where Members of Parliament chiefly lodge, are hired by our enemies to
skulk in the tops of chimneys, with their heads no higher than will just
permit them to look round; and at the usual hours when members are going
to the House, if they see a coach stand near the lodging of any loyal
member, they call "Coach, coach," as loud as they can bawl, just at the
instant when the footman begins to give the same call. And this is
chiefly done on those days, when any point of importance is to be
debated. This practice may be of very dangerous consequence. For, these
boys are all hired by enemies to the government; and thus, by the
absence of a few members for a few minutes, a question may be carried
against the true interest of the kingdom, and very probably, not without
any eye toward the Pretender.
I have not observed the wit and fancy of this town, so much employed in
any one article, as that of contriving variety of signs to hang over
houses, where punch is to be sold. The bowl is represented full of
punch, the ladle stands erect in the middle, supported sometimes by one,
and sometimes by two animals, whose feet rest upon the edge of the bowl.
These animals are sometimes one black lion, and sometimes a couple;
sometimes a single eagle, and sometimes a spread one, and we often meet
a crow, a swan, a bear, or a cock, in the same posture.
Now, I cannot find how any of these animals, either separate, or in
conjunction, are properly speaking, either fit emblems or
embellishments, to advance the sale of punch. Besides, it is agreed
among naturalists, that no brute can endure the taste of strong liquor,
except where he hath been used to it from his infancy: And,
consequently, it is against all the rules of hieroglyph, to assign those
animals as patrons, or protectors of punch. For, in that case, we ought
to suppose, that the host keeps always ready the real bird, or beast,
whereof the picture hangs over his door, to entertain his guest; which,
however, to my knowledge, is not true in fact. For not one of those
birds is a proper companion for a Christian, as to aiding and assisting
in making the punch. For the birds, as they are drawn upon the sign, are
much more likely to mute, or shed their feathers into the liquor. Then,
as to the bear, he is too terrible, awkward, and slovenly a companion to
converse with; neither are any of them at all, handy enough to fill
liquor to the company: I do, therefore, vehemently suspect a plot
intended against the Government, by these devices. For, although the
spread-eagle be the arms of Germany, upon which account it may possibly
be a lawful Protestant sign; yet I, who am very suspicious of fair
outsides, in a matter which so nearly concerns our welfare, cannot but
call to mind, that the Pretender's wife is said to be of German birth:
And that many Popish Princes, in so vast an extent of land, are reported
to excel both at making and drinking punch. Besides, it is plain, that
the spread-eagle exhibits to us the perfect figure of a cross, which is
a badge of Popery. Then, as to the cock, he is well known to represent
the French nation, our old and dangerous enemy. The swan, who must of
necessity cover the entire bowl with his wings, can be no other than the
Spaniard, who endeavours to engross all the treasures of the Indies to
himself. The lion is indeed, the common emblem of Royal power, as well
as the arms of England; but to paint him black, is perfect Jacobitism,
and a manifest type of those who blacken the actions of the best
Princes. It is not easy to distinguish, whether the other fowl painted
over the punch-bowl, be a crow or raven? It is true, they have both been
held ominous birds; but I rather take it to be the former; because it is
the disposition of a crow, to pick out the eyes of other creatures; and
often even of Christians, after they are dead; and is therefore drawn
here, with a design to put the Jacobites in mind of their old practice,
first to lull us asleep, (which is an emblem of Death) and then to blind
our eyes, that we may not see their dangerous practices against the
State.
To speak my private opinion, the least offensive picture in the whole
set, seems to be the bear; because he represents _ursa major_, or the
Great Bear, who presides over the North, where the Reformation first
began, and which, next to Britain, (including Scotland and the north of
Ireland) is the great protector of the Protestant religion. But,
however, in those signs where I observe the bear to be chained, I can't
help surmising a Jacobite contrivance, by which these traitors hint an
earnest desire of using all true Whigs, as the predecessors did the
primitive Christians; I mean, to represent us as bears, and then halloo
their Tory dogs to bait us to death.
