Dear Misses Shusan,--I thought before this I 'd be back again in Bruff,
but I leave it all to Providence, that maybe, all the time, is thinkin'
little about me. It's not out of any unpiety I say this, but bekase the
longer I live the more I see how sarvants are trated in this world; and
the next I 'm towld is much the same.
If the mistress would let me alone, I 'd get used to the ways of the
place at last, for there 's some things is n't so bad at all; since we
came to this we have four males every day, but, if you mind grace,
you might as well have none. They've a puddin' for everything,
fish--flesh--fowl--vegebles, it's all alike; but the hardest thing is to
eat blackberries with beef, or stewed pork with rasberries;
not to spake of a pike with pine-apple, that we had yesterday.
There is always an abundance and a confusion at dinner that's plazing to
one's feelin's; for, indeed, in Ireland there is no great variety in
the servants' hall, and polatics has a sameness in them that's very
tiresome.
We are livin' now at an elegant hotel, where we sit down forty-seven of
us every day, at the sound of a big bell at one o'clock. They call it
the table doat, and I don't wonder they do, for it's the pleasantest
place I ever see. We goes down, linked arm-in-arm, me and Lord George's
man, Mister Slipper, and the Frinsh made lan in' on Moun-seer Gregory,
the currier; and there's as much bowin' and scrapin', or more, than
upstairs in the parlor. Mr. Slipper takes the head of the table, and I
am on his rite, and mam-eel on his left, and the dishes all cams to us
first, and we tumble the things about, and helps ourselves to the best
before the others, and we laff so loud, Shusan, for Mr. Slipper is
uncommon drol, and tells a number of stories that makes me cry for
laffin'; and he is just as polite, too, for whinever he tells anything
wrong he says it in French. And if you only heerd the way masters and
mistresses is spoke of, Shu-san, you 'd pity poor sarvants that has to
live with them, and put up with their bad 'umors. Mr. Slipper himself
is trated like a dog, on eighty pounds a year, and what he calls the
spoils,--that's the close that's spoiled. Many the day he never sees the
newspaper, for Lord G. sticks it in his pocket, and carries it out with
him; and when he went out to tay, the other evenin', there was n't an
embroidered shirt of his master's to put on, and he was obleeged to take
a plain cambric to make a clane breast of it! "Faix," says he, "there's
no sayin' what will happen soon, and maybe the day 'll cum I 'll have
to buy my own cigars." He had an iligant place before this one,--Sir
Michael Bexley,--but tho' the wagis was high, and the eating first-rate,
he could n't stay. "We wore in Vi-enna," says he, "where they dance a
grate dale in sosiety, and Sir Michael's hands and feet was smaller than
mine, and I could n't wear either his kid gloves or his dress-boots, and
goin' out every night the expense was krushin'."
Mamsel is trated just as bad. It's maybe three when she gets to bed; her
mistress, Mrs. G., would n't take a flour out of her head herself, but
must have the poor crayture waitin' there, like a centry. And maybe it's
at that time o' night she 'll take the notion of seein' how it bekomes
her to have her hare, this way or that, or to see if she'd look better
with more paint on her, or if her eyebrows was blacker.
Sometimes, too, she takes a fit of tryin' ball dresses, five or six,
one after another; but mamsel says, she thinks she cured her of that by
dropping some lamp oil over a bran new white satin, with Brussels lace,
that was never worn at all. As Mr. Slipper says, "Our ingenuity is taxed
to a degree that destroys our dispositions;" and I may here observe,
Shusan, that all sarvants ever I heerd of get somehow worse trated than
Irish. I don't mane in regard to wagis, bekase the Irish cartainly gets
laste, but I spake of tratement; and the rayson is this, Shusy, the
others do their work as a kind of duty, a thing they 're paid for, and
that they ought to do; we, the Irish I mane, do everything as if it was
out of oar own goodness, and that we would n't do it if we did not like;
and that's the real way to manage a master or a mistress. If he asks
for a knife at diner, sure he can't deny it's a knife bekase it's dirty,
there would n't be common sense in that. There's two ways of doin'
everything, Shusan; but, easy as it is, the Irish is the only people
profits by the lesson! It's only ourselves, Shusan dear, knows how to
make a master or mistress downright miserable!
It is true we seldom have good wagis, but we take it out in temper. If
ye seen the life I sometimes lead the mistress you'd pity her; but why
would you after all? wasn't I taken away from my home and country, and
put down here in a strange place; and if I did n't spend the day now
and then cryin', would she ever think of razing my sperits with a new
bonnet, or a pare of shoes, or a ticket for the play? Take _them_ azy,
Shusy, and they 'll take _you_ the same. But if you show them they 're
in your power, take to your bed, sick, when they 're in a hot hurry,
and want you most, be sulky and out of sperits when they 're all full of
fun, and go singin' about the house the day they 've got a distressin'
letter by the post,--keep to that, and my shure and sartain beleef is,
that you 'll break down the sperit of the wickidest master and mistress
that ever breathed.
