ophthalmia, which gives me much anxiety; for three or four days she
had been recovering a little, when this trying attack seized her dear
little eyes; she was quite unable to open either of them.
My mind has been much exercised these two days by reflections on the
ease with which the soul is taken off from living in Christ. In
prosperity, we are occupied with plans; in adversity, with our
sorrows; in missionary labour, in preparation for what we intend to do
for the Lord, and even in our very times of danger we are constantly
exposed to the temptation of looking for relief to circumstances,
rather than to the Lord of circumstances--to the love of the Lord of
life. May the Lord of his great goodness grant that my soul may reap a
full harvest from these reflections, and determine not only in words
to know nothing but Jesus Christ and him crucified, as the subject of
preaching, but as the object on which my soul constantly dwells, so
that growing up into his fulness in understanding and love, may be the
business of my future life, and much, yea, very much more, the simple
purpose of my heart than it has ever yet been. Nothing can be to me
clearer than that the work of the Lord will really prosper in the
hands of his servants, in proportion as these servants prosper in
their nearness to him. May his love, his life, his words, his wishes
be the abiding incentives in my soul to simply living to him and for
him, and for his creatures through him. How easy it is for one person
to make one class of sacrifices, and another, another; but how hard to
slay the darling idol, and to tear away the cherished indulgence:--how
easy it is to exercise those graces which accord with our natural
constitutions, how difficult those which mortify and run counter to
them.
May it be the labour and delight of my future life to see each
cherished idol one by one fall prostrate, slain before my Lord's love.
_July 1._--There has just been a transaction passing which
illustrates, in a striking manner, the very loose connections which
bind the parts of this empire together. I have already mentioned the
death of the Pashas of Mosul and Merdin. Ali Pasha, in support of whom
they had professedly marched against Bagdad, sent his treasurer to
Saleh Beg, to commend him for what he had done in thus preserving the
city by killing these two Pashas, requiring at the same time for
himself, the payment of his expenses, as well as a sum of money for
the Sultan, and promising that if this were given him he would return
to Aleppo. Thus, after nearly two years confusion, all parties will be
worse off than they were before. My reason for thinking it probable
this will be the case is, that the Khaznadar or treasurer of Daoud
Pasha, has accompanied the Khaznadar of Ali Pasha to his camp, who
evidently doubts the result of his attempt. Indeed, it seems very
doubtful if in any case he can succeed; for if he obtains the
Pashalic, I think it very probable from the history of former Pashas,
who, as strangers to the Pashalic, have been forced into it, that he
will not be allowed to retain it. The fact is, that almost all his
opposing force consists of Arabs, who become in a moment the servants
of the highest bidder. It was only two days ago the Pasha detached one
tribe from them; and I have little doubt that if he does not spare
money he may soon break up all the confederacy.[34] Yesterday the
soldiers of the late Pasha of Mosul came to the gates of the town, but
were driven back into their encampment with loss; and one hundred of
their mercenary troops (Arnaoots) came over to this Pasha, changing a
pay of forty-eight piasters a month to one hundred, or about a pound
sterling a month.
[34] We heard afterwards that the state of his health and the
lawlessness of the city prevented his getting access to his treasure.
Every kind of provision is becoming extremely dear, from double to ten
times its usual price; and I confess I see no present prospect of
improvement, for the inundation swept away the harvest, and the plague
has extended so far, that there have been no hands to cut down even
that grain which remained, and the things which they might have sown,
and which might in some measure have supplied the place of grain they
were prevented from sowing by the Arabs, who were at enmity with the
Pasha, and therefore laid waste the country. In contemplating the
perplexity and uncertainty of events, according to all human
calculation, that surrounds us, the knowledge that our own Lord is
ordering all things not only for his own glory but also for ours,
comes home continually to my soul with inexpressible comfort; and
notwithstanding the anxious thoughts that sometimes arise, I am
generally enabled at last to roll my burdens on his holy head, and
this I know will sustain them.
