Mercer on _Ludgate-Hill_, have neglected a Scene of Life that is very
entertaining. A genteel young Lady, very richly apparelled, made a
full stop, in a Hackney-Coach, at the Door of this sharp-sighted
Citizen; who, with his wonted Civility, conducted her into his Shop.
After she had spent two or three Hours in tumbling over his Goods, and
exclaiming against his _frightful Prices_, and after divers _Doubts_
and _Hesitations_, she fix'd her Determination on Silks and Brocades
to the value or amount of 100_l._ and then, with a handsome Apology
for Women's seldom gadding abroad with such a Sum of Money in their
Pockets, desires he would do her the honour to wait upon her, with the
Goods, to her Husband's House, naming a very eminent Surgeon at St.
_James's_. In the _interim_ Dinner is gone up, and the Mercer invites
his fair Customer to take a Family Morsel with him, before they went
to St. _James's_. At Dinner many Excuses pass'd on the side of the
Mercer and his Wife, for the _indifferent Fare_; and on the Lady's
side as many Declarations, _that all was mighty good and well_; and
faithfully promis'd, that if his Goods answer'd her expectation, she
would never quit his Shop, but would also procure most of her Friends
and Acquaintance to deal with him. She was seiz'd with a fainting Fit
or two, with other pretty affected Symptoms of a _breeding Lady_,
which led on a great deal of good humour upon the subject of Marriage.
When Dinner was over, a Coach was call'd, the Lady and her Purchase
were handed in with the greatest alacrity, and order'd to go to Mr.
---- a _Surgeon's_. All the way, a great deal of obliging Discourse
pass'd on both sides; and the Mercer, not a little proud of his pretty
Customer, and the large Roll of Silk that lay in sight, took care to
bow to all his Acquaintance as he pass'd along. When the Coach
stopp'd, she very pertly ask'd the Servant that open'd the Door, if
his Master was in the Surgery; and being answer'd he was, she says,
take care, put that Parcel by carefully, and shew this Gentleman into
the Parlour. In the mean time, herself went up to the Master, and
addresses herself to the following purpose; _viz._ "That about two
years since, her too indulgent Parents," _naming a Family of good
account in the Country_, "had unfortunately married her to Mr. ---- a
Mercer on _Ludgate-Hill_; but that his Life, since their Marriage, had
been so scandalous and dissolute, that, in short, he had not only
ruin'd her Fortune, but she fear'd her Constitution, by his
Conversation with Scrumpets; and that her Condition was such, she knew
not what to do with herself, nor how to make her Case known to any
living Creature." He was going directly to examine her, but that she
desired he would desist, and talk first with Mr. ----, her Husband,
naming the Mercer, who, she said, was below stairs waiting for that
purpose. She begg'd not to be present, for she could scarce bear the
sight of a Wretch who had used her so cruelly. She being withdrawn,
the Surgeon went down stairs, and invited the Mercer into the
Surgery; and began with asking, _How he found himself?_ The Mercer
answer'd, _truly he could not boast of a large share of Health, but
that he made a shift to rub on_; but adds he, _Sir, your Lady had a
sudden Disorder this Day, as she was at Dinner at my House_; then,
with a Smile, _we once thought we must have made her your Patient, by
sending for you to her assistance_. _Zounds_, says the Surgeon in a
surprize, _what, my Wife dine at your House! I knew she went into the
City_. Replies the Mercer, _We had but a sorry Entertainment for her;
however, she hath made herself amends in her Bargain_; and then
presents him with a Bill of Parcels for 100_l._ for Silks sold and
delivered. The Surgeon, in a violent agony, rang the Bell for his
Servants, bidding them run all over the City, and find their Mistress.
