|@ | @ || _Brevitys._ | _BAUBLES._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| F || @ Kold @ more | |
| 2| S ||so @ now thrash @ |About the hardest condishun |
| 3| G ||beans @ very @ |ov life to sustain, iz one ov |
| 4| M ||kolder > Betsey -: |respektable poverty. |
| 5| T ||Mitchell @ born @ | |
| 6| W ||1842 @ kold @ | * * * * * |
| 7| T ||continues @ @ Betsey | |
| 8| F ||Mitchell -: had @ | |
| 9| S ||a @ cork leg < |Thare are folks who kant bear |
|10| G ||@ kolder @ still ¶ |to do enny thing unless thare iz a |
|11| M ||@ now smite @ |commishun in it, if they subskribe |
|12| T ||wood @ wind west § |a thousand dollars for bilding a |
|13| W ||Hank Brewster @ |church, they want 10 per cent off |
|14| T ||died 1796 @ snow |for cash. |
|15| F ||@ falls @ Hank @ | |
|16| S ||Brewster § died a @ | * * * * * |
|17| G || | |
|18| M ||@ lazyness @ kold @ | |
|19| T ||waxes § now the @ |The man who kant find enny |
|20| W ||hornet is hush § sum |thing to do, gennerally hunts with |
|21| T ||more snow * whiske |grate caushun. |
|22| F ||iz a tonick = very ¶ | |
|23| S ||kold @ now pla kards | * * * * * |
|24| G ||it thaws @ Lazarus | |
|25| M ||died poor @ sighns | |
|26| T ||ov snow @ now @ |Buty has won menny a viktory |
|27| W ||renew notes @ more |but seldum has suckceeded in |
|28| T ||snow @ keep calm. |keeping it long. |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_K._
_Kontentment_ iz not one ov mi strong holts, i never am kontented unless
i am fast asleep. If i could hav mi choice, to be thoroly kontented with
things az i find them in this world, or be a Rockaway klam, i would be
the klam.
_L._
_Luv_ iz a game for young folks to pla at, but when a man gits az old,
and az homely az i am, and takes a hand at it, he iz sure to git ukered.
If ten waz the game, Cupid could giv an old phellow seven points, and
then beat him badly.
_M._
_Milk Puntch_ iz a fluid that i do luv extrornary well, and aint ashamed
to oun it. But whether it iz the milk in it, or the puntch in it, that
suits me so well, i aint obliged to tell. Human natur iz weak yu kno,
and needs a little puntching up, in a hot day.
_N._
_Nonsense_ iz one ov mi prinsipal weaknesses, i luv it in any shape, but
az quails on toast improve the quails, and dont hurt the toast, so i
prefer to hav mi nonsense bilt on sense. Good nonsense iz one ov the
rarest artikles in the literary bazaar, and allwuss commands admirashun,
and fetches a good price.
_SQUIBS._
Human beings are natral slovens, yu hav got to hold a yung one tight to
wash hiz face the fust time, and to comb hiz hair, yu hav acktually got
to run him down.
* * * * *
The man who haint never bin cheated, dont kno so mutch az he will sum
day before long perhaps.