The dead weight about a missionary's neck in the first years of
his labour is the language. So difficult is it to hear so as to
understand, or to speak so as to be understood; for not only is it
necessary to use right words, but with right accents, or you may often
convey the very reverse of what you mean. Certainly, if I were quite
alone, the plan I should pursue, would be to go into some family or
place where the language I wish to learn alone is spoken, as brother
King did in Syria to learn Arabic:--this being attained, a missionary
is certainly not without the most interesting opportunities of
usefulness.
_July 2._ _Saturday._--Dear baby has suffered so much from her eyes
to-day, that it tried my heart to the very bottom. And in addition to
all this, the state of things here is assuming an alarming aspect.
Without the city walls, the numbers of those who wish to plunder the
city are increasing; and within, the same tendency is manifested among
those who are intended for its protection, so that my heart has been
at times very much pressed down; yet the Lord has sustained me. In the
evening, as I was looking out, I saw the man come into the court yard,
who brings and collects letters for Aleppo, and in his hand a letter
for me. With what eagerness did I seize it, and anticipate its
contents. Yet though good tidings, because tidings of the Lord's
blessing them, and being in the midst of them, it contained tidings
peculiarly heavy for me to receive at this moment, as it not only led
me to anticipate no present prospect of seeing my dear brethren from
Aleppo, but that it seemed very doubtful if it would be their path to
come at all; at least if they did, it would be purely to join me, and
this surely would not be the path of duty. I, however, receive this
last trying providence at my loving Father's hands, adoring his love
whilst I know not the modes of his going forth. It has not weighed me
down so much as I thought it would; and the Lord allows me to feel
assured he will yet do something for me. They seem to wish me to join
them, but I do not yet see my way clear to leave this place to which
the Lord has brought me. I feel daily more and more that my place in
the church is very low, and it matters very little where I am for any
good that is in me: yet by remaining, I keep the way open for those
who are more able, and whose establishment is more important. I know
my Lord will not cut me off from personal improvement by all his
darkly gracious dealing, and perhaps I am now learning another part of
that hard lesson, neither to glory in or trust in man. But still I
bless God he is giving my dear brethren a door of utterance and
prospects of usefulness where they are, and may my joy ever be in
proportion to the glory that is brought to his blessed name, and the
prosperity of his kingdom. Until the Lord, therefore, raises his
fiery cloudy pillar, and bids me forth, I shall pursue my plan of
endeavouring to converse in Arabic till the Lord is pleased to open my
mouth by degrees, or as he please, to publish his whole truth. Should
he send me some dear brother to help and comfort me, may he give me
grace to praise him; if not, to hope in him and find in himself all I
need. To the dear boys it has been a great disappointment, for it was
the constant theme of their conversation, and a cheering expectation
to see friends from England. However, our dear Father will order all
things well; and I bless him exceedingly for sending out to Aleppo,
our dear brethren and sisters. The Lord may make this event, which now
seems so awakening and trying, yet for the furthering of the gospel in
these lands: in fact, I should be almost sorry for _all_ of the
brethren to leave Aleppo.
_July 5._ _Tuesday._--I have had some interesting conversation with
three poor people from _Karakoosh_,[35] a town about five hours from
Mosul, composed of Roman Catholic Syrians. Every information I receive
from that quarter, convinces me that Erzeroum, Diarbekr, and Mosul,
would be most interesting head quarters for a missionary. The man told
me that the Nestorians of the mountains, (like the Scotch) go once a
year to receive the sacrament, whether upon their erroneous principle,
or that from living scattered among the mountains they cannot make it
convenient to meet often, I know not. The Syrians of the villages near
Mosul speak among themselves Syriac, but in asking them if they
understood the old Syriac, which is read, they reply, imperfectly; so
that I have no doubt, for any instructive purpose, it is perfectly
unintelligible, what with the mode of reading, and the difference of
language. These are deeply interesting countries to those who can be
happy in bestowing all their strength in planting under the prospect
that others will reap the fruits. The Lord will water their way with
little streams of comfort, and manifestations of the prospect of the
future; but the preparatory work in these countries must occupy at
least many, many years of missionary life. I shall never feel a
missionary till I can deliver my message clearly and intelligibly;
till then, I endeavour to drop a word, as it may be offered, and to
instil a principle as an occasion may occur, or by seeking an
occasion. The difficulty of this first step I daily feel to be
increasing--I mean only that my sense of the difficulty is increasing;
but the Lord daily comforts me, amidst the delays and trials of faith,
by the clearest conviction of the large sphere of usefulness there is
when once this is attained.