Isn't my mistress, I ask you, as hard to dale with as any? Well, many's
the time, when I 'm listenin' at the doore, I beerd her say, "Betty
can't bear me in that shawl,--Betty put it somewhere, and I 'm afraid to
ask for it,--Betty's in one of her tantrums to-day, so I must not cross
her. I wish I knew how to put Betty Cobb in good humor." "Faix, ma'am,"
says I to myself, "I believe you well, and it would puzzle wiser heads
nor you!"
And now, Misses Shusan dear, is it any wonder that our tempers get
spoiled? seein' the lives we lade, and the dreadful turns and twists
we are obleeged to give our natral dispositions. It's for all the world
like play-actin'.
There's many things different betune this and home, and first and
foremost religion, Shusan. Religion is n't the same at all. To begin,
there's no fastin' at all, or next to none; maybe that's bekase, by
the nature of the cookery, nobody could tell what it was he was eatin'.
Then, there 's little penance,--and the little there is ye can get
off of it by a thrifle. Ye go to confessin' whin ye like, and ye keep
any-thing back for another time that ye don't wish to tell just then. In
fact, my dear, it comes to this,--it's harder to go to Heaven in Ireland
than any place ever I heerd of, and costs more money into the bargain!
The priests has n't half the power they have in Ireland, they 're not
as well paid, and they can't curse a congregation, nor do any other good
action that isn't set down in their duty. It's the polis, Shusy, that
makes ye tremble abroad, and that's the great difference between the two
countries.
As to morils, my dear, I 'm afraid we 're not supariar, for it's the
women always makes love to the men, which, till you get used to it, has
a mighty ugly appearance. I b'l'eve it's the smokin' leads to this, for
a German would n't take his pipe out of his mouth for anything; so that
courtin' is n't what it is at home.
These is my general remarks on the habits of furriners, which I give you
as free as you ask for them. As to the family, nobody knows where the
money comes from, but that they're spendin' it in lashins, is true as
I'm here. And they 're broke up, Shusy, and not the way they used to be.
The master walks out alone, or with Miss Caraline. Miss Mary Anne stays
with the mother; and Master James, that's now a grone man, and as bowld
as brass besides, is always phelanderin' about with Mrs. G., the lady
that lives with us. I mistrust her, Shusan dear, and Mamsel Virginy, her
made, too, though she's mighty kind and polite to _me_, and says she has
so many "bounties" for the whole family.
Paddy Byrne is exactly what you suspect. There's nothin' would put the
least polish on him. The very way he ates at the table doat disgraces
us; whenever he gets a thing he likes, instead of helpin' himself and
passin' it on, he takes the whole dish before him, and conshumes it all.
As he is always ready to fite, they let him do as he likes, and he is
become now the terror of the place. I have towld ye now about everybody
but the ould currier, Mounseer Gregory, an invetherate ould Frinsh
bla'guard, that never has a dacent word in his month, though he has n't
a good tooth in it, and ye'd say 't was at his prayers the ould hardened
sinner should be. The very laff he has, and the way his bleery eyes
twinkle, is a shame to see! It's nigh to fifty years since he took to
the road, so that you may think, Shusan dear, what a dale of inequity
he's seen in that time. It's dreadful sometimes to listen to him.
If I was n't ashamed to write them, I 'd tell you two or three of his
stories, but I will when we meet; and now with my hearty blessin' and
love, I remane yours to command,
Betty Cobb.
What's this I heer about one of the M'Carthys dyin', and levin' his
money to the mistress? Get the news right for me, Shusan dear, for I
mane to ask for more wagis if it's true, and if Mrs. D. won't decrease
them, I'll lave the sarvis. Mamsel Virginy towl me last nite there was
a duchés here that wants a confidenshal made to tache her only daughter
English, and that's exactly the thing to shoot me; five hundred franks
a year is equal to twenty pounds, all eatin' and washin', not to mention
the hoith of respect from all the men-ials in the house. I'm takin'
Frinsh lessons from ould Gregory every evenin', and he says I 'll be in
my "accidents" next week.
LETTER XX. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE,
DUBLIN.
You guessed rightly, my dear Bob; my letter to Vickars has turned
out confoundedly ill, though I must say, all from his total want of
gentlemanlike feeling. To my ineffable horror the other morning,
the post arrived with a large packet for the governor, containing my
"strictly private and confidential" epistle, which this infernal son of
a pen-wiper sends coolly back to be read by my father.
