my plan when I saw that my hope was vanishing and fading away, and did
not remove from Thessalonica. I resolved to remain there until I heard
from you on the subject mentioned in your last letter, namely, that
there was going to be some motion made in the senate on my case
immediately after the elections, and that Pompey had told you so.
Wherefore, as the elections are over and I have no letter from you, I
shall consider it as though you had written to say that nothing has come
of it, and I shall not feel annoyed at having been buoyed up by a hope
which did not keep me long in suspense. But the movement, which you said
in your letter that you foresaw as likely to be to my advantage, people
arriving here tell me will not occur.[330] My sole remaining hope is in
the tribunes-designate: and if I wait to see how that turns out, you
will have no reason to think of me as having been wanting to my own
cause or the wishes of my friends. As to your constantly finding fault
with me for being so overwhelmed by my misfortune, you ought to pardon
me when you see that I have sustained a more crushing blow than anyone
you have ever seen or heard of. As to your saying that you are told that
my intellect in even affected by grief, that is not so; my intellect is
quite sound. Oh that it had been as much so in the hour of danger! when
I found those, to whom I thought my safety was the dearest object of
their life, most bitterly and unfeelingly hostile: who, when they saw
that I had somewhat lost my balance from fear, left nothing undone which
malice and treachery could suggest in giving me the final push, to my
utter ruin. Now, as I must go to Cyzicus, where I shall get letters
more rarely, I beg you to write me word all the more carefully of
everything you may think I ought to know. Be sure you are affectionate
to my brother Quintus: if in all my misery I still leave him with rights
undiminished, I shall not consider myself utterly ruined.
5 August.
[Footnote 330: The probable split among the triumvirs, alluded to in
Letter LXIII.]
LXXI (Q FR I, 4)
TO HIS BROTHER QUINTUS (AT ROME)
THESSALONICA, AUGUST
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]
I beg you, my dear brother, if you and all my family have been ruined by
my single misfortune, not to attribute it to dishonesty and bad conduct
on my part, rather than to short-sightedness and the wretched state I
was in. I have committed no fault except in trusting those whom I
believed to be bound by the most sacred obligation not to deceive me, or
whom I thought to be even interested in not doing so. All my most
intimate, nearest and dearest friends were either alarmed for themselves
or jealous of me: the result was that all I lacked was good faith on the
part of my friends and caution on my own.[331] But if your own blameless
character and the compassion of the world prove sufficient to preserve
you at this juncture from molestation, you can, of course, observe
whether any hope of restoration is left for me. For Pomponius, Sestius,
and my son-in-law Piso have caused me as yet to stay at Thessalonica,
forbidding me, on account of certain impending movements, to increase my
distance. But in truth I am awaiting the result more on account of their
letters than from any firm hope of my own. For what can I hope with an
enemy possessed of the most formidable power, with my detractors masters
of the state, with friends unfaithful, with numbers of people jealous?
However, of the new tribunes there is one, it is true, most warmly
attached to me--Sestius--and I hope Curius, Milo, Fadius, Fabricius;
but still there is Clodius in violent opposition, who even when out of
office will be able to stir up the passions of the mob by the help of
that same gang, and then there will be found some one also to veto the
bill.
Such a state of things was not put before me when I was leaving Rome,
but I often used to be told that I was certain to return in three days
with the greatest _éclat_. "What made you go, then?" you will say. What,
indeed! Many circumstances concurred to throw me off my balance--the
defection of Pompey, the hostility of the consuls, and of the prætors
also, the timidity of the _publicani_, the armed bands. The tears of my
friends prevented me seeking refuge in death, which would certainly have
been the best thing for my honour, the best escape from unbearable
sorrows. But I have written to you on this subject in the letter I gave
to Phaetho. Now that you have been plunged into griefs and troubles,
such as no one ever was before, if the compassion of the world can
lighten our common misfortune, you will, it seems, score a success
beyond belief! But if we are both utterly ruined--ah me!--I shall have
been the absolute destruction of my whole family, to whom I used to be
at least no discredit! But pray, as I said in a previous letter to you,
look into the business, test it thoroughly, and write to me with the
candour which our situation demands, and not as your affection for me
would dictate. I shall retain my life as long as I shall think that it
is in your interest for me to do so, or that it ought to be preserved
with a view to future hope. You will find Sestius most friendly to us,
and I believe that Lentulus, the coming consul, will also be so for your
sake. However, deeds are not so easy as words. You will see what is
wanted and what the truth is. On the whole, supposing that no one takes
advantage of your unprotected position and our common calamity, it is by
your means, or not at all, that something may be effected. But even if
your enemies have begun to annoy you, don't flinch: for _you_ will be
attacked by legal process, not by swords. However, I hope that this may
not occur. I beg you to write me back word on all subjects, and to
believe that though I have less spirit and resource than in old times, I
have quite as much affection and loyalty.
