_1,214,400l._ so much be applied as will entirely discharge the debts of
the nation, and the remainder laid up in the treasury, to supply
contingencies, as well as to discharge some of our heavy taxes, until
the kingdom shall be in a better condition.
But whereas the present set of bishops would be great losers by this
scheme for want of their fines, which would be hard treatment to such
religious, loyal and deserving personages, I have therefore set apart
the other half to supply that defect, which it will more than
sufficiently do.
A bishop's lease for the full term, is reckoned to be worth eleven
years' purchase, but if we take the bishops round, I suppose, there may
be four years of each lease elapsed, and many of the bishops being well
stricken in years, I cannot think their lives round to be worth more
than seven years' purchase; so that the purchasers may very well afford
fifteen years' purchase for the reversion, especially by one great
additional advantage, which I shall soon mention.
This sum of _2,428,800l._ must likewise be sunk very considerably,
because the lands are to be sold only at fifteen years' purchase, and
this lessens the sum to about _1,656,000l._ of which I propose twelve
hundred thousand pounds to be applied partly for the payment of the
national debt, and partly as a fund for future exigencies, and the
remaining _456,000l._ I propose as a fund for paying the present set of
bishops their fines, which it will abundantly do, and a great part
remain as an addition to the public stock.
Although the bishops round do not in reality receive three fines
a-piece, which take up 21 years, yet I allow it to be so; but then I
will suppose them to take but one year's rent, in recompense of giving
them so large a term of life, and thus multiplying _36,800l._ by 3 the
product will be only _110,400l._ so that above three-fourths will remain
to be applied to public use.
If I have made wrong computations, I hope to be excused, as a stranger
to the kingdom, which I never saw till I was called to an employment,
and yet where I intend to pass the rest of my days; but I took care to
get the best information I could, and from the most proper persons;
however, the mistakes I may have been guilty of, will very little affect
the main of my proposal, although they should cause a difference of one
hundred thousand pounds more or less.
These fines, are only to be paid to the bishop during his incumbency in
the same see; if he changeth it for a better, the purchasers of the
vacant see lands, are to come immediately into possession of the see he
hath left, and both the bishop who is removed, and he who comes into his
place, are to have no more fines, for the removed bishop will find his
account by a larger revenue; and the other see will find candidates
enough. For the law maxim will here have place, that _caveat_, &c. I
mean the persons who succeed may choose whether they will accept or no.
As to the purchasers, they will probably be tenants to the see, who are
already in possession, and can afford to give more than any other
bidders.
I will further explain myself. If a person already a bishop, be removed
into a richer see, he must be content with the bare revenues, without
any fines, and so must he who comes into a bishopric vacant by death:
And this will bring the matter sooner to bear; which if the Crown shall
think fit to countenance, will soon change the present set of bishops,
and consequently encourage purchasers of their lands. For example, If a
Primate should die, and the gradation be wisely made, almost the whole
set of bishops might be changed in a month, each to his great advantage,
although no fines were to be got, and thereby save a great part of that
sum which I have appropriated towards supplying the deficiency of fines.
I have valued the bishops' lands two years' purchase above the usual
computed rate, because those lands will have a sanction from the King
and Council in England, and be confirmed by an Act of Parliament here;
besides, it is well known, that higher prices are given every day, for
worse lands, at the remotest distances, and at rack rents, which I take
to be occasioned by want of trade, when there are few borrowers, and the
little money in private hands lying dead, there is no other way to
dispose of it but in buying of land, which consequently makes the owners
hold it so high.
Besides paying the nation's debts, the sale of these lands would have
many other good effects upon the nation; it will considerably increase
the number of gentry, where the bishops' tenants are not able or willing
to purchase; for the lands will afford an hundred gentlemen a good
revenue to each; several persons from England will probably be glad to
come over hither, and be the buyers, rather than give thirty years'
purchase at home, under the loads of taxes for the public and the poor,
as well as repairs, by which means much money may be brought among us,
and probably some of the purchasers themselves may be content to live
cheap in a worse country, rather than be at the charge of exchange and
agencies, and perhaps of non-solvencies in absence, if they let their
lands too high.
