acquaintances here? Do try and get rid of this vulgar little man
before Captain Taunton comes, or he'll think he's a relation!
[_Retires up._
SKRUFF (_aside_). I'm getting on first-rate (_joining FLORENCE, while
HETTY comes down_).
HETTY (_to GRITTY_). If this odious creature Skruff stays, you really
must let him have his dinner in the kitchen. I dare say he's used to
it, Edward would be perfectly horrified at his vulgarity.
GRITTY. Can't do that, my dear, but I'll relieve you of his presence
as much as I can! (_To SKRUFF._) Now, Samuel, as you've made the
acquaintance of the ladies, suppose we take a turn round the garden!
(_taking SKRUFF'S arm_).
FLOR. By all means, Mr. Skruff; there's such a beautiful view of the
river from the lawn, Mr. Skruff!
HETTY. And we've such a nice boat, Mr. Skruff!
FLOR. You can paddle yourself about in it for hours, Mr. Skruff!
HETTY. Yes, the longer the better, Mr. Skruff!
GRITTY. Come along, Sammy! (_twisting SKRUFF round--SKRUFF
resisting_).
HETTY. Good-bye, Mr. Skruff!
FLOR. Ta, ta, Mr. Skruff! (_GRITTY drags SKRUFF off, struggling at
R._)
FLOR. Well, Hetty?
HETTY. Well, Florence?
FLOR. Were you ever introduced to such an objectionable individual
before?
HETTY. Never! and the creature evidently shows symptoms of falling in
love.
FLOR. With me?
HETTY. With you? Don't flatter yourself! with _me!_ He was on the
point of saying something very tender to me when you jealously
monopolized his attention!
FLOR. Nonsense! I'm sure he was about to declare his passion for me
when you cruelly dragged him away!
HETTY. Then it's quite clear he means to marry one of us! If he honors
_me_ with the preference, I must refer him to Mallingford, ha! ha!
FLOR. And if he pops to _me,_ he'll have to settle the matter with
Captain Taunton, ha! ha! ha!
_Here CAPTAIN TAUNTON'S head appears above the wall at R._
TAUNT. Good-morning, ladies! Will you open the door or shall I storm
the fortress? (_HETTY runs and opens door R.; TAUNTON enters_). Now,
ladies, may I ask the cause of all this merriment, and whether there
is any objection to my sharing in the joke?
FLOR. None at all, Harry; it simply means that Hetty is likely to
become "Mrs. Samuel Skruff" _vice_ "Edward Mallingford," cashiered.
HETTY. Don't be quite so positive, because it isn't _quite_ decided
yet whether it will not be "Samuel Skruff" _vice_ "Henry Taunton."
He's a tailor, and a capital hand at cutting out.
TAUNT. A very bad joke that (_they all laugh_); but of course you
can't be serious?
HETTY. That will entirely depend, most gallant captain, on whether you
are prepared to resign your pretensions! Your rival is a regular
fire-eater, I can assure you.
TAUNT. And consequently one who would stand any amount of--kicking,
eh?
FLOR. Ha! ha! But don't you think it's high time we dropped the
tailor?
TAUNT. Certainly!
HETTY. Carried _nem. con._--"of Samuel Skruff we've had enough."
FLOR. But tell me, Harry, have you arranged for the payment of the
thousand pounds?
TAUNT. Yes! and upon the most favorable terms.
FLOR. Then, not a single word to uncle on the subject until we give
you permission. Remember that!
HETTY. Well, I must run away. You'll have some little compassion on
poor Mr. Skruff, won't you, Florence? ha! ha! ha!
[_Exit laughing into house L. H._
TAUNT. Now, perhaps you'll enlighten me! Who the deuce is Skruff?
Explain this Skruff.
FLOR. All I know of the interesting object of your inquiry is that he
is the son of an old friend of my uncle's; that the object of his
visit here is to make a conquest, on the shortest possible notice,
either of Hetty or your humble servant!
TAUNT. (_savagely_). Let Skruff beware how he poaches on my manor!
GRITTY (_heard without_). Now then, Florry, Hetty, where the deuce are
you?
FLOR. There's uncle calling; come along, Harry, I know how anxious you
must be to make Mr. Skruff's acquaintance--ha! ha!
