messenger from Bussorah, with letters for us, having been stripped.
How trying these dispensations are--how necessary for our peace that
our eye should only rest on God, ordering in love every event
concerning us, even to the arrival of a letter, so that he will allow
nothing to fail us that is for our good. I have to-day finished
reading through again Martyn's Memoir, by Sargent. How my soul admires
and loves his zeal, self-denial, and devotion; how brilliant, how
transient his career; what spiritual and mental power amidst bodily
weakness and disease. Oh, may I be encouraged by his example to press
on to a higher mark. When I think of my own spiritual weakness,
contrasted with his spiritual power, it brings a striking warning home
to my heart to seek a fuller and more abiding union with Jesus, from
whom alone flows the living waters that make the branches fruitful; I
am not now troubled about that intellectual difference between us,
which might seem to make it impossible for me to do what he did: the
Lord has made me, blessed be His holy name, contented in this respect
with any difference I may feel between myself and his more exalted
members; but my sorrow is caused by my want of that likeness to him,
who is my Lord and King, which is alike the common inheritance of all
the members of his mystical body. May I, however, henceforth make the
most of my talent, that I be not numbered among the slothful servants
at my dear Lord's most glorious and blessed appearing. The mild
seriousness that pervades dear H. M.'s soul has for my heart a great
charm. There is not a trait of eccentricity--all is like his Lord in
its measure--he was solemn and serious as became his work, yet full of
zeal and affection, which shewed itself, however, rather in the steady
power of a course of action than in expression. It is astonishing what
the world will endure from a child of God, whose manner gives them
excuse for calling him an interesting eccentric madman; because then
all he says they feel at liberty to laugh at; whereas, if the very
same truths were declared to them in the calm seriousness of our
Lord's manner, it would make them gnash on him with their teeth.
_August 7._ _Lord's day._--This has been a day of trials and tears.
The visions of the night were filled with her I have lost, and the
day has been spent in weeping over her, I am soon, very soon, to lose;
but this is only nature, my soul rests happily in my Lord. I had given
up a little for his dear service! but he knew where the heart's
reserves were, and has put his hand on them; yet, blessed hope, that
gilds these darkest days--the day of the Lord is at hand, when we
shall meet to part no more. Oh, may my heart live with this blessed
vision ever before it, and labour each day for the Lord, as though it
were to be the waking vision of the morning's dawn. My heart is very
sad to think how profitless a servant I have been; but I do purpose,
the Lord enabling me, to be more diligent, more devoted in the future.
My mind has been much exercised with the question of the desirableness
of keeping a journal of the soul's inmost workings; but after reading
and thanking God for those of others, I feel I never could write one
without the fear of its publication, and this would keep my soul in a
continual struggle, either by tempting me to say too much or too
little, more or less than the truth; for, if any but my most gracious
and loving Lord knew me as I am, I should hide myself for ever from
the face of man. Yet I pray the Lord, that he will by his Spirit write
a journal on my soul, that I may truly feel how very meek and lowly it
becomes me to be when I think of all his forgiveness, notwithstanding
my transgressions against him. I feel there was something peculiarly
gracious in my Lord's not sending me away to my sufferings and trials,
till he had given me a cordial, in the assurance of his unchanging
love. Oh, but for this, what would my past trials have been, had I not
felt assured my Lord's love did not fluctuate with my feelings, nor
depend upon my worthiness. Oh, what a blessed passage is that in Rom.
v. "If, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death
of his Son, _much more_ being reconciled we shall be saved by his
life." Yet the more I feel of this assurance of such unmerited love,
the more hateful sin appears in all its shapes, and the more my soul
desires entire devotedness to the whole will of God, and conformity to
my gracious Lord.
_Aug. 9._--A contest has sprung up between the troops and the
inhabitants of the city, in which, from the continued firing, I should
fear there has been much slaughter. Our neighbours are also again
making barricades across the street, near our door. I sometimes think
I am too impatient under these trials, instead of being thankful for
the mercies I enjoy, and waiting without anxiety upon the Lord to work
as seemeth good to Him in his own time. I hope to strive more and more
after this childlike confidence, which his experienced love so richly
deserves.
I did not expect my sweet little baby would have survived yesterday,
yet she has this morning a little revived.
