that she learned that this conquest of mine was no other than Mr.
Norbert, a gentleman originally of great fortune, which, with a
constitution naturally not the best, he had vastly impaired by his
over-violent pursuit of the vices of the town; in the course of which,
having worn out and staled all the more common modes of debauchery, he
had fallen into a taste of maiden-hunting; in which chase he had ruined
a number of girls, sparing no expense to compass his ends, and
generally using them well till tired, or cooled by enjoying, or
springing a new face, he could with more ease disembarrass himself of
the old ones, and resign them to their fate, as his sphere of
achievements of that sort lay only amongst such as he could proceed
with by way of bargain and sale.
Concluding from these premises, Mrs. Cole observed, that a character of
this sort was ever a lawful prize; that the sin would be, not to make
the best of our market of him; and that she thought such a girl as I
only too good for him at any rate, and on any terms.
She went then, at the hour appointed, to his lodgings in one of our
inns of court, which were furnished in a taste of grandeur that had a
special eye to all the conveniences of luxury and pleasure. Here she
found him in ready waiting; and after finishing her business of
pretence, and a long conduit of discussions concerning her trade, which
she said was very bad, the qualities of her servants, apprentices,
journey-women, the discourse naturally landed at length on me, when
Mrs. Cole, acting admirably the good old prating gossip, who lets every
thing escape her when her tongue is set in motion, cooked him up a
story so plausible of me, throwing in every now and then such strokes
of art, with all the simplest air of nature, in praise of my person and
temper, as finished him finely for her purpose, whilst nothing could be
better counterfeited than her innocence of his. But when now fired and
on edge, he proceeded to drop hints of his design and views upon me,
after he had with much confusion and pains brought her to the point
(she kept as long aloof from it as she thought proper) of understanding
him, without now affecting to pass for a dragoness of virtue, by flying
out into those violent and ever suspicious passions, she stuck with the
better grace and effect to the character of a plain, good sort of
woman, that knew no harm, and that getting her bread in an honest way,
was made of stuff easy and flexible enough to be wrought to his ends,
by his superior skill and address; but, however, she managed so
artfully that three or four meetings took place, before he could obtain
the least favourable hope of her assistance; without which, he had, by
a number of fruitless messages, letters, and other direct trials of my
disposition, convinced himself there was no coming at me, all which too
raised at once my character and price with him.
Regardful, however, of not carrying these difficulties to such a length
as might afford time for starting discoveries, or incidents,
unfavourable to her plan, she at last pretended to be won over by mere
dint of entreaties, promises, and, above all, by the dazzling sum she
took care to wind him up to the specification of, when it was now even
a piece of art to feign, at once, a yielding to the allurements of a
great interest, as a pretext for her yielding at all, and the manner of
it such as might persuade him she had never dipped her virtuous fingers
in an affair of that sort.
Thus she led him through all the gradations of difficulty, and
obstacles, necessary to enhance the value of the prize he aimed at; and
in conclusion, he was so struck with the little beauty I was mistress
of, and so eagerly bent on gaining his ends of me, that he left her no
room to boast of her management in bringing him up to her mark, he
drove so plump of himself into every thing tending to make him swallow
the bait. Not but, in other respects, Mr. Norbert was not clear sighted
enough, or that he did not perfectly know the town, and even by
experience, the very branch of imposition now in practice upon him: but
we had his passion our friend so much, he was so blinded and hurried on
by it, that he would have thought any undeception a very ill office
done to his pleasure. Thus concurring, even precipitately, to the point
she wanted him at, Mrs. Cole brought him at last to hug himself on the
cheap bargain he considered the purchase of my imaginary jewel was to
him, at no more than three hundred guineas to myself, and a hundred to
the brokers: being a slender recompense for all her pains, and all the
scruples of conscience she had now sacrificed to him for this first
time of her life; which sums were to be paid down on the nail, upon
delivery of my person, exclusive of some no inconsiderable presents
that had been made in the course of the negociation: during which I had
occasionally, but sparingly been introduced into his company, at proper
times and hours; in which it is incredible how little it seemed
necessary to strain my natural disposition to modesty higher, in order
to pass it upon him for that a very maid: all my looks and gestures
ever breathing nothing but that innocence which the men so ardently
require in us, for no other end than to feast themselves with the
pleasure of destroying it, and which they are so grievously, with all
their skill, subject to mistakes in.