[_Exeunt FLORENCE and TAUNTON at back R._
_Enter SKRUFF hurriedly at back from L._
SKRUFF. Confound old Gritty! Wouldn't let me go till he'd dragged me
through several acres of lettuces and spring onions; consequently the
girls have vanished and I've lost my chance. Wish to goodness I knew
which of the two was to have the money (_bell rings_).
SKRUFF (_opening gate R. and seeing SPRONKS'S boy with basket on his
arm_). The youthful Spronks again. Come in!
SPRONKS (_entering, then giving the basket to SKRUFF_). Them's the
taters and them's the ignuns!
SKRUFF. Of course; do you suppose I don't know a tater from an ignun?
(_Aside._) I'll see if I can't pump a little information out of
Spronks! (_Aloud._) Been long in the neighborhood, Spronks?
SPRONKS. Ever since I've been in it, sir!
SKRUFF. Have you indeed?--then of course you know something about Mr.
Gritty, eh?
SPRONKS. I know he's a downright trump, and has always got a shilling
to spare for them as wants it!--_I_ wants one dreadful bad just now!
(_going--stops_). Now don't you go and forget--them's the
taters--(_going_).
SKRUFF. Stop a minute!--there's--twopence for you! (_giving money to
SPRONKS'S boy, who turns to go_). Don't be in such a hurry.
(_Confidentially._) I dare say you hear a good deal of tattle from the
servants, eh? (_patting boy familiarly on the back_)--here's another
twopence for you!--now about the money that's coming to the young
ladies--do you happen to have heard which of the two is likely to have
it?
SPRONKS (_looking round mysteriously_). Well! I don't mind telling you
all I know!
SKRUFF. That's right--here's another twopence for you! Now then
(_taking out his note-book_).
SPRONKS. Well, sir--I've been making no end of inquiries about it from
servants and tradespeople, and at last I've found out--
SKRUFF (_eagerly_). Yes! yes!
SPRONKS. That I know just as much about it now as before I began--ha!
ha! ha! (_runs up to gate--stops_). Don't go and forget which is the
taters!
[_Runs out._
SKRUFF. That boy will end his days in penal servitude!
_Enter SALLY from house._
SALLY. How late that boy is with the vegetables!
SKRUFF. Here they are, Sally--I took 'em in! (_giving SALLY the
basket_)--them's the taters!
SALLY. Thank'ee sir (_going_).
SKRUFF. Stop a minute, Sally! Do you know, I've taken quite a fancy to
give you a shilling? (_SALLY hurries back_). (_Aside._) That eagerness
to collar the shilling convinces me that sixpence would have been
enough! (_Aloud._) Been long in the Gritty family, Sally?
SALLY. Ever since I first came, sir--not before.
SKRUFF. That's a remarkable fact!--find yourself comfortable here, eh,
Sally?
SALLY. Nothing much to complain of, sir; twelve pounds a year,
everything found--except beer--and every other Sunday!
SKRUFF (_aside_). Except beer and every other Sunday! (_Aloud._) And
your young ladies, Sally. They treat you kindly, eh?
SALLY. Yes, sir. We get on very comfortably, my young Missussesses and
me.
SKRUFF (_aside._) She gets on very comfortably, her young Missussesses
and she.
SALLY. They give me their old dresses and does their own hair.
SKRUFF. Oh! they does their own hair, does they? Ah! (_with
intention_). It's a nice thing, Sally, to come in for a hatful of
money, eh?
SALLY. Yes, sir. Ever so much nicer than sixpence?
SKRUFF. Ah! _Miss Hetty_ will be a fortunate girl, eh?
SALLY. Think so, sir?
SKRUFF. Unless, indeed, _Miss Florence_ should be the lucky one? Now
tell me, if you were a betting man, which color would you bet on?
SALLY. Well, I think I should take the _fair_ one for choice!
SKRUFF (_aside_). Hetty, evidently.
SALLY. Unless the _dark_ one should happen to come in first--but you
can't expect me to say any more for sixpence.
SKRUFF. Then the sixpence will have to stay where it was! (_Pockets
the coin._)
SALLY. All right! dare say you want it a deal more than I do!
(_Going--stops, and bobbing a courtesy._) Please sir, which did you
say was the taters?--ha! ha!
[_Runs off into house._
SKRUFF (_looking after her_). There goes another candidate for penal
servitude! This sort of thing won't do. I _must_ make up my mind one
way or the other, so I'll make a bold stroke for Hetty and chance it!
