A great book, says an old proverb, is a great evil; and a great preface,
says a new one, is a great bore. It is not, therefore, our intention to
expatiate largely on the present occasion; especially since a long
discourse prefixed to a small volume, is like a forty-eight pounder at
the door of a pig-stye. We should as soon think of erecting the Nelson
Memorial in front of Buckingham Palace. Indeed, were it not necessary to
show some kind of respect to fashion, we should hasten at once into the
midst of things, instead of trespassing on the patience of our readers,
and possibly, trifling with their time. We should not like to be kept
waiting at a Lord Mayor's feast by a long description of the bill of
fare. Our preface, however, shall at least have the merit of novelty;
it shall be candid.
This book, like the razors in Dr. Wolcot's story, is made to _sell_.
This last word has a rather equivocal meaning-- but we scorn to blot,
otherwise we should say to be sold. An article offered for sale may,
nevertheless, be worth buying; and it is hoped that the resemblance
between the aforesaid razors, and this our production, does not extend
to the respective _sharpness_ of the commodities. The razors proved
scarcely worth a farthing to the clown who bought them for
eighteen-pence, and were fit to shave nothing but the beard of an
oyster. We trust that the "Comic Latin Grammar" will be found to _cut_,
now and then, rather better, at least, than that comes to; and that it
will reward the purchaser, at any rate, with his pennyworth for his
penny, by its genuine bonâ fide contents. There are many works, the
pages of which contain a good deal of useful matter-- sometimes in the
shape of an ounce of tea or a pound of butter: we venture to indulge the
expectation, that these latter additions to the value of our own, will
be considered unnecessary.
Perhaps we should have adopted the title of "Latin in sport made
learning in earnest"-- which would give a tolerable idea of the nature
of our undertaking. The doctrine, it is true, may bear the same relation
to the lighter matter, that the bread in Falstaff's private account did
to the liquor; though if we have given our reader "a deal of sack," we
wish it may not be altogether "intolerable." Latin, however, is a great
deal less like bread, to most boys, than it is like physic; especially
_antimony_, _ipecacuanha_, and similar medicines. It ought, therefore,
to be given in something palatable, and capable of causing it to be
retained by the-- mind-- in what physicians call a pleasant vehicle.
This we have endeavoured to invent-- and if we have disguised the
flavour of the drugs without destroying their virtues, we shall have
entirely accomplished our design. There are a few particularly nasty
pills, draughts, and boluses, which we could find no means of
sweetening; and with which, on that account, we have not attempted to
meddle. For these omissions we must request some little indulgence. Our
performance is confessedly imperfect, but be it remembered, that
"Men rather do their broken weapons use,
Than their bare hands."
The "Comic Latin Grammar" can, certainly, never be called an
_imposition_, as another Latin Grammar frequently is. We remember having
had the whole of it to learn at school, besides being-- no matter what--
for pinning a cracker to the master's coat-tail. The above hint is
worthy the attention of boys; nor will the following, probably, be
thrown away upon school-masters, particularly such as reside in the
north of England. "Laugh and grow fat," is an ancient and a true maxim.
Now, will not the "Comic Latin Grammar," (like Scotch marmalade and
Yarmouth bloaters) form a "desirable addition" to the breakfast of the
young gentlemen entrusted to their care? We dare not say much of its
superseding the use of the cane, as we hold all old established customs
in the utmost reverence and respect; and, besides, have no wish to
deprive any one of innocent amusement. We would only suggest, that
flagellation is now _sometimes_ necessary, and that whatever tends to
render it _optional_ may, now and then, save trouble.
One word in conclusion. The march of intellect is not confined to the
male sex; the fairer part of the creation are now augmenting by their
numbers, and adorning by their countenance, the scientific and literary
train. But the path of learning is sometimes too rugged for their tender
feet. We pretend not to strew it for them with roses; we are not
poetically given-- nay, we cannot even promise them a Brussels carpet;--
but if a plain Kidderminster will serve their turn, we here display one
for their accommodation, that thus smoothly and pleasantly they may make
their safe ascent to the temple of Minerva and the Muses.