_Sir_, says the Mercer, _you need not give your self that trouble, to
be sure she's in the House, for the Lady came with me in a Coach from
the City_. This put him into a greater fury; _D--mn ye, Sir, your own
pocky Slut, you mean; I'd have ye know, my Wife keeps no such Rascals
company_. To blows they went, and the Bones of the Skeletons rattled
as fast in the Glasses, as those of the Combatants. A Constable was
call'd, and charged with the Mercer, for endeavouring to defraud the
Surgeon of 100_l._ by false Tokens and Pretences. And both the Men
continued so hot and outrageous, and such Scurrilities pass'd between
them, that the Mistake was vastly far from being clear'd up, and the
Cheat set to rights. The Mercer was carried in Custody to a Tavern, in
order to go before a Magistrate, cursing and reviling all the Surgeons
as he went along; saying, _if those were their Tricks, it was time to
give over Trade_; and what still vex'd him more, to have his poor
innocent Wife call'd pocky B--ch, and himself all the debauch'd
Villains into the Bargain. The Surgeon, on the other hand, cries out,
_A new piece of Villany, a Fellow brings a Whore, and a Bill of
Parcels, to rob my House, and has withal the Impudence to boast of a
Conversation he has truly had with my Wife in a Hackney-Coach_. The
Surgeon's Wife had been found over a Dish of Tea at a Relation's House
in _Crutched-Fryars_, where she had dined, and had hurried home in
such a manner, that the Horses stood in a dropping Sweat at the Door.
Soon after comes the Mercer's Wife, almost frighted to death,
accompanied with half her Relations, and finds a Mob of a thousand
People about the House where her Husband was kept Prisoner. An Hour
more past before the Fraud was discover'd by either Party, and the
Affair set in a true light; when, upon enquiring, the _Fair Cheat_ it
seems had, so soon as the Mercer was invited out of the Room he was
placed in, given the Servant half a Crown, and went off with the
Silks, and it has not been known who she was to this day.
While the State-Lottery was Drawing at the _Guild-hall_ in _London_,
an _Irishman_ stood amongst the Croud, meditating upon Ways and Means
to procure a Meal's Meat; his Belly, it seems, having been a Bankrupt
for many Days before. At length, hearing a Prize of 1000_l._
proclaimed, he fell into an Exstacy, crying out, the Ticket was his,
which drew the Eyes of all the People present upon him: he ran up to
the _Hustings_ among the Managers, and for better Satisfaction,
desired to be inform'd of the principal Clerks whether the Number he
had heard in the _Hall_ was entitled to the 1000_l._ Prize. They
assured him it was, and gave him Joy on his Success. He told the
Clerks and Proclaimers, that when the Wheels were clos'd, and the
Day's Drawing concluded, he should be glad of their Company to eat a
bit of something or other with him at a neighbouring Tavern. When the
Lottery-Men had done their Business, they accordingly came, like so
many Millers, powdering every one that brush'd against them to the
Tavern, where the Spits, Boilers and Stew-pans were all a going
Tantivy; the Master of the House sent privately to the Ringers, to
tell them he had a Gentleman, his Guest, whom Fortune had favour'd in
the Lottery, that if his Vanity was touch'd up with a Peal or two, he
would warrant them a Pair of Pieces for the Complement. St.
_Lawrence's_ Bells were at it in an instant, and when the Ringers came
to pay their Respects to _his Honour_, he order'd them three Guineas
at the Bar. The Landlord, when he was paying the Money, was not a
little proud of his own Foresight, saying, _Gentlemen, did not I tell
you how it would be?_
Dinner was served up, when the Vintner and all his Servants were at
their Stations, in close and diligent Attendance upon the Company. The
Discourse turn'd chiefly upon the niggardly Dispositions of some, whom
Fortune had favour'd in the same Manner, and the various Humours and
Tempers of Mankind: what unaccountable Successes attended on some
People, and the Misfortunes that others were visibly destin'd to. In
the Evening, the Reckoning was call'd for, together with three or
four peremptory Bottles: the Bill came to five Pounds; the _Master_ of
the _Feast_, perusing it, excepted to one of the _Articles_, as being
an exorbitant Charge; and as he said, _making a Property of
Good-Nature_. All the Company join'd with much Warmth in the
Complaint; upon which, he said he would go down and _give_ it the
Landlord in his Bar. When he was got below Stairs, in a careless
Manner, with a Pipe in his Mouth, and without his Hat; he saunter'd
about for a Minute or two, and then found an Opportunity to slip away,
leaving the Reck'ning to be paid by his Companions above stairs. The
Master of the House had the more reason to be shock'd when he heard of
the Imposture, because he had not only paid the three Guineas for the
Steeple-Musick, but had lent him ten Guineas more out of his Pocket
for pretended Exigencies. The Gentlemen could not afterwards pass
through the Hall without being insulted; one unlucky Rogue bawling
out, _What was the Reck'ning at the Tavern?_ and another answering,
FIVE POUNDS _principal Money_.
