circumstances. The persons who take their departure early often slip out
quietly, in order not to advertise the fact that they are going. It is
not altogether a compliment to a hostess to leave early in the evening,
and if many people did so it would tend to break up the ball. Should one
pass near the lady of the house, however, politeness requires that one
should bid her good night and express pleasure in the evening’s
entertainment or congratulate her on its success. Later on, when the
movement to go home becomes general, all take their leave of the
hostess, and of the host, if he is standing near.
The discussion about the merits and demerits of the new styles of
dancing has raged so vigorously in press and pulpit that every one is
familiar with it. The result of all this debate has been good, since the
objectionable features have been to a great extent removed. When the
tango and the other new dances were first introduced, there was a great
deal of unfavorable criticism of the method of holding the partner, and
of the “shaking and wiggling” motions of the body. The latter was a
consequence, it is said, of the slow movement of the music. This
rendered it difficult to dance without a swaying accompaniment. By
making the tempo a little more rapid it has been found possible to
eliminate the last feature, and good dancers have proved that the tango,
one-step, and the like can be executed well and gracefully without
holding the partner too closely. It is evident that the new dances have
been greatly modified, and that they will not be given up at present. It
is pointed out that there always have been, and perhaps always will be,
some persons who dance in a way that people of refinement disapprove of.
It is a rule of good society to avoid everything that makes a person
conspicuous, hence amateur dancers of good taste do not take their steps
in the exaggerated and sensational style suitable only for professional
performers.
A lady who wishes to give a large dance usually hires an assembly-room,
unless she possesses a very spacious house. The arrangements at the
front door, in the dressing-rooms, etc., are the same as those described
elsewhere. Checks for the wraps, hats, and coats will be needed, cigars
and cigarettes may be provided for the men. The use of dance programmes
has been abandoned to a great extent, except at college, military, and
naval balls. Here the young ladies often come from a distance, and the
dance-cards are filled out for them beforehand by their brothers or
friends.
Where a débutante is to be introduced to society she stands beside her
mother, who shakes hands cordially with all her guests and then presents
her daughter to the ladies, the men being introduced to the young girl.
If the older daughters assist in receiving, they stand beyond the
youngest. The husband sometimes receives with his wife, and sometimes
does not. At a dance in a private house, a greater responsibility
devolves upon the hostess than in a subscription affair, where a floor
committee have the management of matters. She endeavors to provide her
guests with partners, and makes some introductions, her husband and
daughters assisting her.
At a subscription dance, if a young girl after making her bow to the
patronesses fails to meet any one whom she knows, one of these official
hostesses or a member of the floor committee presents a partner to her.
These gentlemen wear a small boutonnière to indicate their office. It is
their duty and pleasure to make everything go off well, and to assist
the young girls in any way that may be needed. They know most of the
guests and make introductions.
According to the present system of dancing, a number of the men form “a
stag line” near the patronesses. After a couple have danced one or more
times around the room, another man steps out from this line and “breaks
in,” as the term is. That is to say, he interrupts their progress and
asks the girl to dance with him. This she should certainly do, unless
there is some very special reason for refusing. It would be awkward for
the young man to go back to the line, as every one would see that his
invitation had been declined. It would probably result in an awkward
situation for the girl also, as to dance a long time with the same
partner continuously is now considered highly undesirable. A young woman
who does so runs the risk of being considered a wall-flower. If she does
not know many of the young men present, it may happen that no one will
“break in,” and it will become her duty, after a certain length of time,
to release her partner. There are several ways of doing this. She may
ask to speak to the patronesses or to another girl. In the last case an
exchange of partners may be effected, or the young man whom she is
releasing may bring up a third man and present him to the other young
lady; or our young friend may appeal to a member of the floor committee.
He will perhaps dance with her himself, or present another partner to
her. Young women sometimes serve on the floor committee at a dance.
These are usually girls who have been for some years in society.
While, as has been said, a young woman should not under ordinary
circumstances refuse to dance with a man who “breaks in,” it is
permissible for her to do so, if her partner is unwilling to release
her. If he intimates to the new-comer that it is his dance and that he
does not want to give it up, then the girl may, if she pleases, go on
dancing with him. This arrangement of a stag line with frequent change
of partners is suitable only for private or semi-private affairs, such
as subscription dances. For a public ball the older method of engaging a
partner for an entire number is the proper one.
