have done, I approve in the strongest manner possible: I will say I am
"glad," when circumstances shall admit of my using such a word. Ah me!
how well everything would have been going if my own spirit, my own
judgment, and the good faith of those on whom I relied had not failed
me! But I won't review these circumstances lest I increase my sorrow.
Yet I feel sure that it occurs to your mind what a life ours was, how
delightful, how dignified. To recover this, in the name of fortune,
bestow all your energies, as I know you do, and take care that I keep
the birthday of my return in your delightful house with you and my
family. For this hope and expectation, though now put before me as being
very strong, I yet wished to wait in your home in Epirus; but my letters
are such as to make me think it better not to be in the same
neighbourhood. What you say in your letter about my town house and about
Curio's speech is exactly true. Under the general act of restoration, if
only that is accorded me, everything will be included, of which I care
for nothing more than for my house. But I don't give you any precise
injunction, I trust myself wholly to your affection and honour. I am
very glad to hear that you have extricated yourself from every
embarrassment in view of so large an inheritance. As to your promise to
employ your means in securing my restoration, though I am in all points
assisted by you above all others, yet I quite see what a support that
is, and I fully understand that you are undertaking and can carry on
many departments of my cause, and do not need to be asked to do so. You
tell me not to suspect that your feelings have been at all affected by
acts of commission or omission on my part towards you--well, I will obey
you and will get rid of that anxiety; yet I shall owe you all the more
from the fact that your kind consideration for me has been on a higher
level than mine for you. Please tell me in your letters whatever you
see, whatever you make out, whatever is being done in my case, and
exhort all your friends to help in promoting my recall. The bill of
Sestius[348] does not shew sufficient regard for my dignity or
sufficient caution. For the proposed law ought to mention me by name,
and to contain a carefully expressed clause about my property. Pray see
to it.
Thessalonica, 4 October.
[Footnote 347: Cicero gives Atticus his full name, rather playfully, as
it was a new acquisition. His uncle, Q. Cæcilius, dying this year, left
him heir to a large fortune, and adopted him in his will (Nep. _Att._
5). He therefore, according to custom, took his uncle's _prænomen_ and
_nomen_, Q. Cæcilius, retaining his own _nomen_ in an adjectival form
(Pomponianus) as a _cognomen_, just as C. Octavius became, by his
uncle's will, _C. Iulius Cæsar Octavianus_. His additional name of
Atticus remained as before, and in ordinary life was his usual
designation. See p. 15.]
[Footnote 348: Sestius, tribune-elect for B.C. 57, would come into
office 10th December, B.C. 58. He means to bring a bill before the
people for Cicero's recall, and a draft of it has been sent to Cicero,
who criticises it as not entering sufficiently into details, though he
had before said that a general _restitutio in integrum_ covered
everything; but perhaps this bill only repealed the Clodian law as a
_privilegium_, without mentioning anything else.]
LXXVIII (F XIV, 2)
TO TERENTIA (AT ROME)
THESSALONICA, 5 OCTOBER
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]
Greetings to Terentia, and Tulliola, and Cicero. Don't suppose that I
write longer letters to anyone else, unless some one has written at
unusual length to me, whom I think myself bound to answer. For I have
nothing to write about, and there is nothing at such a time as this that
I find it more difficult to do. Moreover, to you and my dear Tulliola I
cannot write without many tears. For I see you reduced to the greatest
misery--the very people whom I desired to be ever enjoying the most
complete happiness, a happiness which it was my bounden duty to secure,
and which I should have secured if I had not been such a coward. Our
dear Piso I love exceedingly for his noble conduct. I have to the best
of my ability encouraged him by letter to proceed, and thanked him, as I
was bound to do. I gather that you entertain hopes in the new tribunes.
We shall have reason to depend on that, if we may depend on Pompey's
goodwill, but yet I am nervous about Crassus. I gather that you have
behaved in every respect with the greatest courage and most loyal
affection, nor am I surprised at it; but I grieve that the position
should be such that my miseries are relieved by such heavy ones on your
part. For a kind friend of ours, Publius Valerius, has told me in a
letter which I could not read without violent weeping, how you had been
dragged from the temple of Vesta to the Valerian bank.[349] To think of
it, my dear, my love! You from whom everybody used to look for
help![350] That you, my Terentia, should now be thus harassed, thus
prostrate in tears and humiliating distress! And that this should be
brought about by my fault, who have preserved the rest of the citizens
only to perish myself! As to what you say about our town house, or
rather its site, I shall not consider myself fully restored, until it
has also been restored for me. However, these things are not yet within
our grasp. I am only sorry that you, impoverished and plundered as you
are, should be called upon to bear any part of the present expenses. Of
course, if the business is successfully accomplished we shall get
everything back: but if the same evil fortune keeps us down, will you be
so foolish as to throw away even the poor remains of your fortune?[351]
I beseech you, my life, as far as expense goes, allow others to bear it,
who are well able if they are only willing to do so; and do not, as you
love me, try your delicate constitution. For I have you day and night
before my eyes: I see you eagerly undertaking labours of every kind: I
fear you cannot endure them. Yet I see that everything depends on you!