When the articles of the treaty had been fully agreed on, the
stipulated payments duly secured, and nothing now remained but the
execution of the main point, which centered in the surrender of my
person up to his free disposal and use, Mrs. Cole managed her
objections, especially to his lodgings, and insinuations so nicely,
that it became his own mere notion and urgent request, that this copy
of a wedding should be finished at her house: “At first, indeed, she
did not care, not she, to have such doings in it... she would not for a
thousand pounds have any of the servants or apprentices know it... her
precious good name would be gone for ever...,” with the like excuses.
However, on superior objections to all other expedients, whilst she
took care to start none but those which were most liable to them it
came round at last to the necessity of her obliging him in that
conveniency, and of doing a little more where she had already done so
much.
The night then was fixed, with all possible respect to the eagerness of
his impatience, and in the mean time Mrs. Cole had omitted no
instructions, nor even neglected any preparation, that might enable me
to come off with honour, in regard to the appearance of my virginity,
except that, favoured as I was by nature with all the narrowness of
stricture in that part requisite to conduct my designs, I had no
occasion to borrow those auxiliaries of art that create a momentary
one, easily discovered by the test of a warm bath; and as to the usual
sanguinary symptoms of defloration, which, if not always, are generally
attendants on it, Mrs. Cole had made me the mistress of an invention of
her own, which could hardly miss its effect, and of which more in its
place.
Every thing then being disposed and fixed for Mr. Norbert’s reception,
he was, at the hour of eleven at night, with all the mysteries of
silence and secrecy, let in by Mrs. Cole herself, and introduced into
her bedchamber, where, in an old-fashioned bed of her’s, I lay, fully
undressed, and panting, if not with the fears of a real maid, at least
with those perhaps greater of a dissembled one which gave me an air of
confusion and bashfulness that maiden-modesty had all the honour of,
and was indeed scarce distinguishable from it, even by less partial
eyes than those of my lover: so let me call him, for I ever thought the
term “cully” too cruel a reproach to the men, for their abused weakness
for us.
As soon as Mrs. Cole, after the old gossipery, on these occasions, used
to young women abandoned for the first time to the will of man, had
left us alone in her room, which, by the bye was well lighted up, at
his previous desire, that seemed to bode a stricter examination than he
afterwards made, Mr. Norbert, still dressed, sprung towards the bed,
where I got my head under the clothes, and defended them a good while
before he could even get at my lips, to kiss them: so true it is, that
a false virtue, on this occasion, even makes & greater rout and
resistance than a true one. From thence he descended to my breasts, the
feel I disputed tooth and nail with him till tired with my resistance,
and thinking probable to give a better account to me, he hurried his
clothes off in an instant, and came into bed.
Mean while by the glimpse I stole of him, I could easily discover a
person far from promising any such doughty performances as the storming
of maidenheads generally requires, and whose flimsy consumptive texture
gave him more the air of an invalid that was pressed, than of a
volunteer, on such hot service.
At scarce thirty he had already reduced his strength of appetite down
to a wretched dependance on forced provocatives, very little seconded
by the natural power of a body jaded, and racked off to the less by
constant repeated over draughts of pleasure, which had done the work of
sixty winters on his springs of live: leaving him at the same time all
the fire and head of youth in his imagination, which served at once to
torment and spur him down the precipice.
