spotted Horse was looking down at me and someone was dropping
water into my mouth. They told me I had danced until the thong pulled
out when the sun was starting down the sky. I had fulfilled my vow, and
the water dropping on my tongue felt good; but I was very tired and my
breast ached. Then I knew I was lying in a shade, and I could hear the
drums and singing out yonder where they were still dancing. Afterwhile
when I could talk a little, because the water softened my tongue, I
told Blue Spotted Horse what I had seen. He said, ‘My grandson, it is
good. The power has come to you and you must send forth a voice for all
the people to the Six Grandfathers.’
“They rubbed me all over with sage and painted me again--red as before,
and blue from the elbows and knees down. While they were doing this
they kept dropping water into my mouth a little at a time, and Blue
Spotted Horse sang a medicine song. I could feel the power coming back
into me while he sang. The water helped too.
“The sun was getting ready to go down, but it was still about the
breadth of a hand above the earth. Then Chagla came and led me out into
the dancing ring. I was naked now except for a breech clout, for I
came naked into the world, and I must go to the Six Powers as I came.
When they saw me, the drummers and singers stopped, and all the people
cheered with one great voice, for the word had spread among the people.
When I heard the voice of my people, it was like my vision and the
power came over me stronger than ever. I felt light and happy and my
heart sang again.
“Chagla had made a quirt out of bison-hide fringed into many little
thongs at one end, and at the other end was a loop to hang about the
neck. This was painted red. He gave it to me, and said, ‘Hang this
down your back and never let it go. If you do this, no arrow or bullet
can ever touch you, for the quirt will brush them away like flies.’ I
thanked him and hung it down my back, as he said. Then he led me to
where a black horse was waiting for me at the entrance to the ring. The
horse was painted blue on the nose and blue across the withers. From
his tail one eagle feather hung.
“Before I got on the horse, Chagla told me what I must do. I felt light
and strong when I put my hand on the horse’s mane and sprang onto his
back.
“Chagla brought my pipe from where I had placed it and gave it to me.
Then I rode to the quarter where the sun comes up and raised my hands,
palms out, with the pipe in the right one. There I sent a voice for all
the people: ‘Grandfather, you have given me this pipe and the morning
star. Give me the eyes to see and the strength to understand, so that I
may be a nation and live.’ And when I had said it, all the people cried
out together, giving thanks.
“Then I rode back to the quarter where you are always facing, which
was the entrance. It is where the summer brings the power to grow.
There I raised my hands and the pipe as before, and sent forth a voice:
‘Grandfather, you have given me the hoop and the tree. Make them
flourish that I may be a nation and live.’ Again the people cried out
together, giving thanks.
“When I was riding to the quarter where the sun goes down, all at once
there was a face just under my horse’s left ear. It was all bright and
shining from inside like the people in my vision, and it was Tashina
looking up. She was so close that I could see tears on her cheeks. When
I was much older I thought about this, and it was like rain when the
sun is shining. But it was mixed up with my vision then, and I was full
of the great thing I was doing for the people. At the quarter where the
sun goes down, I faced the level sun and sent forth a voice: ‘Thunder
Beings, you who make live and destroy, hear me and give me your power
that I may be a nation and flourish.’ Again the people raised one
voice, giving thanks.
“When I had sent a voice at the quarter where the great white giant
lives and asked for cleansing and healing, I rode again to the quarter
where the sun comes up. But I did not stop there. I turned and rode
straight in to the sacred tree at the center. There I stopped and
raised my hands and the pipe to the sky straight above me. Then I sent
forth a voice:
“‘Grandfather, Great Mysterious One, you have been always, and before
you nothing has been. There is no one to pray to but you. You are older
than all need, older than all pain and prayer. The star nations all
over the heavens are yours, and yours are the grasses of the earth.
“‘Grandfather, it is finished now, and I have fulfilled the vow I made
to you. Send me the good day that you have shown me. I want to be a
nation and live.’
“When I had said this, the people cried out again with a great voice,
giving thanks, and my horse lifted his head high and neighed and
neighed; and the other horses grazing in the valley heard and raised
their voices too. People talked about this afterwards. Some said the
power was so strong that even the four-leggeds gave thanks. Others said
my horse saw his ghost relatives in the world of spirit, and was crying
out to them.
