[Illustration: PRESS THE BUTTON, AND UP COMES THE GENIE.]
_Monday, May 22nd._--Mr. ASQUITH returned to his place to-day, looking
all the better for his trip to Ireland. No one was more pleased to see
him than Mr. TENNANT, who had been subjected all last week to a galling
fire from the Nationalist snipers. Mr. TIMOTHY HEALY had been especially
active, employing for the purpose a weapon of unique construction.
Although discharged at the Treasury Bench, its most destructive effect
is often produced on the Members who sit just behind him. Mr. DILLON is
particularly uneasy when Mr. HEALY gets his gun out.
When Mr. ACLAND moved the Vote for the Board of Agriculture there were
barely two-score of Members present. He made a capital speech, full of
attractive detail and delivered with unbucolic gusto, but did not succeed
in greatly increasing the number of his audience.
There was some excuse perhaps for the non-attendance of the Irish Members.
They have an Agricultural Department of their own, presided over by an
eminent temperance lecturer who teaches Irish farmers how to grow barley
for the national beverage. But it might have been supposed that more
Englishmen and Scotsmen would have torn themselves away from their other
duties in the smoking-room or elsewhere to hear what the Government had
to say about the shortage of labour in the fields.
Mr. ACLAND puts his faith in women. If the farmers would only meet them
half-way the situation would be saved. Mr. PROTHERO thought the farmers'
wives would have something to say about that. They did not like "London
minxes trapesing about our farmyard." From their point of view
conscientious objectors would be a safer substitute.
_Tuesday, May 23rd._--Over ten years have passed since Sir ALFRED
HARMSWORTH became Baron NORTHCLIFFE, yet never until to-day, I believe,
has he directly addressed his fellow-Peers, though it is understood
that through other channels he has occasionally given them the benefit
of his counsel.
His speech was a sad disappointment to those trade-rivals who have not
scrupled to attribute his silence to cowardice or incompetence. No
justification for such insinuations was to be found in his speech
to-day. He had something practical to say--on Lord MONTAGU's motion
regarding the Air-Service--and said it so briefly and modestly as to
throw doubt upon the theory that he personally dictates all those leaders
in _The Times_ and _The Daily Mail_.
Colonel HALL-WALKER took his seat to-day after a re-election necessitated
by the transfer of his racing stud to the Government. Up to the present
Ministers have found it a Greek gift. To-day they had to withstand a
further attack upon their horse-racing proclivities by Lord CLAUD HAMILTON,
who, notwithstanding that he is chairman of the railway that serves
Newmarket, denounced with great fervour the continuance during the War of
this "most extravagant, alluring and expensive form of public amusement."
In introducing a Vote of Credit for 300 millions, making a total of
L2,382,000,000 since August, 1914, the PRIME MINISTER said very little
about the War, except that we were still confident in its triumphant
issue. Any omission on his part was more than made good by Colonel
CHURCHILL, who for an hour or more kept the House interested with his
views on the proper employment of our Armies. Whenever he speaks at
Westminster one is inclined to remark, "What a strategist!" whereas it
is rumoured that his admiring comrades in the trenches used to murmur,
"What a statesman!" One of his best points was that the War Office should
use their men, not like a heap of shingle, but like pieces of mosaic, each
in his right place. Colonel CHURCHILL's supporters are still not quite
sure whether he has yet found his own exact place in the national jigsaw.
_Wednesday, May 24th._--The House of Lords was well attended this
afternoon, in the expectation of hearing Lord CURZON unfold the programme
of the new Air Board. But it had to exercise a noble patience. Lord
GALWAY gave an account of a trip in a Zeppelin; Lord BERESFORD (who,
strange to say, is much better heard in the Lords than he was in the
Commons) told how the Government were still awaiting from America a large
consignment of aeroplanes which as soon as they were delivered would be
"obsolete six months ago"; and Lord HALDANE (less impressive in mufti
than when he wore the Lord Chancellor's wig) delivered once again his
celebrated discourse on the importance of "thinking clearly."
Lord CURZON at least did not seem to require the admonition, for his speech
indicated that he had carefully considered the possibilities of the Air
Board. He did not agree with Colonel CHURCHILL that its future would be
one of harmless impotence or of first-class rows. At any rate the second
alternative had been rendered less probable by the disappearance from the
Government of his critic's own "vivid personality."
Mr. ARTHUR PONSONBY and Mr. RAMSAY MACDONALD have inadvertently done
signal service to their country's cause. By raising--on Empire Day,
too!--the question of peace, and urging the Government to initiate
negotiations with Germany, they furnished Sir EDWARD GREY with an
opportunity of dealing faithfully with the recent insidious manoeuvres
of Herr VON BETHMANN-HOLLWEG. The only terms of peace that the German
Government had ever put forward were terms of victory for Germany, and
we could not reason with the German people so long as they were fed with
lies. The FOREIGN SECRETARY spoke without a note, and carried away the
House by his spontaneous indignation. The House had previously passed the
Lords' amendments, strengthening the Military Service Bill. Altogether
it was a bad day for the pro-Bosches.
_Thursday, May 25th._--There was a big attendance in the House of Commons
to hear Mr. ASQUITH unfold his new plan for the regeneration of Ireland.
In the Peers' Gallery were Lord WIMBORNE, still in a state of suspended
animation; Lord MACDONNELL, wondering whether Mr. ASQUITH would
succeed where he and Mr. WYNDHAM failed; and Lord BRYCE, ex-Chief
Secretary, to whom the Sinn Feiners are indebted for the repeal of the
Arms Act. On the benches below were the leaders of all the Irish groups,
including Mr. GINNELL. Even Mr. BIRRELL crept in unobtrusively to learn
how his chief had solved in nine days the problem that had baffled him
for as many years. An Irish debate on the old heroic scale was looked upon
as a certainty.
In half-an-hour all was over. The PRIME MINISTER had no panacea of his
own to prescribe. All he could say was that Mr. LLOYD GEORGE had been
deputed by the Cabinet to confer with the various Irish leaders, and that
he hoped the House would assist the negotiations by deferring debate on
the Irish situation.
His selection of a peacemaker is generally approved. If anyone knows
how to handle high explosives without causing a premature concussion, or
to unite heterogeneous materials by electrical welding, or to utilise
a high temperature in dealing with refractory ores it should be the
MINISTER OF MUNITIONS. Everybody wishes him success in his new _role_ of
Harmonious Blacksmith.
Nevertheless some little disappointment was felt by those who had hoped
for a prompter solution. As an Irish Member expressed it, "This has been
the dickens of a day. We began with 'Great Expectations' and ended with
'Our Mutual Friend.'"
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[Illustration: "I'VE SEEN IT--'TAIN'T NO GOOD."
"'E GETS 'UNG, DON'T 'E?"
"YUS, BUT THEY DON'T SHOW YER THAT."]
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The Policeman's Friend.
"Cook wanted, used to coppers."--_Daily Paper._
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