As soon as he was in bed, he threw off the bedclothes, which I suffered
him to force from my hold, and I now lay as exposed as he could wish,
not only to his attacks, but his visitation of the sheets; where in the
various agitations of the body, through my endeavours to defend myself,
he could easily assure himself there was no preparation, though, to do
him justice, he seemed a less strict examinant than I had apprehended
from so experienced a practitioner. My shift then he fairly tore open,
finding I made too much use of it to barricade my breasts, as well as
the more important avenue: yet in every thing else he proceeded with
all the marks of tenderness and regard to me, whilst the art of my play
was to shew none for him, I acted them all the niceties, apprehensions,
and terrors, supposable for a girl perfectly innocent to feel, at so
great a novelty as a naked man in bed with her for the first time. He
scarce even obtained a kiss but what he ravished; I put his hand away
twenty times from my breasts, where he had satisfied himself of their
hardness and consistence, with passing for hitherto unhandled goods.
But when grown impatient upon the main point, he now threw himself upon
me, and first trying to examine me with his finger, sought to make
himself further way, I complained of his usage bitterly: “I thought he
would not have served a body so... I was ruined... I did not know what
I had done..., I would get up, so I would...;” and at the same time
kept my thighs so fast locked, that it was not for strength like his to
force them open, or do any good. Finding thus my advantages, and that I
had both my own and his motions at command, the deceiving him came so
easy, that it was perfectly playing upon velvet. In the mean time his
machine, which was one of those sizes that slip in and out without
being minded, kept pretty stiffly bearing against that part, which the
shutting my thighs barred access to; but finding, at length he could do
no good by mere dint of bodily strength, he resorted to entreaties and
arguments: to which I only answered, with a tone of shame and timidity,
“that I was afraid he would kill me... Lord!..., would not be served
so... I was never so used in all my born days..., I wondered he was not
ashamed of himself, so I did...,” with such silly infantine moods of
repulse and complaint as I judged best adapted to express the character
of innocence, and affright. Pretending, however, to yield at length to
the vehemence of his insistence, in action and words, I sparing
disclosed my thighs, so that he could just touch the cloven inlet with
the tip of his instrument: but as he fatigued and toiled to get in, a
twist of my body, so as to receive it obliquely, not only thwarted his
admission, but giving a scream, as if he had pierced me to the heart, I
shook him off me, with such violence that he could not with all his
might to it, keep the saddle: vexed indeed at this he seemed, but not
in the style of displeasure with me for my skittishness; on the
contrary, I dare swear he held me the dearer, and hugged himself for
the difficulties that even hurt his instant pleasure. Fired, however,
now beyond all bearance of delay, he remounts, and begged of me to have
patience, stroking and soothing me to it by all the tenderest
endearments and protestations of what he would moreover do for me; at
which, feigning to be somewhat softened, and abating of the anger that
I had shewn at his hurting me so prodigiously, I suffered him to lay my
thighs aside, and make way for a new trial; but I watched the
directions and management of his point so well, that no sooner was the
orifice in the least open to it, but I gave such a timely jerk as
seemed to proceed not from the evasion of his entry, but from the pain
his efforts at it put me to: a circumstance too that I did not fail to
accompany with proper gestures, sighs and cries of complaint, of which,
“that he had hurt me... he killed me... I should die...,” were the most
frequent interjections. But now, after repeated attempts, in which he
had not made the least impression towards gaining his point, at least
for that time, the pleasure rose so fast upon him, that he could not
check or delay it, and in the vigour and fury which the approaches of
the height of it inspired him, he made one fierce-thrust, that had
almost put me by my guard, and lodged it so far that I could feel the
warm inspersion just within the exterior orifice, which I had the
cruelty not to let him finish there, but threw him out again, not
without a most piercing loud exclamation, as if the pain had put me
beyond all regard of being overheard. It was then easy to observe that
he was more satisfied, more highly pleased with the supposed motives of
his baulk of consummation, than he would have-been at the full
attainment of it. It was on this foot that I solved to myself all the
falsity I employed to procure him that blissful pleasure in it, which
most certainly he would not have tasted in the truth of things. Eased,
however, and relieved by one discharge, he now applied himself to
sooth, encourage, and to put me into humour and patience to bear his
next attempt, which he began to prepare and gather force for, from all
the incentives of the touch and sight which he could think of, by
examining every individual part of my whole body, which he declared his
satisfaction with, in raptures of applause, kisses universally
imprinted, and sparing no part of me, in all the eagerest wantonness of
feeling, seeing, and toying. His vigour, however, did not return so
