Is a retailer of rumour that takes up upon trust and sells as cheap as
he buys. He deals in a perishable commodity that will not keep; for if
it be not fresh it lies upon his hands and will yield nothing. True or
false is all one to him; for novelty being the grace of both, a truth
grows stale as soon as a lie; and as a slight suit will last as well as
a better while the fashion holds, a lie serves as well as truth till new
ones come up. He is little concerned whether it be good or bad, for that
does not make it more or less news; and, if there be any difference, he
loves the bad best, because it is said to come soonest; for he would
willingly bear his share in any public calamity to have the pleasure of
hearing and telling it. He is deeply read in diurnals, and can give as
good an account of Rowland Pepin, if need be, as another man. He tells
news, as men do money, with his fingers; for he assures them it comes
from very good hands. The whole business of his life is, like that of a
spaniel, to fetch and carry news, and when he does it well he is clapped
on the back and fed for it; for he does not take to it altogether, like
a gentleman, for his pleasure, but when he lights on a considerable
parcel of news, he knows where to put it off for a dinner, and quarter
himself upon it until he has eaten it out; and by this means he drives a
trade, by retrieving the first news to truck it for the first meat in
season, and, like the old Roman luxury, ransacks all seas and lands to
please his palate; for he imports his narratives from all parts within
the geography of a diurnal, and eats as well upon the Russ and Polander
as the English and Dutch. By this means his belly is provided for, and
nothing lies upon his hands but his back, which takes other courses to
maintain itself by weft and stray silver spoons, straggling hoods and
scarfs, pimping, and sets at _L'Ombre_.