We have had instances of Jurymen, who have had their Pockets pick'd
when they have been sitting upon Trials of Life and Death; and whilst
a Prosecutor has been giving Evidence against one Rogue, another has
at that very instant robb'd him of his Snuff-Box and Handkerchief.
There are eight Sessions of _Oyer_ and _Terminer_ and Jail-Delivery
usually holden in _London_ in a Year, many of which, through the great
Number of Prisoners try'd, continue four or five Days successively;
during which time, the _Old-Bailey-Yard_ is crouded with an idle
disorderly Crew of Persons of both Sexes, who have no other Business
but to obstruct those who have any unwish'd for Avocation to the
Place----In one Corner stands a Circle, compos'd of, perhaps, a
Baker's-Boy, a Journeyman-Shoemaker, a Butcher's-'Prentice, and a
Bailiff's-Follower, telling _how it was_; By what _means such a Robber
was taken_; _Who his Relations are_; One boasting of _being his near
Neighbour_; and another of an intimate _Acquaintance with him_,
&c.----In another, a heap of Earthen-ware Women, with Straw Hats, and
their black and blue Eyes and swoln Faces, lamenting the Fate of _poor
Bob_, or _Jemmy_, _hoping the L--d will deliver him out of the Hands
of his Adversaries_; meaning the Laws of his Country----In a third, is
a row of _Spittle-field Weavers_, with the Lice passing in Review over
their Shoulders, before two or three lazy Silver-button'd Alehouse
Fellows at their Elbows; near whom, are four or five old Women,
shaking their Heads _at the Wickedness of the Times_, and what _a
likely young Fellow pass'd just now to his Trial_, wondering _that
Youth won't take warning_, &c.----A Yard farther, two or three
Grenadiers together, with a red-faced Serjeant or Corporal of the Foot
Guards, ready to rap a Reputation for some offending Brother. These,
together with two or three Dozen of Whores and Thieves from
_Rosemary-lane_ and St. _Giles's_, and a Company of idle Sailors from
_Wapping_, resolve themselves into Committees of threes, fours, and
fives, all over the Sessions-house-yard, and there debate on the Fates
and Circumstances of the Criminals, till the latest Hour of the
Court's sitting, be the Season ever so rigorous, or their Affairs at
home ever so pressing. But sometimes, by the sudden and hasty turning
in of a Coach, these Committees are all suspended, and squeez'd up
against the Walls, or else oftentimes, through their being a little
too verbose and vociferous; the Court, by their Officer upon the
Leads, calls them to Peace and Order.
Nor are the Taverns, Ale-houses, and Brandy-shops in the Neighbourhood
less fill'd with idle Spectators: for, besides the Prosecutors and
their Witnesses, (which must necessarily attend) there are infinite
Numbers of _Watch-makers_, _Barbers_, _Poulterers_, _Engravers_, and
other Artizans and Handicraft Tradesmen, who have no other Business
there, but to hearken to the Stories of the _Newgate_ Solicitors and
their Companions, and so neglecting their Callings and Families at
home, sit tippling one half Pint after another, till they become as
fuddled as a _Beef-Eater_ at a _Tavern_ on a _Sunday_ Morning, and go
home mightily edified with the particulars of a Trial for a Rape, or a
Highway Robbery.