Matters were not going on exactly quite smooth before. We had had
a rather stormy sitting of the Cabinet the evening previous on the
estimates, which struck the President of the Council as out of all
bounds; and yet, all things considered, were reasonable enough. You
know, Bob, we are a strongish party. Mrs. G. H., with maid and courier;
Lord George and man; the Dodd family five, with two native domestics,
and two foreign supernumeraries; occupying the first floor of the first
hotel at Bonn, with a capital table, and a considerable quantity of
wine, of one kind or other; these--without anything that one can call
extravagance--swell up a bill, and at the end of a month give it an
actually formidable look.
"What are these?" said the governor, peering through his glasses at a
long battalion of figures at the foot of the score,--"what are these?
Groschen, eh?"
"Pardon, Monsieur le Comte," said the other, bowing, "dey are Prussian
thalers!"
I wish you saw his face when he heard it! George and I were obliged to
bolt out of the room, or we should have infallibly exploded.
"You 'd better go back," said George to me after we had our laugh out;
"I 'll take a stroll with the womenkind till you smooth him down a bit."
A pleasant office this for me; but there was no help for it, so in I
went.
The first shock of his surprise was not over as I entered, for he
stood holding the bill in one hand, while he pressed the other on his
forehead, with a most distracted expression of face.
"Do you suspect," said he--"have you any notion of what rate we are
living at, James?"
"Not the slightest," replied I.
"Do you think it 's of any consequence?" asked he again, in a harsher
tone.
"Why, of course, sir, it--is--of some con--"
"I mean," broke he in, "does it signify whether I go to jail, and the
rest of you to the workhouse,--if there be a workhouse in this rascally
land?"
Seeing that he had totally forgotten the landlord's presence, I now
motioned to that functionary to leave the room. The noise of the door
shutting roused up the governor again. He looked wildly about him for
an instant, and then snatching up the poker he aimed a blow at a large
mirror over the chimney. He struck it with such violence that it was
smashed in a dozen pieces, four or five of which came clattering down
upon the floor.
[Illustration: 256]
"I'll be a maniac," cried he. "They shall never say that I ran into
this extravagance in my sober senses; I 'll finish my days in a madhouse
first." And with these words he made a rush over to a marble table,
where a large porcelain vase was standing; by a timely spring I overtook
him, and pressed him down on an ottoman, where, I assure you, it
required all my force to hold him. After a few minutes, however, there
came a reaction; he dropped the poker from his grasp, and said, in a
low, faint voice, "There--there--I 'll do nothing now--you may release
me."
There 's not a doubt of it, Bob, but he really was insane for a few
moments, though, fortunately, it passed away as rapidly as it came.
"That," said he, with a motion towards the looking-glass,--"that will
cost twenty or twenty-five pounds, eh?"
"Not so much, perhaps," said I, though I knew I was considerably below
the mark.
"Well, I 'm sure it saved me from a fit of illness, anyhow," rejoined
he, sighing. "If I hadn't smashed it, I think my head would have burst.
Go over that, James, and see what it is in pounds."
I sat down to a table, and after some calculation made out the total to
be two hundred and seven pounds sterling.
"And with the looking-glass, about two hundred and thirty," said he,
with a sigh. "That's about--taking everything into consideration--five
thousand a year."
"You must remember," said I, trying to comfort him, "that these are not
our expenses solely. There 's Tiverton and his servant, and Mrs. Gore
Hampton and her people also."
"So there is," added he, quickly; "but they had nothing to do with
_that_;" and he pointed to the confounded looking-glass, which somehow
or other had taken a fast hold of his imagination. "Eh, James, that was
a luxury we had for ourselves!" There was a bitter, sardonic laugh that
accompanied these words, indescribably painful to hear.
"Come now," said he, in a more composed and natural voice, "let us see
what 's to be done. This is a joint account, James; why not have sent it
to Lord George--ay, to the widow also? They may as well frank the Dodd
family as _we_ pay for _them_,--of course, omitting the looking-glass."
I hinted that this was a step requiring some delicacy in its management;
that, if not conducted with great tact, it might be the occasion of
deep offence. In a word, Bob, I surmised, and conjectured, and hinted a
hundred things, just to gain a little time, and turn him, if possible,
into another channel.
"Well, what do you advise?" said he, as if wishing to fix me to some
tangible project.
For a moment I was bent on adopting the grand parliamentary tactic of
stating that there were "three courses open to the House," and then
going on to show that one of these was absurd, the second impracticable,
and the last utterly impossible; but I saw that the governor could not
be so easily put down as the Opposition, and so I said, "Give it till
to-morrow morning, and I'll see what can be done."
