Next time you’ll see your master before turning people down.
[_Doll Blondin and Topliss go out by hall door._
THE DEVIL (_running to hall door and calling after Doll_) Come down
later and make yourself at home.
[_Agnus seats himself and buries his face in his hands groaning. The
Devil goes to door and admits John Magnus, Mrs. Felix and Fanny._
MAGNUS
Tromper, the Judge, and the Professor have gone for a ride around
Rothlyn. I thought—this having become a somewhat personal matter—
THE DEVIL (_whispering to Agnus_)
Magnus?
[_Agnus looks up despondently and nods._
THE DEVIL (_to Mrs. Felix, forgetting himself_)
No mistaking you: you’re one of my trained women. Any child you will
have—will be worth watching—
MRS. FELIX (_taken aback_)
What! What’s this? What? My poor boy! (_She puts her hand on The
Devil’s shoulder_)
FANNY
Addington doesn’t need your pity, mother!
THE DEVIL (_recollecting himself_)
Mother? Fanny’s mother! Oh, but that must have been when you were just
a favorite of the harem!
MRS. FELIX (_in amazement_)
Whatever has come over you? You—why, you—well—_you_ of all men! (_She
seats herself, staring at him with a sort of fascination_)
THE DEVIL
Your husband—
FANNY
We’ve had enough of poor father for one day, Addington. Let him rest in
his grave!
THE DEVIL
In his grave—good! I must find you another husband. One worthy of you.
For she (_indicates Fanny_) must be taking after her father.
MRS. FELIX (_rises and goes concernedly to The Devil; puts her hand
on his shoulder_) Boy, boy, what is it? _What_ is it? (_Suddenly_)
Addington, will you leave the room for a moment and (_looking at
Agnus_) take this gentleman with you? I wish to speak privately with—
THE DEVIL
You had plenty of time to speak privately with—before you came in. You
think I’ve gone mad, don’t you?
[_Mrs. Felix steps back, showing that she does._
THE DEVIL
You think Fanny’s driven me crazy by making me take Magnus’s offer?
Eh? (_Laughs_) Although, who knows? I’ve been called mad many times
before. Wisdom is always madness to the ignorant—and anyone too wise
for them to understand is a madman. Does this look like a madman?
(_Turns to Fanny_) I won’t take Magnus’s offer and I won’t marry you.
MAGNUS (_in amazement_)
You decline—after just accepting?
THE DEVIL
Without thanks! (_To Mrs. Felix, with an air of dismissal_) I hope to
see you soon again. Meanwhile, I’ll start hunting that husband for you.
(_He smiles amiably while all stare at him speechlessly: all animated
by the steadily growing conviction that he is utterly insane—although
his final words impress Mrs. Felix_)
MRS. FELIX (_after a breathless pause_)
It’s only a spell. It’ll pass. (_To Agnus_) A trip’s what you need—a
_long_ trip. No work. No thinking. Just rest.
THE DEVIL (_amused_)
Still diagnosing insanity?
MRS. FELIX
Oh, no! Everyone has restless spells. The excitement of the Nobel
prize—Mr. Magnus’s offer—Fanny—
FANNY
Don’t blame me, mother. I’m sure this is just what I expected—keeping
at those horrid microscopes day and night. It was for his own good I
advised him to accept.
THE DEVIL
Don’t lie, Fanny.
[_Agnus, agonized, makes gestures for The Devil to stop._
FANNY (_scandalized_)
Addington! If I thought you were responsible for what you’re saying—
THE DEVIL
Now see here—all of you. Here am I—Addington Agnus—the biggest
scientist in the world today. And here is Fanny Felix—a mere girl. And
because I suddenly realize my own importance and her lack of it, even
you (_reproachfully to Mrs. Felix_) think I am mad. Think, woman, think!
MRS. FELIX (_gasping_)
But, Addington—people don’t change their entire personalities in half
an hour—not naturally—
AGNUS (_eagerly_)
Of course they don’t! _You_ see it—
MAGNUS (_disregarding Agnus_)
Since the Doctor seems to know his own mind at last, I think we had
better leave him before he changes it again—this being the third change
in an hour—
THE DEVIL
Don’t go, Mr. Magnus. I’ve got something important to say to you. (_To
Fanny_) You can go, though—
[_Fanny has been so dumfounded since The Devil stigmatized her as a
“mere girl” that she has been unable to move._
THE DEVIL
Take her along, Mrs. Felix. Try to train her better—
MAGNUS
Dr. Agnus—when you grossly insult two ladies—my friends—
THE DEVIL (_impatiently_)
Well, why don’t they go, then?