[Footnote 331: Reading _defuit_ for _fuit_.]
LXXII (A III, 15)
TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)
THESSALONICA, 17 AUGUST
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]
On the 13th of August I received four letters from you: one in which you
urge me in a tone of reproof to be less weak; a second, in which you say
that Crassus's freedman has told you about my anxiety and leanness; a
third, in which you describe the proceedings in the senate; a fourth on
the subject of Varro's assurances to you as to the friendly feelings of
Pompey.
To the first my answer is this: though I do grieve, yet I keep all my
mental faculties, and it is precisely that which vexes me--I have no
opportunity and no one with whom to employ so sound an intellect. For if
you cannot find yourself separated from one individual like myself
without sorrow, what do you think must be my case, who am deprived both
of you and of everyone else? And if you, while still in possession of
all your rights, miss me, to what an extent do you think those rights
are missed by me? I will not enumerate the things of which I have been
despoiled, not only because you are not ignorant of them, but also lest
I should reopen my own sorrow. I only assert this, that never did anyone
in an unofficial position possess such great advantages, or fall into
such great miseries. Moreover, lapse of time not only does not soften
this grief, it even enhances it. For other sorrows are softened by age,
this one cannot but be daily increased both by my sense of present
misery and the recollection of my past life. For it is not only property
or friends that I miss, but myself. For what am I? But I will not allow
myself either to wring your soul with my complaints, or to place my
hands too often on my wounds. For as to your defence of those whom I
said had been jealous of me, and among them Cato, I indeed think that he
was so far removed from that crime, that I am above all things sorry
that the pretended zeal of others had more influence with me than his
honesty. As for your excuses for the others, they ought to be excused
in my eyes if they are so in yours. But all this is an old story now.
Crassus's freedman, I think, spoke without any real sincerity. In the
senate you say that the debate was satisfactory. But what about Curio?
Hasn't he read that speech? I can't make out how it got into
circulation! But Axius, in describing the proceedings of the same day,
does not speak so highly of Curio.[332] But he may be omitting
something; I know you have certainly not written anything except what
actually occurred. Varro's talk gives me some hope of Cæsar, and would
that Varro himself would throw himself into the cause! Which he
certainly will do, both of his own accord and under pressure from you.
For myself, if fortune ever grants me the enjoyment of you all and of my
country, I will at least take care that you shall, above all the rest of
my friends, have cause to be glad: and I will so discharge all the
duties of affection and friendship, which (to confess the truth) have
not heretofore been conspicuous, that you shall regard me as restored to
yourself as much as to my brother and my children. If I have in any way
sinned in my conduct to you, or rather since I have done so, pardon me.