Here I felt I was on safe ground, for throughout life I have ever
remarked that whenever an Irishman is in difficulties, a reprieve is
as good as a free pardon to him; for so is it, the land which seems
so thoroughly hopeless in its destinies, contains the most hopeful
population of Europe!
The delay of a few hours made all the difference in the governor's
spirits, and he rallied and came down to supper just as usual, only
whispering, as we left the room, with a peculiar low chuckle in
his voice, "I would n't wonder if the fire there cracked that
chimney-glass."
"Nothing more likely," added I, gravely; and down we went.
It might possibly be out of utter recklessness, or perhaps from some
want of a stimulant to cheer him, but he insisted on having two extra
bottles of champagne, and he toasted Mrs. Gore Hampton with a zest
and fervor that certainly my mother didn't approve of. On the whole,
however, all passed off well, and we wished each other goodnight, with
the pleasantest anticipations for the morrow.
All was well; and we were at breakfast the next morning, merrily
discussing the plans for the day, when the post arrived, with that
ominous-looking packet I have already mentioned.
"Shall I guess what that contains?" cried Lord George, pointing to the
words, "on her Majesty's service," printed in the corner. "They 've made
you Lord-Lieutenant of your county, Dodd! You shake your head. Well,
it's something in the colonies they 've given you."
"Perhaps it's the Civil Cross of the Bath," said Mrs. Gore Hampton.
"They told me, before I left town, they were going to select some
Irishman for that distinction."
"I 'd rather it was a baronetcy," interposed my mother.
"You are all forgetting," broke in my father, "that it's the Tories
are in power, and they 'll give me nothing. I was always a moderate
politician, and, for the last ten or fifteen years, there was nothing so
unprofitable. Violence on either side met its reward, but the quiet men,
like myself, were never remembered."
"Then hang me if I should have been quiet!" cried Lord George.
"Well, you see," said my father, breaking his egg slowly with the back
of his spoon, "it suited me! I've seen a great deal of Ireland; I 'm
old enough to remember the time when the Beresfords governed
the country,--if you can call that government that was done with
pitched-caps and cat-o'-nine-tails,--and I remember Lord Whitworth's
Administration, and Lord Wellesley's, and latterly, Lord Normandy's.
But, take my word for it, they were wrong, every one of them, and the
reason was this: the English had a notion in their heads that Ireland
must always be ruled through the intervention of some leadership or
other. One time it was the Protestants, then it was the landlords, then
came Dan O'Connell, and, lastly, it was the priests. Now, every one
of these failed, because they could n't perform a tithe of what they
promised; but still they all had that partial kind of success that saved
the Administration a deal of trouble, and imposed upon the English the
notion that they were at last learning how to govern Ireland. Meanwhile
I 'll tell you what was happening. The Government totally forgot there
was such a thing as a people in Ireland, and, what's worse, the people
forgot it themselves; and the consequence was, they sank down to the
level of a mean party following--a miserable, shabby herd--to shout
after an Orange or a Green Demagogue, as the case might be. It was a
faction, and not a nation; and England saw that, but she had not the
honesty to own it was her own doing made it such. It was seeing all this
made me a moderate politician, or, in other words, one who reposed a
very moderate confidence in either of the parties that pretended to rule
Ireland."
"But you supported your friend, Vickars, notwithstanding," said Lord
George, slyly.
"Very true, so I did; but I never put forward any mock patriotism as the
reason. What I said was, 'Ye 're all rogues and vagabonds alike, and
as I know you 'll do nothing for Ireland, at least do something for the
Dodd family;' and now let us see if he has, for I perceive that this
address is in his handwriting."
I own to you, Bob, I quaked somewhat as I saw him smash the seal. My
mind misgave me in fifty ways. "Vickars," thought I, "has given me some
infernal store-keepership in the Gambia, or made me inspector of yellow
fever in Chusan." I surmised a dozen different promotions, every one
of which was several posts on the road to the next world. Nor were my
anticipations much brightened by watching the workings of the governor's
face as he perused the epistle; for it grew darker and darker, the
angles of the mouth were drawn down, till that expressive feature put
on the semblance of a Saxon arch, while his eyes glistened with an
expression of fiend-like malice.
"Well, K. I.," said my mother, in whom the Job-like element was not of
a high development,--"well, K. I., what does he say? Is it the old story
about his list being full, or has he done it at last?"
"Yes, ma'am," said my father, as though echoing her words. "He has done
it at last!"
"And what is it to be, papa? Is it something that a gentleman can
suitably accept?" cried Mary Anne.
"Done it at last, you may well say!" muttered my father, half aloud.
"Better late than never," cried Lord George, gayly.