In the hourly expectation of being plundered, I have put such things
as I should be sorry to lose in a hole made in the wall, by the
falling of a room. Yet I trust I am quite content the Lord should do
as he sees best, even with respect to these. I sometimes sigh to join
my dear Mary in the kingdom of peace and joy, and be ever with the
Lord. Oh, may the Lord fully and quickly make me meet for the
inheritance of the saints in light.
_Aug. 13._ _Saturday._--The Arabs made an attack on the other side of
the town to-day, but were repulsed. Another messenger from Bussorah is
arrived, but stripped and plundered of our letters, and detained four
days a prisoner by the Arabs. He has been near a month on his way.
Bussorah, like Bagdad, is still besieged.
_Aug. 14._ _Sunday._--My dear little baby and some others of my
patients have occupied much of my time to-day; for though I give the
people generally to understand, that unless in cases of necessity, I
would rather see them on any other day; yet, there are many whom I
have felt it to be my duty to see. The remainder of the day, however,
was rendered profitless by extreme weariness, I having had to walk
about with my poor little withering flower several hours through the
night. I feel these trials all arise in what appears to me my present
plain path of duty, so they do not greatly trouble me; though the
progress in the language is almost altogether in abeyance; but, if I
confine myself to my Lord's will, I feel he will manage all for me.
I have had with me to-day an Armenian gunsmith, who has resided some
years in Damascus; he says, the Christians there are treated very
well, for though they will not allow them to ride on horseback in the
city, yet, as inhabitants, they are well treated. He says, they are
also very numerous, inhabiting not less than 15,000 houses; but, if
from this we deduct 10,000, we shall probably be nearer the truth. The
Jews are not so well treated. From Shaum (Damascus) to Beyraut, on the
coast, is four days journey, to Acre four, to Tripoli six, to Aleppo
ten, and the roads quite safe. From Damascus to Jerusalem is seven
days journey, but through an unsafe country. On the journey from this
place to Damascus, the only dangerous part of the road is between this
and Hit, on the Euphrates, four days journey hence; after that a
certain sum is paid to the Arab tribes, you may pass through. From
Persian travellers, whom they hate, they extort, when they know them,
a much greater sum, amounting sometimes to from L10. to L20. between
this and Damascus. He says, you come to fresh water every second or
third day.
_Aug. 19._ _Friday._--Every thing seems darkening in this wretched
city. Numbers of poor people are crying at the gates to be let out,
that they may not be starved in the city; but they will not let them
go. All the necessaries of life have risen to five times their usual
price, and the pressure of this is increased tenfold by the time at
which it has occurred. The bricklayers, carpenters, every trade has
entirely ceased its occupations in the city since the commencement of
the plague; so that all day-labourers, such as weavers and others, are
thrown out of their employments, and without means of gaining their
bread. In addition to this, the Arabs are breaking into every house
where they expect to find a little corn or rice, so that it is a
difficult choice either to be without provisions in danger of
starving, or of being broken in upon by such ruffians, and stripped.
We intend to bury a little box, containing some rice, and flour, and
dates, under ground, that in the event of their breaking in, we may
yet secure food for a few days, which may give us time to look about.
The Lord, however, is very gracious, and will not try us above our
strength, but will magnify his grace even in these scenes of trial and
distress. The care of my dear little dying baby has taken my mind much
off from dwelling on the distressing position in which we are, and,
for aught I at present see, are likely to continue in, for those
within the town feel it is their heads for which they are contending,
and will therefore hold out to the very last. Yet in this whirlwind
the Lord rides and reigns, and no part of the mystical body of Christ,
however humble the member, will ever be forgotten: on this we rest and
wait for light and deliverance.
_Aug. 23._ _Tuesday._--Saturday last they made a sally from the city
against a tribe of Arabs, friends of Ali Pasha, and after putting them
to flight, and killing 100, they cut off the heads of 150 in cold
blood afterwards. It appears that the obnoxious parties within the
city are anxious to place the whole inhabitants of the city on such
terms with the assailants that they shall fear the consequences of
their entering the town as much as themselves. They have allowed about
5000 of the very poorest to leave the city, but the enemy without will
allow no more to pass. A letter came yesterday to Mr. Swoboda from a
Bohemian, who is physician to Ali Pasha, in which he desired to
communicate to all the Franks, that Ali Pasha had given the strictest
orders to his soldiers not to molest one of them. To a certain extent
this manifests good intentions; but we have had too much experience of
the powerlessness of governors at such times to restrain their
soldiers, to have much confidence in man: our confidence is in Him who
will and does watch over us for good. From the daily increase in the
price of provisions, and the daily coining new lies to feed the
people with hopes instead of bread, I think things cannot remain long
in their present position; yet the Lord knows. It is certain Bagdad is
altogether ruined; and if those who belong to the neighbouring
villages, and those who would leave it, were there ever so small an
opening, were gone, the city would be a desert.