Wherefore, to enable us to attain what you hope and are striving for,
attend carefully to your health. _I_ don't know to whom to write except
to those who write to me, or to those about whom you say something in
your letters. I will not go farther off, since that is your wish, but
pray send me a letter as often as possible, especially if there is
anything on which we may safely build our hope. Good-bye, my loves,
good-bye!
Thessalonica, 5 October.
[Footnote 349: Terentia, whose half-sister was a Vestal, seems to have
taken sanctuary with the Vestals, as did the mother and sister of
Augustus in B.C. 43. The special indignity of which Cicero complains is
that she had been forced to leave the sanctuary and appear at the bank
of Valerius, but for what purpose we cannot now tell. It is suggested
that it was to make some solemn declaration as to her husband's
property, some of which she may be supposed to have tried to conceal.
The term _ducta esses_ is that applied to prisoners led through the
streets, but we may regard it as used _ad invidiam_.]
[Footnote 350: In securing her husband's advocacy.]
[Footnote 351: Mention is made of Terentia's separate estate in Letters
XXX and LXXXI.]
LXXIX (A III, 21)
TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)
THESSALONICA, 28 OCTOBER
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]
It is exactly thirty days to the writing of this letter since I have
heard from you. Well, my present intention is, as I have told you, to go
into Epirus and there by preference to await whatever may turn up. I beg
you to write to me with the utmost openness whatever you perceive to be
the state of the case, and whether it is for good or evil, and also to
send a letter, as you say, in my name to whomsoever you think it
necessary.
28 October.
LXXX (A III, 22)
TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)
THESSALONICA AND DYRRACHIUM, 27 NOVEMBER
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]
Though my brother Quintus and Piso have given me a careful account of
what has been done, yet I could have wished that your engagements had
not hindered you from writing fully to me, as has been your custom, what
was on foot and what you understood to be the facts. Up to the present,
Plancius[352] keeps me here by his generous treatment, though I have
several times already made an effort to go to Epirus. He has conceived a
hope, which I do not share, that we may possibly quit the province
together: he hopes that that may redound greatly to his credit. But as
soon as news shall come that soldiers are on their way hither,[353] I
shall have to insist on quitting him. And as soon as I do that I will
at once send you word, that you may know where I am. Lentulus,[354] in
his own peculiar zeal for my cause, which he manifests by action and
promises and writings, gives me some hope of Pompey's friendly feelings.
For you have often told me in your letters that the latter was wholly
devoted to him. As to Metellus,[355] my brother has written me word that
by your agency as much has been accomplished as he had hoped. My dear
Pomponius, fight hard that I may be allowed to live with you and my own
family, and write me everything that occurs. I am heavy with sorrow and
regret for all my dear ones, who have always been dearer to me than
myself. Take care of your health.
* * * * *
Dyrrachium, 27 November. As, if I went through Thessaly into Epirus, I
should have been likely to be a very long time without any intelligence,
and as I have warm friends in the people of Dyrrachium, I have come to
them, after writing the former part of this letter at Thessalonica. When
I turn my face from this town towards your house I will let you know,
and for your part I would have you write me everything with the utmost
particularity, whatever its nature. I am now expecting some definite
step or the abandonment of all hope.
[Footnote 352: Cn. Plancius, quæstor in Macedonia, whose kindness Cicero
lauds highly when defending him in B.C. 54.]
[Footnote 353: The forces of the new governor, L. Calpurnius Piso, who
was to have Macedonia after his consulship, and would be sending his
troops on before him.]
[Footnote 354: P. Cornelius Lentulus, consul-designate for B.C. 57.]
[Footnote 355: Q. Cæcilius Metellus Nepos, consul-designate for B.C. 57.
See pp. 22-23.]
