DINNER COMPANY.
ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS.
In issuing invitations for a large dinner party, the usual form is--
_Mr. and Mrs. G---- request the favor of Mr. and Mrs. L----'s
company to dinner, on Wednesday, March 8th, at ---- o'clock._
If your husband is giving a party to gentlemen only, he will have a card
printed or written for the occasion, but your duties as hostess, if he
wishes you to preside, will still be as arduous as if your own friends
were included in the invitation.
The directions given in the chapter on "Evening parties" for the
arrangement of the parlor and the dressing-rooms, will apply here
equally well, but the dining-room (in this case the centre of
attraction) requires still more careful attention. Any fault here will
mar your own comfort and the pleasure of your guests, and must be
carefully avoided.
Send out your invitations by a servant, or man hired for the purpose;
do not trust them to despatch or penny post.
Be careful in selecting the guests for a dinner party. Remember that
conversation will be the sole entertainment for several hours, and if
your guests are not well chosen, your dinner, no matter how perfect or
costly the viands, will prove a failure. The most agreeable dinners are
those whose numbers will allow all the guests to join in a common
conversation, and where the host has spirit and intelligence to take the
lead, and start a new subject when the interest in the old one begins to
flag. Dinners where the guests depend entirely upon the person next them
for conversation, are apt to be stupid, as it requires marvelous tact to
pair off all the couples, so that every one will be entertaining in
tete-a-tete conversation.
To give a good dinner, your means, room, and establishment must all be
taken into consideration when you are preparing for a dinner company. If
you invite a large number, you must increase your establishment for the
occasion, as to sit down to a dinner badly served, with a scarcity of
waiters, is tiresome, and shows little tact or grace on the part of the
hostess.
One cook cannot prepare dinner properly for more than ten persons, and
three waiters will find ample employment in waiting upon the same
number. More than this number will require a table too large for
general, easy conversation, and throw your company into couples or
trios, for entertainment.
Have your table spread in a room that will accommodate all the guests
comfortably, at the same time avoid putting a small social party in a
large room, where they will appear lost in the space around them. Let
the room be comfortably warmed, and if your dinner is late, have the
apartments well lighted. If you sit down by daylight, but will remain in
the room until after dark, have the shutters closed and the lights lit,
before the dinner is announced, as nothing can be more awkward than to
do this in the middle of the meal.
The shape of a table is a point of more importance than some people
think. If you wish your dinner to be social--not a mere collection of
tete-a-tetes--the table should be of a shape which will make it easy for
each guest to address any one at the table. The long parallelogram, with
the host at one end and the hostess at the other, is stiff, too broad,
too long, and isolates the givers of the feast from the guests.
The round table, if large enough to accommodate many guests, has too
large a diameter each way for easy conversation. The best table is the
oval, and the host and hostess should sit in the middle of each side,
facing each other.
The dining room, even in the heat of summer, should be carpeted, to
deaden the noise of the servants' feet. The chairs should be easy,
without arms, and with tall, slanting backs. It adds much to the
comfort, if each person is provided with a foot-stool.
You must have, besides the waiters, one servant to carve, and he must be
an adept. No dish should be carved upon the table, and that no guest
shall wait too long for his meat, you must engage a rapid and dexterous
carver.
For a party of ten, two waiters, and the carver, are amply sufficient.
If you have too many servants, they will only interfere with each other,
and stand staring at the guests. Give your orders before dinner, and
through the meal never speak to the servants. Your whole attention must
be given to the guests. Even if you see that matters are going wrong, do
not let your annoyance appear, but gracefully ignore the painful facts.
Let each servant have his regular position at the table. One should take
the guests at the right of the hostess, and the left of the host; the
other the guests on the other side. They should wear light, noiseless
shoes, and white gloves, and each one carry a folded napkin over his
right arm.
The main point in the arrangement of the table itself, is to secure
beauty, without interfering with conversation. The table cover and
napkins must be of snowy damask, the glass clear as crystal, and taste
must preside over each detail. Let nothing high be placed on the table,
that will effectually separate the guests from each other. There should
be, first, a handsome centre piece, and this may be of glass, silver, or
china, and not too high or large, and must be elegant as a work of art,
or it is better omitted altogether. Preserve or fruit stands, tastefully
decorated, with the fruit on fresh, green leaves, and flowers mingled
with them, form exquisite centre pieces. A pyramid of flowers, or tasty
vase or basket, forms, too, a beautiful ornament for the centre of the
table. In addition to this, the French scatter vases of flowers all over
the table, at the corners and in the centre. Some place a small,
fragrant bouquet before the plate of each guest. Nothing can be more
beautiful than this arrangement. Glasses of celery, dishes of clear,
transparent jellies or preserves, exquisite little glass plates of
pickles should stand in order on the table.
Place before each guest, the plate, knife, fork, spoon, four
wine-glasses of various sizes, the goblet for water, napkin, small salt
cellar, salt spoon, and roll of bread. Place none of the meats or
vegetables upon the large table. These should all be served at a
side-table, each guest selecting his own, to be handed by the servants.
The first course is soup. As this is not meant to destroy the appetite
for other viands, it should be light, not too rich or thick. Let the
servant hand one ladlefull to each person. If you have more than one
kind, he must first inquire which each guest prefers.
If you have wines, let them be handed round after the soup.
Next comes the fish. If you have large fish, let a slice, cut smoothly,
not made into a hash by awkward carving, be placed upon the plate of the
guest, with a slice of egg, and drawn butter. If the fish are small, one
should be placed upon each plate.