I had a patient with me to-day, who told me that, out of a family of
sixteen, he alone remains from the plague. Persons he added, who
before these troubles were not worth a para, are seen riding about on
fine horses and trappings, covered with gold and pearls, &c.; and, on
the other hand, many who before were in very good circumstances, are,
by the robbery of those who should protect them, reduced to beggary.
It appears that Ali Pasha is in want of nothing but money and
ammunition; and those within the town want every thing but these. This
wretched city has suffered to an almost unparalleled extent the
judgments of God within the last six months: the plague swept away
more than two-thirds of its inhabitants--the flood has thrown down
nearly two-thirds of its houses; and property and provisions of corn,
dates, sugar, &c. &c. beyond all calculation, have been destroyed, and
we are now suffering under daily increasing famine, and we have yet
hanging over our heads the revengeful sword of resisted authority, and
the unprincipled plunder of a lawless soldiery to complete the
devastation. This Pashalic was just about to fall an easy prey into
the hands of the Persians, who long to possess it, from their famous
place of pilgrimage, Kerbala, being in the neighbourhood, and perhaps
also to make up for their losses on their Russian frontier. Thus the
Lord seems preparing these two great Mohammedan powers for their final
overthrow, partly by the hands of each other, and partly by the hands
of the Christian power. In the province of Kourdistan, the Persians
have encroached much on the territory of this Pashalic already.
Oh! how delightful it is to turn from these scenes of present and
prospective strife to that happy approaching day, when the Lord shall
come with ten thousand of his saints to establish his kingdom of peace
and glory. Oh! may our cry never cease to be, "Come, Lord Jesus, come
quickly;" and when he does come, may he find us in his service among
the faithful, chosen, and true.
_Aug. 24._ _Thursday._--Three months and ten days have now passed
since the Lord took from me her who was on earth the supreme
consolation of my life; and now, this day, he has taken from me my
sweet little baby without a sigh, without the expression of pain
during the whole of her illness; for this my heart can, even at this
moment, bless the Lord; but it has left a void that has more than ever
made the world appear a waste. The incessantly returning wants made
even these times appear to wing a rapid flight; but now all is still
as death, except the weeping of the poor nurse, who truly loved her,
and watched over her night and day with unremitting care. Oh! what a
time would these three months have been for dear Mary, had she lived,
and what a day would this have been; but the Lord took her from the
evil to come, and has now taken the dear little object of her love to
her, to join her little sainted sister and dear little brother; four
of us are gone, and three are left. May the Lord quickly prepare us
all, and hasten his coming kingdom, that we may meet to part no more.
And, Oh! may he make and accept the remnant of the worthless life he
grants me, as a living sacrifice to his service. Notwithstanding I
acquiesce, I trust, in the Lord's will from the bottom of my heart,
yet I feel a desolation and loneliness of heart, on this last
dispensation, that surpasses all I have felt in my last six months of
trial. My sweet little baby remained an object for those affections to
seize upon, which will exist while life lasts, however disciplined,
and however the power of grace may prevail; but in one so weak in
faith, so earthly as I am, they have had much, too much power, and
therefore the Lord, in mercy to my soul, has swept them all away, that
I may have nothing in this world left but his service. If this be his
holy purpose, may my whole soul second so gracious an intention; and I
pray the spiritual family which the Lord, according to his promise,
has given me, fathers, mothers, sisters, and brothers, that their
love and patience towards me may abound, that my spirit may be
refreshed thereby, and my weakness encouraged to proceed--though
faint, yet pursuing.
