A theme for a volume! Briefly, it is the mark of a well-disciplined
mind to be able to meet all emergencies calmly. Though china break,
and gravy spill, the hostess and the guest must not allow the accident
to ruffle their perfect serenity of manner. Nor is it merely a point
of etiquette to be thus self-controlled. Serious accidents sometimes
happen, like the igniting of fancy lamp-shades or filmy curtains, and
then the calm poise of a well-bred man becomes of practical value to
himself and others. A habit of keeping cool--formed originally for
good manners' sake--may save one's life in some crisis of danger.
Control of temper is one of the most valuable results of training in
the etiquette of calm behavior. Manifestations of ill-temper may be
the occasional outburst of a spirit that dwells under the shadow of an
ancestral curse, but which in its better moments grieves in sackcloth
and ashes over its yielding to wild, ungovernable impulse. Such people
are often generous and self-sacrificing in the main, though causing so
much sorrow and disaster to others by these occasional whirlwinds of
passion. In all that delicacy of feeling and usual regard for "the
amenities" indicate, they are "well-bred." To say that they are not is
as ungenerous as to criticise the conduct of the insane. But habitual,
cold-blooded, and willful ill-temper--the trade-mark of unmitigated
selfishness--is indisputably ill-bred. Whatever the tendency,
temperament, or temptation, good form requires the cultivation and the
exhibition of good humor and a disposition to take a cheerful and
generous view of people and things.
This calm serenity does not mean weakness or moral cowardice. The
dignity that forbids one to be rude also forbids one to endure
insolence. A gentleman may scathe a liar in plain unvarnished terms,
and yet not lose a particle of his own repose of manner; and the higher
his own standards are, the more merciless will be his denunciation of
what he holds to be deserving of rebuke. But through it all, he has
his own spirit well in hand, under curb and rein. The ominous calm of
a well-bred man is a terror to the garrulous bully. It is "the triumph
of mind over matter."
Next to the etiquette of self-control--and, if anything, harder to
comply with--is the etiquette of forbearance, which is often
overlooked; for people who have high standards themselves are apt to be
intolerant of gross offenders against social rules. Those who by
inheritance or by culture are blessed with a logical mind and an
equable temper, should be lenient in judging cruder people, whose dense
ignorance aggravating their malicious intent, causes them to do
astounding violence to the principles of morality and etiquette alike,
by exhibitions of ugly temper. Only by making allowances can the
conduct of some people be accounted less than criminal.
Let all reflect that it is impossible to be a _lady_, or a _gentleman_,
without _gentle_ manners.