(_A very distant Future, let us hope_)
_Tourist._ Can you speak English?
_Guide._ Yes, sir. I lived in London for many years.
_Tourist._ It is a very long time since I was in Florence. What is
there to see in your city now?
_Guide._ The city has been entirely improved, sir. There is the new
Palazzo Municipale. It is superb.
_Tourist._ I don't think I should care for that. What else is there?
_Guide._ There are the new Boulevards, the Piazza Umberto and the
Ponte Nuovo. They are all magnificent, and the American visitors
admire them very much. So do the English visitors, but there are very
few of them. It is curious, for Florence has been made quite new and
handsome.
_Tourist._ I don't wish to see new buildings. Isn't there anything
old?
_Guide._ Oh, yes, sir, of course. There is the Piazzo Vittorio
Emmanuele. That is more than thirty years old.
_Tourist._ I remember the hideous square. But where are the old
buildings? How about the Baptistery?
_Guide._ Oh, that was pulled down six years ago to make more room for
the tramways. It was a dark, ugly old place. There is a beautiful new
Battistero now, made of glass and iron, like the Crystal Palace near
London, put up in place of the old Cathedral which nobody liked.
_Tourist._ What? You don't mean to say Giotto's Tower has gone?
_Guide._ There was some old _campanile_. I think it was sold to the
Hawaii Territory World's Fair Syndicate.
_Tourist._ Anyhow, there's the Ponte Vecchio.
_Guide._ Oh, yes, sir. But nobody goes to see that. It was pulled down
a great many years ago, and some old-fashioned, artistic Florentines
made a great fuss, so it was put up again on dry land at the end of
the Cascine. The Municipality used to do that years ago. Pull down an
old building, and put it up again in quite a different place, and then
say it was just the same. It hardly seemed worth the trouble. Happily
they did not put up a memorial to every old building, as the English
did to Temple Bar. As for the Ponte Vecchio, it was turned into a
switchback railway at last, but it never paid. There is the Ponte
Nuovo----
_Tourist._ No, thank you. But look here. There must be something.
Where are the pictures?
_Guide._ They were taken to Rome, sir, when the Palazzo Pitti and the
Palazzo degli Uffizi were pulled down.
_Tourist._ How about statues? I remember old statues everywhere, and
some vile modern ones.
_Guide._ Yes, sir, years ago, but the old ones were all cleared away
to make more room for the electric tramways. But there's a magnificent
statue of Italy on the Piazza at Fiesole. The figure is two hundred
feet high, made of cast iron, painted to look like marble. She holds
an electric light in her hand, which you can see at night from miles
away.
_Tourist._ But I'd rather not. How about the churches? Where is Santa
Maria Novella?
_Guide._ Excuse me, sir; Santa Maria Novellissima. There was an old
church once, but the present one is quite new. It is made of steel,
with thin stone stuck all over it, to look like a stone building, just
like the Tower Bridge in London. You know, sir, we get many artistic
ideas from England. It is a very clever imitation, and much admired.
_Tourist._ No doubt. I'll ask you one final question. Which is the
oldest building now standing in Florence?
_Guide._ Well, really, sir, I'm not quite sure. I should think the
gasometer on the left bank of the Arno is about as old as anything.
The Stazione Centrale was very ancient, but of course the new Railway
Station----
_Tourist._ That'll do. I arrived at that station this morning. You
take me back there, and I'll leave this unhappy place for ever. I'm
off to Turin. It may be a rectangular, monotonous city, but it's now
the oldest town in Italy.
* * *
AT LUCERNE.--_Member of Parliament_ (_ending a long explanation of
a pet measure_). And so you see, my dear, by the law of supply and
demand, Capital _must_ be benefited without injury to Labour. I hope I
make myself clearly understood? Perhaps you might give me your view
of the subject. The suggestions of fresh minds are frequently very
valuable. I have noticed that you have been pondering over something
for the last half-hour. You were thinking, perhaps, that greater
liberty might be given to the framers of the initial contract?
_Mrs. M.P._ No, dear. The fact is, I have been considering all the
morning which of my dresses I ought to wear to-night at the _table
d'hôte!_
[Illustration: OUR COUNTRYMEN ABROAD
Sketch of a bench on the Boulevards, occupied by four English people
who only know each other by sight.
[Illustration: AFTER THE FÈTES!
_First Citizen._ "Say then! was it not a fine change to cry 'Vive
l'Empereur' for nearly a whole week, instead of 'Vive la République'?"
_Second Citizen._ "Ah, my brave, it was truly magnificent! And so new!
I'm horribly bored with always calling out 'Vive la République'!"
[_They smoke and consider._]