soon, and I felt him more than once pushing at the door, but so little
in a condition to break in, that I question whether he had the power to
enter, had I held it ever so open; but this he then thought me too
little acquainted with the nature of things, to have any regret or
confusion about, and he kept fatiguing himself and me for a long time,
before he was in any state to resume his attacks with any prospect of
success and then I breathed him so warmly, and kept him so at bay, that
before he had made any sensible progress in point of penetration, he
was deliciously sweated, and wearied out indeed: so that it was deep in
the morning before he achieved his second let-go, about half way of
entrance, I all the while crying and complaining of his prodigious
vigour, and the immensity of what I appeared to suffer splitting up
with. Tired, however, at length, with such athletic drudgery, my
champion began now to give out, and to gladly embrace the refreshment
of some rest. Kissing me then with much affection, and recommending me
to my repose, he presently fell fast asleep, which, as soon as I had
well satisfied myself of, I with much composure of body, so as not to
wake him by any motion, with much ease and safety too, played of Mrs.
Cole’s device for perfecting the signs of my virginity. In each of the
head bed-posts, just above where the bedsteads are inserted into them,
there was a small drawer, so artfully adapted to the mouldings of the
timber-work, that it might have escaped even the most curious search:
which drawers were easily opened or shut by the touch of a spring, and
were fitted each with a shallow glass tumbler, full of a prepared fluid
blood, in which lay soaked, for ready use, a sponge, that required no
more than gently reaching the hand to it, taking it out and properly
squeezing between the thighs, when it yelded a great deal more of the
red liquid than would save a girl’s honour; after which, replacing it,
and touching the spring, all possibility of discovery, or even of
suspicion, was taken away; and this was not the work of the fourth part
of a minute, and of which ever side one lay, the thing was equally easy
and practicable, by the double care taken to have each bed-post
provided alike. True it is, that had he waked and caught me in the act,
it would at least have covered me with shame and confusion; but them,
that he did not, was, with the precautions I took, a risk of a thousand
to one in my favour.
At ease now, and out of all fear of any doubt or suspicion on his side,
I addressed myself in good earnest to my repose, but could obtain none;
and in about half an hour’s time my gentleman waked again, and turning
towards me, I feigned a sound sleep, which he did not long respect; but
girding himself again to renew the onset, he began to kiss and caress
me, when now making as if I just waked, I complained of the
disturbance, and of the cruel pain that this little rest had stole my
senses from. Eager, however, for the pleasure, as well of consummating
an entire triumph over my virginity, he said every thing that could
overcome my resistance, and bribe my patience to the end, which now I
was ready to listen to, from being secure of the bloody proofs I had
prepared of his victorious violence, though I still thought it good
policy not to let him in yet a while. I answered then only to his
importunities in sighs and moans, “that I was so hurt, I could not bear
it... I was sure he had done me a mischief; that he had... he was such
a bad man!” At this, turning down the clothes, and viewing the field of
battle by the glimmer of a dying taper, he saw plainly my thighs,
shift, and sheet, all stained with what he readily took for a virgin
effusion, proceeding from his last half penetration: convinced, and
transported at which, nothing could equal his joy and exultation. The
illusion was complete, no other conception entered his head, but that
of his having been at work upon an unopened mine; which idea, upon so
strong an evidence, redoubled at once his tenderness for me, and his
ardour for breaking it wholly up. Kissing me then with the utmost
rapture, he comforted me, and begged my pardon for the pain he had put
me to: observing withal, that it was only a thing in course; but the
worst was certainly past, and that with a little courage and constancy,
I should get it once well over, and never after experience any thing
but the greatest pleasure. By little and little I suffered myself to be
prevailed on, and giving, as it were, up to the point of him, I made my
thighs, insensibly spreading them, yield him liberty of access, which
improving, he got a little within me, when by a well managed reception
I worked the female screw so nicely, that I kept him from the easy
mid-channel direction, and by dexterous wreathing and contortions,
creating an artificial difficulty of entrance, made him win it inch by
inch, with the most laborious struggles, I all the while sorely
complaining: till at length, with might and main, winding his way in,
he got it completely home, and giving my virginity, as he thought, the
coup le grace, furnished me with the cue of setting up a terrible
outcry, whilst he, triumphant and like a cock clapping his wings over
his down-trod mistress, pursued his pleasure: which presently rose, in
virtue of this idea of a complete victory, to a pitch that made me soon
sensible of his melting period; whilst I now lay acting the deep
wounded, breathless, frightened, undone, no longer maid.