_Aug. 25._ _Friday._--This day has taught me, that if I would not be
entirely miserable, I must give up my whole time, and soul, and
thoughts to my Lord; for if I look off him, I feel bordering on a
gulf, the depth of which I cannot fathom. Oh! may the Holy blessed
Spirit give me such views of the graciousness and exceeding riches of
my Lord, that I may really feel, that in having him, I have all
things. He alone is the same, yesterday, to-day, and for ever. All
created things, the nearest, the dearest, the most beloved in the
moment of greatest need and greatest felicity, elude the grasp, and
flee away; but he abides always. I desire, therefore, the Lord
enabling me, to give myself altogether to the preparation for my
future labours more diligently than I have ever yet done; that though
desolate on earth, I may hold the freest and sweetest communion with
heaven; for of all preparation I feel the greatest, the most needful
to be, that of the heart; in order to the constant sensible
entertainment of Christ, from whose nearness all the spiritual
faculties derive the sap and the fruit bearing strength.
_Aug. 28._--To-day I feel the Lord has given me a victory, by turning
my thoughts off my miserable self and temporary circumstances, to the
contemplation of the happiness of those who are gone before me, and
by enabling me to feel set off on my journey to meet them, and drawing
every day one day's journey nearer, while I endeavour to forget I had
ever been happy in domestic life, or ever possessed those dear
objects; but nature was often too strong for me, as I dwelt on their
felicity, and my journeying towards them daily, whether the Lord
brings them with him, or I go before he comes. This hope does comfort
me, for it is a real abiding truth, whether I drink the sweets of the
consolation from it or not. I therefore now purpose, the Lord enabling
me, after nearly six months interruption, to return to the studies
preparatory to my future duties as an itinerating missionary. To this
service I ever thought the Lord had called me, and for this I now see
all his trials have been fitting me, for I am without a home and
without a tie in the world, but my dear Lord's service. These trials
have made me ready for entering on my work to any extent; as my dear
little boys will no longer confine me to one place, but will soon be
of an age to move about with me; or should their choice render other
arrangements necessary, the Lord will open a way for them likewise.
For an itinerating missionary on this side the desert, three languages
are essentially important; Arabic, Turkish, and Persian: and this I
feel, unless the Lord very especially helps me, will be _to me_ no
ordinary labour; but, as I am surrounded by men who every day learn
them for purposes of gain, I trust the Lord will not allow me to
faint, or be discouraged till, for his own service I have attained
them.
The internal state of the city is daily becoming more and more
critical: all the necessaries of life are risen to ten times their
common price, and are even then with difficulty obtained. The
abominations that are now committed in the face of day, makes the city
appear ripe for the judgment of the cities of the plain; and the poor
Christians principally suffer in the persons of their children in
these abominable acts of violence; but to seek a remedy now is utterly
useless, for all the power in the city is in the hands of the lawless
mob, who are the perpetrators of all the wickedness. It makes one's
heart ache to hear them weeping and telling of their sufferings.
_August 29._--Last night some of the depredators broke into our house,
and have taken away to the amount of about ten pounds from Kitto and
myself, while we were all asleep upon the roof of the house, so there
was nothing to hinder them from clearing the house; yet the Lord some
how or other disturbed them, for though they took my clothes out of a
box, they dropped them in their way to the window through which they
entered, and a box containing my money in my room they never
opened--in fact, it altogether appears they went away without
accomplishing the purpose for which they came, and it so happened that
from the constant expectation of the general plunder of the city, we
had put away every thing of any particular value. Should we be
plundered by the soldiers of Ali Pasha, we may possibly, if our lives
be spared, obtain, as Mr. Goodell did, remuneration; but about this I
do not feel anxious: the Lord will provide.
From daylight this morning till near noon there was a pretty sharp
contest between those within the city and those without, in which the
latter got the advantage. My feeling is, that we are very fast
approaching to a crisis, and in that crisis our eyes are unto the
everlasting hills--to him who says, 'I will never leave thee nor
forsake thee,' but who will be with us always even unto the end of
the world. Oh! what a relief would a little time of peace and free
communication with our dear friends be. The latest letters from
England are dated nine months ago; and from many, nay all my dear
friends at Exeter, the latest is nearly eleven months; so that all our
trials come together. For five months the dear little boys have not
set their foot without the door of our house, and I cannot but feel it
is a great mercy of the Lord, that they are so happy and contented. I
have never heard, during all this time, one word of complaint from
them.