FANNY (_recovering herself with an effort_)
Mr. Magnus—I—(_starts for door and opens it_)
[_The Devil has turned back, not even waiting to see Fanny go. Agnus,
half starting to detain her, half holding back, is altogether wild.
Mrs. Felix tugs at Fanny from the outside._
FANNY (_in a carefully restrained voice_)
Mr. Magnus!
MAGNUS
Coming! (_Starts to go_)
THE DEVIL
A moment, Mr. Magnus. (_Eyes him steadily_)
[_Magnus’s eyes waver._
MRS. FELIX (_coldly_)
When you come to your senses, Fanny, you will find me at Olive’s. (_She
goes out_)
FANNY
Mr. Magnus, will you pardon me—a moment. I have one last word to say to
this gentleman—one last word—
THE DEVIL
May it be true; but I’m afraid not.—In here, Mr. Magnus. (_Opens hall
door_)
[_Magnus attempts to meet The Devil’s gaze and fails. He goes out._
THE DEVIL (_takes out his watch_)
Now, one minute is all I can give you.
[_Fanny, restraining herself as before, points to Agnus._
THE DEVIL
Here, Schwartzenhopfel, get out!
AGNUS (_wildly_)
I will not! Fanny—this is all a mistake. This man is not me—not I, I
mean—not—
FANNY (_bitterly_)
Two lunatics!
THE DEVIL (_hustles Agnus to stairway_)
Get out!
AGNUS (_protesting_)
Fanny, I can explain everything—
[_The Devil pushes him up. Agnus ascends the stairs stumblingly._
THE DEVIL (_looks at his watch again—then at Fanny inquiringly; holds
watch in hand_) One minute.
FANNY
You lack even the commonest instincts of decency. I’m ashamed to think
my name was ever linked with yours.
THE DEVIL (_does not take eyes from the watch during the following
colloquy_) Twenty-two and one-half seconds gone.
FANNY (_raging_)
I only want you to know that I loathe and despise you. Thank Heaven,
I’m cured of my infatuation. If I were to hear you were dead, it
wouldn’t matter to me any more than the death of any other blackguard I
had the misfortune to know—
THE DEVIL
Ah, you know blackguards, do you? Thirty-nine and two-thirds seconds
gone—
FANNY
What I could have seen in you at any time I don’t know—I wonder at
myself—and I laugh—yes, laugh, I tell you—laugh to think I could have
been so taken in. I hate you! I hate you!! I hate you!!!
AGNUS (_who has crept down the stairs, reënters_)
Fanny, don’t say that—
[_The Devil picks up from table behind him a brass ornament and throws
it—his other hand still holding the watch as before. Agnus disappears
in order to dodge the ornament._
FANNY (_raging on through this by-play which she does not observe_) I
am going now, never to return. If you should see me again, look the
other way unless you wish to be cut before the whole world.
THE DEVIL (_snapping watch_)
Minute’s up. (_He goes to the door to admit Magnus_)
FANNY (_detaining him_)
I haven’t finished yet. (_She changes her attitude_)
THE DEVIL
Oh! you want another minute, eh? (_Takes out his watch again and
regards it steadily_)
FANNY
Don’t think I wish to detain you—Oh, no! (_She laughs sarcastically_)
Oh, no indeed!
THE DEVIL (_following the second hand of watch with finger while
echoing the laugh_) Oh—indeed not! Another ten seconds gone.
FANNY
I only didn’t want your sleep to be troubled—if people without
consciences are ever troubled. I didn’t want your sleep to be troubled,
I say, with the thought of any girl sobbing in secret. My heart is
quite whole, thank you. I have been simply playing a game all along.
You flattered yourself I loved you. (_Laughs almost successfully_) Oh,
the egotism of you men—
THE DEVIL
And half a minute gone.
