First published as a political pamphlet, this piece had an
extraordinary run of popularity. It was originally issued in four
parts, but these afterwards were reduced to two, without any
omission, however, of matter. They appeared during the years
1712-13, and the satire was finally published in book form in 1714.
The author was the intimate friend of Swift, Pope, and Gay. The
volume was exceedingly popular in Tory circles. The examples I have
selected are "The Preface" and also the opening chapters of the
history, which I have made to run on without breaking them up into
the short divisions of the text.
When I was first called to the office of historiographer to John Bull,
he expressed himself to this purpose: "Sir Humphrey Polesworth[166], I
know you are a plain dealer; it is for that reason I have chosen you
for this important trust; speak the truth and spare not". That I might
fulfil those his honourable intentions, I obtained leave to repair to,
and attend him in his most secret retirements; and I put the journals
of all transactions into a strong box, to be opened at a fitting
occasion, after the manner of the historiographers of some eastern
monarchs: this I thought was the safest way; though I declare I was
never afraid to be chopped[167] by my master for telling of truth. It
is from those journals that my memoirs are compiled: therefore let not
posterity a thousand years hence look for truth in the voluminous
annals of pedants, who are entirely ignorant of the secret springs of
great actions; if they do, let me tell them they will be nebused.[168]
With incredible pains have I endeavoured to copy the several beauties
of the ancient and modern historians; the impartial temper of
Herodotus, the gravity, austerity, and strict morals of Thucydides, the
extensive knowledge of Xenophon, the sublimity and grandeur of Titus
Livius; and to avoid the careless style of Polybius, I have borrowed
considerable ornaments from Dionysius Halicarnasseus, and Diodorus
Siculus. The specious gilding of Tacitus I have endeavoured to shun.
Mariana, Davila, and Fra. Paulo, are those amongst the moderns whom I
thought most worthy of imitation; but I cannot be so disingenuous, as
not to own the infinite obligations I have to the _Pilgrim's Progress_
of John Bunyan, and the _Tenter Belly_ of the Reverend Joseph Hall.
From such encouragement and helps, it is easy to guess to what a degree
of perfection I might have brought this great work, had it not been
nipped in the bud by some illiterate people in both Houses of
Parliament, who envying the great figure I was to make in future ages,
under pretence of raising money for the war,[169] have padlocked all
those very pens that were to celebrate the actions of their heroes, by
silencing at once the whole university of Grub Street. I am persuaded
that nothing but the prospect of an approaching peace could have
encouraged them to make so bold a step. But suffer me, in the name of
the rest of the matriculates of that famous university, to ask them
some plain questions: Do they think that peace will bring along with it
the golden age? Will there be never a dying speech of a traitor? Are
Cethegus and Catiline turned so tame, that there will be no opportunity
to cry about the streets, "A Dangerous Plot"? Will peace bring such
plenty that no gentleman will have occasion to go upon the highway, or
break into a house? I am sorry that the world should be so much imposed
upon by the dreams of a false prophet, as to imagine the Millennium is
at hand. O Grub Street! thou fruitful nursery of towering geniuses! How
do I lament thy downfall? Thy ruin could never be meditated by any who
meant well to English liberty. No modern lyceum will ever equal thy
glory: whether in soft pastorals thou didst sing the flames of pampered
apprentices and coy cook-maids; or mournful ditties of departing
lovers; or if to Mæonian strains thou raisedst thy voice, to record the
stratagems, the arduous exploits, and the nocturnal scalade of needy
heroes, the terror of your peaceful citizens, describing the powerful
Betty or the artful Picklock, or the secret caverns and grottoes of
Vulcan sweating at his forge, and stamping the queen's image on viler
metals which he retails for beef and pots of ale; or if thou wert
content in simple narrative, to relate the cruel acts of implacable
revenge, or the complaint of ravished virgins blushing to tell their
adventures before the listening crowd of city damsels, whilst in thy
faithful history thou intermingledst the gravest counsels and the
purest morals. Nor less acute and piercing wert thou in thy search and
pompous descriptions of the works of nature; whether in proper and
emphatic terms thou didst paint the blazing comet's fiery tail, the
stupendous force of dreadful thunder and earthquakes, and the
unrelenting inundations. Sometimes, with Machiavelian sagacity, thou
unravelledst intrigues of state, and the traitorous conspiracies of
rebels, giving wise counsel to monarchs. How didst thou move our terror
and our pity with thy passionate scenes between Jack Catch and the
heroes of the Old Bailey? How didst thou describe their intrepid march
up Holborn Hill? Nor didst thou shine less in thy theological capacity,
when thou gavest ghostly counsels to dying felons, and didst record the
guilty pangs of Sabbath-breakers. How will the noble arts of John
Overton's[170] painting and sculpture now languish? where rich
invention, proper expression, correct design, divine attitudes, and
artful contrast, heightened with the beauties of clar. obscur.,
embellished thy celebrated pieces, to the delight and astonishment of
the judicious multitude! Adieu, persuasive eloquence! the quaint
metaphor, the poignant irony, the proper epithet, and the lively
simile, are fled for ever! Instead of these, we shall have, I know not
what! The illiterate will tell the rest with pleasure.
I hope the reader will excuse this digression, due by way of condolence
to my worthy brethren of Grub Street, for the approaching barbarity
that is likely to overspread all its regions by this oppressive and
exorbitant tax. It has been my good fortune to receive my education
there; and so long as I preserved some figure and rank amongst the
learned of that society, I scorned to take my degree either at Utrecht
or Leyden, though I was offered it gratis by the professors in those
universities.
And now that posterity may not be ignorant in what age so excellent a
history was written (which would otherwise, no doubt, be the subject
of its inquiries), I think it proper to inform the learned of future
times, that it was compiled when Louis XIV. was King of France, and
Philip, his grandson, of Spain; when England and Holland, in
conjunction with the Emperor and the Allies, entered into a war against
these two princes, which lasted ten years under the management of the
Duke of Marlborough, and was put to a conclusion by the Treaty of
Utrecht, under the ministry of the Earl of Oxford, in the year 1713.
Many at that time did imagine the history of John Bull, and the
personages mentioned in it, to be allegorical, which the author would
never own. Notwithstanding, to indulge the reader's fancy and
curiosity, I have printed at the bottom of the page the supposed
allusions of the most obscure parts of the story.
[Footnote 166: A Member of Parliament, eminent for a certain cant in
his conversation, of which there is a good deal in this book.]
[Footnote 167: A cant word of Sir Humphrey's.]
[Footnote 168: Another cant word, signifying deceived.]
[Footnote 169: Act restraining the liberty of the press, &c.]
[Footnote 170: The engraver of the cuts before the Grub Street papers.]