LXXXI (F XIV, 1)
TO TERENTIA
PARTLY WRITTEN AT THESSALONICA, PARTLY AT DYRRACHIUM, 28 NOVEMBER
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]
Greetings to his Terentia, Tulliola, and Cicero. I learn, both from the
letters of many and the conversation of all whom I meet, that you are
shewing a virtue and courage surpassing belief; and that you give no
sign of fatigue in mind or body from your labours. Ah me! To think that
a woman of your virtue, fidelity, uprightness, and kindness should have
fallen into such troubles on my account! And that my little Tullia
should reap such a harvest of sorrow from the father, from whom she used
to receive such abundant joys! For why mention my boy Cicero, who from
the first moment of conscious feeling has been made aware of the
bitterest sorrows and miseries? And if, as you say, I had thought these
things the work of destiny, I could have borne them somewhat more
easily, but they were really all brought about by my own fault, in
thinking myself beloved by those who were really jealous of me, and in
not joining those who really wanted me.[356] But if I had followed my
own judgment, and had not allowed the observations of friends, who were
either foolish or treacherous, to have such great influence with me, we
should have been living at the height of bliss. As it is, since friends
bid us hope, I will do my best to prevent my weakness of health from
failing to second your efforts. I fully understand the magnitude of the
difficulty, and how much easier it will turn out to have been to stay at
home than to get back. However, if we have all the tribunes on our side,
if we find Lentulus as zealous as he appears to be, if, finally, we have
Pompey and Cæsar, there is no reason to despair. About our slaves,[357]
we will do what you say is the opinion of our friends. As to this place,
by this time the epidemic has taken its departure; but while it lasted,
it did not touch me. Plancius, the kindest of men, desires me to stay
with him and still keeps me from departing. I wanted to be in a less
frequented district in Epirus, to which neither Hispo[358] nor soldiers
would come, but as yet Plancius keeps me from going; he hopes that he
may possibly quit his province for Italy in my company. And if ever I
see that day, and come once more into your arms, and if I ever recover
you all and myself, I shall consider that I have reaped a sufficient
harvest both of your piety and my own. Piso's[359] kindness, virtue, and
affection toward us all are so great that nothing can surpass them. I
hope his conduct may be a source of pleasure to him, a source of glory I
see clearly that it will be. I did not mean to find fault with you about
my brother Quintus, but I wished that you all, especially considering
how few there are of you, should be as closely united as possible. Those
whom you wished me to thank I have thanked, and told them that my
information came from you. As to what you say in your letter, my dear
Terentia, about your intention of selling the village, alas! in heaven's
name, what will become of you? And if the same ill-fortune continues to
pursue us, what will become of our poor boy? I cannot write the rest--so
violent is my outburst of weeping, and I will not reduce you to the same
tearful condition. I only add this: if my friends remain loyal to me,
there will be no lack of money; if not, you will not be able to effect
our object out of your own purse. In the name of our unhappy fortunes,
beware how we put the finishing stroke to the boy's ruin. If he has
something to keep him from absolute want, he will need only moderate
character and moderate luck to attain the rest. See to your health, and
mind you send me letter-carriers, that I may know what is going on and
what you are all doing. I have in any case only a short time to wait.
Give my love to Tulliola and Cicero. Good-bye.
Dyrrachium,[360] 27 November.
* * * * *
P.S.--I have come to Dyrrachium both because it is a free state, very
kindly disposed to me, and the nearest point to Italy.[361] But if the
crowded condition of the place offends me, I shall take myself elsewhere
and I will write you word.
[Footnote 356: The party of the triumvirs.]
[Footnote 357: See Letter LXI, p. 142.]
[Footnote 358: A centurion or other officer in the army of Piso crossing
to Macedonia. But the name is otherwise unknown, and some have thought
that it is an intentional disguise for the name of _Piso_ himself.]
[Footnote 359: Cicero's son-in-law.]
[Footnote 360: The greater part of this letter was evidently written at
Thessalonica. Cicero appears to have put the date and place of departure
to it after arriving at Dyrrachium, and then added a postscript to
explain why he had come there.]
[Footnote 361: As a _libera civitas_ Dyrrachium had the _ius exilii_,
and would not be filled with Roman officials. The crowded state of the
town--by which Cicero means crowded with Romans--would arise from its
being the usual place of disembarkation from Rome across the north of
the Greek peninsula to the East. There was doubtless always a large
traffic between it and Brundisium, but at this time of year, when
sailing would be, if possible, avoided, he might hope to find it
somewhat less crowded.]
