Adventures begin to thicken as we advance to the southward. Lismahago
has now professed himself the admirer of our aunt, and carries on his
addresses under the sanction of her brother’s approbation; so that we
shall certainly have a wedding by Christmas. I should be glad you was
present at the nuptials, to help me throw the stocking, and perform
other ceremonies peculiar to that occasion.--I am sure it will be
productive of some diversion; and, truly, it would be worth your while
to come across the country on purpose to see two such original figures
in bed together, with their laced night caps; he, the emblem of good
cheer, and she, the picture of good nature. All this agreeable prospect
was clouded, and had well nigh vanished entirely, in consequence of
a late misunderstanding between the future brothers-in-law, which,
however, is now happily removed.
A few days ago, my uncle and I, going to visit a relation, met with lord
Oxmington at his house, who asked us to dine with him, next day, and we
accepted the invitation.--Accordingly, leaving our women under the
care of captain Lismahago, at the inn where we had lodged the preceding
night, in a little town, about a mile from his lordship’s dwelling, we
went at the hour appointed, and had a fashionable meal served up with
much ostentation to a company of about a dozen persons, none of whom
he had ever seen before.--His lordship is much more remarkable for his
pride and caprice, than for his hospitality and understanding; and,
indeed, it appeared, that he considered his guests merely as objects to
shine upon, so as to reflect the lustre of his own magnificence--There
was much state, but no courtesy; and a great deal of compliment without
any conversation.--Before the desert was removed, our noble entertainer
proposed three general toasts; then calling for a glass of wine, and
bowing all round, wished us a good afternoon. This was the signal for
the company to break up, and they obeyed it immediately, all except our
‘squire who was greatly shocked at the manner of this dismission--He
changed countenance, bit his lip in silence, but still kept his seat,
so that his lordship found himself obliged to give us another hint, by
saying, he should be glad to see us another time. ‘There is no time like
the present (cried Mr Bramble); your lordship has not yet drank a
bumper to the best in Christendom.’ ‘I’ll drink no more bumpers to-day
(answered our landlord); and I am sorry to see you have drank too
many.--Order the gentleman’s carriage to the gate.’--So saying, he rose
and retired abruptly; our ‘squire starting up at the same time, laying
his hand upon his sword, and eyeing him with a most ferocious aspect.
The master having vanished in this manner, our uncle bad one of the
servants to see what was to pay; and the fellow answering, ‘This is no
inn,’ ‘I cry you mercy (cried the other), I perceive it is not; if it
were, the landlord would be more civil. There’s a guinea, however; take
it, and tell your lord, that I shall not leave the country till I
have had the opportunity to thank him in person for his politeness and
hospitality.’
We then walked down stairs through a double range of lacqueys, and
getting into the chaise, proceeded homewards. Perceiving the ‘squire
much ruffled, I ventured to disapprove of his resentment, observing,
that as lord Oxmington was well known to have his brain very ill
timbered, a sensible man should rather laugh, than be angry at his
ridiculous want of breeding.--Mr Bramble took umbrage at my presuming to
be wiser than he upon this occasion; and told me, that as he had always
thought for himself in every occurrence in life, he would still use the
same privilege, with my good leave.
When we returned to our inn, he closeted Lismahago; and having explained
his grievance, desired that gentleman to go and demand satisfaction of
lord Oxmington in his name.--The lieutenant charged himself with this
commission, and immediately set out a horseback for his lordship’s
house, attended, at his own request, by my man Archy Macalpine, who had
been used to military service; and truly, if Macalpine had been mounted
upon an ass, this couple might have passed for the knight of La Mancha
and his ‘squire Panza. It was not till after some demur that Lismahago
obtained a private audience, at which he formally defied his lordship to
single combat, in the name of Mr Bramble, and desired him to appoint
the time and place. Lord Oxmington was so confounded at this unexpected
message, that he could not, for some time, make any articulate reply;
but stood staring at the lieutenant with manifest marks of perturbation.
At length, ringing a bell with great vehemence, he exclaimed, ‘What!
a commoner send a challenge to a peer of the realm!--Privilege!
privilege!--Here’s a person brings me a challenge from the Welshman that
dined at my table--An impudent fellow.--My wine is not yet out of his
head.’
