_Continuation of the Duties of Women._
To the duties previously enumerated, may be added the art of _choosing
and retaining servants_. We should employ such as have honor and
religion: their offices should be distinctly ascertained: the time and
trouble which each thing requires, the manner of doing it well, and the
expense attending it, should also be considered. It would be absurd
(for instance) to find fault with a servant if you wished her to dress
any thing quicker than it could be dressed; and if you have not some
knowledge of the quantity and price of the ingredients which compose
dishes, you will be liable to become the dupe or the scourge of your
domestics; so that a knowledge of these matters is essential to a
mistress of a family.
It is also necessary to know their humours, to manage their tempers, and
to regulate in a christian-like manner this little household republic,
which is, in general, sufficiently turbulent. Authority, is absolutely
essential in this respect; for the more unreasonable servants are, the
more they should be made obedient by fear: but as they are your brethren
in Christ, and members of his kingdom, a rigid authority should never be
exercised towards them, unless previous persuasion is found to fail.
Strive, therefore, to be beloved by your servants, without descending to
low familiarity; enter not into conversation with them, but at the same
time do not be backward in occasionally speaking, with kindness and
affability, respecting their wants and concerns; and let them be assured
of finding in you a compassionate counsellor. Do not check them too
eagerly in their faults--appear neither surprised nor dissatisfied,
provided you think them not incorrigible: let them gently hear reason;
and submit frequently to little losses by their service, that you may
be able coolly to convince them, that it is not from impetuosity and
chagrin that you correct them, but rather for their own, than your,
interest.
It would be no easy task to accustom _young women of fashion_ to adopt a
conduct, at once so amiable and benevolent. The impatience and ardor of
youth, united with the false idea they are apt to entertain of their
birth, often induce them to treat their domestics pretty nearly the same
as they do their horses--they imagine that servants are any thing but
what they really are--and made solely for the convenience of their
masters. Endeavour to shew how revolting these principles are to modesty
in yourself, and to humanity towards your neighbour.
Let it be comprehended that men are not born to be slaves--that it is a
brutal error to suppose our fellow mortals are created to flatter our
laziness and pride; that servitude being established against the natural
equality of mankind, we should endeavour to soften it as much as
possible; that masters themselves, though above their servants in
situation, are not free from errors, and therefore should not expect an
exemption from them in domestics; especially as they have not had the
benefit of instruction and good example--and lastly, if servants become
good for nothing by serving ill, masters also, frequently, become so, by
being served well: for a facility of accommodation in every wish, and an
immediate gratification in every desire, only softens and effeminates
the soul, and renders it peevish and irritable under every trifling
inconvenience.
Nothing is so well calculated to effect this domestic government, as the
being _early_ initiated in it. Give a young woman something to manage
herself, on condition of her rendering you some account of it: this
confidence will delight her, for youth is highly pleased when it is
thought worthy of confidence, and capable of doing serious business. The
example of Queen Margaret is a fine illustration of this. That princess
informs us, in her memoirs, that the most sensible pleasure she ever
experienced, was in seeing the queen, her mother, begin to converse
with her, when she was very young, as with a person of years and
maturity--she felt transported with joy on entering into the secrets
of state with the queen and her brother the Duke of Anjou, reflecting
that, not long ago, she had been immersed in the pastimes of children.
Overlook the faults of a child in her first attempts at these things,
and sacrifice something in order that she may ultimately gain
instruction. Make her sensible, in a mild manner, of what she should
have said or done, to avoid the inconveniencies into which she has
been betrayed. Relate to her what has happened to yourself, and be not
anxious to suppress faults, similar to her own, which you committed when
young. Thus will you inspire her with confidence; without which, all
education is but a formal wearisome task.
Teach a girl to read and write correctly. It is a shameful thing, but
too common, to see women of understanding and good breeding, who cannot
accurately pronounce what they read: either they stammer, or have a sort
of singing or whine in their reading--whereas good reading consists
in a simple and natural, but firm and even, tone of voice. They are,
moreover, sometimes grossly deficient in orthography; either as to the
manner of forming, or connecting, their letters when writing: at any
rate they should be taught to write straight, and in a character neat
and legible.
A girl should know the grammar of her own language; not, however,
that she is to be taught by rule, as schoolboys are taught the Latin
language--but that she be used to distinguish the different tenses, in
an obvious and easy manner; to make use of proper terms; and to explain
their thoughts, in a way, at once clear and concise. By these means you
will enable her one day to teach her own children to speak accurately
without previous study. It is well known that in ancient Rome, the
mother of the Gracchi contributed greatly, by a sound education, to
improve the language of her children, who became afterwards such eminent
characters.
