Why Men Do Not Attain Quickly to the Perfect Love of God.
Of Four Degrees of Prayer. Of the First Degree. The Doctrine
Profitable for Beginners, and for Those Who Have No
Sensible Sweetness.
1. I speak now of those who begin to be the servants of love;
that seems to me to be nothing else but to resolve to follow Him
in the way of prayer, who has loved us so much. It is a dignity
so great, that I have a strange joy in thinking of it; for
servile fear vanishes at once, if we are, as we ought to be, in
the first degree. O Lord of my soul, and my good, how is it
that, when a soul is determined to love Thee--doing all it can,
by forsaking all things, in order that it may the better occupy
itself with the love of God--it is not Thy will it should have
the joy of ascending at once to the possession of perfect love?
I have spoken amiss; I ought to have said, and my complaint
should have been, why is it we do not? for the fault is wholly
our own that we do not rejoice at once in a dignity so great,
seeing that the attaining to the perfect possession of this true
love brings all blessings with it.
2. We think so much of ourselves, and are so dilatory in giving
ourselves wholly to God, that, as His Majesty will not let us
have the fruition of that which is so precious but at a great
cost, so neither do we perfectly prepare ourselves for it. I see
plainly that there is nothing by which so great a good can be
procured in this world. If, however, we did what we could, not
clinging to anything upon earth, but having all our thoughts and
conversation in Heaven, I believe that this blessing would
quickly be given us, provided we perfectly prepared ourselves for
it at once, as some of the saints have done. We think we are
giving all to God; but, in fact, we are offering only the revenue
or the produce, while we retain the fee-simple of the land in our
own possession.
3. We resolve to become poor, and it is a resolution of great
merit; but we very often take great care not to be in want, not
simply of what is necessary, but of what is superfluous: yea, and
to make for ourselves friends who may supply us; and in this way
we take more pains, and perhaps expose ourselves to greater
danger, in order that we may want nothing, than we did formerly,
when we had our own possessions in our own power.
4. We thought, also, that we gave up all desire of honour when we
became religious, or when we began the spiritual life, and
followed after perfection; and yet, when we are touched on the
point of honour, we do not then remember that we had given it up
to God. We would seize it again, and take it, as they say, out
of His Hands, even after we had made Him, to all appearance, the
Lord of our own will. So is it in every thing else.
5. A pleasant way this of seeking the love of God! we retain our
own affections, and yet will have that love, as they say, by
handfuls. We make no efforts to bring our desires to good
effect, or to raise them resolutely above the earth; and yet,
with all this, we must have many spiritual consolations. This is
not well, and we are seeking things that are incompatible one
with the other. So, because we do not give ourselves up wholly
and at once, this treasure is not given wholly and at once to us.
May it be the good pleasure of our Lord to give it us drop by
drop, though it may cost us all the trials in the world.
6. He showeth great mercy unto him to whom He gives the grace and
resolution to strive for this blessing with all his might; for
God withholds Himself from no one who perseveres. He will by
little and little strengthen that soul, so that it may come forth
victorious. I say resolution, because of the multitude of those
things which Satan puts before it at first, to keep it back from
beginning to travel on this road; for he knoweth what harm will
befall him thereby--he will lose not only that soul, but many
others also. If he who enters on this road does violence to
himself, with the help of God, so as to reach the summit of
perfection, such a one, I believe, will never go alone to Heaven;
he will always take many with him: God gives to him, as to a good
captain, those who shall be of his company.
7. Thus, then, the dangers and difficulties which Satan puts
before them are so many, that they have need, not of a little,
but of a very great, resolution, and great grace from God, to
save them from falling away.
8. Speaking, then, of their beginnings who are determined to
follow after this good, and to succeed in their enterprise--what
I began to say [1] of mystical theology--I believe they call it
by that name--I shall proceed with hereafter--I have to say that
the labour is greatest at first; for it is they who toil, our
Lord, indeed, giving them strength. In the other degrees of
prayer, there is more of fruition; although they who are in the
beginning, the middle, and the end, have their crosses to carry:
the crosses, however, are different. They who would follow
Christ, if they do not wish to be lost, must walk in the way He
walked Himself. Blessed labours! even here, in this life, so
superabundantly rewarded!
9. I shall have to make use of a comparison; I should like to
avoid it, because I am a woman, and write simply what I have been
commanded. But this language of spirituality is so difficult of
utterance for those who are not learned, and such am I. I have
therefore to seek for some means to make the matter plain.