[35] _Karakoosh_ is a small town within twelve miles of
Mosul, containing about nine hundred houses, inhabited entirely by
Syrian or Jacobite Christians, many of whom are become Roman
Catholics. They speak Syriac, but so corrupted, that it is with great
difficulty they understand the Syriac of the Scriptures. There are
seven churches, four of which belong to the Roman Catholics, and the
remainder to the Jacobites. The road between Karakoosh and Mosul,
passes through the striking remains of Nineveh.
All things in the city continue in the most unsettled state.
Some of the lawless depredators came again to our house the day before
yesterday, and wanted arrack; but they went away quietly, and they
only talked about cutting off my head; but all this in mere bravado.
The Lord thus graciously takes care of us. They look on me as a sort
of dervish, because I do not drink arrack, nor use weapons of war, nor
take men to guard my house.
_July 9._--The camp of those without the city is moving down to-day
towards us; and we hear a continued firing of cannon. It is reported
they are come within half an hour's march of the city. The issue is in
the Lord's hand. Nothing can exceed the fear and want of confidence
that prevails throughout the city, every man's heart failing him for
fear of those things which may be coming on us. Oh! what a resting
place is the Lord's experienced love, and the assurance that all shall
work together for good to those that love him; yet living thus in the
midst of constant alarm, makes my heart sometimes long for that sweet,
quiet Christian communion which I left behind in England.
_July 10._ _Sunday._--In conversation to-day on the subject of
invoking the Virgin Mary, with some Armenians and a Jacobite, I was
struck with the readiness with which they all submit to Scripture; and
this seems universal among all those who are not ecclesiastics by
profession, or Roman Catholics. The curse of obstinate blindness seems
to be left to those who join this apostate church, for truly it may
be said of them, they come not to the light, because their deeds are
evil--not their deeds as members of society, but as professed members
of the mystical body of Christ.
Our Lord's days are solitary--none to tune Zion's harps. Oh! how it
makes the soul long for the courts of the Lord, where we may go up
with the crowds to keep holiday; how precious now would appear some of
those seasons of Christian communion which we enjoyed in dear England
and Ireland. When dear Mary was with me, we had an unceasing source of
happiness in conversing on our common hopes in our common Lord. Our
communion also with our dear friends was thus rendered vivid, aided as
it was and encouraged by the help of correspondence and conversation;
but now letters have almost ceased to come, and I have no one to
commune with. In addition to all this we are besieged, and every
necessary of life is nearly three times its usual price, very bad, and
to be got with difficulty. All night we hear nothing but firing and
drums beating, and men shouting--all this, too, at present, without
any prospect of termination, for those who are come against the city,
are not strong enough to enforce the change they design, and those
within have little to fear, so long as they have money and provisions
to give the soldiers, which they say they have for two years;[36] so
those who suffer are the poor people, who cannot help themselves. The
Pasha of Aleppo is about an hour's distance; it does not seem to be
his wish to act offensively against the city, but only to get into his
power those few whom he wishes to displace and behead. Yet how much
have I to bless God for, in that he keeps the little boys so free from
alarm. Blessed Lord! these are indeed scenes and times that lead the
soul to desire thy peaceful happy reign. Sometimes the sense of my
dear, dear Mary's peace, safety, and joys, makes me feel my burthens
lighter than though she had been with me; for to have those you love
in such scenes is trying in proportion to this very love, which so
sweetens times of mere labour or peace. I am sure the Lord _has_ dealt
lovingly, and _will_.