31 Days. MARCH. 1878.
[Illustration]
_Then he iz harnesst, and broke,
A hard task indeed,
And, handled quite gently,
To draw out his speed._
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
|@ | @ || _Brevitys._ | _BAGATELLES._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| F || @ Windy :- now |An illustrious pedigree iz a |
| 2| S || hunt for @ maple |risky possesshun, the world wont |
| 3| G ||sugar @ :- mutch @ |kompare you with yure peers, nor |
| 4| M || @ wind @ Jabez x |with yureself, but are all the time |
| 5| T || Brown @ run @ |striking a ballance between you, |
| 6| W || away @ 1840:- it |and yure ded grandfather |
| 7| T ||@ rains -: Jabez @ | |
| 8| F || @ run @ away | * * * * * |
| 9| S || with (@) Suzan @ | |
|10| G || @ Fletcter + now |A _ded beat_ iz a natural born |
|11| M || > the frog @ |hipokrit, he haz kapasity enuff to |
|12| T || @ ! yells ! @ |make him respektable, but the |
|13| W || @ windy @ some @ |devil holds a fust mortgage on |
|14| T || haste @ makes @ |it. |
|15| F ||@ waste ( ! ) rain | |
|16| S || @ and @ wind | * * * * * |
|17| G || @ now = fri @ | |
|18| M || nutcakes @ sum * |A careless man in a family iz |
|19| T || @ more @ wind = |simply a noosance, but a sluttish |
|20| W ||† Joel † Sprauge † |woman iz wuss than a blister. |
|21| T || @ marrid 1400 > | |
|22| F || wind @ nor west @ | * * * * * |
|23| S || now @ murder @ | |
|24| G || @ kats @ more |I hav finally got to that |
|25| M || :: wind @ buty |point whare I aint very posative |
|26| T || @ for @ ashes < |ov what other people kno, and |
|27| W ||+ wind * howleth :: |aint at all certain ov what I kno |
|28| T || @ sow @ peas @ |miself. |
|29| F || @ more @ wind @ | |
|30| S || > go @ slow @ | |
|31| G || | |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_THE CENTAUR._
The centaur iz not an Amerikan, but blooms in the land far away to the
eastward, whare the muskeeto iz unknown, and whare the pensiv kokroach
putteth in no appearance. He is haff horse, and haff sum other phellow,
and hunts for fun, and sumthing to eat. He haz got a hed on him like
Demostheneze ov old, and wears hiz hair short in front, but flooded down
on hiz nek, and over hiz shoulders, like a growth ov yung hop vines, in
a hot house. Hiz instrument iz a bo, and arro, and he kan assassinate
the stupendous elephant 440 yards distant, or pik a single feather off
from the top ov a humming birds hed on the fly The centaur allwuss hunts
on horsebak, and leads a free and cheap life. When in the ackt ov
shooting the vast elephant, or the remorseless tiger, hiz hed iz thrown
finely bak, hiz eye gleams like a lost jewell, hiz hair quivers like an
aspen leaf, courage smiles in hiz face, hiz breast grows wider, and the
muscles in hiz arm hang down like hornets' nests, hiz tale whips the
air, and hiz hooffs ov steel ring on the turf. I hav et plain hash
untill i am tired ov it, and would like no better phun than to mount a
centaur, without enny bridle on him, and with a mermaid in front ov me,
and a ghost behind, take a free, and rekless ride, a ride ov genius, to
the ends ov the earth. But I suppoze I should git sik ov this, in a day,
or two, and want to ride sumthing else.
_IMPS._
Poverty haz been called safe, but poverty even, haz got to lock up its
mouldy bread, and cheeze, or loze it.
* * * * *
Honesty iz the rarerest welth enny one kan possess, and yet all the
honesty in the world, aint lawful tender for a loaf ov bread.