For I have sinned more grievously against myself. And I do not write
this to you because I know you not to feel deeply for my misfortune: but
certainly if it had been a matter of _obligation_ with you, and had
always been so, to love me as much as you do and have done, you would
never have allowed me to lack that judgment with which you are so well
supplied,[333] nor would you have allowed me to be persuaded that the
passing of the bill for the "colleges" was to our advantage.[334] But
you did nothing but weep over my sorrow, as though you were my second
self. This was indeed a sign of your affection: but what might have been
done, if I had earned it at your hands--the spending by you of days and
nights in thinking out the course I ought to have pursued--that was
omitted, owing to my own culpable imprudence, not yours. Now if, I don't
say you only, but if there had been anyone to urge me, when alarmed at
Pompey's ungenerous answer,[335] not to adopt that most degrading
course--and you are the person that, above all others, could have done
it--I should either have died honourably, or we should have been living
to-day triumphant. In this you must forgive me. For I find much greater
fault with myself, and only call you in question afterwards, as at once
my second self and the sharer in my error; and, besides, if I am ever
restored, our mistake will seem still less in my eyes, and to you at
least I shall be endeared by your own kindness, since there is none on
my side.[336] There is something in the suggestion you mentioned as
having been made in your conversation with Culleo as to a
_privilegium_,[337] but by far the better course is to have the law
repealed. For if no one vetoes it, what course can be safer? But if
anyone is found to prohibit its passing, he will be equally able to veto
a decree of the senate. Nor is there need for the repeal of anything
else. For the previous law did not touch me: and if, on its publication,
I had chosen to speak in its favour, or to ignore it, as it ought to
have been ignored, it could not have done me any harm at all.[338] It
was at this point first that my judgment failed to assist me, nay, even
did me harm. Blind, blind, I say, was I in laying aside my senator's
toga, and in entreating the people; it was a fatal step to take before
some attack had been begun upon me by name.[339] But I am harping on the
past: it is, however, for the purpose of advising you, if any action is
to be taken, not to touch that law, in which there are many provisions
in the interests of the people. But it is foolish for me to be laying
down rules as to what you are to do and how. I only wish that something
may be done! And it is on that point that your letter displays much
reserve: I presume, to prevent my being too much agitated by despair.
For what action do you see possible to be taken, or in what way? Through
the senate? But you yourself told me that Clodius had fixed upon the
doorpost of the senate-house a certain clause in the law, "that it might
neither be put to the house nor mentioned."[340] How could
Domitius,[341] therefore, say that he would bring it before the house?
How came it about also that Clodius held his tongue, when those you
mention in your letter both spoke on the subject and demanded that a
motion should be brought in? But if you go to the people--can it be
carried except with the unanimous approval of the tribunes? What about
my property? What about my house? Will it be possible to have it
restored? Or, if that cannot, how can I be? Unless you see these
difficulties on the way to be solved, what is the hope to which you
invite me? But if, again, there is no hope, what sort of life is there
for me? So I await at Thessalonica the gazette of the proceedings of the
1st of August, in accordance with which I shall decide whether to take
refuge on your estate, in order at once to avoid seeing people I don't
want to see, to see you, according to your letter, and to be nearer at
hand in case of any motion being made (and this I understand is in
accordance with your view and that of my brother Quintus), or to depart
for Cyzicus. Now, my dear Pomponius, since you imparted to me none of
your wisdom in time to save me, either because you had made up your mind
that I had judgment enough of my own, or that you owed me nothing beyond
being by my side; and since, betrayed, beguiled, and hurried into a
snare as I was, I neglected all my defences, abandoned and left Italy,
which was everywhere on the _qui vive_ to defend me, and surrendered
myself and mine into the hands of enemies while you looked on and said
nothing, though, even if you were not my superior in mental power, you
were at least in less of a fright: now, if you can, raise the fallen,
and in that way assist me! But if every avenue is barred, take care that
I know that also, and cease at length either to scold me or to offer
your kindly-meant consolations. If I had meant to impeach your good
faith, I should not have chosen your roof, of all others, to which to
trust myself: it is my own folly that I blame for having thought that
your love for me was exactly what I could have wished it to be:[342] for
if that had been so, you would have displayed the same good faith, but
greater circumspection; at least, you would have held me back when
plunging headlong into ruin, and would not have had to encounter the
labours which you are now enduring in saving the wrecks of my fortunes.
Wherefore do be careful to look into, examine thoroughly, and write
fully everything that occurs, and resolve (as I am sure you do) that I
shall be _some one_, since I cannot now be the man I was and the man I
might have been; and lastly, believe that in this letter it is not you,
but myself that I have accused. If there are any people to whom you
think that letters ought to be delivered in my name, pray compose them
and see them delivered.
17 August.
[Footnote 332: Or, as Prof. Tyrrell suggests, "does not quote Curio to
that effect." I think, however, that Cicero does not use _laudo_ in this
sense except in connexion with _auctorem_, _auctores_, and even then
generally with a subsense, at least, of commendation. The speech was
composed to be delivered against the elder Curio and Clodius (see p.