(_During this speech HETTY has entered at L.--stops and listens._)
HETTY. So, so! Then I must prepare myself for an equally bold
resistance (_coming forward humming a tune_).
SKRUFF (_seeing her_). Ah, Miss Hetty!
HETTY. Ah, Mr. Skruff!
SKRUFF. Do you know, Miss Hetty, I'm quite pleased with this little
place of your uncle's!--there's something about it--a sort of a kind
of a--umph!
HETTY. Yes. I have noticed myself that there's something about it--a
sort of a kind of a--(_imitating SKRUFF_).
SKRUFF. In short, it's the sort of place one could live in
altogether--I shouldn't mind it _myself_--but not _alone!_ (_with a
tender look at HETTY_).
HETTY (_with pretended sentimentality_). Of course not, Mr. Skruff!
"Who would inhabit this bleak world alone?" You would require a
companion--with beauty--amiability--and--
SKRUFF (_sentimentally_). Ten thousand pounds! (_Aside._) Neatly
suggested!
HETTY. Ten thousand pounds! Why, that's a fortune, Mr. Samuel!
SKRUFF (_aside_). _Mr. Samuel!_ She's coming round! By Jove! I'll risk
it--neck or nothing, here goes! (_suddenly seizing HETTY'S hand._) If
_you_ had ten thousand pounds, Miss Hetty--do you think you could be
happy with a gentleman like me? (_very sentimentally_).
HETTY (_aside_). A positive declaration! (_hiding her face in her
handkerchief to conceal her laughter--then trying to release her
hand_). Release my hand!--I beg!--I implore! If Captain Taunton should
see us--
SKRUFF (_aside_). Captain Taunton!--the fellow that old Gritty was
talking about!--after Hetty, is he? That's a sure sign the money lies
in this quarter! (_Aloud._) Ah, Miss Hetty--these military gents
seldom come to any good!--I should strongly advise you to give him up!
I should indeed!--if he's a _gentleman,_ he won't make any fuss about
it!
HETTY. Ah, Mr. Skruff, you don't know the captain--his very quietest
moments are characterized by the most savage ferocity. Tell me
(_seizing his arm_), can you shoot?
SKRUFF. Well, I used to be considered quite a crack shot at the
bull's-eye!
HETTY. At the Wimbledon meeting?
SKRUFF. No! at the end of a barrow--for nuts!
HETTY. That's nothing! The captain can snuff a candle with a bullet at
thirty paces!
SKRUFF. Can he? but doesn't he find that rather an inconvenient
substitute for snuffers?
TAUNT. (_heard without at R._). Good-bye, then, for the present.
HETTY (_starting, and pretending alarm_). Ah! his voice--my absence
has excited his suspicions--should he find us together we are lost!
Break the painful intelligence to him gently--but be firm, Samuel, be
firm! (_Aside._) Now to tell Florence.
[_Runs into house L._
SKRUFF. On second thoughts, perhaps I'd better not break the painful
intelligence to him on our first interview, it would hardly be
delicate. Besides, I really shouldn't like to commit an act of
violence on Gritty's premises--it wouldn't be the right thing to do!
Here he comes! I'll pretend not to notice him! (_Seats himself at back
at L., and taking out a newspaper, which he pretends to read._)
_Enter CAPTAIN TAUNTON at back from R._
TAUNT. (_not seeing SKRUFF_). Yes! There is no doubt about it, it
certainly _was_ risking a good deal to raise that one thousand pounds;
but who could resist Florence's entreaties. One thing is quite
certain--Mr. Gritty must know nothing about it.
SKRUFF (_watching him over his newspaper_). Old Gritty must know
nothing about _what?_
TAUNT. The old gentleman has such a horror of accommodation-bills!
SKRUFF. Oh! oh! accommodation-bills, eh? That's your little game, my
fine fellow, is it? I've got him safe enough now, and can split upon
him at any time. I wonder what he's reading? (_Seeing TAUNTON, rises
and comes cautiously down behind him to look over his shoulder at the
letter--stumbles._)
TAUNT. (_looking round--aside_). The tailor! (_Aloud._) Perhaps you
would like to read my private letters, sir?
SKRUFF. I should, very much-- I mean no, of course not.
TAUNT. What were you going to say, Mr.--Stuff?
