_Two Shoemakers are cheated of a pair of Boots, and mine Host gets
another pair of them. Mine Host and one of the Shoemakers find out the
Cheater, who is apprehended, and sent to Prison but is released by the
Judge for an enterprize of his Companions, who acted wonderful Feats
by slight of hand._
Thus was every one a gainer but the poor Countrey-man, who was forc’d to
march home by weeping Cross, only with a brass chain worth eighteen
pence, instead of above twenty pounds which he had brought out with him.
Mine Host gained indifferently well, but the Cheaters more, being fully
fraighted; but as they got it easily, so they spent it merrily; and then
went to work for more, though they devided the spoil equally between
them, yet none had the punishment but the Chain-Merchant, and I believe
he had as many lashes on the back as there was links on the chain; he
took his punishment very patiently, only when the blow came he would
shrink up his shoulders, which a stander by seeing, told him that did
him more harm than good; it is no matter for that, friend, said the
cheater, you may spare your instructions, for I shall not follow them,
and now I am to be whip’d I will do as I List, and when you come to the
same sport, and it is your turn to be whip’d, you may behave your self
then as you please, thus was he pleasantly roguish when he was in the
midst of his punishment, and when he was on horse-back he answered the
People as roguishly as I told you; but being come to the Towns end he
was dismounted, and sent packing. Thus were we rid of one Crew of
Cheats, but truly, if all the Cheats of the Town had been so served as
this was, mine Host must also have march’d off, who had he had his due,
did as justly deserve it; but it is the little sort of Knaves and Rogues
that are punished, the greater scaping Scot-free, as now mine Host did.
After this Trick we had another that was altogether as pleasant, and
before the finishing of it, there were some pleasant passages, and thus
it was.
A Gentleman-Cheater comes to our house, and stays there a day; walks
about the Town to finde some purchase, but lost his labor, he seeing
there was no money to be had, was resolved to play at small Game rather
than stand out; and somewhat therefore he would do if it were but to
bear his charges; he had observed that there were but two Shoemakers in
the Town, one at the one end, and the other at the other end: he saw
they were well furnished with boots and he wanted a pair, he therefore
coming home to his quarters, sent our Boy to one of the Shoemakers to
desire him to come to our house, to bring a pair of boots to a
Gentleman; the Sho-maker in hopes of a good Customer returns with the
Boy, and brings two or three pair, our Gentleman trys them on, and at
last is pleas’d with one pair, only one of them was too little in the
instep, for that said the Shoemaker, it is a small fault, and I can
remedy it in an hours time, by putting it on the Last; our Gentleman
intending that so he should, asked, what price? eighteen shillings was
demanded, but fifteen was the price agreed upon; well, said the
Gentleman, carry back the boot that is so defective, and put it on the
Last, let it stay on it two hours at least, and then come and bring it,
and take your money; very good, said the Shoemaker, and so taking up the
remainder of the Boots he departed, not distrusting any thing, and not
thinking any man who had two legs could much advantage himself with one
single Boot. Our Gentleman being now Master of one Boot, was resolved to
have another, and therefore he again calls the Boy, and desires him to
go to the other Shoemaker, and wish him to come and bring a pair of
Boots: for, said he, the other Shoemaker you brought could not fit me;
the boy believed him, not thinking of the transaction, it being done
privately in his Chamber: The boy went, and brings the other Shoemaker
with him, who likewise brought two or three pairs of Boots; our
Gentleman likewise tries them, and chusing that pair that was likest to
the other he had, he likewise agreed with the Shoemaker upon price, but
made the same exceptions with this last, as he had done with the former,
advising him to put the Boot on the Last, for one hour and a half, and
at that time to come exactly and receive his money; away went the
Shoemaker with the rest of his Boots, leaving the odd one behind, and no
sooner was he gone but he draws on his new Boots, and calling for a
Reckoning, paid it, and his horse being bridled and sadled he mounted,