FANNY
I never loved you—
AGNUS (_who has crept cautiously down again_)
Don’t say that, Fanny!
[_The Devil throws another brass ornament in the same way as before.
Agnus disappears, dodging._
FANNY (_talking on through this incident, which also goes unnoticed by
her_) Girls must marry somebody, you know—somebody—not that you should
be too much flattered by being called somebody—
THE DEVIL
Thirty-five seconds—and a third—
FANNY (_at a loss_)
No, indeed—(_Pauses_)
THE DEVIL
Oh, yes, I assure you—thirty-five and a third—forty, now—
FANNY
I never loved you—
THE DEVIL
You said that before—
FANNY (_viciously_)
And now I hate you—
THE DEVIL
You said that, too. You seem to be running out of ideas. Fifty-three
seconds gone, but I used three seconds myself and hereby credit you
with them. Fifty—
FANNY
I am going—
THE DEVIL
And—quite a coincidence—so is the time—
FANNY (_raging again_)
I am going, nev—
THE DEVIL
“’er to return.” Aren’t you going to say _anything_ new?—Too late!
Minute’s up! (_Starts for Magnus_)
FANNY (_still unbelievingly_)
You’ll let me go like this—without a word—
THE DEVIL
Without a _word_!
FANNY
Do you realize I am going out of your life forever—
THE DEVIL (_sighing heavily_)
What a chance!
FANNY
Well—I am—I’m going—
THE DEVIL
“Never to return”—don’t say it again—
FANNY
Oh, you are sorry—Oh, Addington! I knew you didn’t mean to be cruel.
(_She bursts into tears and throws her arms around him_)
THE DEVIL (_as she hangs about his neck_)
Hell! Or rather: Mars!
[_Agnus, who has crept up from behind, now urgently pokes The Devil in
the ribs. The Devil gladly transfers Fanny to him._
AGNUS (_enraptured, forgetting everything_)
Fanny! Fanny! My Own!
FANNY (_looking up_)
Ugh! Ugh! You horrible man!
[_The light darts at her._
FANNY (_wrenching herself loose, pushes Agnus into a chair; then she
almost screams with lost self-respect_) Addington Agnus! I’ll never
forgive you—never—never—never—(_She rushes out, violently slamming the
garden door behind her_)
AGNUS (_collapsing_)
Now, you’ve done it!
THE DEVIL (_irritatedly_)
When she was quarrelling with me, you were protesting. When she tried
to make up, you were protesting. And now that she’s gone, you’re
protesting.
AGNUS
I’ve lost her—lost her—
THE DEVIL (_grimly_)
Dollars to doughnuts, she’ll find some excuse to come back. I knew a
man once who went all the way from San Francisco back to Denver to get
a tooth-brush he had left at home. Of course, he didn’t go to see his
wife! Oh, no! He had quarrelled with her—hated the sight of her. But
how much more he hated losing that twenty-five-cent tooth-brush!
AGNUS
If you think she’ll be back after the way you just treated her, you may
know some women, but not well-bred ones—
THE DEVIL (_gloomily_)
“When it comes to a man in the case, they’re as like as a pair of new
pins.” I’ll have to spring the little actress on her yet, if I want to
get rid of her.
AGNUS
Oh, don’t do that! Don’t let her think it’s on account of another
woman—and such a woman—living in the house, too. She’ll never forgive
that. No nice woman would.
THE DEVIL
You lamb! I’ve known women—nice women, too, mind you—on whom such a
woman—as you call her—acted like a magnet. Not that they wanted to come
back! Oh, no! They wanted to save the man from an abandoned creature.
(_Instructively_) An abandoned creature, Agnus, is any other woman. No
matter how good her character is, they’ll say she’s under cover with
enough crime to crowd Callao—
[_There is a knock at the hall door._
THE DEVIL (_ironically looking toward hall door_)
Dear man! The controller of the money-market kept waiting by a mere
Nobel prize-winner! Terrible insolence! Get out, Schwartzenhopfel!
[_The light dances defiantly._
THE DEVIL (_pointing to Agnus_)
Oh, I mean—him! And don’t come sneaking down the stairway again, or
I’ll do some awful thing to disgrace you forever. Get out! See that the
young lady gets her trunks. (_Pushes him off upstairs_) No peeping,
mind!