[36] This report of the provisions of the city appeared, in
the sequel, to be unfounded.
_July 14._--Since the ninth we have had little occurring but firing of
guns from the citadel, and the noise and confusion at night occasioned
by the soldiers.
A circumstance has occurred to-day which a little tries me. The
Armenian Priests are both dead; and the Armenian servant of Mrs. T.
has asked if she might receive the communion with us, the next time we
received it. Now, while I feel in my own soul that she knows nothing
of the power of the divine life, yet how far I have authority from
God's word to set up this, my private feeling, in the absence of any
thing palpable to fix on as an objection, I do not see. I feel so
utterly unworthy to place myself in the situation of a judge in such
a case. I feel so exceedingly low in the divine life--I experience
so little of the power of that life which was in Christ, subduing
all things to the obedience of the Father's will--that I feel she
may object more to my being accepted than I could to her. Yet,
notwithstanding all this, I am conscious there is a difference--though
I am only on the lowest step of Jacob's ladder, yet I do desire to
ascend higher into the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to descend
lower in my own esteem, so to be able to say without the pollution of
affected humility, I feel myself less than the least of all saints.
The divine life appears to me daily more and more a deep internal
personal work, without which all external exertions and exercises will
come to nothing; however fair, it will be at best but a fruitless
blossom, that withers as soon as blown. Oh! how difficult it is not to
deceive oneself with the appearance of Christian graces instead of the
substance; how difficult not to substitute the _act_ for the _spirit_;
that monster pride, how hard it is to kill, how chameleon like it
changes its colour and seems to live on air, yea, on very vanity.
_July 18._ _Lord's Day._--The warlike sounds of the cannon and mortars
have abated within these three days. Oh that the Lord would quickly
terminate this hateful civil strife. Yet at present there seems no
prospect.
How hard I feel it to-day to rise above the loss of my dear, dear
Mary--it seems like a new wound just opened. It is so hard to feel the
great honour and great proof of love the Lord has manifested towards
me, in removing her I loved from the trials and sorrows of this earth
to the ease and joy of his own Paradise, to join our dear little Mary,
and sing there together his praise who washed them in his own blood,
prepared them as vessels of honour, and then took them to himself.
Sometimes I think I ought not to have gone out of our house during the
plague, about Major T.'s affairs, but that I should have left them to
their own fate; yet, at other times, I think, after all the kindness I
had received from him, I ought not to have declined the dangerous
service. Then again, I think that when I did go, I should have taken
more precautions, and not have joined my dear family immediately,
but remained apart; yet at last my heart comes round to the full
assurance, that my dear and loving Lord would not have visited
undesigned neglect, which sprang mainly from confidence in his loving
care, with such a privation, had he not designed by it her speedy
glory and my final good: now I shall go to her, but she shall not
return to me.
The dear little boys are very anxious to leave Bagdad, yet they do not
complain, nor appear on the whole otherwise than happy, which is
indeed a great mercy. My poor dear little nursling, the object of
ceaseless care, seems rather gaining than losing ground, yet is still
so frail, that a blast of wind seems enough to extinguish the little
fire that burns; but if the Lord will, even this little fire shall yet
burn brighter and brighter, and defy in his name the rudest blasts.