and away he rode. At the time appointed both the Shoemakers came, so
justly together that they met at the Gate with each of them a Boot under
his Arm; they both asked for our Gentleman, but hearing he was fled and
gone, they both look’d blank upon the matter; mine Host was present, and
understanding the story laughed heartily at it; they knew not whether
they should be angry or pleas’d, but being both Brothers of a Trade and
both served alike, they resolved to laugh too, though it were but with
one side of their mouths, and so they sate them down and drank together;
one Pot drew down an other, and being of the Gentle Craft they were both
good fellows, and at length a Bottle of wine they call’d for; mine Host
seeing them in a merry vain, said, Gentlemen, I’le make a proposition to
you, faith since the Gent. hath made a pair of two odd boots do you so
too and let these as the other two go together, and therefore fillip up
Cross or Pile who shall have both; I but said one, I am not willing to
hazard my Boot for nothing, therefore thus I propose it; let us have the
other Bottle of Wine, and then let us fillip Cross or Pile and take our
chance, and he that hath the fortune to have both the Boots shall pay
the Reckoning; agreed, said the other, and so they proceeded; and he
whose chance it was to have both the Boots, did not only agree to pay
the Reckoning, but also called for another Bottle of Wine. Mine Host
still kept them company, and helped them to laugh at the Frolick, and
now they were gotten into so merry a Vein, they resolv’d to club for the
other Bottle, which they likewise in short time drank off. Mine Host
having a Design upon them for the Boots, seeing them merry, said thus,
Gentlemen, I made one proposition to you, even now and you agreed upon
it; I have another to make, which I question not but you will assent to,
but in the first place, I pray tell me the just price of the Boots;
truly, replyed the Master of them, I was to have fifteen shillings of
the Gentleman for them, but they are really worth fourteen shillings,
well then, replyed mine Host, my Reckoning comes to six shillings; now
if you please I’le venture my Reckoning, which is near half of what your
Boots are worth against them, and fillip up Cross or Pile whether I
shall have the Boots for my Reckoning or nothing; we’l make no dry
bargain said the third person, we’l have some Wine to boot, or no Boots
shall be ventured; well, said mine Host, then I will add another bottle
of Wine to the Reckoning; and thus all Parties being agreed, Cross and
Pile being fillip’d up, mine Host had his Chance, and the Boots; and
thus he gained what the other lost, and neither of the Shoemakers could
laugh at one another for their loss was equal; and thus was this pair of
liquor’d Boots converted into liquor, and that drank up, and this was
the end of the adventure of the Boots for the present, but it was not
quite finished, for mine Host who again had some business at the
Assizes, went to the Country Town where it was kept, and there he met
with one of the Shoemakers his Neighbour; he had then the same Boots on
that he had in a manner gain’d by chance; and therefore remembring the
Jest, they went in to drink at the next Two-pot house; there they were
jesting and laughing at the passage of the Boots, when on a sudden mine
Host looking out of the Window call’d to the Shoemaker, look you here
quickly, and I think I can shew you your Boot-Merchant; the Shoemaker
look’d out and saw him, for it was he indeed, with the very Boots on his
Leggs; he was walking by, in company of others, who by their Garbs and
Mien did seem to be persons of Quality: The Shoemaker would have run out
presently and seized on him, but mine Host would not permit it, only
advising him to follow him, and see him hous’d; The Shoemaker followed
mine Host’s directions, and saw his Quarters, and upon enquiry found
that he was to continue there for some time; wherefore he returned to
mine Host, and acquainted him of his intelligence; they thereupon
advised together what most convenient to be done, and concluded that
mine Host should go into his company, and acquaint him that the
Shoemaker expected satisfaction for his Boots, and it may be he is a
Gentleman of Quality, and only did it in a Frollick, and will now pay
well enough for it; but, said mine Host, if I finde him to be otherwise,
we can soon have a Warrant to apprehend him, and have him punished; this
was reckoned to be sober, and the best advice, and accordingly it was
