_Hodge._ God morow, Gaffer Vicar.
_D. Rat._ Come on, fellow, let us heare!
Thy dame hath sayd to me, thou knowest of all this geare;
Lets see what thou canst saie.
_Hodge._ Bym fay, sir, that ye shall.
What matter so ever there was done, ich can tell your maship
[all]:
My Gammer Gurton heare, see now, 5
sat her downe at this doore, see now;
And, as she began to stirre her, see now,
her neele fell to the floore, see now;
And while her staffe shee tooke, see now,
at Gyb her cat to flynge, see now, 10
Her neele was lost in the floore, see now.
Is not this a wondrous thing, see now?
Then came the queane Dame Chat, see now,
to aske for hir blacke cup, see now:
And even here at this gate, see now, 15
she tooke that neele up, see now:
My Gammer then she yeede,[719] see now,
her neele againe to bring, see now,
And was caught by the head, see now.
Is not this a wondrous thing, see now? 20
She tare my Gammers cote, see now,
and scratched hir by the face, see now;
Chad thought shad stopt hir throte, see now.
Is not this a wondrous case, see now?
When ich saw this, ich was wrothe,[720] see now, 25
and start betwene them twaine, see now;
Els ich durst take a booke othe, see now,
my gammer had bene slaine, see now.
_Gammer._ This is even the whole matter, as Hodge has plainly tolde;
And chould faine be quiet for my part, that chould. 30
But help us, good Master, beseech ye that ye doo:
Els shall we both be beaten and lose our neele too.
_D. Rat._ What wold ye have me to doo? tel me, that I were gone;
I will do the best that I can, to set you both at one.
But be ye sure Dame Chat hath this your neele founde? 35
_Gammer._ Here comes the man that see hir take it up of the ground.
Aske him your selfe, Master Rat, if ye beleve not me:
And help me to my neele, for Gods sake and Saint Charitie!
_D. Rat._ Come nere, Diccon, and let us heare what thou can expresse.
Wilt thou be sworne thou seest Dame Chat this womans neele have? 40
_Diccon._ Nay, by S. Benit, wil I not, then might ye thinke me rave!
_Gammer._ Why, didst not thou tel me so even here? canst thou for
shame deny it?
_Diccon._ I, mary, Gammer; but I said I would not abide by it.
_D. Rat._ Will you say a thing, and not sticke to it to trie it?
_Diccon._ "Stick to it," quoth you, Master Rat? mary, sir, I defy
it! 45
Nay, there is many an honest man, when he suche blastes hath
blowne
In his freindes eares, he woulde be loth the same by him were
knowne.
If such a toy be used oft among the honestie,
It may beseme a simple man of your and my degree.
_D. Rat._ Then we be never the nearer, for all that you can tell! 50
_Diccon._ Yea, mary, sir, if ye will do by mine advise and counsaile.
If Mother Chat se al us here, she knoweth how the matter goes;
Therfore I red you three go hence, and within keepe close,
And I will into Dame Chats house, and so the matter use,
That or[721] you cold go twise to church I warant you here
news. 55
She shall look wel about hir, but, I durst lay a pledge,
Ye shal of Gammers neele have shortly better knowledge.
_Gammer._ Now, gentle Diccon, do so, and, good sir, let us trudge.
_D. Rat._ By the masse, I may not tarry so long to be your judge.
_Diccon._ Tys but a little while, man; what! take so much paine! 60
If I here no newes of it, I wil come sooner againe.
_Hodge._ Tary so much, good Master Doctor, of your gentlenes!
_D. Rat._ Then let us hie us inward, and, Diccon, speede thy busines.
_Diccon._[722] Now, sirs, do you no more, but kepe my counsaile juste,
And Doctor Rat shall thus catch some good, I trust. 65
But Mother Chat, my gossop, talke first with-all I must:
For she must be chiefe captaine to lay the Rat in the dust.
God deven, dame Chat, in faith, and wel met in this place!
_Chat._ God deven, my friend Diccon; whether walke ye this pace?
_Diccon._ By my truth, even to you, to learne how the world goeth. 70
Hard ye no more of the other matter? say me, now, by your troth!
_Chat._ O yes, Diccon, here the old hoore, and Hodge, that great
knave--
But, in faith, I would thou hadst sene,--O Lord, I drest them
brave!
She bare me two or three souses behind in the nape of the necke,
Till I made hir olde wesen to answere againe, "kecke!" 75
And Hodge, that dirty dastard, that at hir elbow standes,--
If one pair of legs had not bene worth two paire of hands,
He had had his bearde shaven if my nayles wold have served, Dij
And not without a cause, for the knave it well deserved.
_Diccon._ By the masse, I can the thank, wench, thou didst so wel
acquite the! 80
_Chat._ And thadst scene him, Diccon, it wold have made the beshite
the
For laughter. The horsen dolt at last caught up a club,
As though he would have slaine the master devil Belsabub.