Sometimes when I think on the complete stop the Lord has in his
infinite wisdom seen fit to put to my little work here, I am
astonished. Among those who are dead, is one who was translating the
New Testament into the vulgar Armenian of this place, and had gone as
far as Luke; and another gentleman, who was educated in Bombay, who
was writing for me an English and Armenian Dictionary, in which he had
proceeded about half way (10,000 words). In this dictionary there were
not only the ancient and modern parallel words, but an explanation in
vulgar Armenian, with examples. The probability of my meeting with one
similarly qualified, able and willing again, is very small indeed; but
with this, as with all the rest, it is the Lord, let him do what
seemeth to him good. I wait to see his future pleasure manifested, and
though I am now under a cloud of sorrow and separation from his
service, may he sanctify it, and advance his glory by whomsoever he
pleases, only giving me a heart to rejoice in their labours, and to
love my Lord fervently, and then I hope I shall not complain. I never
felt fit for much, and I daily now feel fit for less than I once
thought I was, yet the Lord will not deny me a place in the body, and
oh, may he give me a heart willing to take the lowest--that of
washing the disciples' feet. Oh, for the spirit of our dear humble
Lord in that wonderful transaction so calculated to stain human pride
with the name of madness, but especially the pride of those who call
themselves his.
The weather is now getting intensely hot, and our cellars, which were
our retreating places last year, are not habitable, the water being in
them at least three feet high, and this, with the overflowing of the
river, brought such swarms of mosquitos, that for several weeks it was
almost impossible to sleep, and although now they are far less
numerous, they are still very troublesome, so that if not on your
guard every moment, you get stung by them.
_July 20._--The weather is intensely hot, and we now begin seriously
to miss the Serdaubs;[37] but I feel it most for dear little baby, to
whom the heat is very, very trying. I also feel it very difficult to
do any thing that requires the least exertion, and for the next six
weeks we have no hope, of any mitigation, but rather an increase. The
prospect too of affairs around us, leaves no resting place but in the
love and favour of our Lord. The city is full of prophecies of the
sorrows and desolations that are to come on this land; from the Pasha
downward, this people seem devoted to astrology, believing lies, while
they refuse to hear the truth; yet all their visions are of sorrow,
lamentation, and woe.
[37] Cellars under ground, to which the inhabitants of Bagdad
retire during the heat of the day, from the months of June to
September.
I feel sometimes very much tried with respect to my future pursuit of
missionary labours; for I have not only lost the encouragement and
comfort of a sweet society that made every place a home; but all these
domestic cares, which she so willingly and so entirely bore, have
fallen on me, and I hardly seem, at least during the weakness of my
dear little baby, to have time for any thing but to attend to them.
Had I been joined by our dear brothers and sisters from Aleppo, it
would have been comparatively light; but now, I can take no step, and
before I may be able, the Lord may graciously afford me new light; for
this I will therefore, with his grace and help, patiently wait.
_July 21._--In some conversation I have just had with the old father
of our late schoolmaster, I have been encouraged to feel that it is
almost impossible for a missionary, even of the humblest pretensions,
and in the lowest degree qualified for his calling, which I can I
think with unaffected truth say, I feel to be my own case--to live
among these people, and not to lead them to some most important
principles. This old man is not only theoretically persuaded of the
sufficiency of the Scriptures, but in his understanding fully
convinced. His acquaintance with Scripture is very extensive and
accurate, and on my servant coming to ask him the explanation of words
in the translation lately set forth by the Bible Society, it led to a
conversation on the importance of having a translation that every
woman and child can understand. He said, "Yes, and it is only the
pride of the learned and of the bishops which prevents it: if books
once became published in the dialects of the people, the old language
would cease to be cultivated." This would doubtless be an infinite
benefit, not only to the Armenians but to the Syrians and Chaldeans,
and every Church of the East, among the people; a few learned men may,
and most likely will, be found to extract what is valuable from the
old language, if they have only enlightened judgment enough to leave
the mass of rubbish behind. He mentioned the sermon on the Mount,
which we received from Shushee, and said, that it opened the eyes of
the children--yet even this dialect is very different from the one
used here. I think this aged man understands and feels there is but
one Church in the world; and he quoted that interesting passage, "Paul
may plant and Apollos water, but God giveth the increase," to prove
it.