managed; for that evening mine Host seeing him walking alone in the Inn
Yard, went and spake to him, telling him if he were not mistaken he
thought he knew him; our Gentleman surveying of mine Host, reply’d,
certainly no, but however if he would go into a Room, he would gladly
drink with him; to this mine Host consented, they being come into a
Room, drank and smoak’d together; mine Host again asking him if he were
not long since at our Town? yes, said the Gentleman, and I pray you,
where did you lodge? at such an Inn, reply’d the Gentleman, and naming
ours; why then, reply’d mine Host, I am not mistaken, and if you please
to call to mind you may remember me to be the Master of the House; Oh! I
cry you mercy, reply’d the Gentleman, now I know you, I did partly
remember you, but could not call to mind where I had seen you; but I
pray what affair has brought you hither? no great matter, reply’d mine
Host, only a little curiosity; that’s well, said the Gentleman: but,
said mine Host, methinks your Boots and mine look as if they were
somewhat of kin together, I pray where did you buy them? Why? that may
well be, reply’d our Gentleman, for I bought them in your Town; but Sir,
I pray (be not angry) said mine Host, did you ever pay for them? Why do
you ask? said the Gentleman, because, said mine Host, if you did, then
you are slandered and abused, and what if I did not pay for them? said
the Gentleman; why then, said mine Host, you are best to do it, for the
men of whom you had them are both my Neighbours; well, well, said the
Gentleman, no more of this, for I paid for them as much as I will do:
mine Host seeing him so absolute, said no more to him of that matter,
but drank off their drink, and club’d for their Reckoning, which being
paid he again at parting said thus; Sir, it will be for your Credit to
pay for the Boots, I know all the story, and if you will not pay now,
one time or other you will be forc’d to it to your Cost, and Trouble; do
not you trouble your head with that, replied the Gentleman, let it alone
till that day comes; take your own course said mine Host; and you yours,
said the Gentleman, and so they parted. Mine Host having had this
huffing answer, made further enquiry what this person was, and found
that he was no better than a Cheat, and one that came thither for no
other purpose, he therefore tells his neighbour the Shoemaker of all
passages, and advises him to get a Warrant to apprehend him, and carry
him before the Judge; He who was forward enough before, now went
directly and made his Complaint to the Judge that evening, telling him
all the Circumstance of the matter; the Judge asked him if he had
enquired what quality he was of? he answered, yes, he was suspected to
be no better than a Pick-pocket, or Cut-purse: well then replied the
Judge, bring him hither to morrow morning before I go to the Court; our
Shoemaker did not fail in a tittle, but the next morning seized on him
in his Chamber, and carried him immediately before the Judge; when they
came there, the Shoemaker made his Complaint, and mine Host was there
present, not only to justifie it, but to produce the very fellows, which
indeed were easily enough to be known to be so, and so they managed
their evidence that the Gentleman-Cheat had little or nothing to say for
himself, and therefore he was committed to Prison. It happened at this
time that the Judge had a Kinsman with him who was somewhat wilde, and
only rid about the progress with him to see fashions, and he had one
scurvy humor, which was this; he had a good Estate, and was full of
mony; and therefore in a prodigal vapouring way, he would carry a Purse
with near a hundred pieces of Gold in it, in his pocket, and this he
would always carry about with him, and upon all occasions, though never
so trivial he would be drawing his Purse, and shewing his Gold, this was
his Custom; and the Judge his Unkle knowing it, had oft times chid him
for it, telling him that one time or other he would have his Pocket
pick’d and lose it; he would not take any warning, but still replied he
would warrant none could pick his pocket, so that his Unkle the Judge
did wish many times that he might lose it; and so be broken of that
foolish vainglorious humor. Our Cheat being now in Prison, his
Companions, who were all Workmen in the same Trade, were very much
troubled at his loss, because he would have done them much service, and
to be so taken up for so trivial a matter as a pair of Boots much vexed