“When this was done, Chagla gave me a piece of red cloth, with which
I must make an offering to earth, the mother of all. There was a
stake pushed into the hole against the bottom of the sacred tree,
and he pulled this out. Then I leaned over the horse’s neck and held
the red cloth above the hole. As I did this, the horse put his nose
to the ground. Maybe he wanted to nibble some grass; maybe the power
was strong in him and he was giving thanks. I do not know. Then I
sent a voice to the earth and said: ‘Maka, all creeping things, the
wings of the air, those that swim in the waters, the rooted ones, the
four-leggeds and the two-leggeds--they all belong to you. You are
the mother of all, the only mother, she who has shown mercy to her
children. Have mercy on me, for I want to be a nation and live.’ Just
as I finished saying this, something sucked the red cloth out of my
hand and down into the hole. I do not know how this was, but Chagla and
I and some others saw it.
“Now I had finished, and as I rode back to where the sun comes up and
then to the opening and out of the circle, the voice of the people was
loud, giving thanks for the good day. When the voice of the people was
still, I could hear Chagla. He was facing the quarter where the sun had
just gone down, and he was singing:
“‘A sacred praise I am making.
A sacred praise I am making.
My nation, behold it in kindness.
The day of the sun has been my strength.
The path of the moon shall be my robe.
A sacred praise I am making.
A sacred praise I am making.’
“When I got off my horse at our tepee, the power left me, and my legs
would not hold me. My mother and step-father held me up. When I was
lying down inside, Blue Spotted Horse and Chagla came. The last I
remember they were washing my body and dropping water and meat juice
into my mouth. The people danced and feasted most of the night, but I
did not hear them. In the morning, they ’woke me, and when I had drunk
some water and eaten a little, I slept. That evening they fed me again
and gave me water, and I slept. Next morning I was very hungry and
thirsty. So I drank and ate all I wanted. I felt strong again, and my
breast did not hurt. Blue Spotted Horse made it heal fast. Look. You
can see it yet.”
With fumbling fingers the old man unbuttoned his shirt, exposing
puckered scars on the skinny chest.
“_Washtay!_” he said, as he rebuttoned his shirt. “It was good. Wakon
Tonka sent the people good days when I was young. The hoop was not yet
broken, and the people had not forgotten all that is true.”
Eagle Voice seemed to have forgotten me suddenly. Gazing at the
ground, he began blowing softly on his whistle. “Grandfather,” I said
at length; “you still have your eagle-bone whistle; but where is the
sacred quirt that Chagla gave you?”
The old man regarded me for a while with that crinkled look of
amusement about his eyes. “Grandson, you are in a hurry again,” he
said. “Can you not wait for a story?”
XVI
_Thanking the Food_
“I have been thinking about roads,” the old man remarked musingly, with
an air of reluctant return from somewhere far off. It was the next
morning, and I had waited longer than usual for the story.
“About roads?” I said; “what roads, Grandfather?”
“Good roads, bad roads, Grandson,” he replied. “I have been thinking
maybe the good road is the one a man does not walk because he does not
see it until he is tired and looks back. Also I have been thinking the
bad road is bad because he walks it, and maybe does not see it either,
until he is very tired and stops to look back. There was a road I did
not walk that time, because I did not find it until I had walked across
the world.”
“And what road was that, Grandfather?” I asked.
“A girl’s road,” he answered slowly, fixing his long-focused gaze upon
something beyond me. “Tashina went away on it.”
He was silent awhile, until the focus of his gaze shortened to include
me, and then--
“My mother and step-father were proud of me because I had given the
people a good day, and they were all praising me. I think I was very
proud of myself too. Maybe afterwhile when I was older and had counted
many coups and all the old people praised me because I always had a big
pot and tender meat for them--maybe then the _wichasha yatapika_ would
make me one of them. And maybe when I was still older, I would be a
great chief. That is what I was thinking all the time, after the sun
dance, and maybe my step-father and my mother were thinking that too.
So they said we must make a feast and invite very old men and women to
come and eat. Also, we would ask some wise old man to come and thank
the food.”
“Could not anyone give thanks for food, Grandfather?” I interrupted.
“Anyone could give thanks for food,” the old man replied. “A woman
could do that. Maybe she has been cooking meat, and before she puts
it out, she takes a tender piece and holds it up and says, ‘Wahnagi,
eat this for me.’ She is making a thank offering to the spirits by
sharing her meat with them before she eats any herself. War parties
would do this too when they sat down to eat. But thanking the food was
different. Not everyone could do that.