This proposal will also multiply farmers, when the purchasers will have
lands in their own power, to give long and easy leases to industrious
husbandmen.
I have allowed some bishoprics of equal income to be of more or less
value to the purchaser, according as they are circumstanced. For
instance, The lands of the primacy and some other sees, are let so low,
that they hardly pay a fifth penny of the real value to the bishop, and
there the fines are the greater. On the contrary, the sees of Meath and
Clonfert, consisting, as I am told, much of tithes, those tithes are
annually let to the tenants without any fines. So the see of Dublin is
said to have many fee-farms which pay no fines, and some leases for
lives which pay very little, and not so soon nor so duly.
I cannot but be confident, that their Graces my Lords the Archbishops,
and my Lords the Bishops will heartily join in this proposal, out of
gratitude to his late and present Majesty, the best of Kings, who have
bestowed such high and opulent stations, as well as in pity to this
country which is now become their own; whereby they will be instrumental
towards paying the nation's debts, without impoverishing themselves,
enrich an hundred gentlemen, as well as free them from dependence, and
thus remove that envy which is apt to fall upon their Graces and
Lordships from considerable persons, whose birth and fortunes rather
qualify them to be lords of manors, than servile dependants upon
Churchmen however dignified or distinguished.
If I do not flatter myself, there could not be any law more popular than
this; for the immediate tenants to bishops, being some of them persons
of quality, and good estates, and more of them grown up to be gentlemen
by the profits of these very leases, under a succession of bishops,
think it a disgrace to be subject both to rents and fines, at the
pleasure of their landlords. Then the bulk of the tenants, especially
the dissenters, who are our loyal Protestant brethren, look upon it both
as an unnatural and iniquitous thing that bishops should be owners of
land at all; (wherein I beg to differ from them) being a point so
contrary to the practice of the Apostles, whose successors they are
deemed to be, and who although they were contented that land should be
sold, for the common use of the brethren, yet would not buy it
themselves, but had it laid at their feet, to be distributed to poor
proselytes.
I will add one word more, that by such a wholesome law, all the
oppressions felt by under-tenants of Church leases, which are now laid
on by the bishops would entirely be prevented, by their Graces and
Lordships consenting to have their lands sold for payment of the
nation's debts, reserving only the present rent for their own plentiful
and honourable support.
I beg leave to add one particular, that, when heads of a Bill (as I find
the style runs in this kingdom) shall be brought in for forming this
proposal into a law; I should humbly offer that there might be a power
given to every bishop (except those who reside in Dublin) for applying
one hundred acres of profitable land that lies nearest to his palace, as
a demesne for the conveniency of his family.
I know very well, that this scheme hath been much talked of for some
time past, and is in the thoughts of many patriots, neither was it
properly mine, although I fell readily into it, when it was first
communicated to me.
Though I am almost a perfect stranger in this kingdom, yet since I have
accepted an employment here, of some consequence as well as profit, I
cannot but think myself in duty bound to consult the interest of a
people, among whom I have been so well received. And if I can be any way
instrumental towards contributing to reduce this excellent proposal into
a law which being not in the least injurious to England, will, I am
confident, meet with no opposition from that side, my sincere endeavours
to serve this Church and kingdom will be well rewarded.
A CASE SUBMITTED BY DEAN SWIFT TO MR. LINDSAY, COUNSELLOR AT LAW.[172]
A. B. agent for J. S. comes to desire J. S. to sign an assignment of a
lease in order to be registered for the security of _38l._ J. S. asks
A. B. to show him the lease A. B. says he left it at home. J. S. asks the
said A. B. how many years of the lease are unexpired? what rent the
tenant pays, and how much below the rack value? and what number of acres
there are upon the farm? To each of which questions the agent A. B.
answers categorically, that he cannot tell, and that he did not think J.
would ask him such questions. The said A. B. was asked how he came two
years after the lease was assigned, and not sooner, to have it
registered. A. B. answers, that he could not sue till the assignment.