155), but was never delivered. Its personal tone made it dangerous now.]
[Footnote 333: Cicero means that Atticus acted with the emotion
spontaneously arising from his affection, but not with the caution which
he would have shewn in doing a thing which he was under some obligation
to do.]
[Footnote 334: The ancient "colleges" or "clubs" had been gradually
increasing, and a decree of the senate in B.C. 64 had declared certain
of them unlawful. But Clodius had overridden this decree by a _lex_
early in B.C. 58, and many new ones were formed, which he used for his
political purposes (_pro Sest._ § 55; Dio, xxxviii. 13).]
[Footnote 335: That he could do nothing against the wishes of Cæsar
(_Att._ x. 4, § 3; cp. _in Pis._ § 77). According to Plutarch, Pompey
avoided a personal interview (_Cic._ 31).]
[Footnote 336: The kindness has been all on the side of Atticus, who
will therefore be attached to the object of it--for the benefactor loves
more than the benefited.]
[Footnote 337: A _privilegium_ was a law referring to a particular
person, which was forbidden by the twelve tables, and if it was shewn to
be unconstitutional a decree of the senate could declare it void. But
Cicero seems to think that such a proceeding of the senate would give a
possibility of raising the question afresh.]
[Footnote 338: The first bill named no one, but enacted that "anyone who
had put a citizen to death uncondemned should be forbidden fire and
water." The second, "that M. Tullius be forbidden fire and water."
Cicero says that the former did not touch him, I suppose, because it
could not be retrospective. This is in accordance with the view of
Cæsar, who approved of the law, but said that old sores ought not to be
ripped up--οὐ μὴν καὶ προσήκειν ἐπὶ παρεληλυθόσι τοιοῦτόν τινα νόμον
συγγράφεσθει (Dio, xxxviii. 17).]
[Footnote 339: Because it shewed that he considered himself as coming
under the new law.]
[Footnote 340: Letter LXVIII, p. 154.]
[Footnote 341: L. Domitius Ahenobarbus, who was a prætor this year.]
[Footnote 342: Though Cicero uses _tantum ... quantum_ here, he does not
mean that Atticus failed to love him enough--that would have been too
unreasonable. In a certain way he means that he loved him too much. He
allowed his spontaneous feelings full vent, without acting with the cool
wisdom which he would have shewn in fulfilling a duty or moral
obligation. It is more fully expressed above. Still, it was a difficult
thing to say, and he doesn't succeed in making it very clear.]
LXXIII (A III, 16)
TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)
THESSALONICA, 19 AUGUST
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]
My whole journey is in suspense till I receive letters from you all of
the 1st of August. For if there turns out to be any hope, I am for
Epirus: if not, I shall make for Cyzicus or some other place. Your
letter is cheerful[343] indeed, but at the same time, the oftener I read
it, the more it weakens the suggested ground for hope, so that it is
easy to see that you are trying to minister at once to consolation and
to truth. Accordingly, I beg you to write to me exactly what you know
and exactly what you think.
19 August.
[Footnote 343: Reading _lætæ_ for _lectæ_.]
LXXIV (A III, 17)
TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)
THESSALONICA, 4 SEPTEMBER
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]
News of my brother Quintus of an invariably gloomy nature reached me
from the 3rd of June up to the 29th of August. On that day, however,
Livineius, a freedman of Lucius Regulus, came to me by the direction of
Regulus himself.[344] He announced that absolutely no notice whatever
had been given of a prosecution, but that there had, nevertheless, been
some talk about the son of C. Clodius.[345] He also brought me a letter
from my brother Quintus. But next day came the slaves of Sestius, who
brought me a letter from you not so positive in regard to this alarm as
the conversation of Livineius had been. I am rendered very anxious in
the midst of my own endless distress, and the more so as Appius[346] has
the trial of the case. As to other circumstances mentioned in the same
letter by you in connexion with my hopes, I understand that things are
going less well than other people represent them. I, however, since we
are now not far from the time at which the matter will be decided, will
either go to your house or will still remain somewhere in this
neighbourhood. My brother writes me word that his interests are being
supported by you more than by anyone else. Why should I urge you to do
what you are already doing? or offer you thanks which you do not expect?
