leave a unified impression, may be joined by commas, even though the
conjunctions be omitted.
Right: All was excitement. The ducks quacked, the pigs
squealed, the dogs barked. [The general idea _excitement_ gives
the three clauses a certain unity.]
Exercise:
1. The key is turned to the right, this unlocks the door.
2. The author keeps one guessing, there is no hint how the
story will end.
3. The farmer is independent, he has no task-master.
4. There has been a change of government, in fact there has
been a revolution.
5. Lamb had failed in poetry, in the drama, and in the novel,
in the essay, at last, he succeeded.
=19.= EXERCISE IN UNITY OF THOUGHT
=A. The Comma Splice=
Rewrite the following material in sentences each of which is a unit of
thought. Most of the statements should be summarily cut apart. If you
decide that others taken together have unity of thought, combine them
(1) by a comma plus a conjunction, (2) by a semicolon, or (3) by
reducing one of the statements to a phrase or a subordinate clause.
1. The canoe is long and narrow, it is made of birch bark.
2. I decided to serve tea, of course cream and sugar would be
needed.
3. Some men hunt rabbits for market purposes only, they are the
sportsman's enemies.
4. This city furnished many boats for the siege of Calais, when
these boats returned they brought the plague with them.
5. The bottom of the box is then put in, it is nailed to the
sides.
6. It is not easy to become a good musician, one must practice
continually.
7. The Northern and Southern states could not be separate
nations, there was no natural boundary between them.
8. The telephone is a great invention, it is very useful to the
farmer.
9. Why would no one come to help me, my feet ached and I was
thirsty.
10. I know a girl who has a cynical disposition, she is always
criticizing.
11. I went into the office hopeless, a dime stood between me
and starvation.
12. The construction of the bridge has much to do with the tone
of a violin, it should be lower on the side nearest the E
string.
13. A private expense account does not require much labor or
time, just one hour a week will suffice to keep tract of all
expenditures.
14. We offer you sixty dollars a month to start, this is all we
can afford to pay at present.
15. He wanted personal success but would not shirk a duty or
harm any one in any way to gain that success, at all times he
forgot his own personal importance and was ready to do any task
set before him.
=B. One Thought in a Sentence=
By dividing, subordinating, or logically combining the following
statements, secure unity of thought.
1. She was born in Atlanta, Georgia, on September 30, 1902,
where she has lived ever since and is now well known.
2. Franklin was kindly, shrewd, and capable, and was the
representative of the United States in France.
3. She said that Mrs. Brown was ill and that she was just
caring for the baby, she loved babies anyway, she said.
4. One Sunday afternoon there was an excursion to Beaver and
several of us decided to go and take our lunches and return on
the eight o'clock car.
5. He gave me the dimensions of the room. The dimensions were
ten by twelve feet.
6. Good grades may be obtained in two ways: by honest work, and
by cheating; however any one who cheats is doing himself more
harm than good.
7. The wall studding is made of two-by-fours. These
two-by-fours are placed sixteen inches apart.
8. The returning Crusaders brought with them oriental learning,
and found the peasantry impoverished.
9. The articles in this magazine are of high quality. The
articles are well written and attractively illustrated.
10. A Japanese woman going abroad at night must carry a lighted
lamp and must not speak to any one, women do not have much
freedom in Japan.
11. The sugar beets are irrigated by river water. They are
irrigated by means of furrows. The furrows run between the rows
of beets. The beets are irrigated once a week.
12. The referee asked each captain if his men were ready, after
which he blew the whistle, and the game was on, and within five
minutes our team scored a touchdown.
13. The ground should be harrowed as soon as possible after it
is plowed. It is a good plan to harrow the ground on the same
day that it is plowed, or on the day following.
14. Choose the middle of the prepared ground, which is about
eighty-five by fifty feet, as your starting point, measure
twenty-four feet east and west and set the net posts; then,
after marking off the different courts with tape, you are ready
for a good game of tennis.
15. There are two places on the island suitable for plays: one
in the bungalow and the other down on the sandy point; the
latter lends itself to the purpose readily, there are two trees
which make a splendid support for wires on which to hang the
curtain, and just east of these the ground slopes enough to
make a natural amphitheater.