That Figure which the _Sextons_ of Parishes has made in the World of
late Years, is an evident Token of the flourishing State of the
_Worshipful Corporation_ of _Corps-stealers_. There seldom passes a
Night, but we hear of some Defunct _Plebeian_ eloping out of one
Church-yard or other: nor are those of _better Blood_ more secure, for
all their Bolts and Barricadoes. This felonious _Commodity_, I am told,
is sold by _Weight_, and that the _Purchasers_ generally consider and
weigh well what they are about, before they strike a Bargain. The Corpse
of a plain _Milk-Maid_ is said to fetch at least 7_d._ in the Pound
more than that of a _Countess_; and, notwithstanding the highest feeding
and fattening, a common _Joiner_'s has had vastly the preference of a
_Major General_'s in the Market. But, however, this _Calling_ is liable
to many Hazards and Losses as well as others, for oftentimes the Dealers
meet with _Crosses_, which they are oblig'd, though very unwillingly, to
_bear on their Backs_.
I must say something to those People who have introduced a kind of
Fraud of late Years, which now and then runs through the Town like a
Contagion: It is call'd _Auctioneering_, or vending various kinds of
Goods by way of Cant or Auction. Soon after a Man of any Note has
obtained a _Mors Janua Vitae_ against his Wife, and publish'd it over
his Door, or a Woman has done the same thing by her Husband; a Gang of
People, call'd _Bughunters_, take possession of the House, by
displaying their Standard, a huge rotten Carpet, and wage War against
all the good Housewives in the Town. _Moor-fields_ and _Knaves-acre_
are drain'd of their Lumber, and scarce a thirtieth Part of the
deceased Person's real Furniture is on the Premisses. Next, a
News-paper proclaims the Goods of Lady _Good-for-nothing lately
deceased_, to be sold, or rather given away to such as shall take the
trouble to fetch them. All the thrifty Ladies take the Hint, and away
to the place of Auction; the _Orator_, or _Mouth_ of the Sale,
surrounded by his _Puffs_ and _Setters_, shows away. One Fellow is
professing his Astonishment at the _low Prices_ the things go at,
while a Hussey dress'd out for the Day, is bidding against a Woman of
Quality, with no intention to buy, but to bring up those that are
come thither for no other Purpose to a Price far beyond the real
Value. A third Person in the same Circumstance pretends to raise a
Dispute, and rails at the _Rostrum_ in behalf of the Company, as a
Disguise that he may either decoy or postpone, as occasion shall
require. The Ladies return home mightily pleased and satisfied with
their fine _Pennyworths_, and their Judgments are sure to be admired
by their _Women_, and every poor _dependant Cousin_. The Auctioneers
and their Setters retire to the next Tavern, where they drink their
Healths, and join in a _Chorus_ for getting rid of their crazy
Furniture, _&c._ such that, perhaps, nothing but a _Fire_ or an
_Execution_ besides could have moved out of their Shops.
A Set of gay young Fellows, who have been reduced by Play, and other
common Accidents of the Town, have discover'd a Means of obtaining a
Livelyhood within a Year past, that cannot but fail of meeting with
the Approbation of the ingenious Mr. _Roger Johnson_: They dress
exceeding well, and have a Chair attending them every Evening to such
Taverns and Coffee-Houses as they have pitch'd upon in the Day, as
most proper for the execution of their Designs. They enquire for one
another, and People that they are sure not to meet with; and after
taking out a fine Snuff-Box, and displaying a pretty Ring, with
several other Airs, call for a Pint of Wine, if it be in a Tavern; and
for a Glass of Arrack, be it in a Coffee-House, the Chairmen waiting
the mean time in the Passage. After the Beau has turned himself about
in the Glass, and asked a number of insignificant Questions, he
desires Change for a _Guinea_, or perhaps some other large Piece of
_Gold_, which he carelessly throws upon the Bar, and then leaps again
towards the Glass or the Fire. Presently the Bar-keeper cries _Laud,
Sir, this is not a good one!_ The Man or Woman is answer'd by a Volley
of Oaths, and the Words run vastly high, till the Chairmen, by peeping
through the Windows, perceive their Master has the worst of the
Dispute; and then come in bowing with their Heads as crooked as
Dolphins, to know if _his Honour_ has any Commands? The Place is all
silent upon the appearance of the Fellows with their Straps; and a
Customer, in kindness to the House, interferes in the Dispute, and
bids the Bar-keeper not be too rash; for, to be sure, the Mistake must
be in her: for, that a Gentleman of such an Appearance, and so
attended, must certainly be in the right on't. The Fellow receives a
good Piece for his bad one, and not content with that alone, insists
upon their publick acknowledging their _Error_, and begging his Pardon
for the Affront; to which the People readily comply, and away he is
gone in his Chair, to serve as many more Houses as he can in the same
manner.