"Well, I don't know _that_, my Lord," said my father, turning upon him
with an abruptness little short of offensive; "I am not so sure that
I quite coincide with you. If a young fellow enters life totally
uneducated and unprovided for, his only certain heritage being the
mortgages on his father's property, and perhaps," he added with a
sneer,--"and perhaps some of his mother's virtues, I say I am not
exactly convinced that he has improved his chances of worldly success by
such a production as _that!_"
And with these words, every one of which he delivered with a terrible
distinctness, he handed a letter across the table to Lord George, who
slowly perused it in silence.
"As for _you_, sir," continued my father, turning towards me, "I grieve
to inform you that no vacancy at present offers itself in the Guards,
nor in the household, where your natural advantages could be remarked
and appreciated. It will be, however, a satisfaction to you to know that
your high claims are already understood, and well thought of, in the
proper quarter. There's Mr. Vickars's letter." And he presented me with
the note, which ran thus:--
"Dear Mr. Dodd,--By the enclosed letter, bearing your son's signature, I
have discovered how totally below his just expectations would be any
of those official appointments which are within the limits of my humble
patronage to bestow.
"I have, consequently, cancelled the minute of his nomination to a place
in the Treasury, which was yesterday conferred upon him, and having
myself no influence in either of those departments to which his wishes
incline, I have but to express the regret I feel at my inability to
serve him, and the great respect with which I beg to remain,
"Your very faithful servant,
"Haddington Vickars."
Board of Trade, London.
"To Mr. James K. Dodd, Bonn."
I am able to give you the precious document word for word; for, if I
went over it once, I did so twenty times.
"Perhaps you might like to refresh your memory by a glance at the
enclosure," said my father. "My Lord George will kindly hand it to you."
"It is a devilish good letter, though, I must say," broke in George;
who, to do him justice, Bob, never deserts a friend in difficulties.
"It's all very fine of this fellow to talk of his inability to do this,
that, and t' other. Sure, we all know how they chop and barter their
patronage with one another. One says, you may have that thing at
Pernambuco, and then another says, 'Very well, there 's an ensigncy in
the Fifty-ninth.' And that's only gammon about the appointment made
out yesterday; he wants to ride off on that. A sharp fellow your friend
Vickars! He 'd look a bit surprised, however, if you were to say that
this letter of 'Jem's' was a forgery, and that you most gratefully
accept the nomination he alludes to, and which, of course, is not yet
filled up."
"Eh, what! how do you mean?" cried my father, eagerly, for he caught at
the very shadow of a chance with desperate avidity.
"I was only in jest," said Lord George, who merely wanted, as he
afterwards said, "to hustle the governor through the deep ground" of
his anger. "I was in jest about them, for 'Jem's' letter is so good, so
exceedingly well put, that it would be downright folly to disavow it.
You have no idea," continued he, gravely, "what excellent policy it is
always to ask for a high thing. They respect you for it, even when
they give you nothing; and then, when you do at last receive some
appointment, it is so certain to be beneath what you solicited, it
establishes a claim for your perpetual discontent. You go on eternally
boring about neglect, and so on. You accepted the humble post of Envoy
at Stuttgard, for instance, under an implied pledge about Vienna or
Constantinople. Besides these advantages, it is also to be remembered
that every now and then they actually do take a fellow at his own
valuation, and give him what he asks for."
"Lord George is quite right," chimed in Mrs. Gore Hampton; "half of
these things are purely accidental. I remember so well my uncle writing
to beg that the tutor of his boys might get some small thing in the
Church, just at the moment when the bishop of the diocese had died, and
the minister, reading the letter carelessly,--my uncle's hand is very
hard to decipher,--mistook the object of the request, and appointed him
to the bishopric."
"In that case," remarked my father, dryly, "I think Mrs. D. had better
indite an epistle to the Home Office."
And, although this was said in a sneer, the laughter that followed went
far to restore us all to good-humor, particularly as Lord George took
the opportunity of explaining to Mrs. Gore Hampton what had occurred,
bespeaking her aid and influence in our behalf.
"It is so absurd," said she, "that one should have any difficulty about
these things, but such is the case. The Duchess will be certain to make
excuses; she cannot ask for something, because she _is_ 'in waiting,' or
she is not in waiting. Lord Harrowcliff is sure to tell me that he
has just been refused a request, and cannot subject himself to another
humiliation; but I always reply, these are most selfish arguments, and
that I really must have what I want; that a refusal always attacks
my nerves, and that I will not be ill merely to indulge a caprice of
theirs. What is it Mr. James wants?"
There was something so practical in this short question, Bob, something
so decisive, that had she been talking the rankest absurdity but the
moment before, we should have forgotten it all in an instant.