LXXXII (A III, 23)
TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)
DYRRACHIUM, 29 NOVEMBER
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]
On the 26th of November I received three letters from you, one dated
25th of October, in which you exhort me to await the month of January
with a good heart, and write at length on such topics as you think tend
to encourage my hopes--as to the zeal of Lentulus, the goodwill of
Metellus, and the general policy of Pompey. In the second letter,
contrary to your usual custom, you append no date, but give sufficient
indication of the time of its writing. For the law having been published
by the eight tribunes, you mention that you wrote this letter on the
very same day, that is, the 29th of October,[362] and you say what good
you think that publication has done. In regard to which, if my
restoration is to be despaired of along with this law, I would have you
think in your affection for me that my fruitless exertions are pitiable
rather than foolish: but if there is any ground for hope, try and secure
that my cause may be hereafter supported with greater attention to
details by the new magistrates. For this bill of the old tribunes[363]
had three clauses, of which the one relating to my return was carelessly
drafted. For nothing is restored to me except my citizenship and
senatorial rank: which, in the circumstances of my position, suffices
me, but it does not escape your observation what special provisions will
have to be made, and in what manner. The second clause is the usual
one--"If anything be done in virtue of this law against other
laws."[364] But observe, my dear Pomponius, what the object of the third
clause is, and by whom it has been put in. For you know that Clodius
provided that it should be scarcely possible, or rather altogether
impossible, for his law to be deprived of validity either by senate or
people. But you must see that the penal provisions of such laws as are
repealed have never been observed. For in that case hardly any law could
be repealed at all--for there is no law which does not hedge itself in
by trying to make repeal difficult--but when a law is repealed, so is
the clause meant to prevent its repeal. Now, though this is in truth the
case, since it has been the universal doctrine and practice, our eight
tribunes introduced the following clause: _If any provision is contained
in this bill which, in view of existing laws or plebiscites_ (_i.e._,
Clodius's law), _it is not lawful without incurring penalty, now or
heretofore, whether to publish, repeal, amend, or supersede, or whereby
he who has so published or amended would be liable to penalty or
fine--such provision is not enacted by this law_. And observe that this
contingency did not touch the case of those eight tribunes, for they
were not bound by a law emanating from their own body.[365] Which makes
one the more suspicious of some evil intention, since they have added a
clause which did not affect themselves, but was against my interests: so
that the new tribunes, if they happened to be somewhat timid, would
think it still more necessary to employ the clause.[366] And Clodius did
not fail to notice this. For he said in the public meeting of November
the third, that by this clause a limit to their legal powers was laid
down for the tribunes-designate; and yet it cannot escape your notice
that in no law is there a clause of the sort: whereas, if it had been
necessary, everybody would have employed it in repealing a law. How this
point came to escape Ninnius[367] and the rest, pray find out, and who
introduced the clause, and how it was that the eight tribunes did not
hesitate to bring my case before the senate--which implies that they did
not think that clause of the law binding--and were yet so cautious in
their proposal for its repeal, as to be afraid (though not personally
liable) of what need not be taken into consideration, even by those who
are bound by the law. This clause I would not have the new tribunes
propose; however, let them only carry something, no matter what: I shall
be content with the single clause recalling me, so long only as the
business is done. I have for some time been feeling ashamed of writing
at such length; for I fear by the time you read this it will be all up
with any hopes, so that this minute criticism of mine may seem pitiable
to you and ridiculous to others. But if there is any ground for hope,
pray look at the law which Visellius[368] drafted for T. Fadius. I like
it very much: for that of our friend Sestius, which you say has your
approbation, I don't like.
The third letter is dated 12th of November, in which you explain with
wisdom and care what the circumstances are which seem to cause a
postponement of my affair, and about Crassus, Pompey, and the rest.
Accordingly, I beg you, if there is any hope that the matter can be
settled by the zeal of the loyalists, by the exertion of influence, and
by getting numbers on our side, to endeavour to break through all
difficulties at a rush, to throw your whole weight into the attempt, and
incite others to do the same. But if, as I perceive from your
conjectures as well as my own, there is no hope left, I beg and implore
you to cherish my brother Quintus, whom I to our mutual misery have
ruined, and not allow him to do anything to himself which would be to
the detriment of your sister's son. My little Cicero, to whom, poor boy!
I leave nothing but prejudice and the blot upon my name, pray protect to
the best of your power. Terentia, that most afflicted of women, sustain
by your kindness. I shall start for Epirus as soon as I have received
news of the first days of the new tribunate.[369] Pray describe fully to
me in your next letter what sort of a beginning is made.