them, and they knew there was no recovering him without the Judges
favour; they therefore resolved to put themselves in the best Equipage
they could, and go to him, accordingly that night they went, and told
him they were humble Petitioners to his Honour, for a poor friend of
theirs whom his Honour had commited about a pair of Boots, and they
hoped his Honour would release him; because they very well knew he was
wrongfully accused, being a Gentleman by birth, and of a very good
House, _&c._ To this the Judge gave ear, and told them that he very well
understood the quality of their friend; and theirs also, but, said he,
for once I shall pass by this business upon one Condition; to this they
reply’d, any Condition he pleased; he then being resolved what to do,
commanded all his Servants and Attendants out of the Room; and told them
he well understood their qualities, and had occasion to make use of them
in an Affair, telling them that he had such a one his Kinsman, who
carried a Purse of money in his Pocket, now, said he, I would have some
of you to follow him, and get it from him, and bring it to me untouch’d,
and then I promise not only to pardon you, but also to deliver your
friend to you: They hearing the Judges Proposition, star’d one upon
another, not knowing what answer to give, wherefore he again told them
that this he expected from them, or else their friend should suffer,
they thought fit to answer him with silence, and so departed; when they
were gone, they consulted together what was to be done, and believing
there would be no great difficulty nor harm in the doing it, resolv’d to
effect it accordingly: And therefore the next morning they waited at the
Judges Door, and seeing his Kinsman, they found means to perform their
Enterprize, and got the Purse of Gold without any considerable
difficulty, and forthwith pretending business to the Judge, they
delivered it to him; he nodded them an answer, advising them to come to
him in the evening; they did so, and he gave them a Discharge for their
friend; but that he might do equal justice, he commanded them to pay the
Shoemaker for the Boots, and gave them a piece of Gold to drink; they
very thankfully received it and did accordingly. The Judges Kinsman
being now come out of the Court had occasion for moneys, but seeking his
purse found he had lost it; this perplexed him to the heart; but
although the loss was considerable, yet the vexation that his unkle must
know it was more; he was exceeding melancholly and discontented; and his
Unkle enquired and sent for him, yet he would hardly come into his
presence: his Unkle knew well enough what disease he was sick of; but
however he asked him again and again what he ailed? and what was the
matter? he still answered him with silence, and turning away his head.
Supper time being come, they sate down together, but the young man would
not eat a bit; what will you eat? said his Unkle, nothing, said he: go
fetch me a dish of Partridges, said the Judge; it is a dish I know you
love: the meat was brought, but the young man could eat nothing: you
shall eat, said his Unkle before you rise, and I will have a dish shall
please you; and therefore, said he to the waiters, go bring up the Dish
I commanded should be last brought up; they thereupon went down, and
brought up a dish covered; come Cousin, said the Old man, eat some of
this; I cannot said the kinsman, you must and shall, said the Unkle, and
I pray uncover the dish and serve me some: the young man seeing his
Unkle so importunate, and believing because the dish was covered, that
it might be a dish of stew’d apples, resolv’d to uncover the dish, and
satisfie his Unkle by eating a little of that; wherefore at his Unkle’s
importunity he uncover’d the dish; when he beheld instead of stew’d
apples there was a better sort of fruit, it was his own Purse of Gold;
he no sooner saw it: how, said his Unkle, I told you I would please you
before you did rise from supper, and I think I have done so. The young
man smiling thanked him, and then reaching to the dish of Partridges, he
fell too lustily, and did eat as hearty a meal as ever; thus did the
recovery of his Purse of Gold recover his stomack, as indeed I think it
would do any others, it being to him and all others as good a Sawce as a
Cordial. And now although the young man was well enough pleased that he
had recovered his purse, yet he was vexed that his Unkle should thus
discover his folly, and studyed how he might be revenged on his Unkle;