Query, Whether the said agent A. B. made any one answer like a man of
business?
AN
EXAMINATION
OF
CERTAIN ABUSES, CORRUPTIONS, AND ENORMITIES
IN THE CITY OF DUBLIN.
NOTE.
Like many of Swift's satirical writings the title of this tract is
no indication to its subject-matter. Whatever "abuses, corruptions
and enormities" may have been rife in the city of Dublin in Swift's
time, the pamphlet which follows certainly throws no light on them.
It is in no sense a social document. But it is a very amusing and
excellent piece of jeering at the fancied apprehensions that were
rife about the Pretender, the "disaffected" people, and the
Jacobites. It is aimed at the Whigs, who were continually using the
party cries of "No Popery," "Jacobitism," and the other cognate
expressions to distress their political opponents. At the same
time, these cries had their effects, and created a great deal of
mischief. The Roman Catholics, in particular, were cruelly treated
because of the anxiety for the Protestant succession, and among the
lower tradesmen, for whom such cries would be of serious meaning, a
petty persecution against their Roman Catholic fellow-tradesmen
continually prevailed. Monck Mason draws attention to some curious
instances. (See his "History of St. Patrick's Cathedral," p. 399,
note y.)
In the "Journals of the Irish House of Commons" (vol. ii., p. 77)
is the record of a petition presented in the year 1695, by the
Protestant porters of the city of Dublin, against one Darby Ryan,
"a papist and notoriously disaffected." This Ryan was complained of
for employing those of his own persuasion and affection to carry a
cargo of coals he had bought, to his own customers. The petitioners
complained that they, Protestants, were "debased and hindered from
their small trade and gains." Another set of petitioners was the
drivers of hackney coaches. They complained that, "before the late
trouble, they got a livelihood by driving coaches in and about the
city of Dublin, but since that time, so many papists had got
coaches, and drove them with such ordinary horses, that the
petitioners could hardly get bread.... They therefore prayed the
house that none but Protestant hackney-coachmen may have liberty to
keep and drive hackney-coaches." Swift may have had these instances
in his mind when he urges that the criers who cry their wares in
Dublin should be True Protestants, and should give security to the
government for permission to cry.
In a country where such absurd complaints could be seriously
presented, and as seriously considered, a genuine apprehension must
have existed. The Whigs in making capital out of this existing
feeling stigmatized their Tory opponents as High Churchmen, and
therefore very little removed from Papists, and therefore
Jacobites. Of course there were no real grounds for such epithets,
but they indulged in them nevertheless, with the addition of
insinuations and suggestions--no insinuation being too feeble or
too far-fetched so long as it served.
Swift, writing in the person of a Whig, affects extreme anxiety for
the most ridiculous of signs, and finds a Papist, or a Jacobite,
or a disaffected person, in the least likely of places. The tract,
in this light, is a really amusing piece. Swift takes the
opportunity also to hit Walpole, under a pretended censure of his
extravagance, corruption, and avarice.
* * * * *
The text here given of this tract is based on that of the original
edition issued in Dublin in 1732. The last paragraph, however, does
not appear in that edition, and is reprinted here from Scott.
[T. S.]
AN
EXAMINATION
OF CERTAIN
_Abuses, Corruptions,_
AND
_ENORMITIES_
IN THE
City of _DUBLIN_.
[Illustration]
_Dublin_: Printed in the Year 1732.
Nothing is held more commendable in all great cities, especially the
metropolis of a kingdom, than what the French call the police; by which
word is meant the government thereof, to prevent the many disorders
occasioned by great numbers of people and carriages, especially through
narrow streets. In this government our famous City of Dublin is said to
be very defective, and universally complained of. Many wholesome laws
have been enacted to correct those abuses, but are ill executed; and
many more are wanting, which I hope the united wisdom of the nation
(whereof so many good effects have already appeared this session) will
soon take into their most profound consideration.
