forward, almost upsetting him_). Listen! my husband is not unkind,
though he might be kinder; he is not ill-looking, indeed, he _might_
be uglier; _but_ he has one terrible defect. (_SIR F. here leans
forward and listens._) He really flatters himself that he possesses a
fund of wit; that he is literally running over with fun; whereas the
poor man really doesn't possess a single particle of either. It's very
sad, isn't it?
ARTH. Melancholy in the extreme.
LADY F. And I'm sure, as for humor--
ARTH. He's just about as much in him as an old cab horse! (_FELIX
shakes his fist at VALLANCE._)
LADY F. But alas! for every one of his dismal jokes that _you_ hear
_I_ am doomed to listen to a hundred! Is it to be wondered at, then,
that I should pant, _crave_ for a change?--(_gradually getting more
excited_)--that I should find the temptation you offer me too great to
resist?
ARTH. (_aghast_). Eh! what? You don't mean to say you consent?
LADY F. Of course I do! (_with enthusiasm_). What woman _could_ resist
the Sandwich Islands, and _you_ for a companion! In five minutes
expect me here on this spot. Give me but time to pack up my jewels, a
dozen or two dresses, and a sprinkling of hats, and I'll be with you,
my Arthur! (_Going--stops._) You won't mind my bringing my favorite
little pug-dog, of course you won't--(_going--stops again_)--and a
couple of kittens--a thousand thanks--and you won't object to putting
the parrot cage under your arm? I thought not.
[_Runs hastily out at L. H._
(_During the above scene COSEY occasionally shows his head above
the back of the couch and withdraws it again._)
ARTH. A parrot cage under my arm all the way to the Sandwich Islands!
(_Shouting after LADY F._) Stop! madam, Lady Fritterly, don't hurry
yourself; take your own time--one hour, two hours, six weeks, any time
you like. Wheugh! here's a pretty state of affairs; catch me running
off with another man's couple of kittens--I mean wives--no, _wife_
again! (_thrusting both hands into his trousers-pockets and walking
violently to and fro, then flings himself into a chair at L. SIR FELIX
hurries down and drops into a chair at R. COLONEL rolls off the end of
couch enveloped in antimacassars, and seats himself in chair at C. All
pull out their white pocket-handkerchiefs, and indulge in extravagant
business, etc._).
ARTH. (_not seeing them_). Poor Sir Felix!--a pretty kettle of fish
_he's_ made of it! I've been too fascinating!
SIR F. (_coming hurriedly down_). Don't talk nonsense, sir! But of
course this is all a joke! Why don't you say it's all a joke?
ARTH. It's anything but a joke for _me!_--all the way to the Sandwich
Isles with a parrot cage under my arm!--how would you like it?
SIR F. Pshaw! you carried the thing too far, sir!--a devilish deal too
far!
ARTH. Come, I like that! I only did what you told me!--except that I
didn't tear my hair out by handfuls!
COL. (_counting his pulse_). A hundred and twenty at the very least!
(_tossing a couple of pills into his mouth--then to VALLANCE_). Now,
sir, what do you mean by making love to Lady Fritterly, and proposing
an elopement to her? It's scandalous, sir!
ARTH. Not the slightest doubt about it, uncle! but I only did it to
oblige Sir Felix!
COL. _Oblige_ Sir Felix by running off with his wife?
ARTH. Yes! in order to show you what a _desperate_ dog I had become,
so that you might put me out of the way of temptation by consenting to
my marriage with Myrtle! But now--(_with a deep sigh_)--that's all
knocked on the head!
SIR F. How so?
ARTH. Because, my dear fellow, your wife having accepted, I am bound,
as a man of honor, to run away with her!
COL. (_turning to SIR F._). Of course, as a man of honor, we're bound
to run away with her!
ARTH. A lady--(_here COLONEL turns to him_)--for whom I entertain the
highest respect!
COL. (_turning to SIR F._). A lady for whom we entertain the highest
respect!
ARTH. But--(_here COLONEL turns again to him_)--for whom I don't care
two pins!
COL. (_turning to SIR F._). But for whom we don't care two pins!
SIR F. (_fiercely to COLONEL_). You needn't be insulting by
associating Lady Fritterly with that paltry amount of haberdashery!
COL. (_feeling his pulse_). I shall be in a raging fever presently!
