and of sending out announcement cards afterward seems to be gaining in
public favor. These cards are sent to the friends and acquaintances of
the bride and groom and their parents. A proper form is:
_Mr. and Mrs. Amos Litchfield
have the honor of announcing
the marriage of their daughter
Margaret Louise
to
Mr. James Otis Griswold
on Thursday, the fourth of November,
One thousand nine hundred and fourteen
at Windymere
West Medford, Massachusetts_
The announcement is engraved on the same sort of paper as that used for
wedding invitations. With it may be inclosed a card with the address of
the newly married couple:
_Mr. and Mrs. James Otis Griswold
Will be at home Three hundred and four
after the twentieth West Fiftieth Street
of November New York_
Announcements are usually mailed immediately after the marriage. If the
“At Home” cards are sent out with the invitations, they contain no name,
but simply the statement:
_Will be at home
after the twentieth of November
at Forty-four East Fiftieth Street,
New York_
Or special reception days may be mentioned, as:
_Thursdays in December_.
The cards and all the other expenses of the wedding, with a few
exceptions mentioned elsewhere, are paid for by the bride’s family.
A home wedding is of necessity a simpler affair than one celebrated at
church. According to the good old custom, the clergyman came in first, a
place being arranged for him at the head of the room facing the company.
The bride and groom then entered arm-in-arm, taking up their position in
front of the minister. At the conclusion of the ceremony the latter
withdrew to one side and the newly married couple took his place,
turning around to receive the congratulations of relatives and friends,
those nearest and dearest greeting them first. It has been found
convenient, however, to mark off with white ribbon an aisle down which
the bride and groom pass. Young girls may hold the four ends, or these
may be fastened. The cortège is sometimes a miniature copy of that seen
in the church ceremonial. Thus the ushers may lead the procession, a
bridesmaid or two entering next, the bride leaning on her father’s arm
following them. With this arrangement the groom and best man enter a
little beforehand, standing at the left of the clergyman. If the giving
away of the bride is to be omitted, the procession may consist of the
ushers, the best man, a bridesmaid, and the bride and groom, entering in
the order named. There are often no bridesmaids at a house wedding.
The old marriage ceremony is so beautiful, so hallowed by tradition and
sentiment, that we are inclined to cling to it, although some of its
features are archaic remains of an older civilization. Now that so many
women are independent citizens, earning their own living and, in many
countries of Europe, as well as in ten States of our Union, voting and
holding public office, it seems incongruous to have them “given away in
marriage.” Even in conservative England the question of dropping the
word “obey” from the service is now being agitated by no lesser
personages than the bishops of the Established Church! We read that one
of these dignitaries withdrew his motion to this effect because he saw
that the ecclesiastical body was not yet ready to pass it.
The church selected for the wedding is usually the one which the bride
and her family attend. If this is not large enough to hold the guests,
another belonging to the same denomination is sometimes preferred. If
the groom lives in the same town as the bride, he calls upon the
clergyman and secures his services for the time when the ceremony is to
be performed. If the fiancé lives at a distance, it may be more
convenient to have the arrangement made by the bride’s family. In either
event the groom pays the clergyman’s fee. This varies in amount with the
former’s means and with the scale on which the whole affair is
conducted. Since the question is left to his honor as a gentleman, he
should surely reimburse the minister in a manner suited to his own
dignity and to that of the occasion. It is in the worst possible taste
to lavish money on decorating the sacred office in a resplendent manner
and then repay its hospitality by handing its official head a small and
wholly inadequate sum. For a large and handsome wedding the organist
receives twenty-five dollars and the clergyman should be given fifty
dollars. If the bridegroom is a rich man, he sometimes doubles this sum.
