Physical culture may be a "fad," but its aesthetic results are conceded.
The graceful control of the body is the basis of a fine manner.
It is an opinion of long standing that children should be taught to dance
in order to develop grace of movement. Yet dancing, _merely_, gives but
a limited training of the muscles compared with the all-round exercise
now taken in gymnasiums and classes for physical culture. It is
recommended that all who are deficient in "manner," or who suffer an
embarrassing self-consciousness because of their awkwardness of pose or
movement, should take a course of training under an intelligent teacher,
until every muscle learns its proper office. With the self-command which
this training gives, ease of manner and dignity of bearing follow
naturally; to say nothing of the serenity of mind that lies back of all
this pleasing exterior.
The effect of this bodily grace is to prepossess the beholder. First
impressions are received through the eye. Before a word is spoken, the
pose and carriage convey a significant announcement of character and
breeding.
A thorough practical knowledge of elocution and constant application of
its principles to conversational utterances are requisite to refined
speech. Errors in pronunciation, hasty and indistinct enunciation, the
dropping out of entire syllables in curt phrasing, are common faults of
careless people _who know better_, and who would be very much chagrined
to find themselves accounted to be as ignorant as their speech might
indicate them to be.
A varied vocabulary used with discrimination indicates intelligence and
culture. A single word uttered may reveal grace, or betray awkwardness.
In the social interchange, one must not only suit the action to the word,
but equally suit the word to the action. Careless speech often belies
civil intentions.
Say "Thank-you," not "Thanks,"--a lazy and disrespectful abbreviation.
If you say "Pardon me," let your manner indicate a dignified apology. "I
beg your pardon," is sometimes only the insolent preface to a flat and
angry contradiction. In most phrases of compliment, the words derive
their real significance from the manner of the speaker.
There is a difference of opinion as to whether people of social equality
should add "Sir" and "Ma'am" to the responses "Yes" and "No"; and
especially, whether children should be taught to do so. The English
fashion--largely copied by Americans--does not favor it. Certainly,
children can learn to say "Yes" and "No" with the courteous manner that
implies all that the added "Sir" might convey. But, are not some young
Americans too ready to take advantage of this permitted lapse of verbal
deference? And, back of the verbal lapse is there not a distinct lapse
of the deference itself? It might be well to begin to counteract this
irreverent tendency of the age, by cultivating a more respectful and
appreciative spirit. Then, the polite word will come spontaneously to
the lips. It will be a matter of morals, essentially: of manners,
incidentally.
Deplorable as a heedless curtness of speech is, it is hardly more
unpleasant than the artificial mincing of words that some children are
drilled into (or learn by imitation of their elders). This superficial
effusiveness, supposed to be "pretty" manners, is related more to
subjective vanity than to objective courtesy. Not allowed to say "Sir,"
they substitute the name or title of the person addressed,--which, when
introduced occasionally and unobtrusively, is a graceful personal
recognition; but when overdone, as too often observed, the constant
iteration of "Yes, Mr. Brown,"--"No, Mrs. Black," etc., grows to be a
maddening exposition of precocious affectation.
Having observed the vagaries of this fashion in phrasing for several
years, I have come to the conclusion that the plain "Sir" of former
times,--which, to the "well-brought-up" child, was a practical
application of the Fifth Commandment,--is much to be preferred to the
fussy elaboration of personal address that has superseded it.
Indications at present are, that the old-fashioned "Sir" and "Madam" are
coming into their own again, among truly courteous people.
But whatever the fickle fashion of the hour may be, it is important to
enforce the truth that the spirit of words and deeds is the essence of
good manners. If this right spirit be lacking, no words can fill the
blank. If an ugly spirit dwells within, no word of compliment can veil
its evil face.
But though the good spirit be there, with all its generous impulses and
kindly feeling, it needs the concrete expression; otherwise, its very
existence may remain unknown. "A man that hath friends must show himself
friendly." Pose, bearing, facial expression, the winning smile,--all
these are silently eloquent; but, to convey the perfect message from soul
to soul, there must be added the "word fitly spoken."