(_two more pills_). What's to be done? (_To VALLANCE._) Recollect
you've got to ascertain when the next train starts for the Sandwich
Islands!
ARTH. Hang it, Sir Felix! can't you suggest something? I look to you,
with your extravagant devices, to extricate me!
COL. (_to SIR F._). Yes, sir! We insist on your extricating us from
your extravagant devices!
SIR F. Well, I confess I've made a slight mistake this time, but all
isn't lost. Lady Fritterly will be here directly, when I flatter
myself she'll hear something to _her_ advantage--(_looking off at C._)
Here comes Myrtle!--couldn't be better! Now then, hide
yourselves--both of you!
ARTH. Certainly not!
COL. Certainly not!
ARTH. Another of your infernal schemes! If this fails, I really
_shall_ do something desperate! (_During this SIR FELIX has been
edging him up towards curtains, and at last pushes him behind them at
R._)
COL. (_in a helpless tone_). My system won't survive this sort of
thing! I'm sure it won't.
SIR F. (_hurrying down_). Now, colonel, on to your couch before Myrtle
sees you! (_edging him up towards couch_).
COL. (_resisting_). But I don't want to go to sleep! I'm thoroughly
wide-awake.
SIR F. Nonsense! (_forces COLONEL on couch, and heaping pillows over
him_).
COL. (_showing his head_). Tuck me up if you like, but, confound it,
don't smother me! (_keeps rising, SIR FELIX pushing him down again at
each attempt_).
ARTH. (_putting his head out from curtain_). Sir Felix!
COL. (_showing his head above couch_). Sir Felix! (_SIR F. seizes the
nearest pillow and throws it at COLONEL'S head_).
SIR F. Silence! both of you!
_Enter MYRTLE at door L. H._
MYRT. (_laughing aside as she enters_). Ha! ha! poor Sir Felix! Grace
has told me all, and I am to humor the joke, while she watches the
result from the conservatory!
(_During the following, until LADY F.'S entrance, the COLONEL
shows his head occasionally above the back of the couch, but
withdraws it again at a sign from SIR FELIX._)
SIR F. (_aside_). Now for it--(_coming down--takes MYRTLE'S hand, and
in an exaggerated tone of grief_). Myrtle! Myrtle! in me you behold a
broken-hearted husband!
MYRT. (_aside_). Very well acted, indeed! (_Aloud, and in a pretended
tone of commiseration_). Broken-hearted?
SIR F. When I say "broken-hearted," I don't wish you to infer that the
centre of my organic functions is snapped in half like a stick of
firewood--far from it, Myrtle. But I'm broken-hearted for all that!
MYRT. Absurd! while you have Grace and me to console you!
SIR F. Grace no longer. She has deserted me, and for young Vallance!
(_falling into chair and burying his face in his hands_).
_Here LADY F. appears at C., listening._
SIR F. (_peeping out at the corner of his handkerchief, and seeing
her. Aside_). She's there! (_Aloud._) Yes, Myrtle, I'm a wretched,
abandoned man!
MYRT. You can't be serious?
SIR F. It's too true!
MYRT. What--what do you intend doing?
SIR F. I did think of shooting the young man!--but it'll be a far
greater punishment to let him live! Think what the poor, unhappy youth
will have to suffer from Grace's "little bits of temper!" poor devil!
I know what _I_ had to go through. (_LADY F. shakes her hand at SIR
F._)
MYRT. But surely you will try and prevent Grace's departure?
SIR F. (_indifferently_). I think not!--better as it is. I'm getting
used to the idea! I confess it was I who advised Vallance to make just
a certain little amount of love to my wife in order to excite your
jealousy and show you what energy the young man was capable of; but I
must confess I was not at all prepared for the perfect torrent of
impassioned eloquence with which he poured forth his _unhallowed_
flame! (_Here VALLANCE shakes both his fists at SIR F._)
SIR F. Besides, Myrtle, _dear_ Myrtle, as you very sensibly observed
just now, shall I not have _you_ to console me? (_with an exaggerated
tender look_).
MYRT. (_alarmed_). Me?
SIR F. Why not? Your lover doesn't care a pin's point about you, or he
wouldn't have agreed to my plan. My wife has about the same amount of
affection for _me,_ or she'd have withered him up with her scorn at
the first go-off. This sort of thing! (_putting on a haughty and
scornful look_).