For a small and quiet wedding, the fee would vary from ten to
twenty-five dollars. Five dollars is said to be the minimum. The fee is
inclosed in an envelope and handed to the best man. It may consist of
gold, new bank-bills, or a check. The last-named has obvious advantages,
for an absent-minded best man sometimes forgets to give the missive to
the clergyman. Gold pieces are often preferred, however, since the old
English custom prescribed that the groom should lay these and the
wedding-ring on the open prayer-book held by the clergyman. The
bridegroom also pays for the ring. If the wedding is to take place at
church, he provides the conveyance which will take him and the best man
there, bringing the latter to the bride’s house for the reception or
breakfast. Should the weather be bad or the distance so great as to call
for carriages for the ushers, he provides these also, as well as the
carriage in which he and the bride start on their honeymoon trip. He has
no other expenses connected with the wedding, except the bouquets,
souvenirs, etc., spoken of elsewhere.
The sexton, organist, and florist should all be notified in good season.
The former will, if it is requested, have an awning and carpet between
the church door and the curb. For a large wedding he will need
assistants to open the doors of the vehicles as they drive up, to
receive the cards of admission, to keep the line moving so that the
street will not be blocked, to call the carriages afterward, and to
protect the entrance from too great pressure by the admiring onlookers.
The Press has had some sad stories about the rude behavior, the pushing
and crowding of the multitude, when certain much-advertised weddings
took place. Such rudeness is greatly to be deplored. It occurs to the
philosopher that a simple and easy way to avoid the presence of these
ill-bred throngs would be to have the religious ceremony conducted in a
quieter and simpler manner. Men and women, particularly the latter, are
always anxious to behold a much-heralded spectacle. The organist should
be told of the musical selections made by the bride. Sometimes he plays
a subdued accompaniment during the marriage ceremony. According to a
pleasant modern custom, the flowers are sent from the church to
hospitals after the wedding. Some competent person is specially employed
to attend to this distribution.
It is contrary both to good manners and to the laws of the land to have
any rehearsal of the marriage ceremony. One of the procession often
takes place a day or two in advance. The head usher sets the pace, which
should be rather slow, but not funereal. A young girl who was given away
in marriage by her grandfather not long ago was heard to whisper to the
latter, as they went up the aisle, “Not so fast, grandpa! Not so fast!”
If the bride dislikes the idea of taking part in the rehearsal, she may
be replaced by a friend.
The head usher may be called the master of ceremonies at the church. He
or one of his assistants should be there early to see that everything is
properly arranged. All the ushers should be in their places
three-quarters of an hour or more before the time named for the wedding.
They stand at the entrance to the aisles and escort the guests to the
seats assigned them. Formerly a barrier of white ribbon or flowers
marked off the seats in the middle aisle reserved for the relatives and
special friends. It is now thought better not to fence off the aisle in
this way, but simply to indicate the division by means of a bow or a
bunch of flowers.
If the guests have cards on which their names or the numbers of the pews
they are to occupy are written, they do not give these up at the door,
but retain them to show to the usher. Where there are no such cards for
his guidance, he inquires the name and consults his list or his memory.
If he is not sure on which side the guest belongs, he asks whether the
latter is a friend of the bride or of the groom. The head usher, who is
stationed in the middle aisle, usually has some acquaintance with most
of the chief guests.
The groom and best man arrive in good season, remaining in the vestry or
robing-room until after the clergyman has appeared upon the scene. They
then emerge from their concealment and stand at the back of the chancel,
waiting for the arrival of the bridal cortège. The bride’s mother does
not form part of this, but is escorted to her place by an usher shortly
before its appearance. In the mean time the bridesmaids repair in their
carriages to the house of the bride, in order that all may start
together for the church. She and her father should be ready at the hour
agreed upon, their carriage bringing up the rear of the little
procession. As it approaches the church, the ushers close in the pews of
the middle aisle by carrying a white ribbon down either side of it. This
should not be removed until the bridal party has driven away at the
conclusion of the ceremony. As the carriages of the bridal party appear,
the ushers see that all doors are closed from the vestibule into the
church, as well as those leading into the street, excepting that by
which the cortège is to enter. The head bridesmaid, or the maid of
honor, spreads out the bride’s train, unless this is done by a special
attendant.