Thus I have given a fair account of what I dislike, in all those signs
set over those houses that invite us to punch: I own it was a matter
that did not need explaining, being so very obvious to the most common
understanding. Yet, I know not how it happens, but methinks there seems
a fatal blindness, to overspread our corporeal eyes, as well as our
intellectual; and I heartily wish, I may be found a false prophet; for,
these are not bare suspicions, but manifest demonstrations.
Therefore, away with those Popish, Jacobite, and idolatrous gew-gaws.
And I heartily wish a law were enacted, under severe penalties, against
drinking any punch at all. For nothing is easier, than to prove it a
disaffected liquor. The chief ingredients, which are brandy, oranges,
and lemons, are all sent us from Popish countries; and nothing remains
of Protestant growth but sugar and water. For, as to biscuit, which
formerly was held a necessary ingredient, and is truly British, we find
it is entirely rejected.
But I will put the truth of my assertion, past all doubt: I mean, that
this liquor is by one important innovation, grown of ill example, and
dangerous consequence to the public. It is well known, that, by the true
original institution of making punch, left us by Captain Ratcliffe, the
sharpness is only occasioned by the juice of lemons, and so continued
till after the happy Revolution. Oranges, alas! are a mere innovation,
and in a manner but of yesterday. It was the politics of Jacobites to
introduce them gradually: And, to what intent? The thing speaks itself.
It was cunningly to shew their virulence against his sacred Majesty King
William, of ever glorious and immortal memory. But of late, (to shew how
fast disloyalty increaseth) they came from one or two, and then to three
oranges; nay, at present we often find punch made all with oranges, and
not one single lemon. For the Jacobites, before the death of that
immortal Prince, had, by a superstition, formed a private prayer, that,
as they squeezed the orange, so might that Protestant King be squeezed
to death[177]: According to that known sorcery described by Virgil,
Limus ut hic durescit, et hæc ut cera liquescit, &c.
[Ecl. viii. 80.]
And, thus the Romans, when they sacrificed an ox, used this kind of
prayer. "As I knock down this ox, so may thou, O Jupiter, knock down our
enemies." In like manner, after King William's death, whenever a
Jacobite squeezed an orange, he had a mental curse upon the "glorious
memory," and a hearty wish for power to squeeze all his Majesty's
friends to death, as he squeezed that orange, which bore one of his
titles, as he was Prince of Orange. This I do affirm for truth; many of
that faction having confessed it to me, under an oath of secrecy; which,
however, I thought it my duty not to keep, when I saw my dear country in
danger. But, what better can be expected from an impious set of men, who
never scruple to drink _confusion_ to all true Protestants, under the
name of Whigs? a most unchristian and inhuman practice, which, to our
great honour and comfort, was never charged upon us, even by our most
malicious detractors.
The sign of two angels, hovering in the air, and with their right hands
supporting a crown, is met with in several parts of this city; and hath
often given me great offence: For, whether by the unskilfulness, or
dangerous principles of the painters, (although I have good reasons to
suspect the latter) those angels are usually drawn with such horrid
countenances, that they give great offence to every loyal eye, and equal
cause of triumph to the Jacobites being a most infamous reflection upon
our most able and excellent ministry.
I now return to that great enormity of our city cries; most of which we
have borrowed from London. I shall consider them only in a political
view, as they nearly affect the peace and safety of both kingdoms; and
having been originally contrived by wicked Machiavels, to bring in
Popery, slavery, and arbitrary power, by defeating the Protestant
Succession, and introducing the Pretender, ought, in justice, to be here
laid open to the world.