MYRT. Well, what then?
SIR F. Can you ask? Oh, my Myrtle! my beloved Myrtle--behold me at
your feet! (_falling on both his knees and seizing her hand. Aside._)
If Grace stands this, I'm a New Zealander!
MYRT. Monster! (_flinging SIR FELIX from her, who falls on his face.
LADY FRITTERLY and VALLANCE hurry down_).
LADY F. So, Sir Felix Fritterly!
ARTH. So, Sir Felix Fritterly!
SIR F. (_getting up quietly and dusting his knees with his
pocket-handkerchief. Then suddenly bursting out into a loud laugh_).
Ha, ha, ha! Surely, my dear Grace, you didn't really think I was in
earnest?
LADY F. (_smiling_). As much in earnest, probably, as you thought me.
(_SIR FELIX takes her hand and kisses it._)
ARTH. (_joyously to LADY F._). Then you don't love me after all? You
won't insist on my accompanying you to the Sandwich Islands?
LADY F. (_drawing herself up_). Mr. Vallance! (_To SIR FELIX._) Well,
I confess you have the best of the game.
SIR F. _And_ the last laugh!
ARTH. Myrtle, have I fulfilled your conditions? have I shown some
little amount of energy?
MYRT. Yes, with a vengeance!
ARTH. And may I hope--
SIR F. Have him now, Myrtle, while you can get him!
LADY F. Keep her to her promise, Mr. Vallance!
ARTH. Gladly! But it all depends on my uncle how soon!
SIR F. Then he shall decide at once! Turn out, old tortoise! (_Wheels
couch round to face the audience, and pulling off the antimacassars,
etc._) Hang me if he isn't fast asleep! Wake up! (_tickling COLONEL
with the feather brush_).
COL. All right! Bring me my shaving-water! (_Sitting up, and looking
about him._) Holloa!
ARTH. Have you forgotten all about the elopement, uncle?
COL. Elopement! Why, you ought to have been half way to the Sandwich
Islands by this time!
ARTH. Ha! ha! We've arranged that little matter differently.
COL. (_crustily_). Then what the deuce did you wake me up for?
SIR F. To let you go off to sleep again in a more comfortable frame of
mind.
LADY F. Come, colonel! Arthur's desperately in love with Myrtle.
SIR F. And Myrtle's over head and ears in love with--
MYRT. (_interrupting him_). Felix!
SIR F. With herself! They only wait your benediction.
COL. Bother the benediction! I'll settle a thousand a year on them!
SIR F. (_shaking his hand_). The most sensible thing you've said for a
long time; and now you may go to sleep again as soon as you like.
COL. Thank you! (_Feeling his pulse._) Ninety! That's better!
SIR F. But a word at parting here! (_To audience._) How account for
our eccentric behavior? Shall we boldly forestall the critics and say
at once--
MYRT. Quite foreign in sentiment--
ARTH. Obviously borrowed from our lively neighbors--
COL. (_sententiously_). Possessing all their levity with regard to
those domestic ties--
LADY F. (_putting her hand over his mouth_). In short--Taken from the
French!
CURTAIN FALLS.
DECLINED--WITH THANKS.
_Original Farce, in One Act._
DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.
MR. GRITTY.
CAPTAIN TAUNTON.
EDWARD MALLINGFORD.
MR. SAMUEL SKRUFF.
SPRONKS'S BOY.
FLORENCE HALLIDAY, }
} (GRITTY'S nieces.)
HETTY HALLIDAY. }
SALLY, a servant.
SCENE.--_Exterior of a villa on the banks of the Thames at
Teddington--house partly seen at L. H.--a low green railing round it,
in C. of which is a small garden gate--rustic seats, flower-beds,
etc., scattered about stage--garden wall at R. H.--door in C.--large
portable bell hanging over it--bell heard and seen to ring--noise of
voices in dispute heard outside._
SKRUFF (_without_). Don't tell me! I saw you do it! You needn't
apologize! What do you say--"You ain't a-going to?" Very well!
(_another violent ring at bell_).