30 Days. APRIL. 1878.
_When he reaches six years,
He iz called a full horse,
And iz thought fit to trot,
For a puss on the course._
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
|@ | @ || _Brevitys._ | _REVOLVERS._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| M || @ Soft weather |He who haz nothing to do in |
| 2| T || the dandylion @ |this world but to amuze himself, |
| 3| W || cometh @ warm |haz got the hardest job on hand I |
| 4| T || rain :: now the @ |kno ov. |
| 5| F || robin = skreameth | |
| 6| S || @sum@ more @ | * * * * * |
| 7| G || softness @ Bill | |
| 8| M || Baxter @ sprained |Thare iz nothing that yu and I, |
| 9| T || @ hiz = ankle :: |make so menny blunders about, |
|10| W || 1836= it rains @ |and the world so few, az the |
|11| T || @ Venuss waz @ |aktual amount ov our importance. |
|12| F || @ the @ goddess @ | |
|13| S || ov buty @ bright < | * * * * * |
|14| G || day @ @ now chuck | |
|15| M || @ in @ onion @ |The fust thing a man duz in |
|16| T || seed @ @ mild @ |the morning, iz to feel for hiz |
|17| W || @ and @ pretty @ |pocket-book, and the fust thing |
|18| T || @ Ben Franklin :: |a woman duz, iz to see if the |
|19| F || = iz ded :: mutch |looking glass iz all right. |
|20| S || rain = @ now = | |
|21| G || @ fish @ for @ | * * * * * |
|22| M || suckers = wind | |
|23| T || @ southy @ by @ |He who works for notoriety |
|24| W || @ south < Bacchus |had rather be insulted, than not |
|25| T || waz a winebibber @ |be notissed at all. |
|26| F || @ soft @ rain @ | |
|27| S || @ Sam @ Perkins> | |
|28| G || :-died 1813 @ hot | |
|29| M ||the violet iz here!! | |
|30| T || | |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_THE AUCKSHIONEER._
The auckshioneer iz an unfortunate individual who duz other peoples
lieing for 10 dollars a day, and boards himself. He haz got az mutch jaw
az a wolf trap, and as mutch cheeck az a 10 year old mule. He takes up
the profeshun quite often on the same principle that a horse doktor duz
hiz, not bekause he iz fit for the bizzness, but just to hav one in the
naborhood. His gratest pride iz to mingle what he calls humor with hiz
talk when he iz on the block, but hiz jokes are gennerally az level az a
kold slapjax. He iz at the hight ov hiz ambishun when he haz worried a
laff out ov the bistanders, and uses the same rhetorick, and similees,
when he sells out a line ov bank securitys, that he duz, when he closes
out an old one-eyed pelter, under a chattell mortgage, in frunt ov the
kourt house. A kuntry auckshioneer, and a kuntry horse jockey, are two
wonderphull cusses, in the rural deestrikts. I hav been an auckshioneer
and kno what i am talking about.
_THE OLD MAID._
The old maid iz the last gooseberry left on the bush, ded ripe, and
reddy to fall off at the fust good shake. She iz sumtimes a leetle hard
to suit, but iz quite often the most charming relick in the naborhood.
Next to mothers in law, old maids hav been abuzed more than enny thing
human, but they all ov them hav a warm spot in their hearts, that enny
decent person iz welkum to krawl into, and sun themselfs.
_BLISTERS._
Too mutch attenshun to little things spiles a man for bigger ones, I kno
a fellow who kan make a fust rate whissell out ov a pigs tail, and this
iz all he kan do.
* * * * *
Wit, in a woman, kan never replace the want ov buty.
[Illustration]
About the hardest thing a fellow kan do, iz to spark 2
girls at one time, and preserve a good average =
Try it. Josh Billings
[Illustration]