29 November.
[Footnote 362: This bill for Cicero's recall would, of course, be vetoed
by Clodius, and could not therefore be passed, but it would probably
influence the action of the new tribunes for B.C. 57.]
[Footnote 363: _I.e._, the tribunes of B.C. 58.]
[Footnote 364: _I.e._, securing indemnity to the proposers if there is a
technical breach of existing laws, something like the common
clause--"all statutes to the contrary notwithstanding."]
[Footnote 365: The Clodian law.]
[Footnote 366: Because they would not be protected as the previous
tribunes were by the fact of the Clodian law (which alone was
contravened) having emanated from their own _collegium_.]
[Footnote 367: L. Quadratus Ninnius, tribune-elect. On the 1st of June
next he brought forward the question of Cicero's restoration in the
senate.]
[Footnote 368: Cicero's cousin, C. Visellius Varro, a learned
jurisconsult (_Brut._ § 264; 1 _Verr._ § 71).]
[Footnote 369: The tribunes came into office on the 10th of December,
nearly three weeks before the consuls, prætors, etc., who entered office
on the 1st of January.]
LXXXIII (F XIV, 3)
TO TERENTIA (AT ROME)
DYRRACHIUM, 29 NOVEMBER
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]
Greetings to his Terentia, Tulliola, and Cicero. I have received three
letters from the hands of Aristocritus, which I almost obliterated with
tears. For I am thoroughly weakened with sorrow, my dear Terentia, and
it is not my own miseries that torture me more than yours--and yours, my
children! Moreover, I am more miserable than you in this, that whereas
the disaster is shared by us both, yet the fault is all my own. It was
my duty to have avoided the danger by accepting a legation,[370] or to
resist it by careful management and the resources at my command, or to
fall like a brave man. Nothing was more pitiful, more base, or more
unworthy of myself than the line I actually took. Accordingly, it is
with shame as well as grief that I am overpowered. For I am ashamed of
not having exhibited courage and care to a most excellent wife and most
darling children. I have, day and night, before my eyes the mourning
dresses, the tears of you all, and the weakness of your own health,
while the hope of recall presented to me is slender indeed. Many are
hostile, nearly all jealous. To expel me had been difficult, to keep me
out is easy. However, as long as you entertain any hope, I will not give
way, lest all should seem lost by my fault. As to your anxiety for my
personal safety, that is now the easiest thing in the world for me, for
even my enemies desire me to go on living in this utter wretchedness. I
will, however, do as you bid me. I have thanked the friends you desired
me to thank, and I have delivered the letters to Dexippus, and have
mentioned that you had informed me of their kindness. That our Piso has
shewn surprising zeal and kindness to us I can see for myself, but
everybody also tells me of it. God grant that I may be allowed, along
with you and our children, to enjoy the actual society of such a
son-in-law! For the present our one remaining hope is in the new
tribunes, and that, too, in the first days of their office; if the
matter is allowed to get stale, it is all over with us. It is for that
reason that I have sent Aristocritus back to you at once, in order that
you may be able to write to me on the spot as to the first official
steps taken, and the progress of the whole business; although I have
also given Dexippus orders to hurry back here at once, and I have sent a
message to my brother to despatch letter-carriers frequently. For the
professed object of my being at Dyrrachium at the present juncture is
that I may hear as speedily as possible what is being done; and I am in
no personal danger, for this town has always been defended by me. When I
am told that enemies are on their way here I shall retire into Epirus.
As to your coming to me, as you say you will if I wish it--for my part,
knowing that a large part of this burden is supported by you, I should
like you to remain where you are. If you succeed in your attempt I must
come to you: but if, on the other hand--but I needn't write the rest.
From your first, or at most, your second letter, I shall be able to
decide what I must do. Only be sure you tell me everything with the
greatest minuteness, although I ought now to be looking out for some
practical step rather than a letter. Take care of your health, and
assure yourself that nothing is or has ever been dearer to me than you
are. Good-bye, my dear Terentia, whom I seem to see before my eyes, and
so am dissolved in tears. Good-bye!
29 November.
[Footnote 370: Either the _libera legatio_ or the acting _legatio_ in
Gaul, both of which Cæsar offered him.]
LXXXIV (A III, 24)
TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)
DYRRACHIUM, 10 DECEMBER
[Sidenote: B.C. 58, ÆT. 48]