You would ask me, perhaps, whether all this time I enjoyed any
perception of pleasure? I assure you, little or none, till just towards
the latter end, a faintish sense of it came on mechanically, from so
long a struggle and frequent fret in that ever sensible part; but, in
the first place, I had no taste for the person I was suffering the
embraces of, on a pure mercenary account; and then, I was not entirely
delighted with myself for the jade’s part I was playing, whatever
excuses I might plead for my being brought into it; but then this
insensibility kept me so much the mistress of my mind and motions, that
I could the better manage so close a counterfeit, through the whole
scene of deception.
Recovered at length to a more shew of life, by his tender condolences,
kisses and embraces, I upbraided him, and reproached him with my ruin,
in such natural terms, as added to his satisfaction with himself, for
having accomplished it; and guessing, by certain observations of mine,
that it would be rather favourable to him, to spare him, when he some
time after, feebly enough, came on again to the assault, I resolutely
withstood any further endeavours, on a pretext that flattered his
prowess, of my being so violently hurt and sore, that I could not
possibly endure a fresh trial. He then graciously granted me a respite,
and the next morning soon after advancing, I got rid of further
importunity, till Mrs. Cole, being rung for by him, came in and was
made acquainted, in terms of the utmost joy and rapture, with his
triumphant certainty of my virtue, and the finishing stroke he had
given it, in the course of the night: of which, he added, she would see
proof enough in bloody characters, on the sheets.
You may guess how a woman of her turn of address and experience
humoured the jest, and played him off with mixed exclamations of shame,
danger, compassion for me, and of her being pleased that all was so
well over: in which last, I believe, she was certainly sincere. And
now, as the objection which she had represented as an invincible one,
to me lying the first night at his lodgings (which were studiously
calculated for freedom of intrigues), on the account of my maiden fears
and terrors, at the thought of going to a gentleman’s chambers, and
being alone with him in bed, was surmounted, she pretended to persuade
me, in favour to him, that I should go there to him, whenever he
pleased, and still keep up all the necessary appearances of working
with her, that I might not lose, with my character, the prospect of
getting a good husband, and at the same time her house would be kept
safer from scandal. All this seemed so reasonable, so considerate to
Mr. Norbert, that he never once perceived that she did not want him to
resort to her house, lest he might in time discover certain
inconsistencies with the character she had set out with to him: besides
that this plan greatly flattered his own ease, and views of liberty.
Leaving me then to my much wanted rest, he got up, and Mrs. Cole, after
settling with him all points relating to me, got him undiscovered out
of the house. After which, as I was awake, she came in, and gave me due
praises for my success. Behaving too with her usual moderation and
disinterestedness, she refused any share of the sum I had thus earned,
and put me into such a secure and easy way of disposing of my affairs,
which now amounted to a kind of little fortune, that a child of ten
years old might have kept the account and property of them safe in its
hands.
I was now restored again to my former state of a kept mistress, and
used punctually to wait on Mr. Norbert at his chambers whenever he sent
a messenger for me, which I constantly took care to be in the way of,
and managed with so much caution, that he never once penetrated the
nature of my connections with Mrs. Cole; but indolently given up to
ease and the town dissipations, the perpetual hurry of them hindered
him from looking into his own affairs, much less to mine.