_He is like to to be robb’d in_ Maiden-head Thicket. _He tells a notable
story of a Tapster and another at Play in_ Redding. _At_ Newberry, _a
Horse which he rode upon Tryal in the Streets, ran away with him
unpaid for; at_ Bristol _he ran away with a pair of Boots then wanting
them; he rides for_ Excester, _where he won a considerable sum of his
Host at Play._
The great store of Rain that fell, and made the High-ways like Hasty
Pudding, by which means though I rid in Shooes and Stockins, yet I was
sufficiently be-booted with dirt. I rid over the Common melancholy
alone, but coming to _Maiden-Head Thicket_, there was company enough
such as I liked not by any means, and now _Gramercy Horse_, for had not
he looked as scurvily as I rid bootlesly scandalous, I had undoubtedly
been robb’d; never was poor Horse, and beastly Man so survey’d before,
by Devils I think, for their Faces by their Vizard-Masques seemed every
whit as black. Escaping that danger, I got the second days journey to
_Reading_, alighting, I fell all along, for I had kickt away my Leggs in
riding thither, Never did I find the difference till now of riding on a
Yard-arm, and on the sharp-ridg’d back of a surfeited Jade; I had not so
much skin left upon my Breech as would make a white patch for an
_Ethiopian_ Lady of Pleasure. Here I lay three days to recover the
damage my posteriors had sustained by riding my wooden Horse. In which
time I observed but little remarkable, but a Tapsters Playing with a
fellow of the Town for Money in a little By Ale-House, where was sold
incomparable Ale, which I found out by the information of a Coblar, the
reflection of whose face would have afforded light enough to an
Ale-house at Mid-night.
* * * * *
I was a spectator on their Play, and glad I was of this opportunity, to
divert my self in a strange place. The Tapster in a little time had lost
to the other the price of 2 Barrels of Beer, which so inraged him, it
being his all, that nothing could perswade him but that he was cheated
of his Money, that he napt on him, and I know not what, and swore he
would have every penny of his Mony before he should stir from the place.
The other told him that he had won it fairly, and therefore would as
surely keep it; hereupon the Tapster struck up his heels, and to work he
went with him, the fellow seeing his drift that he would dispossess him
of his Money, got as much as he could privately out of his Pocket, and
clapt it into his mouth cramming it almost full. The Tapster was amazed
to find so little in his Pockets, and therefore made all the Privy
search he could, which was all to no purpose, so that he concluded the
fellow was little less than a Conjurer, after that he had tired himself
with beating and kicking his Carkass, he did let him rise, the fellow
for all his seeming resolution at first took this basting very
patiently, and would have been gone willingly to avoid the second part
of the same tune, had not the Tapster laid hold on him, saying, _Nay
faith t’other box in the ear, and ’tother kick on the breech, and go and
be damn’d_, so lifting his hand up, gave him a cuff on the face, that by
the Noise of what dropt out of his Mouth, I verily believed he had not
only struck out all his teeth, but had also fractur’d in pieces his
jaw-bones; but I soon was convinced of the contrary, when I lookt on the
Ground, for there lay the Mony scattered which in his Mouth he had
secured. I never stood considering what was to be done, since I saw a
little time was soon lost, so that blowing out the Candle, I fell a
scrambling with the Tapster, who had got the start of me, however I made
my party good with him, and was not behind with him in my share, and so
slipt out, leaving the poor fellow to hold his bleeding chops, which
were cut through by a piece of Money, and the Tapster in _tenebris_ to
sum up his losses. Leaving this Town I found that I had more Money going
out of it than I brought into it, and so I merrily rode on to
_Newberry_. Here my jaded Beast gave up the Ghost, it was time for us to
part, for we were both weary of one the other. Money soon procured me
the sight of another, but exceeding different from the former, as the
one was exceeding dull and heavy, this was all air, and fiery, no ground
would hold him as it is usually said; this Horse was brought me to look
on, the Seller riding him in my sight with all the studied advantages a
double Jury of Jockies could invent; dismounting, I was desired to make
tryal of him my self, which I had no mind to do, for I dislik’d that in
him, which another would have liked extremely, his extraordinary mettle,
however, that I might not be laught at, I adventured to cross his back,
but I was scarce settled in the Saddle, when this understanding Beast
knowing by my sitting him, that he had a foolish and unskilful governour
to deal withal, grew headstrong, flew away with me like lightning, for
my part I thought I had got the _Devil_ between my leggs, and that I was
riding Post upon some Hellish design. I knew quickly whom I had to deal
withal, a thing that would have his will, and therefore thought it a
piece of impudence to curb his extravagant running; knowing well that
that pace would not last alwayes.
* * * * *
I gave him his head, let him go which way, and as fast as he pleased; in
troth he was better acquainted with the Road than his Master, and would
not be perswaded out on’t by any such ignorant Hawl-bowling as my self;
that night my Horse, and I, (for I must give his Horseship the
preheminence) came to _Marlbrough_; entring the Town, he went directly
to his Inn, and was known to the Hostler, calling him by some familiar
term, I know not what now; and askt me whether the Horse was mine, I
replyed that he was so, that I had bought him the day before at
_Newberry_: and why should not I own him, since he intitled me by
running away with me, not I with him; and since by an unexpected chance
I had a benefit thrown into hands, I was resolved to make use of it, and
so I did for the next day, very early I rode away with him for
_Bristol_, never hearing of the right owner since: his heat and fury by
this time were pretty well qualified, and could ride him then my own
pace, where as before I would willingly condescend to have had a leg or
an arm broke, to have secured the bone of my neck.