About two or three months after the happy Revolution, all persons who
possessed any employment, or office, in Church or State, were obliged by
an Act of Parliament, to take the oaths to King William and Queen Mary:
And a great number of disaffected persons, refusing to take the said
oaths, from a pretended scruple of conscience, but really from a spirit
of Popery and rebellion, they contrived a plot, to make the swearing to
those Princes odious in the eyes of the people. To this end, they hired
certain women of ill fame, but loud shrill voices, under pretence of
selling fish, to go through the streets, with sieves on their heads, and
cry, "Buy my soul, buy my soul;" plainly insinuating, that all those who
swore to King William, were just ready to sell their souls for an
employment. This cry was revived at the death of Queen Anne, and, I
hear, still continues in London, with great offence to all true
Protestants; but, to our great happiness, seems to be almost dropped in
Dublin.
But, because I altogether contemn the displeasure and resentment of
high-fliers, Tories, and Jacobites, whom I look upon to be worse even
than professed Papists, I do here declare, that those evils which I am
going to mention, were all brought in upon us in the _worst of times_,
under the late Earl of Oxford's administration, during the four last
years of Queen Anne's reign. _That wicked minister was universally known
to be a Papist in his heart. He was of a most avaricious nature, and is
said to have died worth four millions, sterl.[178] besides his vast
expenses in building, statues, gold plate, jewels, and other costly
rarities. He was of a mean obscure birth, from the very dregs of the
people, and so illiterate, that he could hardly read a paper at the
council table. I forbear to touch at his open, profane, profligate life;
because I desire not to rake into the ashes of the dead, and therefore
I shall observe this wise maxim:_ De mortuis nil nisi bonum.
This flagitious man, in order to compass his black designs, employed
certain wicked instruments (which great statesmen are never without) to
adapt several London cries, in such a manner as would best answer his
ends. And, whereas it was upon grounds grievously suspected, that all
places at Court were sold to the highest bidder: Certain women were
employed by his emissaries, to carry fish in baskets on their heads, and
bawl through the streets, "Buy my fresh places." I must, indeed, own
that other women used the same cry, who were innocent of this wicked
design, and really sold their fish of that denomination to get an honest
livelihood; but the rest, who were in the secret, although they carried
fish in their sieves or baskets, to save appearances; yet they had
likewise, a certain sign, somewhat resembling that of the free-masons,
which the purchasers of places knew well enough, and were directed by
the women whither they were to resort, and make their purchase. And, I
remember very well, how oddly it looked, when we observed many gentlemen
finely dressed, about the Court end of the town, and as far as York
Buildings, where the Lord Treasurer Oxford dwelt, calling the women who
cried "Buy my fresh places," and talking to them in the corner of a
street, after they understood each other's sign: But we never could
observe that any fish was bought.
Some years before the cries last mentioned, the Duke of Savoy was
reported to have made certain overtures to the Court of England, for
admitting his eldest son by the Duchess of Orleans's daughter, to
succeed to the Crown, as next heir, upon the Pretender's being rejected,
and that son was immediately to turn Protestant. It was confidently
reported, that great numbers of people disaffected to the then
illustrious but now Royal House of Hanover, were in those measures.
Whereupon another set of women were hired by the Jacobite leaders, to
cry through the whole town, "Buy my Savoys, dainty Savoys, curious
Savoys." But, I cannot directly charge the late Earl of Oxford with this
conspiracy, because he was not then chief Minister. However, the wicked
cry still continues in London, and was brought over hither, where it
remains to this day, and in my humble opinion, a very offensive sound to
every true Protestant, who is old enough to remember those dangerous
times.
During the Ministry of that corrupt and Jacobite earl above-mentioned,
the secret pernicious design of those in power, was to sell Flanders to
France; the consequence of which, must have been the infallible ruin of
the States-General, and would have opened the way for France to obtain
that universal monarchy, after which they have so long aspired; to which
the British dominions must next, after Holland, have been compelled to
submit, and the Protestant religion would be rooted out of the world.
