MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS.
ETIQUETTE FOR THE CALLER.
The usual hours for paying morning calls are between eleven and two, or
twelve and three, and all calls of ceremony should be made between these
hours.
Never, in paying a ceremonious call, stay more than twenty minutes, or
less than ten. If your hostess has several other visitors at the same
time that you are in her parlor, make your visit short, that she may
have more attention to bestow upon others.
After you have received an invitation to a party, call within a week or
fortnight after the evening, whether you have accepted or declined the
invitation. If you have declined on account of mourning, the excuse
extends also to the call.
When the servant answers your ring, hand in your card. If your friend is
out or engaged, leave the card, and if she is in, send it up. Never call
without cards. You may offend your friend, as she may never hear of your
call, if she is out at the time, and you trust to the memory of the
servant.
If your friend is at home, after sending your card up to her by the
servant, go into the parlor to wait for her. Sit down quietly, and do
not leave your seat until you rise to meet her as she enters the room.
To walk about the parlor, examining the ornaments and pictures, is
ill-bred. It is still more unlady-like to sit down and turn over to read
the cards in her card basket. If she keeps you waiting for a long time,
you may take a book from the centre-table to pass away the interval.
Never, while waiting in a friend's parlor, go to the piano and play till
she comes. This is a breach of good-breeding often committed, and
nothing can be more ill-bred. You may be disturbing an invalid unawares,
or you may prevent your friend, if she has children, from coming down
stairs at all, by waking the baby.
If you are a stranger in the city, and bring a letter of introduction to
your hostess, send this letter up stairs with your card, that she may
read it, and know how to welcome you when she comes down stairs. In this
case, write upon the card the name of the hotel at which you are
staying, and mention in the course of conversation, how long you will be
in the city.
If you have a visitor, and desire to introduce her to your friends, you
may invite her to accompany you when paying calls.
In making a call for condolence, it is sufficient to leave a card with
your enquiries for the health of your friend, and offers of service. The
same if calling upon invalids, if they are too ill to see you.
In visits of congratulation, go in, and be hearty in your expressions of
interest and sympathy. Pay visits, both of condolence and
congratulation, within a week after the event which calls for them
occurs.
It is proper, when you have already made your call of the usual length,
and another caller is announced, to rise and leave, not immediately, as
if you shunned the new arrival, but after a moment or two. Never out-sit
two or three parties of visitors, unless you have private business with
your hostess which cannot be postponed. Many denounce the system of
morning calls as silly, frivolous, and a waste of time. They are wrong.
It may be carried to an excess, and so admit of these objections, but in
moderation the custom is a good and pleasant one. You have then an
opportunity of making friends of mere acquaintances, and you can, in a
pleasant chat with a friend at home, have more real enjoyment in her
society than in a dozen meetings in large companies, with all the
formality and restraint of a party thrown around you. There are many
subjects of conversation which are pleasant in a parlor, tete-a-tete
with a friend, which you would not care to discuss in a crowded saloon,
or in the street. Personal inquiries, private affairs can be cosily
chatted over.
In paying your visits of condolence, show, by your own quiet gravity,
that you sympathize in the recent affliction of your friend. Though you
may endeavor to comfort and cheer her, you must avoid a gay or careless
air, as it will be an insult at such a time. Avoid any allusion to the
past that may be trying for her to hear or answer, yet do not ignore the
subject entirely, as that appears like a want of interest in it. Though
you may feel happy, avoid parading your own joyousness at such a time;
whatever your own feeling may be, respect the sorrow of another.
Never sit gazing curiously around the room when paying a call, as if
taking a mental inventory of the furniture. It is excessively rude. It
is still worse to appear to notice any disorder or irregularity that may
occur.
If, while paying a call, you perceive that any unforeseen matter in the
family, calls for the attention of the lady of the house, leave
instantly, no matter how short your call has been. Your friend may not
appear to notice the screams of a child, a noise in the kitchen, or the
cry from the nursery that the fire board has caught fire, but you may be
sure she does hear it, and though too well-bred to speak of it, will
heartily rejoice to say good-bye.
Do not take a child with you to pay calls, until it is old enough to
behave quietly and with propriety. To have a troublesome child
constantly touching the parlor ornaments, balancing itself on the back
of a chair, leaning from a window, or performing any of the thousand
tricks in which children excel, is an annoyance, both to yourself and
your hostess.
Make no remark upon the temperature of the room, or its arrangement,
when you enter it. Never open or shut a window or door without asking
permission, and unless really suffering from excessive heat or cold,
refrain from asking leave to take this liberty.
If you are invited to go up stairs to your friend's private apartment,
you will, of course, accept the invitation, but never go up stairs
uninvited. When you reach her door, if the servant has not preceded and
announced you, knock, and await her invitation to enter. Then, once in,
take no notice of the room, but go instantly to your friend. If she is
sewing, do not speak of the nature of her work, but request her to
continue, as if you were not present.
In cases of long standing friendship, you will not, of course, stand
upon the ceremony of waiting for each and every one of your calls to be
returned before paying another, but be careful that you are not too
lavish of your visits. The most cordial welcome may be worn threadbare,
if it is called into use _too_ often.
If you are visiting an invalid, or one confined by physical infirmity to
one apartment, while you are cheerful and ready to impart all the news
that will interest them, do not, by too glowing descriptions of out-door
pleasures, make them feel more keenly their own deprivations. It is
well, when making such calls, to converse upon literature, or such
general subjects as will not remind them of their misfortune.
In cases where, from long illness or other infirmity, a gentleman friend
is confined entirely to his room, you may, with perfect propriety, call
upon him. It is both polite and kind to do so, as otherwise he would be
deprived entirely of the society of his lady friends. Many thus
unfortunately situated, from study and reading while so shut out from
the world, become the most delightful companions.
If, when you make a call, you unfortunately intrude upon an early dinner
hour, do not go in, but leave your card, and say that you will call
again.
If you call upon two ladies who are boarding at the same house, do not
send up your card to both at the same time. If one is out, send a card
to her room, and then send up for the other. If the first one is in,
wait till she comes down, and then chat as long as a call usually lasts.
When you rise as if to take leave, accompany your friend to the parlor
door, then tell her that you are going to send up for your other friend.
She will bid you good-morning, and go to her own room; ring the bell
after she leaves you, and send your card by the waiter to your other
friend.
In calling at a hotel, enter by the ladies' door, and send your card to
the room of your friend by the waiter. It is well, if you are calling
upon an entire stranger, to choose a seat, and tell the waiter to say to
the lady exactly where she will find you. She will probably enter with
your card in her hand; then rise, greet her by name, and introduce
yourself. If you speak to another stranger upon the same errand as the
one you expect, the error will be instantly perceived by the difference
in name. If a stranger, bringing a letter of introduction, sends the
letter with her card, instead of calling, courtesy requires you to make
the first call, immediately; the same day that you receive the letter,
if possible, if not, the day after.