But I set him soone inwarde.
_Diccon._ O Lorde, there is the thing
That Hodge is so offended! that makes him start and flyng! 85
_Chat._ Why? makes the knave any moyling, as ye have seen or hard?
_Diccon._ Even now I sawe him last, like a mad man he farde,
And sware by heven and hell he would awreake his sorowe,
And leve you never a hen on live, by eight of the clock to morow;
Therfore marke what I say, and my wordes see that ye trust. 90
Your hens be as good as dead, if ye leave them on the ruste.
_Chat._ The knave dare as well go hang himself, as go upon my ground.
_Diccon._ Wel, yet take hede I say, I must tel you my tale round.
Have you not about your house, behind your furnace or leade[723]
A hole where a crafty knave may crepe in for neade? 95
_Chat._ Yes, by the masse, a hole broke down, even within these two
dayes.
_Diccon._ Hodge he intends this same night to slip in there awayes.
_Chat._ O Christ! that I were sure of it! in faith he shuld have his
mede!
_Diccon._ Watch wel, for the knave wil be there as sure as is your
crede.
I wold spend my selfe a shilling to have him swinged well. 100
_Chat._ I am as glad as a woman can be of this thing to here tell.
By Gogs bones, when he commeth, now that I know the matter,
He shal sure at the first skip to leape in scalding water,
With a worse turne besides; when he will, let him come.
_Diccon._ I tell you as my sister; you know what meaneth "mum"!
[724]Now lacke I but my doctor to play his part againe. 106
And lo where he commeth towards, peradventure to his paine!
_D. Rat._ What good newes, Diccon, fellow? is Mother Chat at home?
_Diccon._ She is, syr, and she is not, but it please her to whome;
Yet did I take her tardy, as subtle as she was. 110
_D. Rat._ The thing that thou wentst for, hast thou brought it to
passe?
_Diccon._ I have done that I have done, be it worse, be it better,
And Dame Chat at her wyts ende I have almost set her.
_D. Rat._ Why, hast thou spied the neele? quickly, I pray thee, tell!
_Diccon._ I have spyed it, in faith, sir, I handled my selfe so
well; 115
And yet the crafty queane had almost take my trumpe.
But or all came to an ende, I set her in a dumpe.
_D. Rat._ How so, I pray thee, Diccon?
_Diccon._ Mary, syr, will ye heare?
She was clapt downe on the backside, by Cocks mother dere,
And there she sat sewing a halter or a bande, 120
With no other thing save Gammers nedle in her hande.
As soone as any knocke, if the filth be in doubte,
She needes but once puffe, and her candle is out:
Now I, sir, knowing of every doore the pin,
Came nycely, and said no worde, till time I was within; 125
And there I sawe the neele, even with these two eyes;
Who ever say the contrary, I will sweare he lyes.
_D. Rat._ O Diccon, that I was not there then in thy steade!
_Diccon._ Well, if ye will be ordred, and do by my reade,
I will bring you to a place, as the house standes, 130
Where ye shall take the drab with the neele in hir handes.
_D. Rat._ For Gods sake do so, Diccon, and I will gage my gowne
To geve thee a full pot of the best ale in the towne.
_Diccon._ Follow me but a litle, and marke what I will say;
Lay downe your gown beside you; go to, come on your way! 135
Se ye not what is here? a hole wherin ye may creepe
Into the house, and sodenly unwares among them leape;
There shal ye finde the bitchfox and the neele together.
Do as I bid you, man, come on your wayes hether!
_D. Rat._ Art thou sure, Diccon, the swil-tub standes not here
aboute? 140
_Diccon._ I was within my selfe, man, even now, there is no doubt.
Go softly, make no noyse; give me your foote, Sir John.
Here will I waite upon you, tyl you come out anone.
_D. Rat._ Helpe, Diccon! out, alas! I shal be slaine among them!
_Diccon._ If they give you not the nedle, tel them that ye will hang
them. 145
Ware that! Hoow, my wenches! have ye caught the Foxe
That used to make revel among your hennes an Cocks?
Save his life yet for his order, though he susteine some paine.
Gogs bread! I am afraide they wil beate out his braine.
_D. Rat._ Wo worth the houre that I came heare! 150
And wo worth him that wrought this geare!
A sort of drabs and queanes have me blest--
Was ever creature halfe so evill drest?
Who ever it wrought, and first did invent it
He shall, I warrant him, erre long repent it! 155
I will spend all I have without my skinne Diii
But he shall be brought to the plight I am in!
Master Bayly, I trow, and he be worth his eares,
Will snaffle these murderers and all that them beares.[725]
I will surely neither byte nor suppe 160
Till I fetch him hether, this matter to take up.
The v. Acte. The i. Sceane.