* * * * *
_Bristol_, the place of my nativity I entred with a strange confidence,
if you remember how I was born, and what roguish exploits I acted during
my abode in that City; but as good luck would have it, as length of time
had altered my countenance, so it had quite obliterated the memory of my
former nefarious actions. Here did I spend my Money in all manner of
riot and excess, finding a many jovial boon blades, although for the
most part very strict and precise; and though none are permitted any
thing late to tipple, yet there is time enough in the day to spend the
Cargo of an _East-India-man_, especially if a man hath nothing else to
do. The natural love I had to this place made me insensibly stay much
longer than I intended, and though I was some weeks there, nothing
occur’d worth the taking notice of, but furnishing my self with a pair
of Bootes. My money began to grow somewhat low, so that I saw there was
a necessity of removing thence; the inconveniences I was put to for want
of Boots, made me resolve to try how I might procure them without either
money or credit; I ponder’d with my self, and took many a walk in the
_Marsh_, yet could project no feasible way to obtain my ends. I pitcht
upon this at last; evening the account with my Landlord, I caused the
Hostler to saddle my Horse and bring him out, mounting, I rid him to a
quite contrary part of the City, where I lay, (my lodging was near the
Castle, and I rode to the higher end of _Ratcliff-street_,) near the
Gate, I tyed my Horse, and walkt down again backward where I observed
some Shooe-makers, entring one of their Shops, I askt the Master thereof
to shew me some Boots he did, and withal fitted me; having both the
Boots on, I talked to him about the price, I refusing to give so much
since they were too dear, he protesting on the other side that he would
not abate a farthing, stepping to the Threshold (as if I intended to
settle my feet in them) I started, though not fairly, running with all
my speed, the Shooe-maker thought it was to no boot for him to stand
still, whilst I was in action; wherefore leaving his shop, he betook
himself to his heels, crying out as he ran, _stop him, stop him; Stop me
not,_ quoth I, _we run for a Wager, and I give him the advantage of
running in Shooes against my self in these heavy Boots_; hearing me say
so, they gave way which I repeated to every one as I came near them;
they encouraging me, crying out, _O brave Boots, O brave Boots_; Others
animating the other with _O brave Shooes, O brave Shooes_; getting to my
Horse, I mounted him, and without Spurs, for he needed none, I rode
clear through _Ratcliff-gate_, and was soon out of sight, and never
since heard of my Shooe-maker.
I was resolved to cross the Countrey for my better securing my self from
my Horse-merchant, and so directed my Course to _Exeter_, where I was
resolved to continue till I had increased my store. I was fearful of
venturing on Robbing, and therefore my design was solely bent on
cheating, having not been yet arrived to the height of understanding the
ruinating Mystery of Gaming; my Land-lord was a very jolly associate,
and delighted much in my company, in that I fitted his humour so well:
we often walkt together, and by our converse broad grew intimately
familiar, insomuch that if I were in the house, he was hardly out of my
company. Frequently we diverted our selves with _Tom Fools Games_, as
they call them, _Dubblets_, _Size Ace_, _Back Sir Hugh_, _Catch Dolt_,
&c. For neither of us could play at any thing else with the Dice, unless
_Old Sim_.
* * * * *
It was my good fortune one day to play with him for a bottle of Wine at
_Sise Ace_, which I won of him, and after that another, and in
conclusion so many, that we were forced to call for assistance, which we
could not want long, if men in this latter Age did not Apostatize by
declining the powerful invitations of good wine. These Spungers by
exhausting our Liquor inflamed the Reckoning, and that still kindled in
us a desire to play on: I was the sole Conquerour; and seeing that he
could not deal with me for the Reckoning, he propounded to me whether I
would play with him for a Tester, I seeing how vext he was that he had
lost so many Bottles, consented to humour him in any thing that was
reasonable, not believing but that fortune would not withdraw her wonted
favours from me. He losing still; from six pence, we doubled the stakes,
and to be short, we gradually augmented them till we played for an Angel
a Game, (may they always be tutelary to me, and be my Guardians from the
insufferable torments of a despicable necessity,) from an Angel, to a
Piece, till I had left him not a Piece to play with me, having won
threescore and upward. Being a young man, he begg’d of me to conceal his
loss, lest by the Proclaiming my good success, I detriment his credit;
for he was so rational as to know that Gaming, as it surely stabs a mans
Reputation, so in process of time it will cut the throat of his Estate,
though very considerable.
I promised him I would do it though to no purpose, for the Standers by
were the Publishers of those ill tidings, which will spread abroad
themselves like a Pestilence. Now I thought it highly requisite to put
my self into a better garb, and invest my self with such ornaments as
might become a Gentleman, which I intended to personate. I accommodated
my self with a Sword, and did not forget Spurs to my new Boots. Being
thus bravely equipt _Cap a pee_; I grew weary of this City, and so left
it, and my Landlord to his better Fortune.
* * * * *
The next place I set up my Standard, was in _Salisbury_; my generous
deportment and gallant habiliments adapted me for the best of company,
and the relation of my Travails, not as a _Tarpawlin_, but a wealthy
young Heir, did infinitely please them: So that if I were in a
Coffee-house at any time, though I entred in singly, I should have it
filled with variety of Guests to hear those _admiranda_ wonderful things
that I had observed abroad: I was the Mouth of the house, and what I
reported was received as an Oracle, I made two Fellows one time
confidently believe, that _Pindennis_ Castle, if well mann’d and rigg’d,
would make a brave Man of War of the First Rate, and that _Pen-men maure
in Wales_, and _Hoath_ in _Ireland_ were nere met in consultation how to
prevent the turbulency of their Northern neighbourhood from incroaching
on their Trade of _Herring-Fishing_.