For the time being, the cotillion, or German, has gone very much out of
fashion. The modern system of continuous dancing and taking only short
turns with each partner, makes it less of a compliment than formerly to
engage a young lady for a single dance. Hence special emphasis is now
laid on the invitation to supper. A man who wishes to make some return
for hospitality extended to him, or to show a young woman particular
attention, asks her to go in to supper with him, as he would a few years
ago have engaged her for the German. Hence it is very desirable for a
girl to have this part of the programme arranged in good season. If she
has no partner when the supper-hour arrives, she is in rather an awkward
position, especially if she has no chaperon. The man with whom she is
talking at the moment will be obliged to excuse himself if he has
previously arranged to take in some one else. She should ask him to
escort her to her chaperon, if the latter is present, or to the
patronesses; or she may retire to the dressing-room or go home.
Occasionally one girl joins another who is provided with an escort, but
this is seldom advisable, even if the two young women know each other
well. Since “Two are company but three are a crowd,” a girl does not
wish to spoil her friend’s pleasure by making an unwelcome third member
of the party.
If the young lady has a supper-partner, the question may be asked, what
becomes of her chaperon at a subscription dance? The latter sometimes
goes into the dining-room with one of the older men, or she joins the
patronesses. These ladies are now quite independent, and go in to supper
with or without male escort, as they find convenient, since few of the
husbands attend the dances. The young people march in after the elders,
going in pairs, but not arm-in-arm. Sometimes four or five couples
arrange to have supper together, and thus make a merry affair of it.
At a dance in a private house, when the musicians play the march which
indicates that all is in readiness in the dining-room, the host leads
the way thither with the eldest or the most distinguished lady present.
The other guests follow without formality. The hostess makes sure that
all have preceded her, or, if some of the ladies prefer to remain in the
drawing-room, she despatches a gentleman or one of the waiters to attend
to their wants. This in case the service is “en buffet.” If little
tables are provided for the guests, then all should be seated thereat.
Should the supper-room not be large enough to contain these comfortably,
the tables should be brought in and distributed about the drawing-rooms
and halls. With this arrangement a course supper is provided. The buffet
service is easier and calls for fewer waiters to serve the guests. The
large table, decked with lights, flowers, and many good things to eat,
produces a brilliant effect. As much space as possible is procured by
setting all the chairs against the walls of the dining-room. It must be
confessed, however, that when the company is large there is often an
unpleasant jam in the supper-room.
Bouillon, salads, croquettes, oysters, sandwiches or rolls, ices, fancy
cakes, bonbons, and coffee constitute the usual bill of fare, to which
other and more expensive dainties, such as terrapin and birds, are
sometimes added. For an informal dance the menu may be much simplified.
If wine is served, it is usually champagne, although less expensive and
less “heady” beverages, such as light Rhine wines, are sometimes
substituted. There should always be a punch-bowl filled with lemonade,
wine-cup, or punch that is not too strong, placed in the hall or
elsewhere for the benefit of thirsty dancers. On a formal occasion a
servant ladles this out. At an informal affair the guests help
themselves.
At a large public function, such as the Charity Ball in New York, the
floor committee make introductions if these are desired, but the guests
usually go with their own parties. Where the tickets cost five dollars
apiece, in addition to the price of the supper, a certain degree of
exclusiveness is attained, although, as we all know, there are many
persons who have plenty of money yet lack social culture and experience.
The opening of such an affair is quite imposing. The officers of the
ball enter in a grand march, the patronesses coming first on the arms of
the governors, the remaining members of the committee following two by
two, all the men wearing badges. Where officers of the army and navy
take part, their uniforms add to the brilliancy of the general effect.
There is usually no reception of guests at such a function, and no
formal entrance to the supper-room. The thoughtful man endeavors to have
a table reserved for his party when a great many people are present.
All the large hotels in New York now have roof-gardens where there is
dancing in the afternoon and evening. Many people go to these as
lookers-on, ordering a cup of tea, ices, and coffee or wine. The price
of admission in the daytime usually includes the cost of the tea. At
certain of the evening resorts the very objectionable custom exists of
charging no entrance fee but demanding that guests shall purchase a
bottle of champagne. Those who refuse to order wine and insist upon
having a milder beverage are furnished with coffee at the price of one
dollar for each cup. Careful people do not patronize places of this sort
unless they look in for a short time as a matter of curiosity. If they
wish to dance, they go to hotels of established reputation, usually in
parties of four or six. They can thus have a good time together and be
entirely independent of the rest of the company.
“Dinner dances” may be given either at the residence of the hostess or
at assembly-rooms, as is most convenient. An entertainment at a private
house brings with it an atmosphere of hospitality which is lacking in a
hotel ballroom. Hence, if the affair is not on so large a scale as to
overcrowd her rooms and if these have good hard-wood floors, the hostess
will probably decide to use her own house. If a large number of persons
are to be invited, it will be necessary to engage the requisite space at
a good hotel. The hostess sends out two sets of invitations; those for
the dinner are in her own name, and that of her husband also, with the
words “Dancing at eleven” or “ten,” as the case may demand, in the lower
left-hand corner. The invitations for the dance are in the name of the
hostess alone. They may be in the “At Home” or “Requests the pleasure”
form. The hour for the second part of the entertainment must be late
enough to insure the termination of the dinner before the arrival of
those invited for the dancing only. Great pains must be taken to have
the floors in first-class condition, polished sufficiently, yet not made
too slippery. For a small dinner dance at a private house, the supper
should be a simple affair, served “en buffet.”