The procession then forms, the doors of the central aisle are thrown
open, and the organist plays the wedding march. The ushers come first,
walking in pairs; the bridesmaids follow, then the maid of honor, and
last of all the bride with her father. The bridegroom comes forward,
takes the bride’s hand, and leads her before the clergyman. Half the
bridesmaids and ushers now turn to the left and take up their places
near the bridal couple, the other half do the same on the right, the
girls standing on the inside, the men on the outside. If there is a maid
of honor, she should be at the bride’s left; if there is none, then the
first bridesmaid takes this position in order to help her friend pull
off her left glove when the ring is to be put on, to remove the veil
from her face at the close of the ceremony, and to see that her train is
properly arranged as she starts to walk down the aisle.
If the bride and groom are to kneel down, it is well to provide hassocks
for the purpose. The bridesmaids and ushers remain standing, however.
Something of a sensation was caused at a recent fashionable wedding in
Boston when an emotional young man knelt down, to the consternation of
his fellows. The other ushers were obliged to follow suit, the twelve
going down upon their knees in a semicircle. The father of the bride
remains standing a little behind the young couple, until the clergyman
asks who gives her away. He then steps forward and places her right hand
in that of the clergyman, who in turn puts it in the groom’s right hand.
This is in accordance with the ritual of the Episcopal Church. Sometimes
the father intimates his consent merely by bowing, but the first
mentioned is the better way. His part in the ceremony now being at an
end, he retires to the pew where his wife is sitting. If the bride’s
father is not living, her oldest brother or nearest male relative gives
her away. A widowed mother sometimes performs this office.
Guests should come to the church in good season, so that they may be
settled quietly in their places before the arrival of the bridal party.
To come at the last moment is not according to good form. At the
conclusion of the ceremony they should remain in the pews until the
wedding procession and the near relations have passed out. Those who
have received invitations to the reception then go to the house of the
bride’s parents. It is well not to hasten there too rapidly, however, as
the bridal party will need a few moments to arrange themselves. As the
bride’s mother is the hostess of the occasion, she and the father may
stand near the door of the drawing-room so as to greet the guests as
they enter. Strangers ask the ushers to present them. All then pass on
to the end of the apartment, where the bride and groom stand together,
the bridesmaids being on the right of the former; or they may be divided
in the same way as at the church, half on either side of the young
couple. The groom’s parents stand near by. The other guests should be
presented to them.
The bride greets all cordially, shaking hands with them and presenting
to her husband those with whom he is not acquainted. Only near relations
and intimate friends are privileged to kiss the bride. At a large
wedding reception there is not time to say much to the newly married
couple, as the line passes on rapidly. Where there is only a friendly
acquaintance, it suffices to say, “I wish you every possible happiness,”
or something of the sort. If the presents are on exhibition, the guests
go up-stairs to see them and then pass on into the dining-room. This
method of having the company go forward in line should be adopted where
many people are present. It is quicker than the old custom, in
accordance with which the best man and ushers escorted the guests up to
the bride and groom and the parents. These young men are always on hand,
however, acting as masters of ceremony. They introduce strangers to the
bride and groom and ask people to go into the dining-room. There they
wait upon the ladies who are without escort. The collation is served
from a large central table in the dining-room. Some caterers arrange a
buffet at the side, thus taking up less space. For a large reception the
bill of fare would comprise bouillon, salads, croquettes, oysters in
their season, ices, little cakes, and coffee. Birds and other delicacies
are sometimes added. If wine is served it is usually champagne. For a
wedding in the country the menu may be much simpler, chicken salad,
sandwiches, ice-cream, and coffee, for instance. Indeed, it is perfectly
proper, where only a few friends are invited, to offer cake and wine
alone.
The bride and groom remain in their places until all the guests have had
an opportunity to greet them. This means that they will stay there
during the greater part of the reception, if many persons are present.
