"ENTOMOLOGY IN PARLIAMENT STREET.--Mr. Frank W. DUFREY, 55, Parliament
Street, writes to the _Field_:--'It will interest your entomological
readers to hear that a fine specimen of the death's-head hawk moth
(_Acherontia atropos_) was taken in Parliament Street on Monday evening.
It flew into the dining-room at the Red Lion Tavern, and was captured by
one of the waiters, who was alarmed at its size and the peculiar noise
it made. Apart from its being rather rubbed, it is a very good specimen
of the largest of our lepidoptera, and is now in my possession.'"
"William, where's John?
What, is he gone?"
"Not gone away, sir.
Sorry to say, sir;
John ill a-bed, sir,
Bad in 'is 'ed, sir.
'Ad a great fright, sir.
Turned 'is 'air wite, sir.
Last Monday night, sir."
"Struck down with fear!
How? Let me hear."
"'Orrible thing, sir,
Came on the wing sir;
Window in through, sir,
Suddently flew, sir,
Into this room, sir,
A shape from the tomb, sir.
'Twasn't a bat, sir;
No, sir, not that, sir:
Moth, sir, we thought, sir.
But wen it was caught, sir,
Huttered a shriek, sir,
A scream, sir, a squeak, sir!
Hinsect, you know, sir,
Couldn't do so, sir.
Wot should we find, sir,
On its back, sir, be'ind, sir,
Printed, exact, sir?--
A skull, sir,--a fact, sir!
John gasped for breath, sir;
Thought it was Death, sir--
Notice to quit, sir.
John was that frit, sir,
John 'ad a fit, sir--
Went a'most mad, sir.
John very bad, sir;
Better, bimeby, sir;
'Opes John won't die, sir.
Doctor 'e said, sir,
Moth, named death's 'ed, sir,
In natteral 'istory, sir;
Rare; but no mystery, sir:
Honly a prize, sir,
A catch in 'is heyes, sir,
As a medical gent, sir,
No call to repent, sir--
That's 'is belief, sir.
A sirloin of beef, sir,
Just up--very nice, sir.
Bring you a slice, sir?
Potatoes and greens, sir--
And any French beans, sir?"
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Mrs. Godolphin._ "Shall we meet at Dunchester House
to-morrow?"
_Mrs. Lascelles._ "No. _I_ was there on Monday. I heard there were a few
people going to-morrow."
_Mrs. Godolphin._ "Oh, yes. She has only asked quite a few people. On
Monday, now, I hear there was quite a big rabble there!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF IMPORTANCE.--_Mrs. Brown._ "We are
having some friends to dine with us on the twenty-fourth, Mr. Green, and
want you to come and help to wait at table, as usual." _The Family
Greengrocer._ "On the twenty-fourth, ma'am? I'm sorry to say I'm engaged
on the twenty-fourth." _Mrs. Brown._ "Dear me! How unfortunate! We are
so accustomed to you, and you know our ways." _Mr. Green._ "Yes, ma'am.
Couldn't you write and put off your friends till the week _after_,
ma'am?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID
"By the way, your friend O'Leary dined with me last night. What a dull
dog he is!"
"Oh, that depends on what company he's in!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID
"You can't go home when it's raining like this. You'd better stay and
have dinner with us!"
"Oh, it's not quite so bad as _that_!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: FREAKS OF NATURE
_Waiter._ "Now, then, look sharp! Here's that mutton chop a biling with
rage at bein' kep' waitin', and a beefsteak gone away in a towering
passion!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A NEW DISH
_Sympathising Swell_ (_waiting for some chicken_). "You've got no
sinecure there, Thomas!"
_Perspiring Footman._ "Very sorry, sir--just 'elped the last of it away,
sir!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: ALARMING SYMPTOMS AFTER EATING BOILED BEEF AND GOOSEBERRY
PIE
_Little Boy._ "Oh, lor, mar, I feel just exactly as if my jacket was
buttoned."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: BROWN AND JONES OVER THEIR WINE
_Jones._ "How would I take Cronstadt? With vigour and decision, nothing
more easy. My dear Brown, look here. This table is the Baltic, very
well. Now look--(_Jones places certain strawberries for the forts; the
city of Cronstadt on this occasion only being represented by a plate of
gooseberries at the back._) Here we are. The strawberries the forts:
Cronstadt the gooseberries. Now a little vigour and decision! This spoon
is the _Duke of Wellington_, three-decker, leading the van. We go in
here, firing both broadsides at once, to destroy the forts to larboard
and starboard; while at the same time our guns in the bows and
stern-sheets smash the other forts before and behind. Very good. We are
then in front of Cronstadt--the city of Cronstadt. We shell that, sir;
shell it of course! Blow up the powder-magazines; capitulation ensues;
the Russian fleet is in a blaze, and, my dear Brown, that is how _I_
would take Cronstadt----"
_Brown._ "----After dinner."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: HEAVY
_Stranger_ (_just arrived at the City of Eastminster_). "What can I have
for dinner, waiter?"
_Waiter._ "Anything you please, sir!"
_Stranger._ "What are you celebrated for here?"
_Waiter._ "Well, sir, there's the cathedral----!!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: HORRIBLE SUSPICION
_Old Gentleman._ "Oh, waiter, why is it that a dinner off the joint is
five shillings, but if you only have made dishes and soup, it's two
shillings and sixpence?"
_Waiter._ "That, sir, is on account of the very high price of butcher's
meat just now, sir."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SELF-EXAMINATION
_Party_ (_slightly influenced_). "Queshion ish! Am I fit to go
intodrawingroom? Letsh shee!--I can shay gloriush conshyshusn!--Have
seen Brish inshychusion--all that shortothing--thatledo--here gosh!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: DURING THE CATTLE SHOW.--_Old Farmer Wuzzle_ (_reading
the bill of fare_). "Dinners har lar cart! What does that mean, Polly?"
_Miss Wuzzle_ (_who has been to a fashionable boarding-school to be
finished, who has been taught French and how "to spank the grand
pianner" and who is never at a loss_). "Aller cart, father? Why, that
means a small, simple dinner. If you want something heavy and
first-rate, you order what they call a dinner waggon!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "MARCH OF REFINEMENT," 1875.--_Brown_ (_behind the age,
but hungry_). "Give me the bill of fare, waiter."
_Head Waiter._ "Beg pardon, sir?"
_Brown._ "The bill of fare."
_Head Waiter._ "The what, sir? O!--ah!--Yes!"--(_to
subordinate_)--"Chawles, bring this--this--a--gen'leman--the _menoo_!!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "MELTING!"
_Stout Chairman_ (_who feels the fire close at his back rather
oppressive_). "Waiter, I asked you to bring me a screen."
_Waiter._ "Master's very sorry, sir, but we ain't got no screen!"
_Stout Chairman._ "Then, for goodness' sake, tell the cook to send up
the dripping-pan, and put it under me, quick!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "I say, waiter, this salmon cutlet isn't half so good as
the one I had here last week."
"Can't see why, sir. It's off the same fish!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "PLEASE TO REMEMBER THE WAITER"
"All right, sir! My fault!"]
* * * * *