The combination “dinner dance” affords a pleasant way of dividing the
evening’s hospitality so that no hostess need be unduly burdened.
Several friends arrange to give dinners on the same evening, one of the
circle undertaking to have a dance at her house, or at an assembly-room
if she prefers. In either case she assumes the expense of the occasion;
she furnishes the supper, engages the musicians, and the hall also, if
the affair takes place there. The guests “go on” in automobiles or
omnibuses from the various houses where they have been entertained,
meeting at the dwelling of the latest hostess, or at the assembly-room,
at ten or eleven o’clock. The dancing usually lasts till one or two
o’clock.
For a ball, women wear their handsomest clothes, and married ladies
adorn themselves with a profusion of jewels. All appear in décolleté
gowns made with short sleeves and more or less train, according to the
fashion of the moment. In America many elderly ladies claim exemption
from this fashion, thinking the costume inappropriate to persons of
their years. Here, at least, we are certainly more sensible than our
English sisters, who make a sort of fetish of the low-necked gown. While
some American women carry this style to an immodest extreme, the
majority are too wise to do so. Ball dresses for married ladies are made
of rich and expensive materials—silks, satins, brocades—trimmed with
beautiful laces or combined with chiffon or other gauzy stuffs. While a
great deal of jewelry is worn, it is well to have a certain unity of
effect. The woman who puts on a great variety of jewels combined in a
tasteless way may produce a strong impression upon the beholder, but it
will not be an agreeable one. For young girls, décolleté gowns of
diaphanous material, either white or of a delicate tint, are the most
appropriate and becoming. They should wear little jewelry, simplicity
being the keynote of their costume. Diamonds and rich laces are not
suitable for a débutante. Men wear the regulation evening dress, black
swallow-tail coat with trousers to match, low-cut white waistcoat, white
dress-shirt, patent-leather shoes or pumps, black socks, white lawn tie,
and white or light gloves.
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IX
AUTOMOBILE TRIPS
The Automobilist as Host—Provision for Comfort of Guests—Duties of
Guest—Dress and Luggage—Automobile Picnics—Entertainment of
Chauffeur—When a Visit Becomes a Visitation.
THE owner of an automobile is able to entertain his friends in a
pleasant way with comparatively little trouble. He can take them out for
a spin without interfering with the machinery of the household or giving
extra work to the servants. Almost every one enjoys motoring in warm
weather, and it is easy to stop for luncheon at a country club or an inn
or to have a picnic by the wayside, should the owner of the car wish to
show more than mere “carriage hospitality.” The trip may be short or
long, as he pleases, and as he thinks will be agreeable to his guests.
If these are persons who are not young, or who are unaccustomed to
motoring, he must be careful not to take them too far nor too fast. The
fatigue of going a long distance at a rapid rate is a severe tax on the
uninitiated. It is well to have the excursion include some object of
interest, such as a beautiful piece of scenery or fine buildings. During
the great heat, motoring for its own sake is found very refreshing,
simply because the rapidity of the motion makes every one feel cool. In
winter few people care to go out for pleasure trips, but many persons
continue to use their cars as a quick and convenient way of getting
about, when the snow and mud are not too bad. It is a kind attention to
lend a friend one’s automobile for a shopping tour or for paying visits.
She should not detain it a moment after the hour named for its return.
If none has been mentioned, she may be able to find out from the
chauffeur how much time the trip is expected to occupy, or calculate it
herself, remembering that one should not overtax the generosity of a
friend. Having decided upon the hour when the car should return, it is
well to say to the chauffeur, “Please let me know when it is time to
turn back.” One should in any event use the car only for a moderate
distance, since every mile traversed costs a certain sum.