A design of this vast importance, after long consultation among the
Jacobite grandees, with the Earl of Oxford at their head, was at last
determined to be carried on by the same method with the former; it was
therefore again put in practice; but the conduct of it was chiefly left
to chosen men, whose voices were louder and stronger than those of the
other sex. And upon this occasion, was first instituted in London, that
famous cry of "FLOUNDERS." But the criers were particularly
directed to pronounce the word "Flaunders," and not "Flounders." For,
the country which we now by corruption call Flanders, is in its true
orthography spelt Flaunders, as may be obvious to all who read old
English books. I say, from hence begun that thundering cry, which hath
ever since stunned the ears of all London, made so many children fall
into fits, and women miscarry; "Come buy my fresh flaunders, curious
flaunders, charming flaunders, alive, alive, ho;" which last words can
with no propriety of speech be applied to fish manifestly dead, (as I
observed before in herrings and salmon) but very justly to ten
provinces, which contain many millions of living Christians. And the
application is still closer, when we consider that all the people were
to be taken like fishes in a net; and, by assistance of the Pope, who
sets up to be the universal Fisher of Men, the whole innocent nation,
was, according to our common expression, to be "laid as flat as a
flounder."
I remember, myself, a particular crier of flounders in London, who
arrived at so much fame for the loudness of his voice, that he had the
honour to be mentioned upon that account, in a comedy. He hath
disturbed me many a morning, before he came within fifty doors of my
lodging. And although I were not in those days so fully apprized of the
designs, which our common enemy had then in agitation, yet, I know not
how, by a secret impulse, young as I was, I could not forbear conceiving
a strong dislike against the fellow; and often said to myself, "This cry
seems to be forged in the Jesuits' school. Alas, poor England! I am
grievously mistaken if there be not some Popish Plot at the bottom." I
communicated my thoughts to an intimate friend, who reproached me with
being too visionary in my speculations: But, it proved afterwards, that
I conjectured right. And I have often since reflected, that if the
wicked faction could have procured only a thousand men, of as strong
lungs as the fellow I mentioned, none can tell how terrible the
consequences might have been, not only to these two Kingdoms, but over
all Europe, by selling Flanders to France. And yet these cries continue
unpunished, both in London and Dublin, although I confess, not with
equal vehemency or loudness, because the reason for contriving this
desperate plot, is, to our great felicity, wholly ceased.
It is well known, that the majority of the British House of Commons in
the last years of Queen Anne's reign, were in their hearts directly
opposite to the Earl of Oxford's pernicious measures; which put him
under the necessity of bribing them with salaries. Whereupon he had
again recourse to his old politics. And accordingly, his emissaries were
very busy in employing certain artful women of no good life or
conversation, (as it was fully proved before Justice Peyton) to cry that
vegetable commonly called celery, through the town. These women differed
from the common criers of that herb, by some private mark which I could
never learn; but the matter was notorious enough, and sufficiently
talked of, and about the same period was the cry of celery brought over
into this kingdom. But since there is not at this present, the least
occasion to suspect the loyalty of our criers upon that article, I am
content that it may still be tolerated.
I shall mention but one cry more, which hath any reference to politics;
but is indeed, of all others the most insolent, as well as treasonable,
under our present happy Establishment. I mean that of turnups; not of
turnips, according to the best orthography, but absolutely turnups.
Although this cry be of an older date than some of the preceding
enormities, for it began soon after the Revolution; yet was it never
known to arrive at so great a height, as during the Earl of Oxford's
power. Some people, (whom I take to be private enemies) are, indeed, as
ready as myself to profess their disapprobation of this cry, on pretence
that it began by the contrivance of certain old procuresses, who kept
houses of ill-fame, where lewd women met to draw young men into vice.
And this they pretend to prove by some words in the cry; because, after
the crier had bawled out, "Turnups, ho, buy my dainty turnups," he would
sometimes add the two following verses:--
"Turn up the mistress, and turn up the maid,
And turn up the daughter, and be not afraid."