he knew very well that his purse was taken from him by some cunning
cheat, and that by his Unkles consent; and it was not long e’re, upon
enquiry, he found out the manner, and also the People who did it; he
gave them therefore a piece to drink, and told them that he would give
them twenty pounds more, if they would do him one piece of service; they
seeing there was money coming, promised him to do any thing in their
powers; he then told them that it was indeed a high attempt, but he
would pay them as largely, and save them harmless; and this it was, he
would have them pick the Pocket of the Judge as he sate on the Bench:
they told him it was both difficult and dangerous; as for the
difficulty, said he, I’le make such means that one of you shall come
near him, and for the danger, I will take of his anger, and pay you as I
have said: to this they at length consented and the next day put in
execution; for when the Judge was most busie in examining Witnesses, he
that was the Artist that was to perform this, approaches the Bench: the
young Man sitting next the Judge his Unkle, beckons the Pick-pocket, and
he comes up, and under pretence of whispering the young man in the ear,
he pickt the Old Mans Pocket, and carryed off the Purse cleverly; when
he had so done he descended, and stood among the other Spectators. In
short time after the causes were heard, and one man who had laid long in
prison, only for his fees, petition’d the Judge to mitigate and lessen
them that he might be able to pay them, where’s the Jaylor? said the
Judge; here my Lord, said the Jaylor; what Fees do you demand of this
poor man? said the Judge; twenty shillings my Lord, if it please you,
and it is no more than your what Lorship order’d me at the lowest; then
said my Lord, you must have so much; I cannot help it; I must not make
Laws one day and break them another, I had rather pay the money out of
my own purse than do so. His Kinsman who sate next him, thought this was
a very good opportunity to speak, and therefore thus he said; May it
please honour; I had good Fortune yesterday as your Lordship knows, and
therefore am resolv’d to do some charitable Act, and I think this of
releasing this poor Prisoner who lies for his Fees, will be none of the
least: wherefore whereas your Honor motions paying all this poor mans
Fees, I make this offer, that if you please to pay one ten shillings, I
will pay the other, that the poor man may be discharged: a very good
motion, said the Judge. The young man soon found the way to his Purse,
and pull’d out an Angel; but the Judge although he searched both
Pockets, could find neither money nor Purse, he was therefore much
surprized not knowing what to say, nor think, but quickly recollecting
himself, thus he spake, I am sure, my friends, when I came in hither I
had a Purse of money in my pocket, but now I cannot finde it, he that
hath taken it from me while I was here sitting, was his Crafts-Master,
and very bold, but I question not but I shall find him, I have so good
skill in Physiognomy, that I know a Knave by his looks, therefore I
desire you all there below to look on me, every one did so, expecting
what the Judge would do, who by and by whispering to the Justice that
sate next him, at length arose, and said, look you Master Justice, if I
am not deceived, yonder fellow with the straw in his beard hath my
Purse; all the People stared one upon another, and the Cheat that had
the Purse being conscious of his guilt, doubting he was known to the
Judge, and that he had a straw in his beard, he lifting up his hand
stroaked it to wipe it away, supposing by that means to pass
undiscovered, but that discovered him; for the Judge who had a quick
eye, and expected that motion, saw, and observed it, thereupon pointed
to him, saying, that is he: it was now too late to fly, for the Jaylor
soon seized him, and upon search found the Purse in his Pocket. The
Purse was given to the Judge, who told out ten shillings to the Jaylor
for the Poor mans Fees, and ordered him to discharge him, and in his
Room to take away that bold Delinquent that had pick’d his Pocket; he
did so, neither did his kinsman contradict him in the open Court, but
when he came home he told him all the management, and desired a
discharge for the Prisoner; the Judge knowing that it was done but in
jest, granted his discharge, and the Kinsmen sent that, and the promised
twenty pounds, and Fees for discharge of the Prisoner.
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