As I have been always watchful over the good of mine own country, and
particularly for that of our renowned city, where (_absit invidia_) I
had the honour to draw my first breath[173]; I cannot have a minute's
ease or patience to forbear enumerating some of the greatest enormities,
abuses, and corruptions, spread almost through every part of Dublin; and
proposing such remedies as, I hope, the legislature will approve of.
The narrow compass to which I have confined myself in this paper, will
allow me only to touch at the most important defects, and such as I
think seem to require the most speedy redress.
And first, perhaps there was never known a wiser institution than that
of allowing certain persons of both sexes, in large and populous cities,
to cry through the streets many necessaries of life; it would be endless
to recount the conveniences which our city enjoys by this useful
invention, and particularly strangers, forced hither by business, who
reside here but a short time; for, these having usually but little
money, and being wholly ignorant of the town, might at an easy price
purchase a tolerable dinner, if the several criers would pronounce the
names of the goods they have to sell, in any tolerable language. And
therefore till our law-makers shall think it proper to interpose so far
as to make these traders pronounce their words in such terms, that a
plain Christian hearer may comprehend what is cried, I would advise all
new comers to look out at their garret windows, and there see whether
the thing that is cried be tripes or flummery, butter-milk or cow-heels.
For, as things are now managed, how is it possible for an honest
countryman, just arrived, to find out what is meant, for instance, by
the following words, with which his ears are constantly stunned twice a
day, "Mugs, jugs and porringers, up in the garret, and down in the
cellar." I say, how is it possible for any stranger to understand that
this jargon is meant as an invitation to buy a farthing's worth of milk
for his breakfast or supper, unless his curiosity draws him to the
window, or till his landlady shall inform him. I produce this only as
one instance, among a hundred much worse, I mean where the words make a
sound wholly inarticulate, which give so much disturbance, and so little
information.
The affirmation solemnly made in the cry of herrings, is directly
against all truth and probability, "Herrings alive, alive here." The
very proverb will convince us of this; for what is more frequent in
ordinary speech, than to say of some neighbour for whom the passing-bell
rings, that he is dead as a herring. And, pray how is it possible, that
a herring, which as philosophers observe, cannot live longer than one
minute, three seconds and a half out of water, should bear a voyage in
open boats from Howth to Dublin, be tossed into twenty hands, and
preserve its life in sieves for several hours. Nay, we have witnesses
ready to produce, that many thousands of these herrings, so impudently
asserted to be alive, have been a day and a night upon dry land. But
this is not the worst. What can we think of those impious wretches, who
dare in the face of the sun, vouch the very same affirmative of their
salmon, and cry, "Salmon alive, alive;" whereas, if you call the woman
who cries it, she is not ashamed to turn back her mantle, and shew you
this individual salmon cut into a dozen pieces. I have given good advice
to these infamous disgracers of their sex and calling, without the least
appearance of remorse, and fully against the conviction of their own
consciences. I have mentioned this grievance to several of our parish
ministers, but all in vain; so that it must continue until the
government shall think fit to interpose.
There is another cry, which, from the strictest observation I can make,
appears to be very modern, and it is that of sweethearts,[174] and is
plainly intended for a reflection upon the female sex, as if there were
at present so great a dearth of lovers, that the women instead of
receiving presents from men, were now forced to offer money, to purchase
sweethearts. Neither am I sure, that the cry doth not glance at some
disaffection against the government; insinuating, that while so many of
our troops are engaged in foreign service, and such a great number of
our gallant officers constantly reside in England, the ladies are forced
to take up with parsons and attorneys: But, this is a most unjust
reflection, as may soon be proved by any person who frequents the
Castle, our public walks, our balls and assemblies, where the crowds of
_toupees_[175] were never known to swarm as they do at present.