It may be that the comparison will very rarely be to the
purpose--your reverence will be amused when you see my stupidity.
I think, now, I have either read or heard of this comparison; but
as my memory is bad, I know not where, nor on what occasion;
however, I am satisfied with it for my present purpose. [2]
10. A beginner must look upon himself as making a garden, wherein
our Lord may take His delight, but in a soil unfruitful, and
abounding in weeds. His Majesty roots up the weeds, and has to
plant good herbs. Let us, then, take for granted that this is
already done when a soul is determined to give itself to prayer,
and has begun the practice of it. We have, then, as good
gardeners, by the help of God, to see that the plants grow, to
water them carefully, that they may not die, but produce
blossoms, which shall send forth much fragrance, refreshing to
our Lord, so that He may come often for His pleasure into this
garden, and delight Himself in the midst of these virtues.
11. Let us now see how this garden is to be watered, that we may
understand what we have to do: how much trouble it will cost us,
whether the gain be greater than the trouble, or how long a time
it will take us. It seems to me that the garden may be watered
in four ways: by water taken out of a well, which is very
laborious; or with water raised by means of an engine and
buckets, drawn by a windlass--I have drawn it this way
sometimes--it is a less troublesome way than the first, and gives
more water; or by a stream or brook, whereby the garden is
watered in a much better way--for the soil is more thoroughly
saturated, and there is no necessity to water it so often, and
the labour of the gardener is much less; or by showers of rain,
when our Lord Himself waters it, without labour on our part--and
this way is incomparably better than all the others of which I
have spoken.
12. Now, then, for the application of these four ways of
irrigation by which the garden is to be maintained; for without
water it must fail. The comparison is to my purpose, and it
seems to me that by the help of it I shall be able to explain, in
some measure, the four degrees of prayer to which our Lord, of
His goodness, has occasionally raised my soul. May He graciously
grant that I may so speak as to be of some service to one of
those who has commanded me to write, whom our Lord has raised in
four months to a greater height than I have reached in seventeen
years! He prepared himself better than I did, and therefore is
his garden without labour on his part, irrigated by these four
waters--though the last of them is only drop by drop; but it is
growing in such a way, that soon, by the help of our Lord, he
will be swallowed up therein, and it will be a pleasure to me, if
he finds my explanation absurd, that he should laugh at it.
13. Of those who are beginners in prayer, we may say, that they
are those who draw the water up out of the well--a process which,
as I have said, is very laborious; for they must be wearied in
keeping the senses recollected, and this is a great labour,
because the senses have been hitherto accustomed to distractions.
It is necessary for beginners to accustom themselves to disregard
what they hear or see, and to put it away from them during the
time of prayer; they must be alone, and in retirement think over
their past life. Though all must do this many times, beginners
as well as those more advanced; all, however, must not do so
equally, as I shall show hereafter. [3] Beginners at first suffer
much, because they are not convinced that they are penitent for
their sins; and yet they are, because they are so sincerely
resolved on serving God. They must strive to meditate on the
life of Christ, and the understanding is wearied thereby.
Thus far we can advance of ourselves--that is, by the grace of
God--for without that, as every one knows, we never can have one
good thought.
14. This is beginning to draw water up out of the well.
God grant there may be water in it! That, however, does not
depend on us; we are drawing it, and doing what we can towards
watering the flowers. So good is God, that when, for reasons
known to His Majesty--perhaps for our greater good--it is His
will the well should be dry, He Himself preserves the flowers
without water--we, like good gardeners, doing what lies in our
power--and makes our virtues grow. By water here I mean tears,
and if there be none, then tenderness and an inward feeling
of devotion.
15. What, then, will he do here who sees that, for many days, he
is conscious only of aridity, disgust, dislike, and so great an
unwillingness to go to the well for water, that he would give it
up altogether, if he did not remember that he has to please and
serve the Lord of the garden; if he did not trust that his
service was not in vain, and did not hope for some gain by a
labour so great as that of lowering the bucket into the well so
often, and drawing it up without water in it? It will happen
that he is often unable to move his arms for that purpose, or to
have one good thought: working with the understanding is drawing
water out of the well.