There are at least thirty People that I have my Eye upon every Day who
dress in Pig-tail Perriwigs and Velvet Breeches, and appear at Plays
and Operas, that have not a Shilling in the World but what they get by
these Practices.
A sober _Citizen_, who had been yoked about fourteen Years, and had
several _Children_ by his Wife, happen'd to have a Call to the Town
of _Northampton_ to transact some Business of Importance to his
Family. In the course of his Life he had not exceeded the Bounds of
_Highgate_ or _Greenwich_, though some say he once ventured to make
the Tour of _Epsom_; however, be that as it will, the dreadful Day for
his Departure is come, his _Will_ has been made in due Form, and his
Affairs entirely settled before he undertook so tedious and hazardous
a _Journey_. Had the poor Creature been going to _Babylon_ or
_Damascus_, the Wife could not have shed more Tears, and shewn more
Grief than she did on the Occasion; she fainted several times, and the
People, that were about her, had much ado to keep Life in her; all
Endeavours to comfort her not availing, she remain'd inconsolable,
telling them, _It was fine Talking for those that had never felt the
Pain of parting with a Husband_. The _last tender_ parting Kiss is
given an hundred times over, and her Tears bring his Handkerchief out
of his Pocket, in deep Sorrow to leave his _dear Betty_ and his _poor
Babes_. In a Flood of briny Tears he is beseeched not to fail writing
by every Post, and every other Opportunity which shall offer: she
promising faithfully not to omit doing the like on her part. At last
he is mounted, and the Eyes of the whole Family continue upon him till
his Horse and he are quite out of sight.
By that time he had reach'd the Town of _Barnet_, his Horse chanced to
fall lame, and himself was so disorder'd, having not rid for many
Years before, that he found himself altogether unable to proceed any
further, and therefore waited till the Evening, when he got Passage in
a Coach that was coming from the North to _London_. When he came into
his Shop at about Twelve at Night, the first thing he met with was his
'Prentice with his Pockets largely stuffed out with Goods to the Value
of Twenty Pounds, which he was going to sell for his own Benefit; the
House-Maid and Nursery-Maid, with a jovial Company, had got an elegant
Supper before them with some of his best Wines on the Table; the
Journeyman and his Cook he found upon a Pack in the Warehouse in the
most tender Embraces. Next, to his Wife's Chamber, that he found fast
lock'd on the Inside, and for all his kicking and swearing for half an
Hour together, he could not find Admittance. Presently the Street was
in an Uproar with the Cry of _Thieves! Thieves!_ a good-sized Animal
being seen sliding by a white Sheet down from the Chamber-Window by a
Watchman who had laid hands on him; and when he was brought into the
House by a number of People with only his Breeches and Shoes on, he
appeared to be an Attorney of _Furnival's-Inn_, who had been
constantly employed in doing this _Citizen's Business_, and was now
doing _Business_ for his Wife.
