"I'm sorry to disturb you, Theodore," began Mrs. Plapp, opening the door
of her husband's study, "but I've just been listening at the top of the
kitchen stairs, and from what I overheard I'm certain that girl Louisa
is having supper down there with a soldier!"
"Dear, dear!" exclaimed Mr. Plapp; "I can't possibly permit any
encouragement of militarism under _my_ roof. Just when I'm appealing to
be exempted from even non-combatant service, too! Go down and tell her
she must get rid of him at once."
"Couldn't _you_, Theodore?"
"If I did, my love, he would probably refuse to go unless I put him out
by force, which, as you are aware, is entirely contrary to my principles."
"I was forgetting for the moment, Theodore. Never mind; I'll go myself."
She had not been long gone before a burly stranger entered unceremoniously
by the study window. "'Scuse me, guv'nor," he said, "but ain't you the
party whose name I read in the paper--'im what swore 'e wouldn' lift
'is finger not to save 'is own mother from a 'Un?"
"I am," replied Mr. Plapp complacently. "I disbelieve in meeting violence
_by_ violence."
"Ah, if there was more blokes like _you_, Guv'nor, this world 'ud be a
better plice, for some on us. Blagg, _my_ name is. Us perfeshnals ain't
bin very busy doorin' this War, feelin' it wasn't the square thing,
like, to break into 'omes as might 'ave members away fightin' fer our
rights and property. But I reckon I ain't doin' nothink unpatriotic in
comin' _'ere_. So jest you show me where you keeps yer silver."
"The little we possess," said Mr. Plapp, rising, "is on the sideboard
in the dining-room. If you will excuse me for a moment I'll go in and
get it for you."
"And lock me in 'ere while you ring up the slops!" retorted
Mr. Blagg. "You don't go in not without _me_, you don't; and, unless
you want a bullet through yer 'ed, you'd better make no noise neither!"
No one could possibly have made less noise than Mr. Theodore Plapp,
as, with the muzzle of his visitor's revolver pressed between his
shoulder-blades, he hospitably led the way to the dining-room. There
Mr. Blagg, with his back to the open door, superintended the packing of
the plate in a bag he had brought for the purpose.
"And now," said Mr. Plapp, as he put in the final fork, "there is
nothing to detain you here any longer, unless I may offer you a glass
of barley-water and a plasmon biscuit before you go?"
Mr. Blagg consigned these refreshments to a region where the former
at least might be more appreciated. "You kerry that bag inter the
drorin'-room, will yer?" he said. "There may be one or two articles
in there to take my fancy. 'Ere! 'Old 'ard!" he broke off suddenly,
"What the blankety blank are you a-doin' of?"
This apostrophe was addressed, however, not to his host, who was doing
nothing whatever, but to the unseen owner of a pair of khaki-clad arms
which had just pinioned him from behind. During the rough-and-tumble
conflict that followed Mr. Plapp discreetly left the room, returning
after a brief absence to find the soldier kneeling on Mr. Blagg's chest.
"Good!" he said encouragingly; "you won't have to keep him down long.
Help is at hand."
"Why don't you _give_ it me, then?" said the soldier, on whom the strain
was evidently beginning to tell.
"Because, my friend," explained Mr. Plapp, "if I did I should be acting
against my conscience."
"You _'ear_ 'im, matey?" panted Mr. Blagg. "'E's _agin_ you, 'e is. Agin
all military-ism. So why the blinkin' blazes do _you_ come buttin' in to
defend them as don't approve o' bein' defended?"
"Blowed if _I_ know!" was the reply. "'Abit, I expect. Lay still, will
you?" But Mr. Blagg, being exceptionally muscular, struggled with such
violence that the issue seemed very doubtful indeed till Louisa rushed
in to the rescue and, disregarding her employer's protests, succeeded
in getting hold of the revolver.
* * * * *
"It was lucky for you," remarked Mr. Plapp, after Mr. Blagg had been
forcibly removed by a couple of constables, "that I had the presence
of mind to telephone to the police station. I really thought once or
twice that that dreadful man would have got the better of you."
"And no thanks to _you_ if he didn't," grunted the soldier. "I notice
that, if your conscience goes against lighting yourself, it don't object
to calling in others to fight for you."
"As a citizen," Mr. Plapp replied, "I have a legal right to police
protection. Your own intervention, though I admit it was timely, was
uninvited by me, and, indeed, I consider your presence here requires
some explanation."
"I'd come up to tell you, as I told your good lady 'ere, that me and
Louisa got married this morning, as I was home on six days' furlough
from the Front. And she'll be leaving with me this very night."
"But only for the er--honeymoon, I trust?" cried Mr. Plapp, naturally
dismayed at the prospect of losing so faithful and competent a
maid-of-all-work altogether. "Although I cannot approve of this marriage,
I am willing, under the circumstances, to overlook it and allow her to
remain in my service."
"Remain!" said Louisa's husband, in a tone Mr. Plapp thought most uncalled
for. "Why, I should never 'ave another 'appy moment in the trenches if I
left her _'ere_, with no one to protect her but a thing like _you_! No,
she's going to be in the care of someone I can _depend_ on--my old aunt!"
"I don't like losing Louisa," murmured Mrs. Plapp, so softly that her
husband failed to catch her remark, "but--I think you're wise."