unnecessary to set forth the attractions of the affair in order to
procure subscribers, the list of the speakers and committeemen may be
omitted. A printed subscription-blank and envelope addressed to the
treasurer are inclosed. The plan of sending tickets without first
obtaining permission to do so is strongly objected to by most people,
and with good reason.
The general committee may be divided into two or three smaller
ones—namely, the committees of arrangements, of invitations, and of the
floor. All act as a reception committee on the evening of the dinner,
and all wear badges. They thus show their authority and enable guests to
appeal to them for information. It is important that efficient persons
shall be chosen as chairmen and vice-chairmen. The latter, like the
vice-president of the United States, may be called upon to fulfil the
duties of the higher office. Where there are several committees it is
well for their heads to meet together from time to time, in order to
make sure that the sphere of each is well defined, that all the ground
is covered, and that there is no duplication of work.
The main responsibility, however, rests with the chairman of the general
or dinner committee, who often does the greater part of the work. He it
is who must consult with the _maître d’hôtel_. Together they select a
day and decide upon the menu. The Waldorf-Astoria is the favorite place
for men’s public dinners. It is so much in demand for this purpose that
the date of a function is decided months or even a year in advance.
About twenty-five per cent, in addition to the price of the dinner must
be allowed for music, fee to head waiter, and other incidentals. Thus,
if the entertainment is to cost four dollars, the price of the tickets
should be five dollars; if the dinner costs two dollars, two dollars and
a half should be charged.
When the affair takes place at a first-class hotel there is little cause
for anxiety, as the management furnish the articles of the bill of fare
and the service, and are responsible for both. When the dinner is held
at a hall, the chairman of the dinner committee should employ a caterer
of established reputation who can be trusted to supply food of the
proper quality and quantity, as well as a sufficient number of trained
waiters under the control of a competent head man. This functionary
should be present at the dinner and direct his subordinates as occasion
may require.
While modern standards of taste do not demand such a number of courses
as were formerly provided, it is essential that the dishes should be
good of their kind, and that the supply should be large enough to meet
all reasonable requirements. It is certainly desirable to have the
service rapid, but guests should have a little patience, for all cannot
be served at once. To bribe the waiters at an occasion of this sort is
“bad form,” since it is unfair to the other guests and may result in
utter demoralization of the service. Some people eat their dinner before
they leave home, attending the public function only for its social side
and for the pleasure of hearing the speeches. With regard to feeing the
waiters at a public dinner, it should be said that at a first-class
hotel the management allows no intimations or hints to be made on this
subject. Each guest does as he sees fit in the matter—the feeing is
optional and personal, not collective. The placing of a plate on the
table and thus holding up the diners is sometimes seen in out-of-town
places, but is contrary to good form. It may be said that at large
public dinners in New York about half the men fee the waiters. Wine is
not included in the menu on these occasions. Those who order it do so at
their own expense, and usually give a tip. Twenty-five cents is expected
for a bottle of champagne, ten or fifteen cents for white wine or
claret.
In order to insure good results, the committee of arrangements should,
after consultation with their caterer, fix a certain day or hour after
which they will refuse to receive subscriptions. The temptation to admit
additional guests at the last moment should be firmly resisted. In New
York City, hotels usually refuse to arrange for the seating of
additional guests after three o’clock of the day of the banquet. In
country places it is necessary to give much longer notice. At the
luncheons of the State Federations of Women’s Clubs great discomfort
ensues when the delegates do not conform to the rules, but arrive in
large numbers without giving the required notice to the entertainment
committee. If the place of meeting is in some quiet country town, the
latter find it difficult or impossible to procure additional supplies of
food, yet they dislike very much to send the visitors away hungry. The
result is often delay, confusion, and dissatisfaction. If a public
dinner is held in a place of this sort, where no good caterer is
available, some local organization of women—those belonging to a certain
church or league—may be asked to furnish the entertainment. If they are
capable persons and have had some experience in work of this sort, the
result will be satisfactory. A simpler bill of fare would, in this
instance, replace the more elaborate provisions of the professional
caterer.
Small tables seating from six to ten guests are now preferred to the
long ones formerly in vogue. Eight is the number usually selected. The
table for the speakers and guests of honor is placed on a platform in
the middle of one end of the room. It is handsomely decorated and has
seats on three sides only, the fourth being left vacant, so that the
speakers can see and be seen. The president or chairman sits in the
middle, the most distinguished guest on his right, the person of next
consideration on his left. If both men and women are at the table, their
seats should, so far as possible, alternate. A name-card is set at each
place, together with the bill of fare, engraved or nicely printed. When
the guests are assigned to small numbered tables, place-cards are not
used, but each guest is furnished with a menu.