A young Gentleman, that had made his Addresses for a long time to the
only Daughter of a Widow-Lady, and every one looking upon the thing
that it would one Day be a _Match_, they were permitted to be together
frequently alone; to which _Opportunity_ he joined those pressing and
prevailing _Importunities_, that were too hard for a young innocent
Creature to withstand. In a word, she granted all that was in her
power to give, and surrendred at Discretion the last Favour. A
Maid-Servant, who had kept a watchful Eye upon the Conduct of these
two _Lovers_, as knowing by Experience what it was for a young Girl to
be left alone with a pretty Fellow, peep'd thro' a Key-Hole, and saw
them very fairly go _sans Ceremony_ to bed together. The Maid having
now pretty well secured her Game, steals privately up to her old
Mistress's Chamber, and gave her an Account of the hopeful way her
young Lady was in. The old Lady causes her Brother, who lodg'd in the
House with her, and was a resolute Sea-Officer, to be call'd up, to
give her his Advice and Assistance in so nice and critical a
_Conjuncture_. The Captain, as well as his Sister, were warm'd with
the highest Resentment for so horrid a Violation of the Laws of Honour
and Hospitality; the one declared he would do the Business of the Man,
and the other was resolv'd to turn her Daughter out into the Street,
altho' it was more than Midnight. In this Disposition they both came
to Miss's Chamber-Door, and demanded Entrance. It may be easy to
imagine what an Interruption this sudden and unexpected Accident gave
to the Joys of the amorous Couple, and the Terror that it laid them
under. The young Fellow begg'd his _dear Creature_ to recover her
Surprize, to be directed by his Conduct, and follow the Example he
should give her; which would extricate them both out of the
Difficulty, into which their rash Loves had involv'd them. Both leap'd
out of the Bed in their Shifts, and called out to the Assailants on
the other side of the Chamber-Door, he bidding them to offer no
farther Disturbance at their Peril, for that he would protect and
defend his _lawful Wife_ to the last Extremity; but that, if they had
a mind to enter civilly, and hearken to Reason, he would not give them
the trouble of breaking open the Door. The Words _lawful Wife_ deeply
affected the old Woman, who began to compose herself, upon hearing so
comfortable an Expression; her Passion and Violence being abated, she
cry'd _Dear_ Molly, _open the Door, 'tis none but your Uncle and my
self_. As soon as they enter'd, both the young People went on their
Knees, and ask'd the old Lady Blessing; she could give them no Answer
till she had given vent to her Tears, and then said, _She had not been
so unkind a Parent, but that she might have been acquainted with the
Thing: but, since it was done, she wished them both well together_,
and intreated them to return into Bed again; _for, that she could not
bear to see them stand in that manner in the Cold_. The Uncle saluted
his _Niece_ and _Nephew_, giving them his Compliments on their
Nuptials, and then retired with his _Sister_. The young Folks soon got
to Bed again. The Fellow lay till five in the Morning, and then found
an Opportunity to get out of the House before the Family was stirring;
so that when the good old Lady arose, she saw no more of her _quondam
Son-in-law_.
A Man who keeps an Half-Crown or Twelve-penny Ordinary, looks not more
for Money from his Customers, than a _Footman_ does from every Guest
that dines or sups with his Master; and I question whether the one
does not often think a Shilling or Half a Crown, according to the
Quality of the Person, his Due as much as the other. I have seen a
decay'd Gentleman of as antient and honourable a Family as any in the
Kingdom, sit in great pain at a Person of Quality's Table for want of
Half a Crown in his Pocket to _pay_ the _Butler_ and _Footman_ for his
Dinner. And if a Person is known to fail in this respect, the next
time he comes to the House, he is sure to have the _Look_ which a
Court Table-keeper bestows upon a hungry Poet or an Officer in
Half-pay, who shall be invited by any Gentleman-Waiter to Dinner,
fix'd on him all the time he is eating.
People in the middle Station of Life must pay as regularly for their
Admission to the Persons of the Great, as those do who enter into
beneficial Offices and Places. I have been informed, that there is
affix'd up in several Ale-houses and other publick Places where
Servants resort to at the other End of the Town, a List or Table of
Fees to be taken by Noblemen's _Porters_, _Footmen_, and _Valets de
Chambre_, for People's having Access to their Masters, _viz_.