[_Agnus goes disconsolately, looking back as he goes._
THE DEVIL (_to the light_)
Schwartzenhopfel, do you know who’s in there? (_Points to hallway_)
[_The light dances angrily._
THE DEVIL
The man you particularly wanted to blow up with one of your bombs.
[_The light becomes attentive._
THE DEVIL
Can you hear me?
[_The light wags and then remains attentive again._
THE DEVIL
How would you like to have a body again? Eh? A better body than you
ever had?
[_The light dances joyfully._
THE DEVIL
Would you be a good Dutchman and do just as I told you?
[_The light wags._
THE DEVIL
Are you sorry for all that swearing and temper you’ve shown since
you’ve been a light?
[_The light wags slowly. At that moment the hall door opens and Magnus
reënters._
THE DEVIL
I was just—
MAGNUS (_very angry at having been kept waiting_)
Good day to you, sir—
THE DEVIL (_holding his arm_)
Magnus—(_Fixes him with his eyes_)
[_Magnus’s eyes flutter as before. He struggles, but gradually yields
to The Devil’s power._
THE DEVIL
Magnus, sit down!
[_The dark of an approaching rain begins and grows gradually all
through the ensuing dialogue until rain actually falls._
MAGNUS (_with a flash of natural spirit_)
Be da—
[_He means to say: “Be damned to you”; but The Devil’s eyes drive out
defiance. Magnus sits down._
THE DEVIL
Magnus, look at me!
MAGNUS
I—(_He tries to rouse himself, desperately, but sinks back
submissively_)
THE DEVIL
Magnus! Look at me!
[_Magnus tries to disobey, but his eyes are literally torn upward and
into The Devil’s._
THE DEVIL (_at centre table, turns on electric cigar-lighter—an
illuminated disk that burns dully_)
Magnus, look at that light!
[_Magnus is still staring at him._
THE DEVIL
Not me! The light! Saves my energy.
[_Magnus stares still at him. The Devil goes to Magnus and turns his
head, arranging it as a photographer does for position. He points his
finger along Magnus’s line of vision, turning it toward the luminous
disk. Then he sits down, his elbow on the table near the cigar-lighter,
and lights cigarette. Leaning his head on his palm, he stares at Magnus
in the growing darkness, the red glow of cigarette growing as the light
outside begins to die before the rainstorm. This red glow lights up The
Devil’s face. The light bobs closer, inspecting and inquisitive._
THE DEVIL
Magnus! When you went to school, they taught you: “Honesty is the Best
Policy.” At church: “Love your fellow-men.” You went into business. Two
years later—you were a bankrupt. Why?
MAGNUS (_in hypnosis: speaks dully and mechanically_) I wouldn’t buy
diseased animals and dye their meat a healthy color with poison.
THE DEVIL
That was being honest. What else? Speak!
MAGNUS (_same tone, but sleepier_) I wouldn’t bring foreign laborers
over to do the work cheaper than Americans. The more ignorant citizens,
the more rascals in Congress. The more rascals in Congress, the worse
laws. The worse laws, the worse country. Worse and worse—until only
a revolution could cure it. Out of a revolution—a soldier tyrant—a
Napoleon—an Emperor—and three centuries—gone to hell—
THE DEVIL
That was loving your fellow-men. What else? Speak!
MAGNUS (_almost asleep; rouses himself with an effort_) So, without
cheap meat and cheap labor, I couldn’t sell at cheap prices. My wife
sold her jewels. I kept books for a former rival.
THE DEVIL (_thumbing Magnus’s forehead_)
That’s what you got for being honest and loving your fellow-men, eh?
How did you get the courage to be a crook?
MAGNUS
My boy—Charles—consumptive—needed change of air to save his
life—Denver—Los Angeles— the Riviera.—A bookkeeper gets twenty a
week—(_His head drops on breast again_)
THE DEVIL
No chance there! Well?
MAGNUS (_painfully dragging out the words in spite of intense
sleepiness_) _Tried_ to save enough—no use—couldn’t.—So at last moment
I falsified books—sent the boy away—(_His head drops_)
THE DEVIL (_revives him_)
Then?