Where the wedding is not a large one they repair to the dining-room, or
refreshments may be brought to them in the drawing-room. In the former
case the best man or some near friend proposes their health, all
honoring the toast by standing, glass in hand, and taking at least a sip
of the wine. The bride remains during an hour or more of the reception,
and then withdraws to assume her traveling-dress. A sister, the maid of
honor, or one or more of the bridesmaids help her to do this, while the
mother comes in before her daughter is ready to leave the room. The last
good-by is, of course, for this dear parent. The maid of honor and the
best man do what they can to facilitate the escape of the young couple
from the friends who are waiting in the front hall to bombard them with
rice, confetti, or flowers. This method of saluting the bride and groom
is so well established that it seems best to accept it philosophically
and good-naturedly. Some young men are not satisfied with rice or
confetti throwing, but indulge in a rowdyism of behavior that cannot be
too strongly condemned. The bride creates a diversion by dropping her
bouquet from the elevator or the top of the stairs. Her young women
friends scramble for it, the person who catches it being sure to marry
within the year, according to the old superstition.
Where the marriage takes place at noon, a wedding breakfast may be
arranged for the bridal party alone, or for as many guests as the house
will hold comfortably. In the warm season the veranda and lawns of a
country house are also utilized. The breakfast may be served “en buffet”
as at a reception, or the company may be seated at one or more tables,
in accordance with the number present. The latter is the more elegant
method, but requires more service. If many persons are invited, there is
usually a large central table ornamented with white flowers for the
bridal party, with smaller ones for the rest of the company. When the
collation is ready the groom gives his arm to the bride and leads the
way to the dining-room, followed by the bride’s father with the groom’s
mother, the groom’s father with the bride’s mother, the best man with
the maid of honor or first bridesmaid, and the other bridesmaids, each
being escorted by an usher. Sometimes the clergyman who performs the
marriage ceremony takes in the bride’s mother, allowing the others to
precede them as a hostess would at a dinner. In this case the groom’s
father takes in the bride’s aunt or some other member of her family. The
newly married couple sit side by side at the head of the table, the
bride’s mother sitting at the foot, between the groom’s father and the
clergyman.
According to another arrangement, the bride’s father with the groom’s
mother sits beside his daughter, the bride’s mother with the groom’s
father coming next to the bridegroom. Half the bridesmaids and ushers
sit on each side of the table. If the newly married couple sit in the
middle of one side instead of at the head, the bridesmaids and ushers
are placed opposite to them. Should the size of the table permit and the
bride’s mother so desire, other relatives or friends may be placed
there. Indeed, at a small breakfast all the guests are seated at one
table. In this case it is well to have place-cards. At a large wedding
the guests not belonging to the bridal party follow the latter into the
dining-room, entering without formality. Sometimes the small tables are
arranged in the adjoining rooms and in the hall. No place-cards are used
for these.
The breakfast is served in courses, ending with after-dinner coffee; it
is usually accompanied by champagne. It is according to old tradition to
have the bride cut the cake; but she does nothing more than to insert
the knife, the attendants dividing it into slices and handing these
about. The most sensible way of distributing the cake is to have it
packed in boxes beforehand by the caterer. These are arranged on a table
in the front hall, a servant handing a box to each person as he leaves.
At the close of the repast, the health of the bride and groom is
proposed by the best man, by the father of the groom, or by an old
family friend. The father of the bride or the bridegroom himself
sometimes responds. If any speeches are to be made, the speakers should
be notified beforehand. At the conclusion of these or of the toasts the
bride retires to put on her traveling-dress.
Where the two families who are about to be united by marriage live at a
distance from each other, the bride’s parents should invite the groom’s
father and mother or other near relatives to stay with them. Should it
not be convenient to exercise this personal hospitality, they should
engage rooms at a hotel for these out-of-town guests. In the country or
in a suburban town the bride’s aunts, cousins, and near friends throw
open their houses and entertain as many of the wedding-party as they
can. For the remainder, accommodations are secured at the local inn or
at a boarding-house. All this should be definitely arranged beforehand.