For a Tradesman to be heard } _l._ _s._ _d._
_viva voce_, upon the Subject of a } 0 10 6
large Debt of a long standing, }
For a poor Clergyman supplicating }
a Chaplainship, or any other } 0 5 0
Ecclesiastical Preferment. }
For a Poet to present a Dedication 0 2 6
For a Mercer or Draper to }
exhibit a choice new Pattern. } 0 2 0
For a Person's obtaining the }
_Promise_ of a Place. } 0 5 0
For every Tradesman's Bill that }
is suffered to lie upon the Table for } 0 1 0
my Lord and Lady's Perusal. }
For every paid-off Bill above Ten }
Pounds } 0 10 0
If any Tradesman has been injuriously treated by the _Steward_ or the
_House-keeper_, who seldom stand high in the Esteem of these lower
Domesticks, the Fees are then dispensed with, and they are admitted
_gratis_, or more properly in _forma Pauperis_, because the Complaint
may prove of such a nature, as to bring about a Change in the Ministry
of the House, and be the Means of an insolent, haughty, over-bearing
Spirit being dismiss'd the Family, and _Te Deum_ sung in the _Kitchen_
and the other lower Offices for a Revolution _above-stairs_.
A Man stone-blind may as soon attempt to view the Sun, as a
_Tradesman_ or a _Pauper_ to attempt the sight of a Great Man without
paying the above Dues; for my Lord shall at one time be _very ill_,
and at another _just gone out_: one Day he is _indisposed_, and
_rested badly_, and another Day _better_, but _sees no Company_; and
have these constant regular Intermissions of _Sickness_ and _Health_
for three or four Months together.
Sometimes _Credit_ has indeed been given in these Cases, but then they
have known, and been pretty sure of their Men. A Gentleman, who had
many times met with these _Put-offs_ at the Door of a Nobleman, came
one day to the Porter with two Half-Crown Pieces, chinking them from
one Hand to the other, upon which his Lordship happened to be _at
home_. Having got his Pass to him, and done his Business, he return'd
thro' the Hall with the Money in his Pocket, smiling upon the Porter,
who he had thus decently deceiv'd.
A Widow, who had once sold a Fan of Half a Guinea Price to a Person of
Quality, the Porter refused to let her go out of the Door without
paying _her Fee_, and kept her in durance. She desired to know his
Demands; he told her, a Shilling: Upon this, she gave him a Crown,
bidding him give her Change, which he did. It happen'd to be a Brass
Piece, which he not perceiving, the Woman got out in haste, to avoid
being detected; but when she came to look on her Money, she found the
Fellow had given her four Leaden Shillings in the change of it.
The Duties of Tonnage and Poundage, which the _Upper Servants_, as
they call themselves, have imposed upon Tradesmen who serve the
Families that entertain them, are very far from being thought
sufficient and satisfactory. For besides a Butcher, Poulterer, or
Fishmonger's being at the constant beck of the Clerk to a Kitchin, or
the Groom of a Chamber, to follow him to a Tavern in the Morning, and
bring something that's _pretty_, to compose a Breakfast for two or
three hungry Fellows out of Business, as he shall have in his Company,
they must, I say, moreover learn the Art of Brewing, and keep
constantly a Cup of good nappy Ale in their Houses, to entertain the
Cook, and all the other Gentry of the Kitchen, when they shall please
to make a _Visit_. A Tradesman must lend his Money, pass his Word,
stand Bail for Arrests, and Sponsor at Christenings, and now and then
be a Surety to the Parish for a Bastard Child. He must do all this,
and a great deal more, or else every thing he furnishes shall be
found fault with: They shall tell him what application has been made
by others for the Custom, what pains they have taken to defeat it, and
how often they are forc'd to stand in the Gap for him, when his Goods
have been complain'd of, and his Discharge actually order'd.
A Coachmaker once assured me, that he seldom made a Coach or Chariot
for any Person of great Quality, but that what with the chief of the
Men-servants running after himself, and the Women-servants after his
Wife, he has been put to such an Expence, as would have fairly bought
a pair of Horses to have drawn the Equipage.