MAGNUS
Speculated—to return first money—won—the fever got me. I took all I
could get from the office safe—plunged—won—(_Relapses: head drops_)
THE DEVIL
Honesty ruined you. Stealing made you rich. Loving your fellow-men
nearly killed your boy. Hating them saved him—eh? (_Shakes him_)
MAGNUS (_roused, speaks in shrill voice_)
Went back into the old business. Did what others did. Ran the thousands
into millions. Bought steel-mills with the millions. Froze the little
fellows out.
THE DEVIL
Hating them!
MAGNUS
Hating everybody. Needed banks to swing deals. Gave a million to
politicians. United States Treasury made my banks National Banks.
THE DEVIL
National! Ha, ha!—National!
[_Magnus’s head drops on his breast._
THE DEVIL (_reviving him_)
And lent you Government money to run more little fellows out of
business, eh?
MAGNUS
When I controlled the clearing-house, I refused some banks
clearing-house privileges.
THE DEVIL
That meant: either do as you said or close their doors? When they
realized that, you began to control the money-market. The National
Currency? You and your friends are the Mint—the Treasury of the Nation.
You finance wars—make governments—keep out of office honest men who
won’t make the laws you want—(_Revives him_)
MAGNUS (_drowsily_)
No man can be President unless I say so.
[_The light darts at him._
THE DEVIL
You could put all good men in and throw all bad ones out? But, instead,
you throw all good ones out and put all bad ones in. Those who will do
as you say.
[_Magnus sleeps noisily._
THE DEVIL
Look, Schwartzenhopfel! The Law of the Land—there!
[_Magnus snores. A dim radiance begins to surround his head. The light
draws as close as possible. A few splashes of rain fall on the windows._
THE DEVIL (_to the light_)
I am going to teach him that while one cannot be honest in this
world—today—dishonesty can be atoned for only by loving one’s fellows
more instead of less. And loving, helping—
[_The radiance grows around Magnus. The light draws close to it._
THE DEVIL (_to the light_)
Schwartzenhopfel—come away! Don’t be in too much of a hurry!
[_The light retreats reluctantly._
THE DEVIL (_to the light_)
Disobey me once when you become a controller of money-markets, and—out
you go! More: I may leave you to linger around in air until somebody
else wears your body out.
[_The light trembles._
THE DEVIL
It is nearly time. Remember what I say. Else better stay as you are for
a short time—than for a lifetime! _You_ are only the instrument. I the
player.
[_The light wags. The radiance flickers above Magnus’s head. A second
light rises slowly to ceiling._
THE DEVIL (_excitedly_)
Now, Dutchman, get ready! Go!
[_The light darts at Magnus’s head. At the same moment the storm breaks
with fury. Great splotches of rain are thrown at the window-panes. The
house rocks. The light (Schwartzenhopfel) sinks out of sight above
Magnus’s head. The figure of Magnus is left in darkness, the only light
in the room being the suspended one (Magnus), hanging from the ceiling
like a hypnotized bee, and that from the cigar-lighter which falls on
the face of the Devil._[2]
[Footnote 2: In referring to the light thereafter, Magnus is meant.]
THE DEVIL
Well, Schwartzenhopfel?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_in Magnus’s body_)
_Ach Gott!_
[_The Devil turns on the electricity in the fringed white candelabrum,
whereby the room becomes pervaded with a gentle glow of light.
Schwartzenhopfel rises, stretches, pats himself; throws out each leg,
each arm; tries to speak, but is overcome with emotion and bursts
into tears. From tears he is translated into hysterical laughter.
The room begins to grow lighter, but furious rain continues outside.
Schwartzenhopfel follows the light around the room, pointing at it
derisively, his body doubling up with speechless laughter each time
he points. The light moves away with dignity. Finally, to escape
persecution, it flies out of the window._
THE DEVIL
Here! That is not right. (_Satirically amused_) Driving a controller of
money-markets out into the rain.
[_Schwartzenhopfel, paying no attention, leaps and bounds about the
room like an unwieldly baboon. Agnus reënters by hall door._
AGNUS (_shocked_)
Mr. Magnus!
[_Schwartzenhopfel goes on dancing until he sees Agnus in full light.