I dont insist upon pedigree for a man, or horse--if a horse kan trot
fasst. and honest, the pedigree iz all right, if he kant, i wouldn't
giv a shilling a yard for hiz pedigree.= so, Josh Billings
31 Days. MAY. 1878.
[Illustration]
_Five years ov fasst work,
He iz bunged up, and done,
Knee sprung, and spavined,
Hiz spirit iz gone._
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
|@ | @ || _Brevitys._ | _COBWEBS._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| W || @ Butiful May ! | |
| 2| T || air @ softly @ | The happiest people after all, |
| 3| F || @ now churn @ | are thoze who are worked the |
| 4| S || butter @ rainy @ | the hardest, and fed the best. |
| 5| G || @ Mose Sherman @ | |
| 6| M || @ born 1792 @ | |
| 7| T || @ wind @ fitful @ | * * * * * |
| 8| W || @ Mose Sherman * | |
| 9| T || + waz a tinker @ | Thare iz sum men who hav so |
|10| F || @ soft day @ | little bakbone that you kant help |
|11| S || now bury beans @ | them, you mite as well undertake |
|12| G || @ warm @ rain = | to stand an angleworm up on |
|13| M || | end, and ask him to dance a jig. |
|14| T || @ the @ way @ ov @ | |
|15| W || * the transgressor @ | |
|16| T || iz hard @ gentle @ | * * * * * |
|17| F || weather @ @ now | |
|18| S || the old @ hen @ | |
|19| G || @ kakleth @ | If you give a beggar nine dollars, |
|20| M || more @ weather * | at different times, and then |
|21| T || Juno @ waz @ the @ | refuse him the tenth, he will sware |
|22| W || @ wife ov Jupiter @ | you have cheated him out of it. |
|23| T || @ bright and @ | |
|24| F || butiful @ now | |
|25| S || * insert @ corn @ | * * * * * |
|26| G || @ Abram North @ | |
|27| M || @ killed @ 1819 @ | |
|28| T || pretty day * Abram | One haff the trubbles ov this |
|29| W || was stung to @ | life kan be traced to saying |
|30| T || dethness bi hornets | "Yes" too quick, and not saying |
|31| F || allass!! allass!!! | "No" soon enuff. |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_INDISKRIMINATE HINTS._
I receaved a circular yesterday inviting me to buy a ticket in a gift
distrubiting skeme, i didn't invest, i hav often bought into theze
magnificent chances, and all that i hav ever drawed yet, waz the wool
over mi eyes. A cow that will leak 18 quarts of milk per diem iz a good
one, but one that will flow 30, iz better. This may look like an
assershun ov mine, but the more yu look into it, the more milk yu will
diskover. Thare aint but fu cows that will giv 30 quarts ov milk a day
unless yu irrigate it well. I kant say if it will pay yu to keep a cow,
or not, yu kan buy a "_Readdy Reckoner_," at enny ov the book stores,
for 75 cents, and they tell all about theze things. If i waz called upon
to advise a Mother in law, i should tell her never to suggest enny thing
in the family at all, if she sees the babys stockings agin the stove,
burning up, let them burn, if she sees the kat stealing kream, off from
the top ov the milk kans, let her steal, if thare iz enny thing lost,
and the whole household are hunting for it, and she knows right whare it
iz, keep mum, and let them hunt. I kant tell whitch iz the best breed ov
lap dogs, all i kno about the diffrent breeds iz that the whole lot are
a kussid shame, and noosance. Rats are very growthy, so growthy, that yu
dont need but one good helthy rat to commence operations with, and in
three years, yu will hav rats to spare.
_WAIFS._
Next to going barefoot, for solid cumfort, cums an old shoe.
* * * * *
I beleave in ghosts,--only a little,--just ennff to keep up an
assortment.
30 Days. JUNE. 1878.
[Illustration]
_Now to a street kar,
Staggering he goes,
Receiving for pay,
Only curses and blows._
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
|@ | @ || _Brevitys._ | _FRIZZLE._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| S ||@ warm hotness |About all us old fellows kan do |
| 2| G ||@ June bugs @ |to enny advantage, iz to nuss our |
| 3| M ||@ are here @ leafy |rumatizz quietly in sum corner, |
| 4| T ||weather @ John |and guess, that it iz a going to |
| 5| W ||Bigg deceased @ 913 |rain tommorow, or that it aint. |
| 6| T ||@ warm and wet @ | |
| 7| F ||@ John Bigg @ | * * * * * |
| 8| S ||@ operated in @ | |
| 9| G ||@ klams @ hotter |Military taktiks are a good thing |
|10| M ||@ now @ the @ |to fite injuns with, when the |
|11| T ||kokroach @runneth |injuns are 65 miles off, but when |