Each lady who has kindly consented to act as a hostess should write a
personal note of invitation to the guests allotted to her, asking them
to stay at her house or apartment. She should inquire at what time they
will arrive, and should go to meet the ladies, or send some one to do
so, on their arrival at the station. If she possesses an automobile or a
carriage or can borrow one, she will go in that. It is courteous to send
a conveyance to meet the gentlemen also; but it is not necessary, as men
can usually take care of themselves. The bride’s parents thus exercise a
vicarious hospitality, in addition to doing what they can personally to
make the visitors welcome. They will, if possible, invite the friends
from a distance to their house on the day preceding the marriage. The
entertainment may take the form of a dinner, or the guests may be asked
to come in the evening very informally. The bride’s family should greet
them all with much cordiality. Simple refreshments such as lemonade,
coffee, or ice-cream with cake may be served. The presents may be on
view in a room up-stairs.
The bride’s parents do not pay the hotel bills of friends and relatives
coming to the wedding from a distance, unless they have invited the
latter to come as their guests. They may assume this expense if they
please, but it is in no way obligatory for them to do so. When a wedding
takes place in the neighborhood of a large city and many of the guests
come by train, the bride’s family should make sure that there are
conveyances at the station to bring to the house or church persons who
cannot well walk. If the weather is good, and the street-cars pass
conveniently near, only a few carriages may be needed. If the bride’s
father is a man of means, he will engage vehicles of some sort to meet
the train and transport all the guests at his expense. Special cars or
special trains are sometimes provided for out-of-town weddings. In this
case persons receiving invitations should respond promptly and
definitely, in order that the host may know what railroad and other
accommodations will be necessary.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
VII
PUBLIC DINNERS AND RECEPTIONS
Luncheons of Women’s Clubs—Duties of Dinner and Reception
Committees—Arrangements in Suburban Towns—The Courteous and the
Discourteous Guest—Evening Dress and Demi-toilette.
THERE are several definitions of the phrase “a public dinner.” We may
hold that it means only those large general functions, usually of a
political nature, which are virtually open to the public on payment of a
certain sum at a stated time. Or we may give the term a much broader
application and include under it all dinners that are not private, such
as the banquets of clubs and societies, to which tickets are purchased
by members of the organization and their friends. In this chapter the
phrase is used in its broader and more general meaning.
A public dinner is usually a subscription affair, all paying for their
tickets except the specially invited guests. These are of two
classes—namely, the persons invited by the association or club as a
whole, and those who are asked by the individual members. An invitation
to subscribe is sent to all who are likely to be interested in the
object of the occasion, or to a small and select circle, as the case may
demand. If this is to contain full information, a double sheet of white
note-paper should be used. It may be ornamented with a suitable device,
such as the national flag or a likeness of the hero of the day. The
matter may be engraved, or printed, if the work is done in thoroughly
good style. Plain black type of two or three sizes, but all in the same
style, has a very good effect.
The formula for the first page may be as follows:
_You are invited to attend
The Second Annual
WASHINGTON’S BIRTHDAY DINNER
of the
REPUBLICAN PARTY_
_to be held at the
WALDORF-ASTORIA
Fifth Avenue and Thirty-third Street
New York City
Monday evening, February twenty-third
Nineteen hundred and fifteen
at seven o’clock_
_Ladies are invited_
The second page may contain the list of speakers and their subjects. On
the third page additional information may be inserted, as, for instance:
_NOTICE_
_The dinner will be served at 7:15
P.M. sharp, and will end at 11:15
P.M. sharp. As it will be run on
schedule time, you may depend on
both hours._
_Tickets will be $5.00 each; the
tables seat ten._
_Please reply on the inclosed
blank. Checks should be made
payable to John Doe, Treasurer,
and sent to him at 32 Amsterdam
Avenue, New York City, Telephone
3789 Spring._
_Those sending in their remittances
at once will receive a preference
in the seating._