16. What, then, once more, will the gardener do now? He must
rejoice and take comfort, and consider it as the greatest favour
to labour in the garden of so great an Emperor; and as he knows
that he is pleasing Him in the matter--and his purpose must not
be to please himself, but Him--let him praise Him greatly for the
trust He has in him--for He sees that, without any recompense, he
is taking so much care of that which has been confided to him;
let him help Him to carry the Cross, and let him think how He
carried it all His life long; let him not seek his kingdom here,
nor ever intermit his prayer; and so let him resolve, if this
aridity should last even his whole life long, never to let Christ
fall down beneath the Cross. [4]
17. The time will come when he shall be paid once for all.
Let him have no fear that his labour is in vain: he serves a good
Master, Whose eyes are upon him. Let him make no account of evil
thoughts, but remember that Satan suggested them to St. Jerome
also in the desert. [5] These labours have their reward, I know
it; for I am one who underwent them for many years. When I drew
but one drop of water out of this blessed well, I considered it
was a mercy of God. I know these labours are very great, and
require, I think, greater courage than many others in this world;
but I have seen clearly that God does not leave them without a
great recompense, even in this life; for it is very certain that
in one hour, during which our Lord gave me to taste His
sweetness, all the anxieties which I had to bear when persevering
in prayer seem to me ever afterwards perfectly rewarded.
18. I believe that it is our Lord's good pleasure frequently in
the beginning, and at times in the end, to send these torments,
and many other incidental temptations, to try those who love Him,
and to ascertain if they will drink the chalice, [6] and help Him
to carry the Cross, before He intrusts them with His great
treasures. I believe it to be for our good that His Majesty
should lead us by this way, so that we may perfectly understand
how worthless we are; for the graces which He gives afterwards
are of a dignity so great, that He will have us by experience
know our wretchedness before He grants them, that it may not be
with us as it was with Lucifer.
19. What canst Thou do, O my Lord, that is not for the greater
good of that soul which Thou knowest to be already Thine, and
which gives itself up to Thee to follow Thee whithersoever Thou
goest, even to the death of the Cross; and which is determined to
help Thee to carry that Cross, and not to leave Thee alone with
it? He who shall discern this resolution in himself has nothing
to fear: no, no; spiritual people have nothing to fear. There is
no reason why he should be distressed who is already raised to so
high a degree as this is of wishing to converse in solitude with
God, and to abandon the amusements of the world. The greater
part of the work is done; give praise to His Majesty for it, and
trust in His goodness who has never failed those who love Him.
Close the eyes of your imagination, and do not ask why He gives
devotion to this person in so short a time, and none to me after
so many years. Let us believe that all is for our greater good;
let His Majesty guide us whithersoever He will: we are not our
own, but His. He shows us mercy enough when it is His pleasure
we should be willing to dig in His garden, and to be so near the
Lord of it: He certainly is near to us. If it be His will that
these plants and flowers should grow--some of them when He gives
water we may draw from the well, others when He gives none--what
is that to me? Do Thou, O Lord, accomplish Thy will; let me
never offend Thee, nor let my virtues perish; if Thou hast given
me any, it is out of Thy mere goodness. I wish to suffer,
because Thou, O Lord, hast suffered; do Thou in every way fulfil
Thy will in me, and may it never be the pleasure of Thy Majesty
that a gift of so high a price as that of Thy love, be given to
people who serve Thee only because of the sweetness they
find thereby.
20. It is much to be observed, and I say so because I know by
experience, that the soul which, begins to walk in the way of
mental prayer with resolution, and is determined not to care
much, neither to rejoice nor to be greatly afflicted, whether
sweetness and tenderness fail it, or our Lord grants them, has
already travelled a great part of the road. Let that soul, then,
have no fear that it is going back, though it may frequently
stumble; for the building is begun on a firm foundation. It is
certain that the love of God does not consist in tears, nor in
this sweetness and tenderness which we for the most part desire,
and with which we console ourselves; but rather in serving Him in
justice, fortitude, and humility. That seems to me to be a
receiving rather than a giving of anything on our part.
21. As for poor women, such as I am, weak and infirm of purpose,
it seems to me to be necessary that I should be led on through
consolations, as God is doing now, so that I might be able to
endure certain afflictions which it has pleased His Majesty I
should have. But when the servants of God, who are men of
weight, learning, and sense, make so much account, as I see they
do, whether God gives them sweetness in devotion or not, I am
disgusted when I listen to them. I do not say that they ought
not to accept it, and make much of it, when God gives
it--because, when He gives it, His Majesty sees it to be
necessary for them--but I do say that they ought not to grow
weary when they have it not. They should then understand that
they have no need of it, and be masters of themselves, when His
Majesty does not give it. Let them be convinced of this, there
is a fault here; I have had experience of it, and know it to be
so. Let them believe it as an imperfection: they are not
advancing in liberty of spirit, but shrinking like cowards from
the assault.