|12| W ||bright and liquid @ |the fite cums, yu want to kill the |
|13| T ||@ now prepare for @ |injuns fust, and then alter the |
|14| F ||rain @ thou shalt @ |case to fit the taktiks. |
|15| S ||not steal @ sum @ | |
|16| G ||wind @ now egg | * * * * * |
|17| M ||@ hens @ for @ | |
|18| T || | |
|19| W ||chickens @ wind sow |A woman never iz more happy |
|20| T ||bi @ sow-east @ |than when she haz four men |
|21| F ||@ Vulcan @ was @ |waiting on her all to once, but |
|22| S ||@ a blak @ smith |more than one woman fussing |
|23| G ||@ warmer @ all @ |over a man at the same time, |
|24| M ||natur @ jumps @ |makes him feel dredphull unsartin. |
|25| T ||@ hot @ Sam @ | |
|26| W ||@ Burbanks born @ | * * * * * |
|27| T ||1812 @ hotsum | |
|28| F ||rain @ Sam playd |Thare iz nothing will demoralize |
|29| S ||the juice @ harp |a man fasster, than to git into |
|30| G ||mutch growthy |the habit ov doing hous work. |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_TWO LETTERS._
_Dear Laubenhimer._--I dont know who writ "_Babes in the Woods_," but
who ever did, hit natur. I hav forgot now the diagnosis ov the book, all
i kan remember iz, i red it when i waz a boy, and i bought one 25 years
after that for mi son, and only last week, bought another for mi
grandson, and when he grows up to be a man, and iz wed, and haz results,
he will buy it for hiz children. Robinson Kruso, Jak the Giant Killer,
and babes in the woods, will wear az long az allminaxes will. I dont kno
az thare iz a partikle ov bible truth in them, but they are so
wonderphull, that if they didn't never cum to pass, it seems az tho they
ought to.
* * * * *
_Dear Onderdonk._--Thare iz only one way to brake a kiking heifer, and
that iz, to stop her growth bi deth. When a heifer gits to kiking, the
smartest mishionary in the world kant console her, she will kik over her
own mother, just az liberally az she will a perfekt stranger.
They will allways manage to stand middling still untill yu git the pail
just about full, and then for fear they wont hit it, they will kik with
both feet to oust, and squeal into the bargain. After they hav kikt the
milk over, they are perfektly resighned, and will stand and chew their
kud, and let yu milk them for two hours if yu want to.
_BUOYS._
The fust man that waz murdered in this world waz the only pure one
living at that time.
* * * * *
I like to see all things true to natur, even a hornet that kant sting,
is a melankolly failure.
31 Days. JULY. 1878.
[Illustration]
_Next to a kart,
He plods, and he moans,
A skeleton phantom,
A mere rak ov bones._
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
|@ | @ || _Brevitys._ | _WATCHWORDS._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| M ||@ Grate @ |A good landlord haz no publik |
| 2| T ||a warmness @ |opinyun ov his own, when called |
| 3| W ||@ now the @ |upon to decide between two ov |
| 4| T ||@ hopper grass @ |hiz boarders, he takes them one |
| 5| F ||@ laffeth @ sum @ |side seperately, and tells each ov |
| 6| S ||more hot @ Pan |them, what a kussid phool the |
| 7| G ||@ waz @ a shephard @ |other fellow is making ov himself. |
| 8| M ||@ more heat @ | |
| 9| T ||@ Fred Munson @ | * * * * * |
|10| W ||@ broke his@ @ | |
|11| T ||@ arm @ 1386 @ |The man who iz anxious to liv |
|12| F ||@ thunder and @ |hiz life over again, iz proberbly |
|13| S ||@ litening @ now |more ov a spekulator at heart, |
|14| G ||the ram butteth @ |than a philosopher or a christian. |
|15| M ||@ growing hot @ | |
|16| T ||now probe @ for @ | * * * * * |
|17| W ||ice kream @ more | |
|18| T ||@ thunder @ |Total depravity iz a hard thing |
|19| F ||@ multiplikashun @ |for me to believe, but i must say, |
|20| S ||table diskovered @ |that i often meet cases that |
|21| G ||826 @ now twitch |wouldn't pay more than 5 per |
|22| M ||lettiss @ more @ |cent for rektifying. |
|23| T ||heaty @ Jane | |
|24| W ||@ Ferguson @ @ | * * * * * |
|25| T ||vamosed @ 1840 | |
|26| F ||@ hot @ abates @ |A "Cuss" iz a kritter who iz |
|27| S ||Jane vamosed @ |just a little more respektabel than |
|28| G ||with @ one Sam @ |a loafer, and just a little less |
|29| M ||Peters @ it rains @@ |dangerous than a renegade. |
|30| T ||@ sich iz life @ | |
|31| W || | |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_THE RHINOSSEROSS AND THE VIOLET._
The rhinosseross iz strikly a forrin invenshun, and i am glad ov it.