_Enter SALLY from house and crossing to R._
SALLY. Who can it be ringing in that style, I wonder? (_opens door in
C. of wall_).
_SKRUFF enters hurriedly, holding his handkerchief to his face;
he wears a white hat, red scarf, white waistcoat, cutaway coat,
and very gay trousers; carries an umbrella._
SKRUFF (_walking up and down_). The young vagabond deliberately put
his toe on a loose stone and squirted half a pint of muddy water into
my eye! I saw him do it. He must be an old hand at it too, or he
wouldn't have taken such a good aim; but, luckily, I spied his name on
his basket, and if I don't spoil his trade for potatoes in this
establishment my name's not Skruff! (_Takes out a note-book and writes
in it "Spronks."_) There! and now, Spronks, my boy, look out for
squalls! Some people may like being insulted with impunity--I don't.
SALLY (_who has been following SKRUFF to and fro the stage, at last
stops him by the coat-tail_). Now, then! what's your business, young
man?
SKRUFF. "Young man!"
SALLY. If you've come for the water-rate--or the gas--or the
sewers--you must call again!
SKRUFF. Water-rate! Gas! Are you aware, young woman, that you're
addressing a gentleman?
SALLY. You don't mean it? Well, that's about the last thing I should
have thought of! It only shows one mustn't always judge by
appearances.
SKRUFF (_with importance_). I happen to be a friend of your master's.
SALLY. Well, I _am_ surprised--'cause master's so very
particular--then how came you to ring the servants' bell?
SKRUFF (_aside_). I never _shall_ get out of that habit--been used to
it so long, I suppose. (_Aloud._) Is Mr. Gritty down?
SALLY. Can't say, I'm sure, sir--but I know he ain't up.
SKRUFF. Oh! at what time does he usually get up?
SALLY. Well, sir, that depends; but, as a rule, I've observed he
usually gets up about his usual time.
SKRUFF. Does he indeed? (_Aside._) There's a flippancy about this
young woman I don't like. (_Aloud._) Perhaps the young ladies, Mr.
Gritty's nieces, are down?
SALLY. Can't say positively, sir--but I know they ain't up.
SKRUFF (_aside_). I shall not interrogate this domestic any further.
(_Aloud._) Will you inform Mr. Gritty, with my compliments, that I
have called to see him?
SALLY. Certainly, sir--but--
SKRUFF (_impressively_). I repeat, Will you inform Mr. Gritty that I
have called? Do you think you can manage that?
SALLY. Well, sir, don't you think it would be as well just to mention
the name? Do you think you can manage that? Shall I take your card,
sir?
SKRUFF. Yes! (_taking out card-case_). No! (_Aside._) Cards cost a
shilling a hundred. Why should I waste one on people I've hardly ever
seen. (_Aloud._) You can say--"Mr. Samuel Skruff." Do you think you
can remember that?
SALLY. "Skruff!" Not likely to forget it, sir--such an aristocratic
name. (_Bringing forward a three-legged rustic seat._) Like to sit
down, sir?
GRITTY (_heard from house at L._). Sally! My shaving water!--hot! all
hot!
SALLY. Coming, sir!
[_Runs into house L._
SKRUFF. Her name's Sally, is it? (_writing in note-book_). Down goes
Sally along-side of Spronks. (_Seats himself and almost tumbles
over._) What the deuce does old Gritty mean by having such rickety
things as this about the premises?--to do a good turn to the
wooden-leg makers, I suppose! (_Sitting down very cautiously._) Now
let me see what I've come down here for (_consults note-book_). Here
we have it! (_Reads._) "Florence Halliday," "Hetty Halliday"--old
Gritty's two nieces. The fact is, dad wants to see me settled; that
is, if I can make a good thing out of it! Well, he's just heard on the
extreme quiet that one of the young ladies is very soon coming in for
£10,000!--unluckily he doesn't know which of the two--so, on the
strength of a former business acquaintance with old Gritty, he has
trotted me down here to ferret the secret out, and if I get hold of
the right scent I am to go the entire animal at once!--not likely I
should waste any time about courtship and all that sort of thing. Not
I! Only let me worm out which of the two has got the tin, and I'll
marry her to-morrow morning!--I can't say fairer than that! (_Looking
about him._) Rather a niceish sort of place this! must have cost
something! I hope old Gritty can afford it. Father says he was always
fond of squandering his money and doing good. Doing good!--what is it,
after all?--getting up a vainglorious reputation at the expense of
people who stick to their money!
GRITTY (_without, at L._). In the garden, is he? All right! I'll find
him!