"A mere nothing," replied Lord George. "You'll smile when you hear what
we 're making such a fuss about." As he said these words, he muttered
in the governor's ear, "It's all right now; she detests asking a favor,
but, if she _will_ stoop to it--" An expressive gesture implied that
success was certain.
"Well, you have n't told me what it is," said she again.
Lord George passed round to the back of her chair, and whispered a few
words. She replied in the same low tone, and then they both laughed.
"You don't mean to say," cried she, turning to my father, "that you have
experienced any difficulty about this trifle?"
The governor blundered out some bashful confession, that he had
encountered the most extraordinary obstacles to his wishes.
"I really think," said she, sighing, "they do these things just to
provoke people. They wanted Augustus t' other day to go out to the
Cape, and I assure you it was as much as Lady Mary could do to have the
appointment changed. They said his 'regiment' was there. '_Tant pis_ for
his regiment!' replied she. 'It must be a most disgusting station.' And
that is, I must say, the worst of the Horse Guards; they are always so
imperative,--so downright cruel. Don't you agree with me, Mrs. Dodd?"
"They could n't be worse than the regiment I 've heard my father speak
of," replied my mother. "They were called the 'North Britains,' and were
the wickedest set of wretches in the rebellion of '98."
This unhappy blunder set my father into a roar of laughter, for latterly
it is only on occasions like this that he is moved to any show of
merriment. Mrs. Gore Hampton, of course, never noticed the mistake, but
saying, "Now for my letters," ordered her writing-desk to be brought: a
sign of promptitude that at once diverted all our thoughts into another
channel.
"Shall I write to the Duke or to Lady Mary first?" said she, pondering;
and her eyes, accidentally falling upon my mother, she thought herself
the person addressed, and replied,--
"Indeed, ma'am, if you ask _me_, I'd say the Duke."
"I'm for Lady Mary," interposed Lord George. "There's nothing like a
woman to ferret out news, and find a way to profit by it. The duke will
just say, casually, 'I've got a letter somewhere--I hope I have not
mislaid it--about a vacancy in the "Coldstreams;" if you hear of
anything, just drop me a hint. By the way--is Fox in the Fusiliers
still?'--or, 'I hope they'll change that shako, it's monstrous!' Now,
my Lady Mary will go another way to work. She'll remember the name of
everybody that can be possibly useful. She 'll drive about, and give
little dinners, and talk, and flatter, and cajole, and intrigue, and,
growing distant here, and jealous there, she'll bring into action a
thousand forces that mere men-creatures know nothing of."
"I'm for the Duke still," said my mother; and Mary Anne, by an
inclination of her head, showed that she seconded the motion.
It became now an actual debate, Bob, and you would be amazed were I to
tell you what strong expressions and angry feelings were evoked by mere
partisanship, on a subject whereupon not one of us had the slightest
knowledge whatsoever. My father and I were with Tiverton, and as
"Caroline walked into the lobby," as George phrased it, we carried the
question. Mrs. G., however, declared that, beside the casting voice,
she had a right to a vote, and, giving it to my mother's side, we were
equal. In this stage of the proceedings a compromise alone could be
resorted to, and so it was agreed that she should write to both by the
same post; but the discussion had already lost us a day, for the mail
went out while my mother was "left speaking."
I have probably been prolix, my dear friend, in all this detail, but it
will at least show you how the Dodd family conduct questions of internal
policy; and teach you, besides, that Cabinets and Councils of State have
no special prerogative for folly and absurdity, since even small and
obscure folk like ourselves can contest the palm with them.
Neither could you well believe what small but bitter animosities, what
schisms, and what divisions grew out of a matter so insignificant as
this. The remainder of the day was passed gloomily enough, for we each
of us avoided the other, with that misgiving that belongs to those who
have uneasy consciences.
They say that a good harvest often saves a bad administration; certainly
a fine day will frequently avert a domestic broil. Had the morning which
followed our debate been a favorable one, the chances are we should have
been away to the Seven Mountains, or the village of Konigswinter, or
some such place; bad luck would have it that the rain came down in
torrents from daybreak, heavy clouds gathered over the Rhine, shutting
out the opposite bank from view, so that nothing remained to us but
home resources, which is but too often a brief expression for row and
recrimination.
Breakfast over, each of us, as if dreading a "call of the House,"
affected some peculiarly pressing duty that he had to perform. The
governor retired to pore over his accounts, and tried to make out that
the debit against him in his bankbook was a balance in his favor. My
mother retreated to her room to hold a grand inspection of her wardrobe;
a species of review that always discovers several desertions, and a vast
amount of "unserviceables." Leaving her and Mary Anne in court-martial
over Betty Cobb, who, as usual, when brought up for sentence, claimed
the right to be sent home, I pass on to Lord George, whose wet days are
generally devoted to practising some new "hazard off the cushion,"
or the investigation of that philosopher's stone, a martingale at
Rouge-et-Noir, and I arrive at my own case, which invariably
resolves itself into a day of gun and pistol cleaning,--an occupation
mysteriously linked with gloomy weather, as though one ought to have
everything in readiness to blow his brains out, if the mercury continued
to fall.