=C. Excessive Coördination=
The ideas in the following sentences are loosely strung together with
coördinating conjunctions. Place the important idea in the main clause.
Subordinate other ideas by reducing each to a dependent clause, or a
phrase, or a word.
1. Chris has a new coat and it is double-breasted.
2. I had a dog, and his name was Scratcher.
3. He gave a laugh but it was forced.
4. The woodcock is so foolish and deliberately walks into a
trap.
5. The engineers fastened rafts to the piles, and which were
pulled up when the tide rose.
6. Students often sit all doubled up, and raising their feet
high on the table.
7. Dunlap is carrying a palette, but without any paint on it.
8. The government has been successful in its suit, and the
tobacco trust was dissolved.
9. The British troops had no protection against poisonous gas
and the use of gas by the enemy was unexpected.
10. I make it a rule to study one thing at least an hour and no
long rest between.
11. The concrete is spread in a layer, and this is about nine
inches thick, and the width being ten feet.
12. Rockwell is our postmaster, and is accommodating, but he
has a disposition to be curious.
13. At the Gatun Dam there are concrete locks, and the purpose
of these is to lift vessels into the lake.
14. They say to tourists that objects are historic but which
are not historic at all.
15. I was lying quietly in the hammock, and I happened to look
up in the tree, and there was a green bird and eating a cherry.
16. They disputed for a time, and afterward the officer became
angry, and whipped out his sword.
17. A mirage is an illusion and the traveler thinks he sees
water when there really is none.
=D. Upside-down Subordination=
In the following sentences the important idea is buried in a subordinate
clause or phrase. Rescue this main idea, express it in the main clause,
and if possible subordinate the rest of the sentence to it.
1. I spoke to her on the street, when she did not answer.
2. She thanked me for my assistance, also asking me to come and
visit her the following Sunday.
3. The water froze in the buckets, although they did not burst.
4. The crows cawed angrily and circling around in one place.
5. He is threatened with tuberculosis, although he will not
sleep in the open air.
6. We had hacked the bark, the tree dying after a few months.
7. One of the contestants was from Wendover College, who
received the prize.
8. You ask a person what a spiral staircase is, when he will go
to showing you by motions of his hand.
9. It was about three o'clock, and we decided to return home,
which we did.
10. The plumber came, stopping the leak as soon as he arrived.
11. Benton sold stamps, in which business he grew rich.
12. The sun's heat beats down upon the brick tenements, which
is terrible.
13. The chemist tested the purity of the water, but which he
found unfit to drink.
14. Montaigne wrote an essay on "Solitude," where he pointed
out the disadvantages of travel.
15. The house is set close to the edge of the bluff,
overlooking a wide bend of the Alleghany River.
16. Things had been going from bad to worse among the Indians,
and some Sioux were entertaining a few Chippewas, and murdered
them, when the government took a hand in the affair.
17. The slight knowledge of metals and wide-awake observation
of an inexperienced miner discovered gold in Arizona.
CLEARNESS OF THOUGHT
Clearness is fundamental. The writer should be content, not when his
meaning may be understood, but only when his meaning cannot be
misunderstood. He may attain this entire clearness by giving attention
to five matters:
Reference (20-23)
Coherence (24-28)
Parallel Structure (30-31)
Consistency (32-35)
Use of Connectives (36-38)
REFERENCE
By the use of pronouns, participles, and other dependent words, language
becomes flexible and free. But each dependent part must refer without
confusion to a word which is reasonably near, and properly expressed.
Ordinarily a reader expects a pronoun or a participle to refer to the
nearest noun (or pronoun) or to an emphatic noun.
=Divided Reference=
=20. A pronoun should be placed near the word to which it refers, and
separated from words to which it might falsely seem to refer. If this
method does not secure clearness, discard the pronoun and change the
sentence structure.=
Uncertain reference of _which_: He dropped the bundle in the
mud which he was carrying to his mother. [The reader for a
moment refers the pronoun to the wrong noun. Bring _which_
nearer to its proper antecedent _bundle_.]
Right: He dropped in the mud the bundle which he was carrying
to his mother.
Vague reference of _this_: My failure in mathematics was
serious. My grades in English, history, and Latin were good
enough. But this brought down my average. [_This?_ What _this_?