SKRUFF. Skruff! (_Aside._) I wish Miss Hetty had broken the "painful
intelligence" to him herself. I don't relish the idea of being
"snuffed out" at thirty paces. Never mind, I'll risk it. (_Aloud._)
Captain Taunton, I believe?
TAUNT. Well, sir, what then? (_angrily_).
SKRUFF. Now don't be jumping down my throat because I've an unpleasant
duty to perform. In a word--I deeply regret to inform you--
TAUNT. (_fiercely_). _You,_ sir?
SKRUFF. I mean. Miss Halliday begs me to inform you--
TAUNT. (_impetuously_). Go on!
SKRUFF. I'm going to go on, sir.
TAUNT. Miss Halliday begs you to inform me--what?
SKRUFF. That when she accepted you as a friend of the family she had
no intention whatever of accepting you as a _husband_--and _now,_ she
_thinks_--I mean, _imagines_--I should say, _believes,_ she's made a
slight mistake, because she finds she likes somebody else _better._
TAUNT. What! (_seizing SKRUFF by the collar and shaking him._)
SKRUFF. It's no use giving way to your "savage ferocity," sir; if you
don't believe me, you'd better go and ask Miss Hetty yourself.
TAUNT. (_leaving hold of SKRUFF_). _Hetty!_ Did you say Hetty?
(_Aside._) One of her practical jokes evidently. Ha! ha! ha! (_Pulls
out his handkerchief and uses it to conceal his laughter, and at the
same time drops the letter on stage._)
SKRUFF (_in a compassionate tone to TAUNTON, who has still got his
handkerchief to his face, and patting him commiseratingly on the
back_). Now don't go and make yourself miserable because another
fellow has stepped into the ten thousand pounds!
TAUNT. (_aside_). The mercenary rascal! I see Hetty's "little game"
now.
SKRUFF. Keep your pecker up, noble captain. I didn't mean to cut you
out, upon my life I didn't!
TAUNT. (_aside_). I'll humor the fellow. (_Aloud, and with a very deep
sigh._) Well, Mr.--Mr.--
SKRUFF. One moment (_presents card to TAUNTON_).
TAUNT. (_reading_). "Skruff--Tailor--Conduit Street. Orders promptly
attended to." Your information, Mr. Skruff, I confess, is not a
pleasant one! Far from it, Mr. Skruff! (_gives a very deep sigh_).
SKRUFF. Now don't go on sighing like that, or you'll be doing yourself
some frightful internal injury!
TAUNT. Hetty will make you a good wife, Mr. Skruff, and a good mother
to the little Skruffs, Mr. Skruff. Might I ask to be allowed to stand
godfather to your first, Mr. Skruff?
SKRUFF. My dear sir, you shall stand godfather to the first dozen or
two if you like!
TAUNT. Thank you, Mr. Skruff--but alas! alas! what is to become of the
poor abandoned, broken-hearted Taunton? (_another very deep sigh_).
SKRUFF. Well! I don't like to advise--but I really don't see why you
shouldn't chuck yourself in the water, especially if you can't swim!
TAUNT. (_very quietly_). Drown myself--not I! I shall at once propose
to the other sister!
SKRUFF (_aghast_). What! (_seeing letter on stage, and putting his
foot on it_). You mean to propose to Miss Florence?
TAUNT. Yes! this very day, this very hour! I suppose I shall be safe
in that quarter? You won't have the heart to molest me _there,_ Mr.
Skruff. (_Aside._) Now to let Mallingford know about this wretched
little interloper! I shall be sure to meet him coming from the
station! (_Aloud, and grasping SKRUFF'S hand._) Good-bye, Mr. Skruff!
you have acted nobly!--nobly!--nobly, Mr. Skruff!
[_Shaking his hand violently, and going off at gate R._
SKRUFF. Have I? Don't be too sure about that! Wheugh! I've got the
most excruciating attack of pins and needles all up my leg in trying
to hide this letter! (_Picks it up._) The question is, ought I to read
it? Of course I ought, or how should I know what's in it. Here goes!
(_Reading letter._) "Dear Harry, I can raise the one thousand pounds
on our joint acceptance, for a term--but for Heaven's sake conceal
this from Mr. Gritty. Yours, Teddy." Teddy!--Teddy what? Teddy who?