Then come the patties of oysters, minced veal, or lobster; or, instead
of these, you may have poultry or game.
Next the roast. With the meats have vegetables served on a separate
plate, that the guest may take as much as he wishes with meat. You will,
of course, have a variety of vegetables, but scarcely any guest will
choose more than two.
The pastry and puddings come next in order, and these, too, are better
served from a side table. Between the pastry and the dessert, have
salad and cheese placed before each guest.
If you eat dessert in the same room that you dine in, it should be
placed upon the table (with the exception of the ices) before the guests
are seated, and this comes after the pastry has been discussed. It
should consist of fruit and ices.
A pleasanter and more elegant way, is to have the fruit and ices spread
in a separate room, and leave the dining room after the pastry has been
eaten. The change of position, the absence of the meat flavor in the
atmosphere, make the dessert much more delightful than if it is eaten in
the same room as the dinner. In summer especially, the change to a cool,
fresh room, where the ices and fruits are tastefully spread, and flowers
are scattered profusely about the room, delights every sense.
Coffee follows the dessert, and when this enters, if your guests are
gentlemen only, your duty is at an end. You may then rise, leave the
room, and need not re-appear. If you have lady guests, you give the
signal for rising after coffee, and lead the way to the parlor, where,
in a few moments, the gentlemen will again join you.
Suppose your guests invited, servants instructed, every arrangement
made, and the important day arrived. The next point to consider is the
reception of your guests. Be dressed in good season, as many seem to
consider an invitation to dinner as one to pass the day, and come early.
Take a position in your drawing-room, where each guest will find you
easily, and remain near it, until every guest has arrived. As each one
enters, advance to meet him, and extend your hand.
Have plenty of chairs ready in the drawing-room, as an invitation to
dinner by no means argues a "stand up" party. As you have already
arranged every detail, your duty as hostess consists in receiving your
guests gracefully, conversing and looking as charmingly as possible.
Flowers in the drawing-room are as great a proof of taste as in the
dining room.
As the time just before dinner is very apt to be tiresome, you should
bring forward all the armor against stupidity that you possess. Display
upon tables arranged conveniently about the room, curiosities, handsome
books, photographs, engravings, stereoscopes, medallions, any works of
art you may own, and have the ottomans, sofas, and chairs so placed that
your guests can move easily about the room, or rooms.
The severest test of good breeding in a lady, is in the position of
hostess, receiving dinner guests. Your guests may arrive all at once,
yet you must make each one feel that he or she is the object of your
individual attention, and none must be hurt by neglect. They may arrive
very early, yet your duty is to make the time fly until dinner is
announced. They may come late, and risk the ruin of your choicest
dishes, yet you must not, upon pain of a breach of etiquette, show the
least annoyance. If you know that the whole kitchen is in arms at the
delay, you must conceal the anguish, as the Spartan boy did his pangs,
to turn a cheerful, smiling face upon the tardy guests.
When dinner is announced, you will lead the way to the dining-room upon
the arm of one of your gentlemen guests, having paired off the company
in couples. The host comes in last with a lady upon his arm.
You may indicate to each couple, as they enter the dining-room, the
seats they are to occupy, standing until all are seated, or you may
allow them to choose their own places. The English fashion of placing a
card upon each plate with the name of the person to take that seat upon
it, is a good one. It enables the hostess to place those whom she is
certain will be mutually entertaining, next each other. Place the
gentleman who escorts you from the parlor at your right hand.
Having once taken your seat at table, you have nothing to do with the
dinner but to partake of it. Not a word, or even a glance, will a
well-bred hostess bestow upon the servants, nor will she speak to the
guests of the dishes. Their choice rests between themselves and the
waiters, and you must take no notice of what they eat, how much, or how
little. Nay, should they partake of one dish only, you must ignore the
fact.
The greatest tact is displayed where the hostess makes each guest feel
perfectly at ease. She will aid her husband both in leading and
supporting the conversation, and will see that no guest is left in
silence from want of attention. Whilst she ignores every breach of
etiquette her guests may commit, she must carefully observe every rule
herself, and this she must do in an easy, natural manner, avoiding every
appearance of restraint. Her deportment, she may be sure, is secretly
watched and criticised by each guest, yet she must appear utterly
unconscious that she is occupying any conspicuous position.
To watch the servants, or appear uneasy, lest something should go wrong,
is excessively ill-bred, and if any accident does occur, you only make
it worse by noticing it. To reprove or speak sharply to a servant before
your guests, manifests a shocking want of good breeding.
The rules given above are only applicable to large dinner parties, and
where the guests are few, and the host himself carves, these rules will
not apply. In this case, as you will only require the services of your
own household domestics, you must, of course, attend personally to the
wants of your guests.
Dinner not being served from a side table, you must, while putting
tasteful ornaments upon it, be careful not to crowd them, and leave room
for the substantial dishes.
You must watch the plate of each guest, to see that it is well provided,
and you will invite each one to partake of the various dishes.
Have a servant to pass the plates from you to each guest, and from the
host to you, after he has put the meat upon them, that you may add gravy
and vegetables before they are set before your visitors.
At these smaller dinner companies, avoid apologizing for anything,
either in the viands or the arrangement of them. You have provided the
best your purse will allow, prepared as faultlessly as possible; you
will only gain credit for mock modesty if you apologize for a
well-prepared, well-spread dinner, and if there are faults they will
only be made more conspicuous if attention is drawn to them by an
apology.
Ease of manner, quiet dignity, cheerful, intelligent conversation, and
gentle, lady-like deportment, never appear more charming than when they
adorn a lady at the head of her own table.