This, say some political sophists, plainly shews that there can be
nothing further meant in this infamous cry, than an invitation to
lewdness, which indeed, ought to be severely punished in all
well-regulated Governments; but cannot be fairly interpreted as a crime
of State. But, I hope, we are not so weak and blind to be deluded at
this time of day, with such poor evasions. I could, if it were proper,
demonstrate the very time when those two verses were composed, and name
the author, who was no other than the famous Mr. Swan, so well known for
his talent at quibbling, and was as virulent a Jacobite as any in
England. Neither could he deny the fact, when he was taxed for it in my
presence by Sir Harry Button-Colt, and Colonel Davenport, at the Smyrna
coffee-house, on the 10th of June, 1701. Thus it appears to a
demonstration, that those verses were only a blind to conceal the most
dangerous designs of that party, who from the first years after the
happy Revolution, used a cant way of talking in their clubs after this
manner: "We hope, to see the cards shuffled once more, and another king
TURN UP trump:" And, "When shall we meet over a dish of
TURNUPS?" The same term of art was used in their plots against
the government, and in their treasonable letters writ in ciphers, and
deciphered by the famous Dr. Wallis, as you may read in the trials of
those times. This I thought fit to set forth at large, and in so clear
a light, because the Scotch and French authors have given a very
different account of the word TURNUP, but whether out of
ignorance or partiality I shall not decree; because I am sure, the
reader is convinced by my discovery. It is to be observed, that this cry
was sung in a particular manner by fellows in disguise, to give notice
where those traitors were to meet, in order to concert their villainous
designs.
I have no more to add upon this article, than an humble proposal, that
those who cry this root at present in our streets of Dublin, may be
compelled by the justices of the peace, to pronounce turnip, and not
turnup; for, I am afraid, we have still too many snakes in our bosom;
and it would be well if their cellars were sometimes searched, when the
owners least expect it; for I am not out of fear that _latet anguis in
herbâ_.
Thus, we are zealous in matters of small moment, while we neglect those
of the highest importance. I have already made it manifest, that all
these cries were contrived in the _worst of times_, under the ministry
of that desperate statesman, Robert, late Earl of Oxford, and for that
very reason ought to be rejected with horror, as begun in the reign of
Jacobites, and may well be numbered among the rags of Popery and
treason: Or if it be thought proper, that these cries must continue,
surely they ought to be only trusted in the hands of true Protestants,
who have given security to the government.
[Having already spoken of many abuses relating to signposts, I cannot
here omit one more, because it plainly relates to politics; and is,
perhaps, of more dangerous consequence than any of the city cries,
because it directly tends to destroy the succession. It is the sign of
his present Majesty King George the Second, to be met with in many
streets; and yet I happen to be not only the first, but the only,
discoverer of this audacious instance of Jacobitism. And I am confident,
that, if the justices of the peace would please to make a strict
inspection, they might find, in all such houses, before which those
signs are hung up in the manner I have observed, that the landlords were
malignant Papists, or, which is worse, notorious Jacobites. Whoever
views those signs, may read, over his Majesty's head, the following
letters and ciphers, G. R. II., which plainly signifies George, King the
Second, and not King George the Second, or George the Second, King; but
laying the point after the letter G, by which the owner of the house
manifestly shews, that he renounces his allegiance to King George the
Second, and allows him to be only the second king, _inuendo_, that the
Pretender is the first king; and looking upon King George to be only a
kind of second king, or viceroy, till the Pretender shall come over and
seize the kingdom. I appeal to all mankind, whether this be a strained
or forced interpretation of the inscription, as it now stands in almost
every street; whether any decipherer would make the least doubt or
hesitation to explain it as I have done; whether any other Protestant
country would endure so public an instance of treason in the capital
city from such vulgar conspirators; and, lastly, whether Papists and
Jacobites of great fortunes and quality may not probably stand behind
the curtain in this dangerous, open, and avowed design against the
government. But I have performed my duty; and leave the reforming of
these abuses to the wisdom, the vigilance, the loyalty, and activity of
my superiors.][179]
A SERIOUS AND USEFUL SCHEME
TO MAKE AN
HOSPITAL FOR INCURABLES.
NOTE.