_Enter GRITTY from villa L. H._
GRITTY. Where is he? (_he is in his morning-gown, and wears a
wide-brimmed straw hat--sees SKRUFF_). Ah! my dear Samuel--(_seizing
and shaking SKRUFF'S hand violently_)--delighted to see you,
Samuel--for I suppose you are Samuel--eh, Samuel? And how's your
father, Samuel?
SKRUFF. Quite well, thank you, Mr. Gritty.
GRITTY. And your mother, too, Samuel?
SKRUFF. Quite well, thank you, Mr. Gritty.
GRITTY. And your sisters--and your uncles--and your aunts--and all the
rest of 'em--eh, Samuel?
SKRUFF. Quite well, thank you, Mr. Gritty.
GRITTY. Bless me, what a time it is since I've seen any of you--and to
think that your father and I were partners when you were a baby--and a
precious ugly little brat you were! I don't see much alteration in you
_now,_ Samuel--I mean, not for the better. Yes, "Gritty & Skruff,"
that was the name of the firm--"tailors"--"Conduit Street"--and a
capital business it was, too--and is so still, I hope.
SKRUFF. Yes; better than ever. Father's made heaps more money since
you retired! Trade's altered completely!
GRITTY. Has it? When I was in it we gave a first-rate article, paid
good wages, and were satisfied with a fair profit.
SKRUFF. We manage matters better than that _now!_
GRITTY. How so?
SKRUFF. By adding the profit on to both ends. Putting down the wages
and putting up the prices.
GRITTY. Well, well, every one to his taste! Your father chose London
smoke and slaving on to amass a fortune. _I_ preferred fresh air and a
moderate competence, and so we parted. You'll stay and dine with us
to-day, of course?
SKRUFF. Thank you, Mr. Gritty. (_Aside_). I put a paper of sandwiches
in my pocket. Never mind, they'll keep a day or two.
GRITTY. And after dinner you can tell me to what I'm indebted for the
pleasure of this visit. (_Suddenly_). By-the-bye, you'll have a glass
of wine? Of course you will! (_Calling._) Sally! bring in that
decanter of port out of the sideboard!
SKRUFF (_aside_). What extravagance!
GRITTY. Ha! ha! I remember I never could get your father to drink
anything stronger than raspberry vinegar drowned in water--and what a
wretched looking object he was!--the color of gingerbread and as thin
as a pair of nut-crackers! Do you know, Samuel, the more I look at you
the more you remind me of him?
_Enter SALLY from house with decanter and wine-glasses on a tray,
which she places on a small table in C.--GRITTY sits L. and
SKRUFF R. Exit SALLY into house._
GRITTY (_pouring out a glass of wine_). There, Samuel--tell me what
you think of that (_SKRUFF sips the wine_). Zounds, man, it won't hurt
you, down with it! (_SKRUFF takes down the wine at a gulp, almost
choking himself._)
GRITTY (_after tossing off his glass of wine_). How the deuce is it
that my old friend Skruff hasn't found his way down to see me all
these years?
SKRUFF. Well, the fact is, Mr. Gritty, my father has often talked of
paying you a visit-- Thank you, I don't mind taking just one more
glass (_holding out his glass to GRITTY, who fills it--SKRUFF tosses
it down._) Let me see--I was saying--
GRITTY. That your father has often talked of paying me a visit.
SKRUFF. Exactly--but the fact is-- Well, since you insist upon it, I
don't mind just _half_ a glass more (_holding out his glass--GRITTY
fills it half full._)
GRITTY. I think you said _half_ a glass?
SKRUFF. Did I?--far be it from me to contradict you, but--(_GRITTY
laughs and fills up SKRUFF'S glass, which SKRUFF again tosses off._)
GRITTY. Now you haven't told me why my old friend hasn't been down to
see me all these years.
SKRUFF. Well, the fact is, it's such an awful expense to get down
here!
GRITTY. What! from Putney to Teddington--eighteenpence second-class
return? Surely that wouldn't have ruined him!
SKRUFF (_aside_). If ever old Gritty becomes my uncle-in-law, I shall
have to put a stop to all these extravagant notions of his.
GRITTY. Well, it seems _you_ didn't grudge the expense.
SKRUFF. Not a bit of it, because I didn't go to it! I got a lift in
our butcher's cart to Richmond--then on to Twickenham with a
benevolent baker, and walked the rest.