Five nouns intrude between the pronoun _this_ and its proper
antecedent _failure_.]
Right: In English, history, and Latin I received fairly good
grades. But in mathematics I received a failure. This brought
down my average.
Remote reference of _it_: If you want to make a good speech,
take your hands out of your pockets, open your mouth wide, and
throw yourself into it.
Right: If you want to make a good speech, take your hands out
of your pockets, open your mouth wide, and throw yourself into
what you are saying. [Or, better] Take your hands out of your
pockets, open your mouth wide, and throw yourself into the
speech.
Ambiguous reference of _he_: John spoke to the stranger, and he
was very surly.
Right: John spoke to the stranger, who was very surly. [Or]
John spoke in a surly manner to the stranger.
Note.--The reference of relative and demonstrative pronouns is largely
dependent upon their position. The reference of a personal pronoun
(_he_, _she_, _they_, etc.) is not so much dependent upon its position,
the main consideration being that the antecedent shall be emphatic (See
the next article.)
Exercise:
1. He was driving an old mule attached to a cart that was blind
in one eye.
2. There is a grimy streak on the wall over the radiator which
can be removed only with great difficulty.
3. The feet of Chinese girls were bandaged so tightly when they
were babies that they could not grow.
4. He gave me a receipt for the money which he told me to keep.
5. After the pictures have been taken and the film has been
removed, they are sent to the developing room where it is
developed and dried.
=Weak Reference=
=21. Do not allow a pronoun to refer to a word not likely to be central
in the reader's thought; a word, for example, in the possessive case, or
in a parenthetical expression, or in a compound, or not expressed at
all. Make the pronoun refer to an emphatic word.=
Wrong: When a poor woman came to Jane Addams' famous Hull
House, she always gave help. [_Poor woman_ and _Hull House_ are
the emphatic words, to which any pronoun used later is
instinctively referred by the reader.]
Right: When a poor woman came to Jane Addams' famous Hull
House, she always received help. [Or] When a poor woman came to
Hull House, Jane Addams always gave help.
Wrong: In biology, which is the study of plants and animals we
find that they are made up of unitary structures called cells.
[Since the words _plants and animals_ occur only in a
parenthetical clause, the reader is surprised to find them used
as an antecedent.]
Right: In the study of biology we find that plants and animals
are made up of unitary structures called cells.
Wrong: This old scissors-grinder sharpens them for the whole
neighborhood. [The center of interest in the reader's mind is a
man, not scissors.]
Right: This old scissors-grinder sharpens scissors for the
whole neighborhood.
Wrong: I always liked engineers, and I have chosen that as my
profession.
Right: I always liked engineering, and I have chosen it as my
profession.
Absurd: When the baby is through drinking milk, it should be
disconnected and put in boiling water. [The central idea in the
reader's mind is _baby_, not _milk-bottle_. The writer may have
been thinking about the _bottle_, but he did not make the word
emphatic; in fact, he did not express it at all.]
Right: When the baby is through drinking milk, the bottle
should be taken apart and put in boiling water.
Note.--Ordinarily, do not refer to the title in the first line of a
theme. The reader expects you to assert something, and face forward, not
to turn back to what you have said in the title.
Faulty: Color Photography
I am interested in this new development of science. For
a long time I ...
Right: Color Photography
Taking pictures in color has long appealed to me as an interesting
possibility ...
Exercise:
1. In Shakespeare's play _Othello_ he makes Iago a fiend.
2. The noodle-cutter is a kitchen device which saves time in
making this troublesome dish.
3. The life of a forester is interesting, and I intend to
follow that profession.
4. He took down his great-grandfather's old sword, who had
carried it at Bunker Hill.
5. I was always making experiments in science, and I naturally
acquired a liking for periodicals of that nature.
=Broad Reference=
=22. Do not use a pronoun to refer broadly to a general idea. Supply a
definite antecedent or abandon the pronoun.=
Wrong: The tapper strikes the gong, which continues as long as
the push button is pressed. [The writer intends that _which_
shall refer to the entire preceding clause, but the reference
is intercepted by the word _gong_.]
Right [supplying a definite antecedent]: The tapper strikes the
gong, a process which continues as long as the push button is
pressed. [Or, abandoning the pronoun] The tapper strikes the
gong as long as the push button is pressed.