The automobilist who has invited one or more ladies to go out with him
stops for them in his car. Arrived at their dwelling, he asks to have
them informed that the car is there, and waits for them in the reception
or drawing-room. He assists his guests to enter the car, and wraps the
robe carefully around them, tucking it in at the sides. In winter,
plenty of fur or heavy woolen robes should be provided. In summer
lighter ones will suffice, with linen covers to protect the dresses from
the dust. For an open car, it is well to have several pairs of goggles
of different kinds on hand, and to offer these to the guests if a long
trip is contemplated or if the roads are dusty. The host asks whether
the ladies would like the windows open or closed, and the wind-shield up
or down. In the course of the trip he repeats these inquiries,
especially if there is a strong breeze blowing, or if a change occurs in
the weather. Having made sure that his guests are comfortably settled,
he climbs in and takes his place. While the tonneau, or main body of the
automobile, is held to be the place of honor, because it is less exposed
than the front seats, the latter are really more comfortable in many
cars because the motion is less felt there. Hence if the host is driving
himself, he will ask whether any of his guests would like to sit beside
him. Some young lady will probably prefer to do so, unless he is a very
tiresome person. A good driver does not go too fast, and proceeds with
caution over the rough places, in order not to shake up the occupants of
the car.
The host decides in what direction the trip shall be, although he may
very properly ask whether his guests would like to go there. If
requested to do so, the latter are at liberty to express their choice. A
courteous person does not insist, however, on being taken in any special
direction. Where the proposed trip is a long one, and the guest has a
later engagement, he should say frankly: “I should enjoy very much going
to ——, but I fear there will not be time, as I have promised to be
down-town at five o’clock.”
If the excursion is to be an all-day or overnight affair, it is usually
arranged beforehand. When the owner of the car invites the party to go
with him at his expense and makes this evident by saying explicitly, “I
want you all to be my guests for the trip,” he pays the hotel bill and
all other costs. He acts as host just as he would in his own house,
ordering the meals and naming the hours when they shall be served. He
should inquire whether any of the party would like to have breakfast
served in their own rooms. He plans the whole trip and lays out the
course to be traversed each day.
There are some circumstances, however, under which the automobilist may
very properly offer only a limited hospitality to his guests. Thus, it
may happen that a number of friends all wish to go to see a football
game or other athletic contest in a neighboring town. If one of the
number then offers to take them there in his car, it is understood of
course that his hospitality extends only to the means of transportation.
All procure their tickets beforehand, and the expense of the
entertainment at the hotel is divided among them. When one is doubtful
on which plan the trip is to be conducted, one should by all means
endeavor to pay one’s share. It is best in a case of this sort for a
single individual to speak for the rest. He can say when the time comes
for payment, “You must let us know, John, what our share of the hotel
bill is.” Or it could be proposed beforehand that one of the number
should act as treasurer. This is an ungrateful office to fill, since
some one is apt to forget to pay, and dunning friends is an unpleasant
task. The man selected should not be the host, who may be thought to
have done his share. He should, however, be the richest man of the
party; first, because it will be easier for him than for his poorer
comrades to bear any loss should there be one; second, because in nine
cases out of ten rich people care more about money than poor ones;
third, because they are more accustomed to making financial
arrangements. Hence the job of collecting is less difficult for them. A
guest should embark on a motor-trip with the intention of having a good
time and enjoying all that there is to be enjoyed. He should be prepared
to take any delay or mishap with cheerful philosophy. A man or a woman
who possesses the true spirit of sport will not sulk or complain if the
tire bursts or the engine for some mysterious reason refuses to work.
All complicated machinery is liable to accident, and if one enjoys all
the advantages of very rapid motion, one must expect from time to time
to experience the drawbacks. Neither should one take it in dudgeon if
rain comes on. The host cannot be expected to insure good weather. A
guest sitting in the rear must not talk to the driver. The latter must
constantly watch the road, and cannot turn his head to speak to any one
behind him without risk of accident.
The automobile practically annihilates distance, thus greatly increasing
the number of places which can be readily reached from any given spot. A
picnic to which the company go in motor-cars may be ten, twenty, or more
miles away. If many people are to take part in it, the site must be
selected with great care. When half a dozen friends go off for a frolic,
it does not so much matter what sort of place they choose, because if it
does not come up to their expectations they can eat their luncheon
without leaving the car. For a larger number all the arrangements should
be carefully made in advance. A committee of one or more should visit
the chosen spot beforehand, and get the owner’s permission to hold the
picnic there. It is very sad for a party of friends on pleasure bent to
be warned off the grounds just as they have their whole luncheon
unpacked and spread out on the grass. Yet this frequently happens at
places in the neighborhood of summer resorts. The city visitor, misled
by the uncultivated aspect of some beautiful spot, fails to realize that
it is private property, and that the owners may find it extremely
inconvenient to have their premises constantly invaded and their privacy
destroyed. Some owners are willing to allow picknickers to come to their
places, provided permission is obtained beforehand, the débris removed,
and no damage done to the trees and shrubs. The vandalism of certain
summer visitors is hardly believable. They will calmly leave the
unsightly and unwholesome remains of their repast lying about to offend
the eyes and nostrils of later comers and to breed flies. Farmers and
others sometimes make a regular charge for letting their grounds for the
day.