There is a cry, peculiar to this City, which I do not remember to have
been used in London, or at least, not in the same terms that it has been
practised by both parties, during each of their power; but, very
unjustly by the Tories. While these were at the helm, they grew daily
more and more impatient to put all true Whigs and Hanoverians out of
employments. To effect which, they hired certain ordinary fellows, with
large baskets on their shoulders, to call aloud at every house, "Dirt to
carry out;" giving that denomination to our whole party, as if they
would signify, that the kingdom could never be cleansed, till we were
swept from the earth like rubbish. But, since that happy turn of times,
when we were so miraculously preserved by just an inch, from Popery,
slavery, massacre, and the Pretender, I must own it prudence in us,
still to go on with the same cry, which hath ever since been so
effectually observed, that the true political dirt is wholly removed,
and thrown on its proper dunghills, there to corrupt, and be no more
heard of.
But, to proceed to other enormities: Every person who walks the streets,
must needs observe the immense number of human excrements at the doors
and steps of waste houses, and at the sides of every dead wall; for
which the disaffected party have assigned a very false and malicious
cause. They would have it, that these heaps were laid there privately by
British fundaments, to make the world believe, that our Irish vulgar do
daily eat and drink; and, consequently, that the clamour of poverty
among us, must be false, proceeding only from Jacobites and Papists.
They would confirm this, by pretending to observe, that a British anus
being more narrowly perforated than one of our own country; and many of
these excrements upon a strict view appearing copple crowned, with a
point like a cone or pyramid, are easily distinguished from the
Hibernian, which lie much flatter, and with lest continuity. I
communicated this conjecture to an eminent physician, who is well versed
in such profound speculations; and at my request was pleased to make
trial with each of his fingers, by thrusting them into the anus of
several persons of both nations, and professed he could find no such
difference between them as those ill-disposed people allege. On the
contrary, he assured me, that much the greater number of narrow cavities
were of Hibernian origin. This I only mention to shew how ready the
Jacobites are to lay hold of any handle to express their malice against
the government. I had almost forgot to add, that my friend the physician
could, by smelling each finger, distinguish the Hibernian excrement from
the British, and was not above twice mistaken in an hundred experiments;
upon which he intends very soon to publish a learned dissertation.
There is a diversion in this City, which usually begins among the
butchers, but is often continued by a succession of other people,
through many streets. It is called the COSSING of a dog; and I may
justly number it among our corruptions. The ceremony is this: A strange
dog happens to pass through a flesh-market; whereupon an expert butcher
immediately cries in a loud voice, and the proper tone, "Coss, coss,"
several times: The same word is repeated by the people. The dog, who
perfectly understands the terms of art, and consequently the danger he
is in, immediately flies. The people, and even his own brother animals
pursue; the pursuit and cry attend him perhaps half a mile; he is well
worried in his flight, and sometimes hardly escapes. This, our
ill-wishers of the Jacobite kind, are pleased to call a persecution; and
affirm, that it always falls upon dogs of the Tory principle. But, we
can well defend ourselves, by justly alleging that when they were
uppermost, they treated our dogs full as inhumanly: As to my own part,
who have in former times often attended these processions, although I
can very well distinguish between a Whig and Tory dog, yet I never
carried my resentments very far upon a party principle, except it were
against certain malicious dogs, who most discovered their malice against
us in the _worst of times_.[176] And, I remember too well, that in the
wicked ministry of the Earl of Oxford, a large mastiff of our party
being unmercifully cossed, ran, without thinking, between my legs, as I
was coming up Fishamble Street; and, as I am of low stature, with very
short legs, bore me riding backwards down the hill, for above two
hundred yards: And, although I made use of his tail for a bridle,
holding it fast with both my hands, and clung my legs as close to his
sides as I could, yet we both came down together into the middle of the
kennel; where after rolling three or four times over each other, I got
up with much ado, amid the shouts and huzzas of a thousand malicious
Jacobites: I cannot, indeed, but gratefully acknowledge, that for this
and many other services and sufferings, I have been since more than
over-paid.
This adventure may, perhaps, have put me out of love with the diversions
of cossing, which I confess myself an enemy to, unless we could always
be sure of distinguishing Tory dogs; whereof great numbers have since
been so prudent, as entirely to change their principles, and are now
justly esteemed the best worriers of their former friends.