I only pray that fortune may give us the opportunity of enjoying our
mutual affection in security. I am always very anxious to get your
letters, in which I beg you not to be afraid of your minuteness boring
me, or your plain speaking giving me pain.
4 September.
[Footnote 344: L. Livineius Regulus, whom Cicero (_F._ xiii. 60) calls a
very intimate friend, and says that his freedman Trypho stood his friend
in the hour of need. He seems to have been condemned (in B.C. 56?) for
something, but he afterwards served under Iulius Cæsar (_B. Afr._ § 9).
The freedman's full name was L. Livineius Trypho.]
[Footnote 345: About Appius acting as prosecutor of Quintus. He was a
nephew of P. Clodius. See Letter CCXXII.]
[Footnote 346: Appius Claudius Pulcher, brother of P. Clodius, was
prætor-designate for B.C. 57, and had allotted to him the _quæstio de
rebus repetundis_ (_pro Sest._ § 78). He was consul B.C. 54.]
LXXV (A III, 18)
TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)
THESSALONICA (SEPTEMBER)
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]
You raised no little flutter in my mind when you said in your letter
that Varro had assured you as a friend that Pompey would certainly take
up my case, and that as soon as he had received a letter from Cæsar,
which he was expecting, he would even name some one to formally carry
out the business. Was that all mere talk, or was the letter from Cæsar
hostile? Is there some ground for hope? You mentioned, too, that Pompey
had also used the expression "after the elections." Pray, as you can
conceive the severity of the troubles by which I am prostrated, and as
you must think it natural to your kindness to do so, inform me fully as
to the whole state of my case. For my brother Quintus, dear good fellow,
who is so much attached to me, fills his letters with hopeful
expressions, fearing, I suppose, my entirely losing heart. Whereas your
letters vary in tone; for you won't have me either despair or cherish
rash hopes. I beseech you to let me know everything as far as you can
detect the truth.
LXXVI (A III, 19)
TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)
THESSALONICA, 15 SEPTEMBER
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]
As long as my letters from you all continued to be of such a nature as
to keep expectation alive, I was bound to Thessalonica by hope and eager
longing: afterwards, when all political measures for this year appeared
to me to be over, I yet determined not to go to Asia, both because a
crowd of people is disagreeable to me, and because, in case any movement
was set on foot by the new magistrates, I was unwilling to be far off.
Accordingly, I resolved to go to your house in Epirus, not because the
natural features of the country mattered to me, shunning as I do the
light of day altogether, but because it will be most grateful to my
feelings to set out from a harbour of yours to my restoration; and, if
that restoration is denied me, there is no place where I shall with
greater ease either support this most wretched existence or (which is
much better) rid myself of it. I shall be in a small society: I shall
shake off the crowd. Your letters have never raised me to such a pitch
of hope as those of others; and yet my hopes have always been less warm
than your letters. Nevertheless, since a beginning has been made in the
case, of whatever sort and from whatever motive, I will not disappoint
the sad and touching entreaties of my best and only brother, nor the
promises of Sestius and others, nor the hopes of my most afflicted wife,
nor the entreaties of my most unhappy Tulliola, as well as your own
loyal letter. Epirus will furnish me with a road to restoration or to
that other alternative mentioned above. I beg and entreat of you, Titus
Pomponius, as you see that I have been despoiled by the treachery of men
of all that most adds splendour to life, of all that can most gratify
and delight the soul, as you see that I have been betrayed and cast away
by my own advisers, as you understand that I have been forced to ruin
myself and my family--help me by your compassion, and support my brother
Quintus, who is still capable of being saved; protect Terentia and my
children. For myself, if you think it possible that you may see me at
Rome, wait for me; if not, come to see me if you can, and make over to
me just so much of your land as may be covered by my corpse. Finally,
send slaves to me with letters as soon and as often as possible.
15 September.
LXXVII (A III, 20)
TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)
THESSALONICA, 4 OCTOBER
_Cicero greets Q. Cæcilius Pomponianus Atticus, son of Quintus._[347]
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]