Mrs. G. had a headache, and Caroline was in pursuit of one over the
pages of the "Thirty Years' War." Such was the tableau of the Dodd
family on this agreeable day. I don't give myself much up to reflection,
Bob. I have always thought that as life is a road to be travelled, one
step forward is worth any number in the opposite direction; but I vow to
you that, on this occasion, I did begin to ponder a little over the past
and the present, with a half-glance at the future. What the governor had
said the day before was no more than the truth,--we _were_ living at
a tremendous rate. If all belonging to us were sold, the capital would
scarcely afford six or seven years of such expenditure. These were
serious, if not stunning reflections, and I heartily wished they had
occupied any other head than my own.
To _you_--who have always given your brains their own share of
work--thinking is no labor. It's like a gallop to a horse in hard
bunting condition, and only serves to keep him in wind; but to _me_,
whose faculties are, so to say, fresh from grass, the fatigue of thought
is no trifling infliction. Slow men, I take it, suffer more than your
clever fellows on these occasions, since their minds are not suggestive
of expedients, and they go on plodding over the same ground, till they
make a beaten course in their poor brains, like an old race-ground.
Something in this fashion must have occurred to me; for by dint of
that dreary morning's rumination, I half made up my mind to emigrate
somewhere, and if I did n't exactly know where, the fault lies more in
my geography than my spirit of enterprise.
The only book I could lay my hands on likely to give me any information
was "Cook's Voyages;" and this, I remembered, was in the governor's
room. I at once descended the stairs, and had just reached the little
conservatory outside of it, when I caught sight of a woman's dress
beneath the thick foliage of the orange-trees. I crept noiselessly
onward, and after a very devious series of artful dodges, I detected
Mrs. D. playing eavesdropper at the governor's door.
I tried to persuade myself that I was mistaken. I did my best to fancy
that she was botanizing or "bouquet" gathering; but no, the stubborn
fact would not be denied. There she was, bent down, with ear and eye
alternately at the keyhole. Neither the act nor the situation were very
dignified, and determining that she should not be detected by any other
in this predicament, I kicked down a flower-pot, and, before I had well
time to replace it, she was gone.
I 'm quite prepared for the laugh you 'll give, Bob, when I own to
you that no sooner had I seen her vanish from the horizon than I
deliberately took my place exactly where she had been. Of course, my
sense of honor and delicacy suggested that I had no other object in
view than to ascertain what it was that bad drawn her to the spot. Any
curiosity that possessed me was strictly confined to this.
I accordingly bent my ear to the keyhole, and had just time to recognize
Mrs. Gore Hampton's voice, when the noise of chairs being drawn back,
and the scuffling sounds of feet, showed that the interview had come
to an end. Scarcely a moment was left me to shelter myself among the
leaves, when the door opened, "discovering," as stage directions would
say, Mr. Dodd and Mrs. Gore Hampton in conversation.
There was really a dramatic look in the situation too. The governor's
flowered dressing-gown and velvet skullcap, decorated in front by his
up-raised spectacles, like a portcullis over his nose, contrasted so
well with the graceful morning robe of Mrs. G., all floating and gauzy,
and to which her every gesture imparted some new character of vapory
lightness.
"Dear Mr. Dodd," said she, pressing his hand with extreme cordiality,
"you have been so very, very kind, I really have no words to express
what I feel towards you. I have long felt that I owed you this
explanation--I have tried to summon courage for it for weeks past--then
I sometimes doubted how you might receive it."
"Oh, madam!" interrupted he, gracefully closing his drapery with one
hand, while he pressed the other on his heart.
"You kind creature!" cried she, enthusiastically. "I can now wonder at
myself that I should ever have admitted a doubt on the question. But
if you only knew what sorrows I have seen--if you only knew with what
severe lessons mistrust and suspicion have become graven on this heart,
young as it is--"
"Ah, madam!" murmured he, as though the last few words had made the
deepest impression upon him.
"Well, it's over now," cried she, in her more natural tone of gayety.
"The weary load is off me, and I am myself again,--thanks to you, dear,
dear kind friend."
Faith, Bob, from the enthusiasm of the utterance of this last speech, I
thought that a stage embrace ought to have followed; and I believe that
the governor was of my mind too, and only restrained by some real or
fancied necessity to keep his toga closed in front of him. Mrs.