22. It is not so much to beginners that I say this--though I do
insist upon it, because it is of great importance to them that
they should begin with this liberty and resolution--as to others,
of whom there are many, who make a beginning, but never come to
the end; and that is owing, I believe, in great measure, to their
not having embraced the Cross from the first. They are
distressed, thinking they are doing nothing; the understanding
ceases from its acts, and they cannot bear it. Yet, perhaps, at
that very time, the will is feeding and gathering strength, and
they know it not.
23. We must suppose that our Lord does not regard these things;
for though they seem to us to be faults, yet they are not.
His Majesty knoweth our misery and natural vileness better than
we do ourselves. He knoweth that these souls long to be always
thinking of Him and loving Him. It is this resolution that He
seeks in us; the other anxieties which we inflict upon ourselves
serve to no other end but to disquiet the soul--which, if it be
unable to derive any profit in one hour, will by them be disabled
for four. This comes most frequently from bodily
indisposition--I have had very great experience in the matter,
and I know it is true; for I have carefully observed it and
discussed it afterwards with spiritual persons--for we are so
wretched, that this poor prisoner of a soul shares in the
miseries of the body. The changes of the seasons, and the
alterations of the humours, very often compel it, without fault
of its own, not to do what it would, but rather to suffer in
every way. Meanwhile, the more we force the soul on these
occasions, the greater the mischief, and the longer it lasts.
Some discretion must be used, in order to ascertain whether
ill-health be the occasion or not. The poor soul must not be
stifled. Let those who thus suffer understand that they are ill;
a change should be made in the hour of prayer, and oftentimes
that change should be continued for some days. Let souls pass out
of this desert as they can, for it is very often the misery of
one that loves God to see itself living in such wretchedness,
unable to do what it would, because it has to keep so evil a
guest as the body.
24. I spoke of discretion, because sometimes the devil will do
the same work; and so it is not always right to omit prayer when
the understanding is greatly distracted and disturbed, nor to
torment the soul to the doing of that which is out of its power.
There are other things then to be done--exterior works, as of
charity and spiritual reading--though at times the soul will not
be able to do them. Take care, then, of the body, for the love
of God, because at many other times the body must serve the soul;
and let recourse be had to some recreations--holy ones--such as
conversation, or going out into the fields, as the confessor
shall advise. Altogether, experience is a great matter, and it
makes us understand what is convenient for us. Let God be served
in all things--His yoke is sweet; [7] and it is of great
importance that the soul should not be dragged, as they say, but
carried gently, that it may make greater progress.
25. So, then, I come back to what I advised before [8]--and
though I repeat it often, it matters not; it is of great
importance that no one should distress himself on account of
aridities, or because his thoughts are restless and distracted;
neither should he be afflicted thereat, if he would attain to
liberty of spirit, and not be always in trouble. Let him begin
by not being afraid of the Cross, and he will see how our Lord
will help him to carry it, how joyfully he will advance, and what
profit he will derive from it all. It is now clear, if there is
no water in the well, that we at least can put none into it.
It is true we must not be careless about drawing it when there is
any in it, because at that time it is the will of God to multiply
our virtues by means thereof.
NOTES
1. Ch. x. § 1.
2. Vide St. Bernard, in Cantic. Serm. 30. n. 7, ed. Ben.
3. Ch. xiii. § 23.
4. See ch. xv. § 17.
5. Epist. 22, ad Eustochium: "O quoties ego ipse in eremo
constitutus, et in illa vasta solitudine quæ exusta solis
ardoribus horridum monachis præstat habitaculum putabam me
Romanis interesse deliciis. Sedebam solus. . . Horrebant sacco
membra deformia. . . . Ille igitur ego, qui ob Gehennæ metum tali
me carcere damnaveram, scorpionum tantum socius et ferarum, sæpe
choris intereram puellarum, pallebant ora jejuniis, et mens
desideriis æstuabat in frigido corpore, et ante hominem sua jam
carne præmortuum sola libidinum incendia bulliebant."
6. St. Matt. xx. 22: "Potestis bibere calicem?"
7. St. Matt. xi. 30: "Jugum enim meum suave est."
8. § 18.