The committee of arrangements should provide one or more cloak-rooms,
with attendants to check the various articles of clothing. If ladies are
invited, there should be a special dressing and cloak room for their
use, also an awning and carpet at the entrance if the weather is bad. A
man will be needed to help the ladies from their carriages and to call
these at the close of the entertainment.
Members of the floor or reception committee, wearing their badges,
should be on hand to direct the guests and to prevent as far as possible
congestion in the hallways; or employees of the hotel may be stationed
in the corridors for this purpose. The dinner is usually preceded by an
informal reception of half or three-quarters of an hour, in order to
give all an opportunity to meet the chief guests or chief speaker. It is
held in one of the parlors of the establishment, the president of the
organization, the chairman of the dinner committee, or the toastmaster
standing with the chief guest at the head of the room. It is the duty of
the members of the reception committee to see that all are presented to
this distinguished couple. They move about the rooms, capturing and
bringing up those guests who have not yet spoken to the hosts of the
evening. They inquire the names of men with whom they are not personally
acquainted and introduce them to the president, who shakes hands and in
turn presents them to the guest of honor.
At the receptions of women’s clubs there is often a receiving-line
consisting of the officers of the body, and sometimes one or more
distinguished guests. The club members and their friends go up and shake
hands with the president, who introduces them to the guest of honor. It
is not necessary to speak to all in the receiving-party, unless one is
personally acquainted with them. Where many persons are present they
usually go up in line. A member of the floor committee may introduce
them to the hostess of the evening. If there is no one to perform this
office for her, a guest should pronounce her own name. It is the custom
in some clubs to receive merely with a gracious bow or courtesy, the
president shaking hands only with her personal friends. In this case a
guest who does not know any of the ladies makes a low bow to include
them all, and passes on.
When there is no regular reception, the company gather in the
drawing-rooms and chat together until the doors are opened into the
dining-room. The president and chief guest go first, the other guests of
honor follow, each escorted by a member of the reception committee. The
remainder of the company do not form in line, but enter as they find
convenient. At certain clubs—the National Arts of New York, for
instance—the gentlemen give their arms to the ladies, as they would at a
dinner in a private house. Members of the society should inform their
guests beforehand of this custom. If a gentleman has two ladies under
his care, and is unable to find an escort for either of them, he should
offer his arm to the elder, the younger walking beside her. Occasionally
it is arranged at a public dinner to have all go directly from the
dressing-rooms to the dining-hall. This saves the rent of parlors; but
it is much better to have a reception of some sort precede the banquet.
There are several ways of letting people know where their places are.
Sometimes the number of the table is printed on the ticket, and on
entering the dining-room it is only necessary to hunt up the
corresponding numerals. These are painted conspicuously on large cards
standing on the various tables. It is a better, though more expensive,
plan to print on large sheets of paper the list of guests, arranged
alphabetically, and the number of the table at which each person is to
sit. These are distributed to everybody. Unfortunately, at the
conventions of some associations the members do not decide to attend the
dinner until such a late hour of the day that the unlucky committee of
arrangements are obliged to spend the afternoon planning where all are
to sit. A few lists hastily printed are fastened up in the
assembly-room, and around these the men gather in flocks to try to
ascertain where their seats are. If these are in a remote part of the
hall, the guest should make no comment, but should accept the
arrangements made for him without complaint. The courteous man does so,
while the discourteous one grumbles and perhaps tries to have his seat
changed. I am sorry to say that some persons who ought to know better
think that it is “smart” to rush in ahead of others, and to seize a
place that belongs of right to some one else. The man who thus
trespasses on the laws of good-breeding shows that he is not smart, but
only imperfectly civilized. If every one followed his example there
would be an end to law and order, and we should return to barbarism.
Since it is usual for all to leave their tables and draw near to the
speakers at the conclusion of the banquet, a distant seat is not
necessarily a serious drawback to one’s enjoyment.
At a public dinner the tickets may or may not be taken up. Sometimes
there is a man in livery at the door of the dining-room who performs
this office, sometimes each waiter collects them from the diners at the
table where he is stationed. When the plan of printing a sheet
containing the names of all the subscribers is followed, and no one is
assigned a seat after this list goes to press, it is not really
necessary to take up the tickets. If any one has forgotten to pay, the
committee can easily send him a bill. Where the tickets are collected,
it suffices for a man who has forgotten his to give his visiting-card.
At men’s dinners no tickets are demanded from guests. Those invited by
the association are seated at the speaker’s or other special table, and
paid for by the society. Those asked by private members are paid for by
the latter. A gentleman who engages a table for himself and his friends
is held responsible for it.