Yes; I remember now--I've got him down somewhere! (_looking at his
memorandum-book_). Here he is!--"Edward Mallingford"--he's old
Gritty's other young man! Here's a bit of luck!--I've got both the
young chaps in my clutches now. Ha! ha!--but stop a
bit--(_reflecting_). Isn't it rather strange, if the captain was
_really_ in love with Hetty, that he should give her up so
quietly?--then the eagerness with which he bound me down not to cut
him out with Florence. What if the money comes to _her_ after all!
Luckily, I haven't quite committed myself yet--and what's more, I
won't.
_FLORENCE has entered from house and runs down eagerly to
SKRUFF._
FLOR. (_seizing SKRUFF'S hand_). Hetty has told me all--all, Mr.
Skruff. I cordially congratulate you on your conquest! (_shaking
SKRUFF'S hand violently_).
SKRUFF (_trying to remove his hand_). I really don't exactly
understand-- (_Aside._) A clear case--they think they've hooked me. If
Hetty had got the money they wouldn't be so precious polite!
(_Aloud._) I'm afraid, miss, we're laboring under some little mistake!
FLOR. Mistake? Not at all! Did you not propose to my sister?
SKRUFF. Propose? You mean pop? Ha! ha! ha! Excuse my laughing--but it
really is so very ridiculous!
FLOR. Excuse me, Mr. Skruff--but your merriment is an insult. Poor
Hetty! I'm afraid she'll be quite broken-hearted!
SKRUFF (_aside_). Another broken-hearted one! It runs in the family!
FLOR. Besides, even if Captain Taunton resigns in your favor--
SKRUFF. He _has!_ in the handsomest manner! He's even proposed to
stand godfather to our first! but, says I, "No, Taunton, my boy,
certainly not," says I, "I will _not_ blight your young life, Taunton,
my boy," says I.
FLOR. How generous of you! (_Aside._) The little hypocrite!
SKRUFF (_aside_). If Hetty doesn't get the money, Florence must!
That's logic, so here goes! (_Aloud._) Miss Florence, I hope you will
pardon the liberty I am about to take--
FLOR. A liberty! from _you_--_you_ whom I hope I may look upon as a
_friend!_ (_with pretended earnestness_).
SKRUFF. _Dearest_ miss--you may!
FLOR. Then I may venture to ask your advice on a matter of the most
vital importance to me!
SKRUFF (_aside_). Now for Teddy! If Teddy doesn't catch it hot it'll
be no fault of mine! So look out for squalls, Teddy! (_Aloud._) I
think I can guess the subject you are about to refer to--a certain
Mr.--Mr.--(_taking a side look at his memorandum-book_)--Edward
Mallingford?
FLOR. Exactly!--do you know him?
SKRUFF. Personally, no!--professionally, as the signer of
accommodation-bills by the bushel, intimately!
FLOR. Mr. Mallingford? There must be some mistake!
SKRUFF. Yes! it was a gigantic mistake on your old fool of an uncle's
part to admit him here at all! If he'd had a grain of common-sense
he'd have seen that he only came here after your ten thousand pounds.
FLOR. (_smiling_). _My_ ten thousand pounds!
SKRUFF (_aside_). She doesn't deny it! Rapture!
FLOR. (_drawing a long sigh_). Ah! Mr. Skruff--what dangers surround
the hapless girl destined by cruel fate to be an heiress!
SKRUFF (_in a sympathizing tone_). It must be very unpleasant! though
I never was an heiress myself!
FLOR. Would that all men were as disinterested as you, sir!
SKRUFF. True, Miss Florence--for my part, if I were to marry a young
lady with ten thousand pounds--
FLOR. You'd settle it all on herself--I _know_--I'm _sure_ you would!
The quiet charm of a country life would be unspeakable rapture to you!
To help her to tend her flowers--to feed her poultry--to grow her own
currants and gooseberries--
SKRUFF. And her own eggs--and new-laid butter!
FLOR. But alas! Mallingford is my uncle's choice, and our union is
irrevocable!
SKRUFF. It wouldn't break your heart, then, to part with Teddy!
because if you really _do_ feel a sort of a sneaking kindness for me,
I'll do all I can for you, I will indeed.
FLOR. (_with pretended emotion_). Oh, Mr. Skruff!--but, of course--my
uncle--ah! he's here--
[_Runs off hastily into house._
SKRUFF. She refers me to her uncle! nothing could be plainer! I'll
soon obtain his consent by enlightening his weak mind as to Master
Teddy and his friend the captain!