The whole house was immediately in commotion.--Macalpine made a
soldierly retreat with two horses; but the captain was suddenly
surrounded and disarmed by the footmen, whom a French valet de chambre
headed in this exploit; his sword was passed through a close-stool, and
his person through the horse-pond. In this plight he returned to
the inn, half mad with his disgrace. So violent was the rage of his
indignation, that he mistook its object.--He wanted to quarrel with Mr
Bramble; he said, he had been dishonoured on his account, and he looked
for reparation at his hands.--My uncle’s back was up in a moment; and he
desired him to explain his pretensions.--‘Either compel lord Oxmington
to give me satisfaction (cried he), or give it me in your own person.’
‘The latter part of the alternative is the most easy and expeditious
(replied the ‘squire, starting up): if you are disposed for a walk, I’ll
attend you this moment.’
Here they were interrupted by Mrs Tabby, who had overheard all that
passed.--She now burst into the room, and running betwixt them, in great
agitation, ‘Is this your regard for me (said she to the lieutenant), to
seek the life of my brother?’ Lismahago, who seemed to grow cool as my
uncle grew hot, assured her he had a very great respect for Mr Bramble,
but he had still more for his own honour, which had suffered pollution;
but if that could be once purified, he should have no further cause of
dissatisfaction. The ‘squire said, he should have thought it incumbent
upon him to vindicate the lieutenant’s honour; but, as he had now carved
for himself, he might swallow and digest it as well as he could--In a
word, what betwixt the mediation of Mrs Tabitha, the recollection of
the captain, who perceived he had gone too far, and the remonstrances
of your humble servant, who joined them at this juncture, those two
originals were perfectly reconciled; and then we proceeded to deliberate
upon the means of taking vengeance for the insults they had received
from the petulant peer; for, until that aim should be accomplished,
Mr Bramble swore, with great emphasis, that he would not leave the inn
where we now lodged, even if he should pass his Christmas on the spot.
In consequence of our deliberations, we next day, in the forenoon,
proceeded in a body to his lordship’s house, all of us, with our
servants, including the coachman, mounted a-horseback, with our pistols
loaded and ready primed.--Thus prepared for action, we paraded solemnly
and slowly before his lordship’s gate, which we passed three times in
such a manner, that he could not but see us, and suspect the cause
of our appearance.--After dinner we returned, and performed the same
cavalcade, which was again repeated the morning following; but we had no
occasion to persist in these manoeuvres. About noon, we were visited by
the gentleman, at whose house we had first seen lord Oxmington.--He now
came to make apologies in the name of his lordship, who declared he had
no intention to give offence to my uncle, in practising what had been
always the custom of his house; and that as for the indignities which
had been put upon the officer, they were offered without his Lordship’s
knowledge, at the instigation of his valet de chambre.--‘If that be the
case (said my uncle, in a peremptory tone), I shall be contented
with lord Oxmington’s personal excuses; and I hope my friend will be
satisfied with his lordship’s turning that insolent rascal out of his
service.’--‘Sir (cried Lismahago), I must insist upon taking personal
vengeance for the personal injuries I have sustained.’
After some debate, the affair was adjusted in this manner.--His
lordship, meeting us at our friend’s house, declared he was sorry for
what had happened; and that he had no intention to give umbrage.--The
valet de chambre asked pardon of the lieutenant upon his knees, when
Lismahago, to the astonishment of all present, gave him a violent kick
on the face, which laid him on his back, exclaiming in a furious tone,
‘Oui je te pardonne, gens foutre.’
Such was the fortunate issue of this perilous adventure, which
threatened abundance of vexation to our family; for the ‘squire is one
of those who will sacrifice both life and fortune, rather than leave
what they conceive to be the least speck or blemish upon their honour
and reputation. His lordship had no sooner pronounced his apology, with
a very bad grace, than he went away in some disorder, and, I dare say,
he will never invite another Welchman to his table.
We forthwith quitted the field of this atchievement, in order to
prosecute our journey; but we follow no determinate course. We make
small deviations, to see the remarkable towns, villas, and curiosities
on each side of our route; so that we advance by slow steps towards the
borders of Monmouthshire: but in the midst of these irregular motions,
there is no abberration nor eccentricity in that affection with which I
am, dear Wat,
Yours always, J. MELFORD Sept. 28.
To Dr LEWIS.