The society giving the banquet is held responsible for the whole number
of persons actually present at the dinner. Hence a careful count of them
must be made. After taking up the tickets at the different tables, the
waiters report to the captain of the floor. This functionary informs the
chairman of the dinner committee of the result of the count about the
time when the third course is put on. It is now the duty of the chairman
to see that the number has been correctly estimated. He leaves his seat,
goes about the room and into the gallery if he pleases, counting the
diners. Since all the tables seat the same number of persons, usually
eight, this is not so difficult as it might appear. It takes some time,
however, to count several hundred people, especially as it must be done
a second time if the reckoning of the chairman does not agree with that
of the captain of the floor. When this officer of the association acts
as toastmaster also, as often happens, he has no time to eat any dinner,
and a supper is served to him afterward.
The question may be asked, “Should public dinners be opened with grace?”
They often are, but the custom is by no means universal. If a clergyman
is at the speaker’s table, he will be requested to ask a blessing. A
guest of distinction is occasionally invited to do so, sometimes to his
great surprise. It is always possible to use the silent grace of the
Quakers or Friends. The usual form is, “For what we are about to receive
make us truly thankful,” etc. Those who find themselves seated at table
with people whom they do not know should remember that it is always
courteous to say a few words to one’s next-door neighbors, even if they
are strangers. They may prove to be very agreeable people.
The president of the association, or the chairman of the committee in
charge, calls the company to order at the end of the dinner. He makes a
short address himself, and then introduces the speakers in turn, with a
few words of compliment or explanation. A good toastmaster must have a
voice clear and strong enough to be heard all over the room. He should
also be witty, gracious, and tactful. If the president is not well
qualified for this office, the vice-president or some other person
should be asked to make the introductions. It is sometimes arranged to
have the speakers begin while the dinner is still in progress. The
rattling of the plates, as the servants remove and replace them, creates
so much disturbance that this plan should be adopted only where the
service has been delayed and the hour is growing late. Occasionally we
hear of a dinner where all speech-making has been omitted, or replaced
by “Voiceless Speech.” Dancing now tends to crowd out all other forms of
amusement at entertainments of all sorts.
The regulation wear for a public, as for a private, dinner is evening
dress. At a political banquet, however, a variety of costumes may be
seen, some men coming in business suits, either because they find this
more convenient or because they do not possess a dress-suit. A man who
is a faithful adherent of his party may feel it to be his duty and his
pleasure to attend its festivities. At a stag dinner a dinner-jacket
with black waistcoat, black trousers and tie may be worn. Many women
wear low-necked and short-sleeved gowns. Others dislike doing so on such
a public occasion. They wear handsome costumes of silk, satin, velvet,
brocade, chiffon, or other dressy material, slightly cut down at the
neck and with elbow-sleeves. The French call this “demi-toilette,”
signifying that it is a half-way stage between every-day and full dress.
For a public reception in the evening, the dress is much the same as at
a dinner. Most women wear no hats, but some appear in light-colored,
dressy bonnets.
As a public dinner often lasts very late, many persons slip quietly out
between the speeches, taking leave only of those sitting next them. It
is discourteous to go out in the middle of an address. If one should
meet a member of the reception committee, one would naturally express
pleasure in the evening’s entertainment. Guests at the speaker’s table
would take leave of the presiding officer, if seated near him. The
general body of diners do not think it necessary to take leave, since
every man has paid for his own ticket, and so is in a sense his own
host.
If anybody has any cause of complaint, it is best to say nothing about
it at the time, but to speak or write afterward to the head of the
proper committee. One should begin by praising the entertainment as a
whole, and then suggest in a courteous way that such and such a matter
might perhaps be arranged differently on the occasion of the next
banquet.
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VIII
BALLS AND DANCES
Dinner and Subscription Dances—Roof-garden Dances—Reciprocal Duties of
the Chaperon and Her Charge—How to Enter and How to Leave a
Ballroom—Objectionable Styles of Dancing—The Stag Line and the Dance
Programme—The Hostess and Her Assistants—The Host—Introductions at
Public and at Private Dances—Duties of Floor Committee—Supper
Etiquette—Dress for Young Girls and Married Women—Dress for Men.
ACCORDING to the rules of good society, her mother, or some other
chaperon of good position and suitable age, should always accompany a
young girl when she goes to a ball or other dance in the evening. If
this rule were always enforced as it should be, we should not hear of
the escapades which some thoughtless young women have indulged in of
late years. The swinging back of the pendulum, which is sure to follow
an excess in one direction, will doubtless result before long in a
stricter chaperonage. Suffice it to say that at present, while a matron
is expected to go with her charge to public balls and dances and on many
other occasions, at subscription affairs and at those in private houses
she often does not do so. It must not be supposed that the young women
go alone or under masculine escort. This would be contrary to good form.