They are a one horned experiment, and that horn grows on the tip ov
their nose. If they are haff az unhappy az they look, they are the most
mizerable kritters ever invented. Their great value is in their
skarsity, if they waz az plenty az organ grinders, they wouldn't be enny
more of a luxury. If i waz offered mi choice between a rhinosseross, and
an anakondy, i should figger on them cluss, for a fortnight, and then
refuse to take either.
_THE VIOLET._
Little blu eyed innocent, i saw yu one year ago, this very day, in this
same cold, and sunless spot, (perhaps it mite hav been yure sister) far
away from human eyes, or human footsteps. It waz winter then, so it iz
now, but they call it spring. Yu are too gentle for this cheerless
place, do the fairys visit yu, and whisper words ov luv and hope. Yu
need'nt hang yure hed and tremble, i wont hurt yu, gladly would i swop
places with yu, neglected az yu are, yu kant be lost, i may be. Stay
right whare yu are little innosent, the fust luv sik maiden i kum
akrost, i will send to keep yu company, she will hav a lot ov silly, and
soft things, to tell yu.
_UNDERGROWTH._
A "_Stool Pigeon_" iz one, who iz willing to be az wicked az he knows
how, but who haz to be taught all the iniquity, ov enny consequence,
that he possesses.
* * * * *
Men who hav the most real power, sho it the least, while thare aint a
more terrible engine ov the law, than a fresh elekted constable.
31 Days. AUGUST. 1878.
[Illustration]
_When he kant pull a pound,
And won't even try,
He iz dropt bi his owner,
And turned out to die._
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
|@ | @ || _Brevitys._ | _SKRAPS._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| T || @ Hot but dusty |Repentanse iz the most satisfaktory |
| 2| F || ¶ Behold the @ |duty that a man can perform, |
| 3| S || * festiff @ |but it wont kure the headake |
| 4| G || @ muskeeter @ |next day, nor pay for the hot rum, |
| 5| M || @ draws nigh @ |and cigars, it took to make it. |
| 6| T || ¶ sum more ¶ | |
| 7| W ||@ dust with heat § | |
| 8| T ||now inquire @ for | * * * * * |
| 9| F || @ juleps @ | |
|10| S || @ big shower @ | |
|11| G || § now the hen § |Thare may be some perfektly |
|12| M || @ pants @ cool @ |happy people in this world, but if |
|13| T || @ @ nights @ @ |they undertake to prove it, they |
|14| W || @ Sam. Carter @ |will lay themselfs open to suspishun.|
|15| T ||@ obituated 1865 @ | |
|16| F ||sum more @ hotly @ | |
|17| S ||§ Sam Carter waz @ | * * * * * |
|18| G || a @ ded @ beet @ | |
|19| M || @ sighns @ | |
|20| T || @ ov thunder @ |I never knu a man who lived |
|21| W || @ /now lift/ @ |upon hope, but what spent hiz old |
|22| T || @ coucumbers @ |age at sumboddy else's expense. |
|23| F || @ rain and @ | |
|24| S || @ lightning @ | |
|25| G || "thou shall not | * * * * * |
|26| M || lie" @ much @ @ | |
|27| T || @ warmth * now | |
|28| W || keep @ cool @ it |To bekum famous requires |
|29| T || @ thunders @ |mutch time, and merit,--fust to |
|30| F || @ hark!!! @ @ |be entitled to it, an seckondly, |
|31| S || |not to git cheated out ov it. |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_THE BACHELOR._
The old bachelor iz born in the maskuline way, but often changes hiz
base, to the nuter gender. He thinks he haz got a good lone hand, but in
playing it, allmost allways gits ukered. Sumtimes, late in life, he
makes up hiz mind to git marrid, and then, allmost invariably, thare are
two partys, who are disapointed.