Then seeing himself, in Agnus, he bursts into another roar of laughter,
pointing in gleeful derision and following the harassed Agnus around,
each time pointing and roaring with laughter, as he did with the
light._
AGNUS (_turning_)
Mr. Magnus! (_Solicitously_) What is wrong, sir?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_after another outbreak, hoarsely to The Devil_) Did
I walk like that? Look like that? Oh, what liars are looking-glasses!
THE DEVIL
Men don’t see what the mirror shows them. They see what they look to
see. A good-looking, intelligent, well-groomed countenance for each.
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_to The Devil_)
I don’t blame you for wanting to get rid of that! (_Pokes Agnus with
his finger_) Flabby, too.
AGNUS (_gasps out thoroughly shocked_)
You’ve been up to your Devil’s tricks again!
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
Better trick for me than for you! Ha! Ha! (_Turns Agnus around,
disconsolately_) I don’t look a bit better from the back! (_Solemnly_)
I’d hate to see myself undressed.
THE DEVIL
The best part of _you_ is talking right now.
AGNUS (_almost howling_)
Mr. Magnus—what have you done with Mr. Magnus?
[_The light comes flying back through window. The Devil points to it.
Schwartzenhopfel points also and begins following the light about as
before. The light is about to fly off again in dignity, but pauses at
the window._
THE DEVIL
Here! Leave him alone! (_To Schwartzenhopfel_) You didn’t like it when
I did it to _you_—
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
That’s why I’m doing it to him. He’s a tyrant, a bloodsucker, a
vampire, a murderer of poor men’s souls. He ought to be hung, drawn,
quartered, and dynamited. He is—
THE DEVIL
You had better keep those sentiments to yourself. Have you forgotten
who you are? With all his sins to answer for?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_ceases suddenly to rail and takes a cigarette which
he lights_) I did miss tobacco—
THE DEVIL
How could you miss tobacco without a body?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
It soothes the soul. A fine trick you played me.
THE DEVIL
And a fine trick you played me. Leaving bombs sewn up in your mattress.
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_grinning_)
How the police would like to know where they are. They searched the
room today.
THE DEVIL
I shook you just in time—
AGNUS (_turning pale_)
What did you say?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
Searched my room—his room. (_Points to The Devil_) Your room now. Lucky
I’m in disguise! (_Taps body_)
AGNUS (_pale and trembling_)
Did they—er—find anything?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_Scornfully_)
Policemen find anything?
AGNUS (_breathing hard_)
Thank God!
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
At least not before I flew away.
AGNUS
You left the police there—in your room?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
No, in your room—smoking and trying to think. If they think they can
think, what do they think they can think with?
AGNUS (_in trembling tone_)
Where is your room?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
Your room? Why, over the shoemaker’s shop—next block?
[_Agnus sits down unmanned._
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
New York detectives, too. Central-office “dicks.” None of your common
country constables or sheriffs for me—I’m a celebrated man.
AGNUS (_in a trembling tone_)
You—you are?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
No, you are. From Maine to Pensacola; from ’Frisco to Vancouver. Nobody
makes bombs like old Schwartzenhopfel. I hope they don’t find those
seven. They took me three weeks and cost three hundred dollars.
AGNUS
I—I hope they don’t, too. I—I think I’ll go—now—g—go—to bed. (_He
starts for the stairway_) I wonder if they’re still there—in your room?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
My dear sir—I am John Magnus. It ain’t _my_ room—
THE DEVIL (_to Agnus_)
You might ask Mr. Magnus to go over and find out for you?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
Me? Got a photo of it, haven’t you?
THE DEVIL
No—him! (_Points to the light_)
[_The light contracts and moves to other side of room._
THE DEVIL (_crossing over to it_)
What’s the use being sulky, Magnus? You’re the only one here who can
do it without anybody seeing you. Go on! For this poor fellow’s sake
anyhow. (_Points to Agnus_) Want to see him in jail?
AGNUS (_approaching the light_)
Mr. Magnus, sir—I had no hand in this—I am as badly off as you—I am
Addington Agnus. That man—over there—(_pointing_) is The Devil.
THE DEVIL
Dr. Agnus, please.
AGNUS