Females should also be instructed in the first four rules of arithmetic;
namely, in addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division; which
will be of essential use to them in keeping accounts. This, though a
very important, is a very disagreeable, occupation with many people; but
early habits, joined to a facility of quick reckoning, by the help of
rules, will overcome every antipathy, and enable us to arrange the most
perplexed accounts. No one can be ignorant that a correct method of
keeping them is often productive of good order throughout an
establishment.
It will be prudent also to give them a knowledge of the principal rules
of justice: for example, of the difference between a gift and a thing
bequeathed; between a contract, an entail, and a copartnership of
inheritance; the general rules of law, or the particular customs of a
country, which render these things valid; what is exclusive, and what
is common, property; what goods are moveable, and what immoveable.
When women marry, they will find a knowledge of these things of great
importance to them.
But, at the same time, convince them, how incapable they are of entering
deeply into the subtilties of law: how much the law itself, by the
weakness of human reason, is subject to obscurity, and doubtful
rules: how it varies: how uncertain every thing is that depends upon
judicial decision, clear and upright as it may seem: how ruinous and
insupportable is the law's delay, even in the most obvious cases.[13]
[13] I have here omitted two or three passages of the original,
because they describe such incongruity and perniciousness in the law
of France, as cannot be applicable to the modes observed in the
British courts of judicature.
_T._
All this is of importance for women to know, in order to abate their
fondness for lawsuits, and to prevent their trusting implicitly to
counsellors, who would dissuade them from peaceful measures. When they
are widows, or mistresses of their estates in any other way, they may do
well to hear their agents, but not blindly follow them. They should act
with the utmost caution in any suits their agents may advise them to
undertake; and consult men of greater ability, and such as are more
inclined to recommend the advantages of compromise: in short they should
be assured, that the best ability in law causes, is, to foresee the
mischiefs of them, and to know how they may be avoided.
Young women of rank and large fortune should be acquainted with
the duties more particularly attached to great estates: tell them
therefore, what should be done, to prevent the abuses, violence, tricks
and treacheries so common in the country; how they ought to establish
little schools and charitable societies, for the relief of the sick and
needy: shew them also the handicraft trades, that may be set on foot in
certain countries, to help the poor; and above all, how they may be
taught useful knowledge and christian conduct; this however will lead to
a detail too long to be here discussed.
[14]These instructions having been attended to, I think it may not be
improper to allow young women, according to their leisure and capacity,
the perusal of profane or classical writers, provided there be nothing
in them to inflame or mislead the passions: these will be a means also
of giving them a distaste for plays and romances. Put into their hands,
therefore, the Greek and Roman historians; they will there see prodigies
of courage and disinterestedness: let them be acquainted likewise with
the history of their _own country_, which has its excellencies also, and
with that of the neighbouring or foreign countries, judiciously written.
All this will serve to enlarge their understandings, and to fill their
hearts with noble sentiments, provided you guard against vanity and
affectation. It is generally thought a necessary part of a good
education, for a young lady of rank to be taught the Italian and Spanish
languages: for my part I see no use in these acquirements, unless the
lady is to be connected with some Spanish or Italian princess:[15]
besides these two languages often lead them to books that are dangerous,
and which might increase the faults to which they are liable; there is
much to lose, and little to be gained, by these studies. Latin might be
of some use; even in cultivating the elegancies of language, they will
find the Latin more perfect than the Italian and Spanish, which are
full of quaint conceits, and a wantonness of imagination bordering on
extravagance: Latin however should be taught to young women of good
judgment and discreet conduct only; who will set no greater value on
this study than it deserves; who will renounce all vain curiosity, and
have no other view than their own edification.
[14] Another passage of the original is also here omitted; because it
relates to the observance of certain feudal rites, and to a knowledge
of real property, which can be of no service to a woman in this
country.
_T._
[15] Fenelon is certainly fastidious when he censures the acquirement
of the Italian language, which is one of the most soft and pleasing
of any in modern Europe. Nor does it at all follow that a knowledge
of the Italian language should lead to a knowledge of improper
books--the same argument may be applied to any other language.
_T._
I would allow also, but with great care, the perusal of works of
eloquence and poetry, if I saw they had a taste for them, and solidity
of judgment enough to confine themselves to their real use: but fearful
of agitating too much their lively imaginations, I would have the utmost
caution observed in this respect: every thing that may awaken the
sentiments of love, seems to me the more dangerous in proportion as it
is softened and disguised.