_THE QUACK._
The quack knows he iz a ded beat, but he allso knows that mankind luv to
be cheated. He allwuss haz sum speshiallity, and the more difikult iz
the disseaze, the more brazen iz he, in hiz offers to kure it. He preys
upon the unfortunate, and it would be az unprofitable to prove
malpraktiss aginst him, az it would bigamy, aginst a wharf rat.
_THE DEAKON._
The deakon iz the fust lutenant in a meeting house. He iz a good
christian man, but hiz kreed iz too often az mutch bother to him, az a
yoke iz to a goose. He iz az full ov bizzness, and proviso's az a
wimmins rites convenshen. He often haz more pitty than branes, and
generally, more fuss, than either. A good deakon, in a naborhood, iz a
substanshall blessing, and bad deakons, thank Heaven, hav allwuss been
skarse.
_SOLLUM THINGS._
The world iz bankrupt in morals, and if kind heaven wont settle with us,
for 10 cents on the dollar, the devil will git the whole thing bi
foreclosure.
* * * * *
Yu may make a servant ov a friend, but yu kant make a friend ov a
servant, it aint natral.
30 Days. SEPTEMBER. 1878.
[Illustration]
_The street boys git at him,
And ride him around,
'Till he staggers, and stumbles,
And falls to the ground._
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
|@ | @ || _Brevitys._ | _ECHOS._ |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
| 1| G || @ Breezy @ 'list | |
| 2| M || @ to @ the @ |Whenever yu cum akrost a |
| 3| T || @ mocking bird @ |man, who praizes yu immoderaterly, |
| 4| W || @ a fine day @ |and kusses every boddy |
| 5| T || @ now chew @ |else in proportion, yu kan make |
| 6| F || @ @ cherrys @ @ |up yure mind, that yure turn for |
| 7| S || @ cool @ Dave @ |kussing will cum soon. |
| 8| G || @ Markham died @ | |
| 9| M || @ 1790 @ milder @ | * * * * * |
|10| T || @ Dave died @ | |
|11| W || @ ov skarsity @ |Experiense haz no effect on sum |
|12| T || @ @ ov breth @ @ |people, they are like an old frog |
|13| F || @ @ more @ @ |in a mud puddle, yu kan ketch |
|14| S || @ mildness @ |him without even enny bait on |
|15| G || @ huckleberrys are @ |yure hook, and thro him bak agin, |
|16| M || @ here @ cool |az often az yu hav a mind to. |
|17| T || | |
|18| W || @ sighns @ | |
|19| T || @ Dan Tucker @ | * * * * * |
|20| F || @ born 1832 @ | |
|21| S || @ expekt coolness @ |An idler iz twice a thief, he not |
|22| G || @ Dan Tucker @ |only steals hiz own time, but he |
|23| M || @ waz dark @ |hangs around, trieing to steal |
|24| T || @ konplekted @ |yures too. |
|25| W || rain @ now @ twitch | |
|26| T || flax @ hot day @ in | * * * * * |
|27| F || @ time ov peace | |
|28| S || look out @ @ for war |We all ov us hav certian |
|29| G || wind easty @ bi nor |sorrows that are too intrinksik to |
|30| M || east @ go slow @ |be divided with enny boddy. |
+--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+
_THE GRASSHOPPER IZ A BURDEN_