_Aug. 30._--The inhabitants are building up gates in all the principal
streets, both against the swarms of thieves who plunder by night, and
in anticipation of the entrance of the opposing party, when a general
pillage seems now fully expected by all. It often seems to me, on
looking around and seeing all without God, and trusting to their puny
efforts to avert impending evils, what a blessed portion we have who
know him, believe in him, and love him, and know and feel, that
without his permission, not one hair of our heads shall fall. Those
within the city have also again been out and attacked another tribe of
Arabs that were on Ali Pasha's side, pillaged and set fire to their
camp, and brought the plunder into the city, among which was a great
quantity of silk, which these Arabs had taken from a caravan coming to
Bagdad from Persia in the time of the plague.
_September 2._--I was sent for to-day to see the Pasha, who has, from
the effects of a carbuncle on his toe lost one of the joints, and they
have so treated it, that he will, I think, now certainly lose another.
He was particularly kind and civil, and without any comparison, the
most gentlemanly person I have met with in the East. There is an
unaffected simplicity of manners, and a benevolence of countenance,
which makes one wonder how all the accounts of his actions, which we
may, I think, say we know to be true, could possibly be so. He made me
a present of three small cucumbers, at this time the greatest rarity;
and this may convey some idea to what extent the privations of the
poor have gone, when the Pasha can hardly command a cucumber, which,
with legumenous fruits of a similar kind, constitute a great portion
of the food of the poor in ordinary times. As I returned from the
Pasha a man levelled a gun at me, not with any intention to fire I
believe, but just to show that independent boldness which fears no
one, but dares to do what it chooses.
_September 6._--There is nothing new; but the uninterrupted stream of
misery is still swelling with its bitter waters: depredation and
scarcity increasing and advancing with pretty equal steps. There seems
to be signs of money beginning to fail from the treasury of the Pasha,
as his kanjaar (a dagger), richly studded with diamonds, was offered
for sale the other day. The palace of the Pasha, or rather its ruins,
are filled with Arnaouts, a mercenary band of soldiers, who employ
their time in making and drinking arrack, and knocking down the walls
of the palace, wherever they yield a hollow sound, in search of the
hidden treasures of the Pasha. In these countries it is a universal
custom to bury or build up in the walls of houses their treasures,
from the insecurity in which they always live.
Mr. Swoboda has received a letter from a friend of his in the Pasha's
camp, stating that there was a large pile of letters and parcels for
Europeans within the city, in the possession of the Pasha. This is
trying to us, but still it brings the hope that we may yet soon
receive intelligence of our friends.
It seems as if the angel of destruction was resting on this city as
on Babylon, to sweep it from the earth. They are actually pulling down
the roofs of the bazaars to sell and burn the wood, destroying
buildings for fuel, that a hundred times the worth of the wood will
not replace, and filling up the roads with rubbish so as to render
them scarcely passable. The state of anarchy which prevails must be
witnessed to be understood. If it were not that the soul feels it is
the Lord's province to bring order out of confusion and good out of
evil, it would utterly despair in such a scene, where every element at
work seems wickedness; but amidst all, our eyes are unto him.
_September 7._--Weak in body and mind, I could sometimes almost
impatiently wish for a change. Yet the Lord is very gracious, and
suffers us to have quite enough for our health and strength; and as
for money, a Roman Catholic merchant was with me yesterday, begging
that if I wanted any more, I would take it from him, for they seem all
to have that kind of confidence even in our national character, that
they will generally without hesitation, let you have money. For
myself, I know not if my mind preys on my body, or my body on my mind,
or whether they mutually act and re-act one on the other; yet I feel
on the whole thus much, that if it appeared the Lord's most gracious
pleasure to direct my steps away from this place for a season, I
should be thankful. Nevertheless, I desire to say from my heart, not
my will, O Lord, but thine be done. In Arabic, I think I make daily
progress, and I feel fully assured, should the Lord spare my life for
this blessed work, that I shall one day be able to preach the
unsearchable riches of Christ intelligibly, perhaps even fluently. Yet
from the natural badness of my memory, considerable time will be
requisite, unless the Lord vouchsafe to me his especial help to this
end, for which I daily pray, for I want not opportunity but language
to preach Christ.