The Occasion of the Law-suit.
I need not tell you of the great quarrels that have happened in our
neighbourhood since the death of the late Lord Strutt[171]; how the
parson[172] and a cunning attorney got him to settle his estate upon
his cousin Philip Baboon, to the great disappointment of his cousin
Esquire South. Some stick not to say that the parson and the attorney
forged a will; for which they were well paid by the family of the
Baboons. Let that be as it will, it is matter of fact that the honour
and estate have continued ever since in the person of Philip Baboon.
You know that the Lord Strutts have for many years been possessed of a
very great landed estate, well-conditioned, wooded, watered, with coal,
salt, tin, copper, iron, &c., all within themselves; that it has been
the misfortune of that family to be the property of their stewards,
tradesmen, and inferior servants, which has brought great incumbrances
upon them; at the same time, their not abating of their expensive way
of living has forced them to mortgage their best manors. It is credibly
reported that the butcher's and baker's bill of a Lord Strutt that
lived two hundred years ago are not yet paid.
When Philip Baboon came first to the possession of the Lord Strutt's
estate, his tradesmen,[173] as is usual upon such occasion, waited upon
him to wish him joy and bespeak his custom. The two chief were John
Bull,[174] the clothier, and Nic. Frog,[175] the linen-draper. They
told him that the Bulls and Frogs had served the Lord Strutts with
drapery-ware for many years; that they were honest and fair dealers;
that their bills had never been questioned, that the Lord Strutts lived
generously, and never used to dirty their fingers with pen, ink, and
counters; that his lordship might depend upon their honesty that they
would use him as kindly as they had done his predecessors. The young
lord seemed to take all in good part, and dismissed them with a deal of
seeming content, assuring them he did not intend to change any of the
honourable maxims of his predecessors.
How Bull and Frog grew jealous that the Lord Strutt intended to
give all his custom to his grandfather, Lewis Baboon.
It happened unfortunately for the peace of our neighbourhood that
this young lord had an old cunning rogue, or, as the Scots call it,
a false loon of a grandfather, that one might justly call a
Jack-of-all-Trades.[176] Sometimes you would see him behind his
counter selling broadcloth, sometimes measuring linen; next day he
would be dealing in mercery-ware. High heads, ribbons, gloves, fans,
and lace he understood to a nicety. Charles Mather could not bubble a
young beau better with a toy; nay, he would descend even to the selling
of tape, garters, and shoe-buckles. When shop was shut up he would go
about the neighbourhood and earn half-a-crown by teaching the young men
and maids to dance. By these methods he had acquired immense riches,
which he used to squander[177] away at back-sword, quarter-staff, and
cudgel-play, in which he took great pleasure, and challenged all the
country. You will say it is no wonder if Bull and Frog should be
jealous of this fellow. "It is not impossible," says Frog to Bull, "but
this old rogue will take the management of the young lord's business
into his hands; besides, the rascal has good ware, and will serve him
as cheap as anybody. In that case, I leave you to judge what must
become of us and our families; we must starve, or turn journeyman to
old Lewis Baboon. Therefore, neighbour, I hold it advisable that we
write to young Lord Strutt to know the bottom of this matter."
A Copy of Bull and Frog's Letter to Lord Strutt.
My Lord,--I suppose your lordship knows that the Bulls and the Frogs
have served the Lord Strutts with all sorts of drapery-ware time out of
mind. And whereas we are jealous, not without reason, that your
lordship intends henceforth to buy of your grandsire old Lewis Baboon,
this is to inform your lordship that this proceeding does not suit with
the circumstances of our families, who have lived and made a good
figure in the world by the generosity of the Lord Strutts. Therefore we
think fit to acquaint your lordship that you must find sufficient
security to us, our heirs, and assigns that you will not employ Lewis
Baboon, or else we will take our remedy at law, clap an action upon you
of £20,000 for old debts, seize and distrain your goods and chattels,
which, considering your lordship's circumstances, will plunge you into
difficulties, from which it will not be easy to extricate yourself.
Therefore we hope, when your lordship has better considered on it, you
will comply with the desire of
Your loving friends,
JOHN BULL.
NIC. FROG.
Some of Bull's friends advised him to take gentler methods with the
young lord, but John naturally loved rough play. It is impossible to
express the surprise of the Lord Strutt upon the receipt of this
letter. He was not flush in ready money either to go to law or clear
old debts, neither could he find good bail. He offered to bring matters
to a friendly accommodation, and promised, upon his word of honour,
that he would not change his drapers; but all to no purpose, for Bull
and Frog saw clearly that old Lewis would have the cheating of him.
How Bull and Frog went to law with Lord Strutt about the premises,
and were joined by the rest of the tradesmen.
All endeavours of accommodation between Lord Strutt and his drapers
proved vain. Jealousies increased, and, indeed, it was rumoured abroad
that Lord Strutt had bespoke his new liveries of old Lewis Baboon. This
coming to Mrs. Bull's ears, when John Bull came home, he found all his
family in an uproar. Mrs. Bull, you must know, was very apt to be
choleric. "You sot," says she, "you loiter about ale-houses and
taverns, spend your time at billiards, ninepins, or puppet-shows, or
flaunt about the streets in your new gilt chariot, never minding me nor
your numerous family. Don't you hear how Lord Strutt has bespoke his
liveries at Lewis Baboon's shop? Don't you see how that old fox steals
away your customers, and turns you out of your business every day, and
you sit like an idle drone, with your hands in your pockets? Fie upon
it. Up, man, rouse thyself; I'll sell to my shift before I'll be so
used by that knave."[178] You must think Mrs. Bull had been pretty well
tuned up by Frog, who chimed in with her learned harangue. No further
delay now, but to counsel learned in the law they go, who unanimously
assured them both of justice and infallible success of their lawsuit.
I told you before that old Lewis Baboon was a sort of a
Jack-of-all-trades, which made the rest of the tradesmen jealous, as
well as Bull and Frog; they, hearing of the quarrel, were glad of an
opportunity of joining against old Lewis Baboon, provided that Bull and
Frog would bear the charges of the suit. Even lying Ned, the
chimney-sweeper of Savoy, and Tom, the Portugal dustman, put in their
claims, and the cause was put into the hands of Humphry Hocus, the
attorney.
A declaration was drawn up to show "That Bull and Frog had undoubted
right by prescription to be drapers to the Lord Strutts; that there
were several old contracts to that purpose; that Lewis Baboon had taken
up the trade of clothier and draper without serving his time or
purchasing his freedom; that he sold goods that were not marketable
without the stamp; that he himself was more fit for a bully than a
tradesman, and went about through all the country fairs challenging
people to fight prizes, wrestling and cudgel-play, and abundance more
to this purpose".