MUSIC and PAINTING require the same precautions; all these arts are of
the same taste and tendency: as to music, we know that the ancients
thought nothing was more pernicious to a well regulated republic,
than to admit an _effeminate melody_: it enervates men, unbending and
sensualizing their minds: languishing and passionate tones please only,
by subjecting the soul to the seducement of the senses, till it becomes
intoxicated by them. It was on this account, that the magistrates of
Sparta broke all the instruments, the harmony of which was too delicate;
and this was one of the most important parts of their policy. On the
same account Plato strictly forbids all the luxurious tones of the
Asiatic music; and christians, who ought never to pursue pleasure only
for the sake of pleasure, are under much stronger obligations to guard
themselves against these dangerous entertainments.
Poetry and music, _directed to their true end_, may be of excellent use
to excite in the soul, lively and sublime sentiments of virtue. How
many of the books of scripture of the poetical kind, according to all
appearance were sung by the Hebrews. Songs were the first memorials
which preserved more distinctly, the tradition of divine truths among
men, before the invention of writing. We see how powerful music has
been among the heathen nations, in elevating their minds above the
sentiments of the vulgar: and the church has employed it,[16] for the
consolation of her children, in celebrating the praises of God. We ought
not therefore to abandon these arts, which the spirit of God himself
hath consecrated.
[16] An admirable sermon, "on the antiquity, use, and excellence, of
church music," by Bishop Horne, may be seen among the 16 sermons
separately published by that amiable prelate, in 8vo. Oxford, 1795,
2d edit.
_T._
Music and poetry employed on sacred subjects, would have a powerful
influence in destroying the relish for profane pleasures. But while our
present prejudices prevail, these arts cannot be cultivated without
danger. Lose no time, therefore, in making a young woman who is strongly
susceptible of these impressions, sensible of what charms may be found
in music, even while it is confined to subjects of religion: if she has
a good voice and a taste for music, never hope to keep her in ignorance
of it; to forbid it will only increase her passion for it. It will be
much better to give it a proper direction, than to endeavour to stifle
it.
PAINTING is more easily convertible to good purposes; besides, it
belongs in some degree to women; their needlework cannot properly be
executed without it. I know they might be confined to employments that
are simple and require no skill; but as I think we should contrive to
employ the head and hands of women of condition at the same time, I
could wish they had employments in which art and ingenuity might season
their labours with some entertainment. Their work cannot have any real
beauty, unless it be conducted by a knowledge of the rules of drawing;
for want of which, what one sees in stuffs, lace, and embroidery,
is done in an ill taste; all is confused; without design, without
proportion.[17] These things are reckoned fine, because they cost a
great deal of labour to those who work them, and a great deal of money
to those who buy them. The lustre dazzles those who do not closely
examine, or are not skilful in these matters. The women on this subject
have made rules of their own, which if any man should contest, he
would be thought capricious and absurd. However, they might correct
themselves by an attention to painting, and so be able, at a moderate
expense, and to their great entertainment, to execute works of a noble
variety and beauty, which would bid defiance to the caprice and
uncertainty of fashion.
[17] I do not think this applicable to the present system of fashion:
women, in general display great taste in patterns, and great elegance
in the adjustment of dress.
_T._
There is nothing which women ought to guard more against, or despise,
than _living in idleness_. Let them consider that the first christians
of whatever condition of life, all applied themselves to some
employment, not as an amusement, but as a serious, useful, constant
business. The order of nature, the penance imposed on the first man, and
in him upon all his posterity, the great example which our Saviour Jesus
Christ, hath set before us in this respect, all concur to engage us,
each in his station, to a life of labour.
In the education of a young woman, her condition ought to be regarded,
and the situation and cast of life she will probably move in. Take care
that her expectations do not exceed her fortune and rank; if they do,
they will cost her many sorrows; what would have made her happy, will
become disgusting to her, if she has cast a wishful eye on a superior
condition. If a girl is to live in the country, turn her attention
betimes to the occupations of the country; keep her a stranger to the
amusements of the town: shew her the blessings of a simple active life.
If her situation be among the middle ranks of the town, let her not come
near the people of the court; this intercourse will only serve to give
her unbecoming and ridiculous airs: confine her within the bounds of her
own station, and point out to her good examples among those of the same
rank: form her mind to what will be the business of her life: teach her
the management of a tradesman's family: the care that ought to be taken
of his income, whether from returns out of the country, or rents of
houses in the town: what belongs to the education of her children;
in short the whole detail of business or of commerce, into which you
foresee she may probably be thrown, when she is married.[18]
[18] What follows, in Fenelon, relating to the religious
establishments of women, and taking the veil, is not here
inserted--as being wholly inapplicable to the laws and customs of
England.