GRITTY (_aside_). A careful young man this! but I'm afraid my old
friend has made a trifling mistake in his calculations. He used to say
it was time enough to make a gentleman when you'd made your money--but
in my opinion, a man can't begin a bit too soon! (_Aloud._) Now,
Sammy, come and take a stroll round the grounds, and I'll introduce
you to my nieces, a couple of nice girls, Sammy! I hope you're a
lady's man (_poking him in the ribs_), ha! ha!
SKRUFF. Well, as a _rule,_ the sex _is_ rather partial to me!--ha! ha!
(_giving GRITTY a poke in the ribs_).
GRITTY. Is it? Well, there's no accounting for taste!
SKRUFF. You see, father's well off--and the pickings 'll be uncommon
good when the old boy pops off!--a great attraction to the female
mind, Mr. Gritty!
GRITTY. I dare say; but luckily, my girls will not have to look to
_money_ as the main thing! (_Looking round, and then in a confidential
whisper to SKRUFF._) Ten thousand pounds, left by a rich old aunt!
which may probably fall to--
SKRUFF (_very eagerly_). Yes! to--to--
GRITTY (_in a whisper_). Florence!
SKRUFF (_aside_). Oh! that's the one, is it? (_Writing aside in
note-book._) Then down she goes, "Sally! Spronks! Florence!"
GRITTY (_continuing_). Unless, indeed--
SKRUFF (_quickly_). Unless, indeed, what?
GRITTY. Hetty should turn out to be the lucky one!
SKRUFF (_aside_). Who's to make head or tail out of this? (_Aloud._)
Then you don't exactly know which of the two it is?
GRITTY. No, but I _shall,_ as soon as Hetty comes of age, by which
time, by-the-bye, both the girls must, according to the terms of the
will, be married.
SKRUFF. Oh! (_Aside._) It strikes me this is a dodge to get the two
girls off with one legacy! (_Aloud._) And when _does_ Miss Hetty come
of age?
GRITTY. In ten days.
SKRUFF. Ten days? Rather a short time to provide two husbands in?
GRITTY. Not at all! They're already provided!--both of 'em!
SKRUFF. Already provided! (_Aside._) And this is what I get for coming
down here and wasting my income in travelling expenses! but I'll make
a fight of it yet! If they think they're going to walk over the course
they'll find themselves mistaken! (_Aloud._) And what sort of articles
are these young chaps, eh? You can't be too particular in selecting
the _pattern,_ Mr. Gritty.
GRITTY. Oh, they're all right!--nice gentlemanly young fellows!
SKRUFF. Take care, Mr. Gritty!--I know pretty well what the general
run of "gentlemanly young fellows" is!--they're uncommon fond of
running long tailors' bills!
GRITTY. Well, you shall judge for yourself--they both dine here
to-day!
SKRUFF. To-day? (_Aside._) Then I haven't much time to lose if I'm to
cut 'em out! (_Aloud._) You haven't told me their names.
GRITTY. Oh! one is a military man, Captain Taunton of the Buffs--the
other, Edward Mallingford, of the War Office!
SKRUFF (_aside_). Don't remember either of their names--but they're
sure to be in debt somewhere or other--if I only had time to find out
_where!_ (_Aloud._) And pray, which is which destined for, Mr. Gritty?
(_Aside._) It's important for me to know that! (_taking out his
pocket-book on the sly_).
GRITTY. Oh, there's no secret about it--Florence is engaged to--
(_Seeing FLORENCE, who enters from house._) Oh! here she comes! And
Hetty is going to marry--and here _she_ comes (_seeing HETTY, who
follows FLORENCE from house_).
GRITTY. Come here, my dears! (_FLORENCE and HETTY come down_). The son
of my old partner, Mr. Samuel Skruff. (_Introducing._) Mr. Samuel
Skruff--my nieces--Miss Florence Halliday, Miss Hetty Halliday.
(_FLORENCE and HETTY courtesy._)
SKRUFF (_bowing_). Firm of Skruff & Son, Miss Florence! first-rate
business, Miss Hetty! (_To FLORENCE._) Our 13_s._ trousers is a
fortune in itself! (_To HETTY._) And as to our everlasting wear
fabric, which we advertise so extensively, it is simply all plunder!
(_following HETTY and addressing her apart with much gesticulation,
while FLORENCE comes down to GRITTY_).