In the absence of the mother a lady’s-maid accompanies the daughter,
waits for her until the dance is over, and returns in the carriage with
her. The girls are not wholly without chaperons, as the patronesses act
in this capacity. It must be remembered also that these subscription
dances are in a sense private affairs, although held in assembly-rooms.
The patronesses make out a list of eligible persons whom they ask to
subscribe, and permit no one else to do so. Certain assemblies are
arranged upon another plan, the patronesses each subscribing for twelve
tickets, and then inviting six men and five girls to be their guests.
They often ask these young ladies to dine with them on the evening of
the dance, or the girls may take dinner with friends and all go on
together.
The case is very different with the afternoon and evening dances which
have sprung up in such great numbers since the advent of the tango
craze. Since anybody is admitted who pays the entrance fee, these are
public affairs, and not private in any sense of the word. The so-called
chaperon who at some places acts as mistress of ceremonies is supposed
to pass judgment on the applicants for admission; but evidently it would
not be possible for her to exercise this right of judgment except in the
most superficial way. To a dance of this sort no young woman should
think of going without a personal chaperon. In a city like New York we
should strongly advise her to attend only afternoon affairs, and to
remain an onlooker. In a smaller place where every one knows everybody
else, and all are acquainted with the person getting up the dance, the
case would be different. At a public dance the chaperon should not
permit any introductions to be made to the young girl under her charge
by persons unknown to her, and she most certainly should not allow the
latter to dance with strangers. The mistress of ceremonies makes
introductions where they are desired, but to form acquaintances in a
public resort of this kind is not according to good form, and might
indeed be very unsafe. Strangers coming to New York, or any other large
city, should make careful inquiries before going to roof-gardens or
other places of entertainment where there is dancing, for while some of
these are entirely respectable, others are not.
We have said that at a private or subscription dance a girl often does
not have a personal chaperon, the patronesses assuming the duties of the
latter in a general way. When a matron does accompany a young woman, it
is the duty of the former to promote the pleasure of her young charge,
to prevent her from forming undesirable acquaintances and from making
herself too conspicuous. For all these reasons she needs to keep a
watchful eye on her daughter or other young friend. If the girl wanders
off into the gallery in the company of some agreeable young man, mamma
must go or send after them and bid them return to the floor of the
ballroom. A patroness would do this in the case of an unchaperoned girl.
If a girl shows too marked a partiality for any individual, the mother
who is a clever woman of the world manages to break up the tête-à-tête.
She would do the same thing should a man of whom she disapproved be
introduced to her daughter. Formerly a chaperon worthy of the name sat
still and served as an island of refuge to the young woman under her
care. The latter returned to her protecting wing to rest between the
numbers of the programme, or when she had no partner for supper or
dance. Whenever opportunity offered, the chaperon introduced young men
to her charge. It must be confessed that the modern conditions of the
ballroom restrict the beneficent activity of the matron on many
occasions. In the first place, she finds it much harder to sit still. No
one under the age of Methuselah is immune from the present craze for
dancing. At the Charity Ball in New York this year the boxes were
deserted, old as well as young capering about on the light fantastic
toe. In the second place, the new custom of almost continuous dancing
leaves few or no intervals for rest. Hence a girl cannot return to her
chaperon so frequently as under the old régime.
Youth is apt to be selfish, often through thoughtlessness. The young
woman who is having a delightful evening must not forget that the hours
will pass much more slowly for her chaperon. Even if the latter dances
herself, she will not be able to continue it so long as those of the
younger generation. A girl must have some consideration for her mother
and not keep her up until an unconscionably late hour. If mamma sends
word to her daughter that it is time to go home, the latter should come
without unnecessary delay. The girl should return to her mother’s side
from time to time as opportunity offers, especially if the latter knows
few people and is having a dull evening. She will, of course, always
allow the older lady to precede her, and will introduce her young
friends to her chaperon as occasion arises. Thus, when they make their
first entrance into the ballroom at the beginning of the evening, the
latter goes in a step or two in advance of the younger woman. If a man
is of the party, he follows the ladies. The custom of entering
arm-in-arm has gone entirely out of fashion, as we have already said. At
subscription dances in New York it is usual to announce the guests as
they go in, a servant standing at the door for the purpose. The
patronesses should be in line to receive them; but at some dances there
is no one to perform the office. These official hostesses may greet all
comers with a bow or courtesy, or they may follow the more cordial
custom of shaking hands. At the subscription dances in New York the
last-named method is usually followed. In Boston a girl is taken up to
the receiving-line by an usher. She then makes a sweeping courtesy to
all the patronesses, and dances with him. Whether they shake hands or
merely bow, it is the duty of the ladies who receive to do so in a
gracious manner, as befits a hostess.