“They used to say it was not easy to walk the road of difficulties
through this world; but of all the hard things, four things were
hardest. Getting food was the first, and without food there is nothing
else. The second hardest thing was losing your oldest child. The third
was losing your woman. The fourth was having to fight a big war party
when yours was small. I had an uncle when I was a boy, and his name was
Flying By. Once I asked him, ‘Uncle, what is the hardest thing you have
known?’ And he said, ‘My nephew, it was not any of the four hardest
things people talk about.’ Then he told me of a time when he was out
hunting alone over by Mini Shoshay [the Missouri], and a party of Rees
chased him. He got away, for he had a good start, and hid in the thick
willow brush that grew in a swamp. It was getting dark, so the Rees did
not find him. He was afraid to leave the brush or make any noise. But
he was not alone there. The whole nation of mosquitoes was camped in
that swamp, and they were singing and dancing and feasting all night
long. My uncle was the meat. ‘Nephew,’ he said, ‘there are not four,
but five hardest things, and that is the hardest.’ But my uncle was
always joking.
“Getting food is the hardest thing, and without it there is nothing. It
is great to be brave in battle, but a great warrior must look to the
food and remember the old and needy.
“So my mother borrowed some more pots from her friends who came over to
help her cook the meat for the feast; and these brought with them some
of the tenderest meat they had, for they wanted to help in the giving.
And when the meat was all tender and the soup smelled good, I had to
go all around the village, inviting the very oldest people. Kicking
Bear, High Horse, and Charging Cat went along with me, because we had
been brothers in a great deed. When I came to an old man, maybe he was
so old that he dozed most of the time, and he would be sitting with
his chin on his chest and his nose almost on his chin, and his hair,
thin and white like mine, over his eyes. So I would tap him on the
shoulder, and he would look up and blink, with his head shaking. ‘_Heh!
heh! heh!_’ he would say, wondering what was wrong, for he had been far
away in a dream, maybe. Then I would say, ‘Grandfather, we are going to
thank the food over at our lodge, and we want you to come and help us;
for we are only young men and you are _gan inhuni_ [come to old age]
and you are wise.’ And when the old man was awake and understood, maybe
he was so pleased that he would cackle when he thanked me; and maybe he
would show only two teeth, and neither a friend to the other. And maybe
he would say, ‘You thought I was sleeping when you came; but I was just
sitting here thinking about the time when I was a fine, brave young man
like you. I was a good dancer, and I was good-looking too! The girls
all liked me!’ Then maybe he would giggle and poke me in the ribs.
“Or maybe it would be a woman so very old that she could not get fat
any more, and she was all skin and bones. And maybe she would be
nodding over a moccasin she had been trying to bead for a long while,
and her hands were like eagle claws, and her eyes dim, so that the
moccasins did not ever get finished. And she would look up and squint
hard at me, and say, ‘Are you not so-and-so’s son?’ And it would be
somebody whose name I had not heard. I would tell her my father’s name,
and she would look troubled. Then she would thank me and smile at us
just like our own grandmothers, and tell us we were fine boys.
“While we were going around inviting old people, my step-father went
over to see Blue Spotted Horse and asked him to thank the food for us.
He could do this because he was old and very wise. Also he was a holy
man. He had taught me when I went on vision quest, and he had helped me
in the sun dance. I was like a younger grandson to him.
“The feast was ready, so we were waiting for the old people. We could
see them coming from all over the village, bringing their cups and
knives with them. They were all three-legged, the way I am now, for
near the end of the black road there is a cane. Some of them would be
all bent over and they would be holding their heads up like turtles to
see where the pots were steaming. I was a boy, straight and tall, then,
and that is the way they looked to me. Some would be holding their
hands on their backs where it hurt them to walk. Some of them would be
hurrying and some would not be hurrying at all; but one would be coming
no faster than the other.
“We could hear them making songs as they came, and when they got near
enough, maybe the song would be like this:
“‘_Hi-a-he! Hi-a-he!_
Eagle Voice, you are brave, they say,
And I have heard.’
“Maybe it would start thin and high like singing, and then get tired
all at once and be just muttering.
“‘To be a man is difficult, they say;
But you are brave and I have heard.
Many horses you have brought;
Many horses, I have heard.
_Hi-a-he! Hi-a-he!_’