Wrong: Read the directions which are printed on the bottle and
it may save you from making a mistake.
Right [supplying a definite antecedent]: Read the directions
which are printed on the bottle. This precaution may save you
from making a mistake. [Or, abandoning the pronoun] Reading the
directions on the bottle may prevent a mistake.
Wrong: The managers told him they would increase his salary if
he would represent them in South America. He refused that.
Right: The managers told him they would increase his salary if
he would represent them in South America. He refused the offer.
Exception.--It cannot be maintained that a pronoun must _always_ have
one definite word for its antecedent. Many of the best English authors
occasionally use a pronoun to refer to a clause. But the reference must
always be clear.
Note.--Impersonal constructions must be used with caution. "It is
raining" is correct, although _it_ has no antecedent. We desire that the
antecedent shall be vague, impersonal. But unnecessary use of the
indefinite _it_, _you_, or _they_ should be avoided.
Faulty: It says in our history that Columbus was an Italian.
Right: Our history says that Columbus was an Italian.
Not complimentary to the reader: You aren't hanged nowadays for
stealing.
Right: No one is hanged nowadays for stealing.
Faulty: They are noted for their tact in France.
Right: The French are noted for their tact.
Exercise:
1. You use little slang in your paper which is commendable.
2. They had no reinforcements which caused them to lose the
battle.
3. The carbon must be removed from pig iron to make pure steel,
and that is done by terrific heat.
4. Our stenographer spends most of her spare time at a cheap
movie theater, which is in itself an index of her character.
5. It says in the new rules that you aren't allowed in the
building on Sunday.
=Dangling Participle or Gerund=
=23. A participle, being dependent, must refer to a noun or pronoun. The
noun or pronoun should be within the sentence which contains the
participle, and should be so conspicuous that the participle will be
associated with it instantly and without confusion.=
Wrong: Coming in on the train, the high school building is
seen. [Is the building coming in? If not, who is?]
Right: Coming in on the train, one sees the high school
building.
A sentence containing a dangling participle may be corrected (1) by
giving the word to which the participle refers a conspicuous position in
the sentence, or (2) by replacing the participial phrase by some other
construction.
Wrong: Having taken our seats, the umpire announced the
batteries.
Right: Having taken our seats, we heard the umpire announce
the batteries. [Or] When we had taken our seats, the umpire
announced the batteries.
Wrong: She was for a long time sick, caused by overwork. [The
participle _caused_ should not modify _sick_. A participle is
used as an adjective, and should therefore modify a noun.]
Right--using an adjectival modifier:
She had a long sickness, {caused by} overwork.
{due to }
Right--using an adverbial modifier:
{because of }
She was for a long time sick {owing to } overwork.
{on account of}
=When a gerund phrase (_in passing_, _while speaking_ etc.) implies the
action of a special agent, indicate what the agent is. Otherwise the
phrase will be dangling.=
Faulty: In talking to Mr. Brown the other day, he told me that
you intend to buy a car.
Better: In talking to Mr. Brown the other day, I learned that
you intend to buy a car.
Faulty: The address was concluded by reciting a passage from
Wordsworth.
Better: The speaker concluded his address by reciting a passage
from Wordsworth. [Or] The address was concluded by the
recitation of a passage from Wordsworth.
Note.--Two other kinds of dangling modifier, treated elsewhere in this
book, may be briefly mentioned here. A phrase beginning with the
adjective _due_ should refer to a noun; otherwise the phrase is left
dangling (See 5 Note). An elliptical sentence (one from which words are
omitted) is faulty when one of the elements is left dangling (See 3).
Faulty: I was late _due_ to carelessness [Use _because of_].
Ludicrous: My shoestring always breaks when hurrying to the
office at eight o'clock [Say _when I am hurrying_].
Exercise:
1. Coming out of the house, a street car is seen.
2. While engaged in conversation with my host and hostess, my
maid placed upon the table a steaming leg of lamb.
3. A small quantity of gold is thoroughly mixed with a few
drops of turpentine, using the spatula to work it smooth.
4. After being in the oven twenty minutes, open the door. When
fully baked, you are ready to put the sauce on the pudding.