G., however, as though fearing that he might ultimately forget the
"unities," again pressed his hand with both her own, and murmuring,
"With you, then, my secret is safe,--to _you_ all is confided," she
hurried away, as if overcome by her feelings.
I could not guess what might have reached my mother's ears, but I
thought to myself, if she only had heard even this much, and witnessed
the fervor with which it was uttered, the governor's life for the next
few weeks needs not be envied by any one out of a condemned cell. Not
that to _me_ the scene admitted of any interpretation which should
warrant her suspicions; but so it is, she takes a jealous turn every now
and then, and he can't take a pinch of snuff without her peering over
his shoulder to see if he has not got a miniature in the lid of the box.
He used to try to reason her out of these notions,--his vindications
even took the dangerous length of certain abstract opinions about the
sex in general, very far from complimentary; but latterly he has sought
refuge in drink, which usually ends in an illness, so that an attack of
jealousy was the invariable premonitory symptom of one of gout; and my
mother's temper and tincture of colchicum seemed inseparably connected
by some unseen link.
From these thoughts I followed on to others about the scene itself,
and what possible circumstance could have led Mrs. G. H. to visit the
governor in his own room, and what was the prodigious mystery she had
just confided to his keeping. Probability, I fear, takes up little space
in any speculation about a woman. I am sure that if I were to recount to
you one-half of the absurd and extravagant fancies that occurred to me
on this occasion, you would infallibly set me down as mad. I 'll not tax
your patience with the recital, but frankly confess to you that I have
not a clew, even the slightest, to the mystery; nor from the manner in
which I have learned its existence, can I venture to ask Lord George to
aid me.
The incident had one effect,--it totally banished emigration, clearings,
and log huts from my mind, and set my thoughts a rambling upon all
the strange people and extraordinary events that travelling abroad
introduces one to; and with this reflection I strolled back to my room,
and sat brooding over the fire till it was time to dress for dinner.
Although you may not have the vaguest notion of what is passing in the
minds of certain people, the very fact that they are fully occupied
with certain strong feelings is a reason for observing them with an
extraordinary interest; and so was it that our party at table that day
was full of meaning to me. There was a kind of languid repose about
Mrs. Gore Hampton's manner which seemed especially assumed towards the
governor, and a certain fidgety consciousness in _his_, sufficiently
noticeable; while my mother, dressed in one of her war turbans, looked
unutterably fierce things on every side. It was easy enough to see
that all this additional weight upon the safety-valves of her temper
threatened a terrible explosion at last, and it required all the tact
I could muster to my aid to defer the catastrophe. Lord George gave me,
too, his willing aid, and by the help of an old Professor of Oriental
Languages, we made up her rubber of whist in the evening.
Alas, Bob! even four by honors couldn't console her for the "odd
trick" she suspected the governor was playing her; and she broke up the
card-table, and retired with that swelling dignity of manner that is the
accompaniment of injured feelings.
It had been our plan to proceed from this place direct to Baden-Baden,
which, from everything I can learn, must be a perfect paradise; but now,
to my great surprise, I discovered that for some secret reason we
should first go to Ems, and remain there a week or two before proceeding
further. This arrangement was Mrs. G's, and Lord George seemed to give
it his hearty concurrence; alleging, but for the first time, that it
was absurd to think of Baden before the middle of July. I could easily
perceive that this change of purpose contained some mysterious motive;
but, as Tiverton persisted in averring that it was "all on the square,"
and "no double," I had to accept it as such.
Such is, therefore, our position as I write these lines; and although
to-morrow might develop the first movement of the campaign, I cannot
keep my letter open to communicate it You will see that we are as
divided as a Ministerial Cabinet. Some of us, doubtless, have their
honest convictions, and others are, perhaps, plastic enough to receive
impressions from without, but how we are to work together, and how, as
the great authority said, the "Government is to be carried on," is more
than yet appears to
Your ever attached friend,
James Dodd.
I open my letter to say that Lord G. has just dropped in to tell me what
is the plan of procedure. The Grand Duchess of Hohenschwillinghen is to
arrive at Ems this week, and Mrs. G. H. is anxious to wait upon her at
once. They were dear friends once, but something or other interposed a
coolness between them of late years. Lord G. endeavored to explain this,
but I couldn't follow the story. It was something about one of our royal
family wanting to marry, or not to marry, somebody else, and that Mrs.
G. H. or the Duchess had promoted or opposed the match. Suffice, it was
a regular kingly shindy, and all engaged in it were of the blood royal.
The really important thing at the moment is that the governor is to
conduct Mrs. G. H. to-morrow to Ems, and we are to follow in a day
or two. How my mother will receive this information, or who is to
communicate it to her, are questions not so easily solved.