_Enter GRITTY at back._
GRITTY. Oh, here you are, Sammy! What the deuce have you been doing
with yourself?
SKRUFF (_aside_). I must give old Gritty a lesson! (_Aloud._) Mr.
Gritty, allow me to remark, with the greatest possible respect, that
you're an infant! a positive infant!
GRITTY (_looking at him--aside_). Samuel's been at the sherry!
SKRUFF. Yes, Gritty! there's a simple confiding innocence about you
that's positively pitiable!
GRITTY (_angrily_). Gently, Samuel, gently! What the deuce are you
driving at?
SKRUFF. In one word--what do you know about this Captain Taunton and
Teddy?
GRITTY. Teddy! who the deuce is Teddy?
SKRUFF. Mr. Edward Mallingford.
GRITTY. That they're as pleasant, gentlemanly a couple of young
fellows as you'll find in England! What have you to say against them,
eh?
SKRUFF. Only this, that you've been done, Gritty--decidedly done!
GRITTY (_aside_). He decidedly _has_ been at the sherry! (_Aloud._)
Your proofs, Mr. Skruff! (_angrily_).
SKRUFF. Nothing easier! Read that (_hands letter to GRITTY_).
GRITTY (_reading_). What's this? Can I believe my eyes? Young men of
good family--with handsome allowances--raising the wind in this
disreputable manner! It's disgraceful!--then to keep me in the
dark--it's petty! paltry! contemptible! (_walking up and down_).
SKRUFF (_following him_). That's what _I_ say! It's petty! paltry!
contemptible!
GRITTY (_suddenly turning and facing SKRUFF_). Look here, Skruff! if
you've no particular desire to be strangled, you'll hold your tongue!
I'll break off both engagements at once!
SKRUFF. That's right!
GRITTY. They shall neither of them dine here to-day!
SKRUFF. Right again!
GRITTY (_turning savagely on him and shouting_). Will you hold your
infernal tongue! (_Shouting._) Florence! Hetty!
_Enter FLORENCE and HETTY running from house--SALLY following._
FLOR. }
} (_together_). What's the matter, uncle?
HETTY. }
GRITTY. The matter, this! Florence, you'll give up Taunton! Hetty,
Mallingford no longer visits here!
FLOR. }
} (_together_). Oh, uncle!
HETTY. }
SKRUFF (_aside to FLORENCE_). Rely on me. _I'll_ never forsake you!
HETTY. But, uncle dear!
SKRUFF (_aside to her_). Never mind! _I_ won't give up.
HETTY. You forget that if we're not both married by the time I come of
age--
FLOR. We shall neither of us get the money!
GRITTY (_angrily_). The money may go to the deuce!
SKRUFF. No! don't say that, Gritty! (_Aside to him._) I'll take one of
'em! I don't care which! (_Aside._) What a pity I can't marry them
both! (_Bell rings; SALLY runs and opens gate; enter TAUNTON and
MALLINGFORD_).
GRITTY. Here they both are! Captain Taunton (_bowing distantly_). I
regret to inform you that the engagement between you and my niece is
broken off! To you, Mr. Mallingford, I can only repeat the same.
TAUNT. }
} (_astounded_). You surely must be joking, sir.
MALLING. }
SKRUFF (_aside_). Is he though! Stick to 'em, Gritty! stick to 'em!
TAUNT. (_to GRITTY_). We require to know your reasons, sir.
SKRUFF. Natural enough. By all means, Gritty. Give the gentlemen your
reasons, Gritty.
GRITTY. In a word, then, this gentleman (_pointing to SKRUFF_) informs
me--
SKRUFF (_shouting_). No such thing! I deny it! (_Aside to GRITTY._)
Don't go and drag me into it.
GRITTY (_handing letter to MALLINGFORD_). Do you know this letter,
sir?
MALLING. (_starting_). By all that's unfortunate, Taunton, my letter
to you!
TAUNT. About the one thousand pounds?
GRITTY. You confess it, then?
MALLING. One moment, sir! Knowing your objections to raising money on
bills, my friend Taunton and I would certainly rather you had not seen
this letter, but fortunately in this case no bill was necessary. You
do not appear to have read the whole of the contents. (_Opens letter,
and presenting it to GRITTY._) Please to turn over the page.
GRITTY (_turning over page of letter, and reading to himself_). What's
this? Holloa, Samuel, you never told me to turn over!