5. Entering the store, a soda fountain is observed. Passing
down the aisle, a candy counter comes into view. The rear of
the store is bright and pleasant, caused by a skylight.
COHERENCE
The verb _cohere_ means to stick or hold firmly together. And the noun
_coherence_ as applied to writing means a close and natural sequence of
parts. Order is essential to clearness.
=General Incoherence=
=24. Every part of a sentence must have a clear and natural connection
with the adjoining part. Like or related parts should normally be placed
together.=
Bring related ideas together: Little Helen stood beside the
horse wearing white stockings and slippers.
Right: Little Helen, in white stockings and slippers, stood
beside the horse.
Keep unlike ideas apart: The colors of purple and green are
pleasing to the eye as found in the thistle.
Right: The purple and green colors of the thistle are
pleasing.
Distribute unrelated modifiers, instead of bunching them: I
found a heap of snow on my bed in the morning
which had drifted in through the window. [Subject
verb--object--place--time--explanation.]
Right: In the morning I found on my bed
a heap of snow which had drifted in through the window.
[Time--subject verb--place--object--explanation.]
Bring related modifiers together: When he has prepared his
lessons, he will come, as soon as he can put on his old
clothes. [Condition--main clause--condition.]
Right: When he has prepared his lessons and put on his old
clothes, he will come. [Condition and condition--main clause.]
Exercise:
1. He was gazing at the landscape which he had painted with a
smiling face.
2. She turned the steak with a fork which she was cooking for
dinner every few minutes.
3. Dickens puts the various experiences he had in the form of a
novel when he was a boy.
4. If the roads are made of dirt, the farmer has to wait, if
the weather is rainy, till they dry.
5. We received practically very little or none at all
experience in writing themes.
=Logical Sequence=
=25. Place first in the sentence the idea which naturally comes first in
thought or in the order of time.=
Faulty: We went to the station from the house after bidding all
goodby.
Right: We said goodby to all, and went from the house to the
station.
=Do not begin one idea, abandon it for a second, and then return to the
first. Complete one idea at a time.=
Faulty: She looked up as he approached and smoothed her hair.
[The writer begins a main clause, changes to a subordinate
clause, and then attempts to add more to the main clause.
Unfortunately the last two verbs appear to be coördinate.]
Right: She looked up and smoothed her hair as he approached.
[Or] As he approached she looked up, and smoothed her hair.
=Ordinarily, let a second thought begin where the first leaves off.=
Faulty: An orange grove requires plenty of water. The young
trees will die if they do not have plenty of water. [The order
of ideas is: "Grove ... water. Trees ... water." Reverse the
order of the second sentence.]
Right: An orange grove requires plenty of water. For without
water the young trees will die. [Now the order of ideas is:
"Grove ... water. Water ... trees."]
Exercise:
1. I boarded the train, after buying a ticket.
2. I dropped my pen when the whistle blew and sighed.
3. Unless the bank clerk has ability he will never be
successful unless he works faithfully and hard.
4. I remember the days when Rover was a pup. Now he is not half
so interesting as he was then.
5. A chessboard is divided into sixty-four squares, and there
is plenty of room between the opposing armies for a terrific
battle, since each army occupies only sixteen squares.
=Squinting Modifier=
=26. Avoid the squinting construction. That is, do not place between two
parts of a sentence a modifier that may attach itself to either. Place
the modifier where it cannot be misunderstood.=
Confusing: I told him when the time came I would do it. [_When
the time came_ is said to "squint" because the reader cannot
tell whether it looks forward to the end of the sentence, or
backward to the beginning.]
Right: When the time came, I told him I would do it. [Or] I
told him I would do it when the time came.
Confusing: Some friends I knew would enjoy the play. [_I knew_
squints.]
Right: Some friends would enjoy the play, I knew.
Confusing: The orator whom every one was calling for
enthusiastically hurried to the platform. [_Enthusiastically_
squints.]
Clear: The orator whom every one was enthusiastically calling
for hurried to the platform.
Exercise:
1. The man who laughs half the time does not understand the
joke.
2. Playing football in many ways improves the mind.
3. When she reached home much to her disgust the door was
locked.
4. When the lightning struck for the first time in my life I
was afraid.
5. The landlord wrote that he would if the rent were not paid
in thirty days eject the tenant.
=Misplaced Word=