_At the execution of a Felon several Cheaters meet, and seeing a
Countrey-man draw a Purse of money resolve to cheat him of it, which
they do first by a brass Chain, and afterwards by drawing him in to
bet at Gameing. They were again cheated by mine Host, and the
principal Cheat comically punished._
Mistress _Dorothy_ here putting a stop to her discourse, we thereby
understood she had finished, wherefore I thus discoursed her: truly now
I find that to be true of your Host, which I have experimented in
myself, and that we must meet with many rubs & misfortunes, but these
were but trivial to him considering his great comings in, by his
extraordinary gain in trading: that’s true replyed M. _Dorothy_, but as
he had considerable gain, so he had many wayes to spend it, and many
spenders, his Wife and Children being all as expensive as might be, and
what was got over the Devils Back, was spent under the Devils belly: and
therefore though much money went through his hands in a year, yet it
went through, and little stuck there or staid with him, so that he was
seldome Master of any considerable sum of money; and therefore it went
hard to raise this sum of money, and some of his Plate was fain to march
off to produce it; but that being paid and he come home, we were all
well enough satisfied, and he told his wife this was most certainly the
fortune of War, but he questioned not but in short time he would fetch
it up again; as indeed he did in using those several ways I have told
you of; and now I hope (said she) I have told you enough to satisfie
your curiosity; truly, replyed I, you have taken a great deal of pains,
but if you have any more in your budget out with them, for what you have
hitherto related hath not only been pleasant but profitable, and very
full of variety. Well, (replyed she) since you will have it so, I will
proceed a little further, and recount some passages as considerable as
any you have hitherto heard. There was (continued she) not long before
this time a bloody murder committed, for an honest Country-man that
lived about six miles from us, one market day was driving his Team of
Horses and Cart loaden with Corn to our Town to sell, and being come
about half way, he was met by a lusty tatterdemallion rascal that was on
foot, travelling on the Road, he first asked the Countrey-man to give
him something, telling him he was a poor Traveller and had been robb’d:
quoth the Countrey-man, friend, I have nothing to give you, for I have
no money, being now going to Market with this Corn to make money of it;
the fellow seemed to rest contented with this answer, and thereupon
walked on with the Countrey-man; but they had not gone far but the Devil
entring into this fellow, perswaded him, here he might have a great
prize, and therefore still walked on, he at length seeing the Road clear
of Passengers, and a convenient place for him to put his purpose in
practice, with a lusty Cudgel he had in his hand, he struck the poor
Countrey-man over the Head, that down he fell a sprawling, and not
content therewith, drew him a little out of the road, and in most cruel
manner cut his throat; having this done, he seizes on the fore-horse of
the Team, and leads him also with the Team and Cart out of the road to a
convenient place, where he stops, and then drawing the body of the
murthered Countrey-man to a Ditch-side, he there made a hole, and having
strip’d him of all his clothes, buried him, and stripping himself of
those Rags he had on, he putting on the Countrey-mans cloathes, buried
his own with the Countrey-mans body; and having thus done, he lead the
Team into the Road again; this was done one winters morning early before
day; and so he had the conveniency to do all this without interruption,
and now with Whip in hand, and habited like a Country-man, he drives on
to our town to Market; he took up his standing at the usual place, and
had the good fortune not to be questioned of any body, but enquiring how
the rates of corn went, he accordingly sold his at a good price as any:
and he not only made money of his Corn, but hearing there was a horse
Fair that day at a Town but three miles off, and having dispatch’t
betimes he drove thither and soon had a Customer for both Horses and
Cart, and there he bought him a saddle horse to ride on, being thus
fitted to his purpose, he was not long e’re he met with a company of
Shirks and Cheats, who intending to chouse him, he was too crafty for
them, and enters himself into their society, and by degrees became a
Knight of the _Pad_, an obsolute High-way-man, but the Devil who had set
him to work, was not long e’re he paid him his Wages, for he was pursued
for a Robbery he had committed, and so narrowly followed that he was
forced to take the water, to cross a River, he leap’d in on Horseback,
but the Horse was soon drowned, and he narrowly escap’d to a little
Island in the River, where he was still in sight of his pursuers, they
getting a Boat came up to him, he being armed attempted to discharge a
Pistol, but by reason the powder was wet, it would not off whereupon
they coming nearer to him he drew his Sword, and though there were three
in the Boat he kept them from landing, and being resolved to sell his
life at a dear Rate, he kill’d one of them out-right, and wounded
another, but now another Boat with more help coming he was in danger to
be lost, wherefore putting his Sword in his mouth he again took the
water, and swam away, and they after him, but length seeing it was in
vain to resist he suffered himself to be taken, and bound, led away to
the Justice, and thence to Prison, where he believing he must dye, grew
some what penitent, and not onely confess’d the Fact he was then accused
for, but among other mischiefs he likewise acknowledged the Murther, and
Robbery I have told you off; and the Assizes being come, and he tryed,
and confessing, he was condemned to be hang’d in Chains at the place
where he committed the murther; this being not above a mile from our
Town, at the day of Execution it drew most of the people out of it to
see the end of this wicked wretch, who did somwhat penitently, but his
Penitence and Repentance did not work one jot upon others of his
quality, who were there present; but as commonly one Wedding-feast
begets another Wedding, so one Execution does usually produce another;
and they who are Spectators at one Execution, in short time come to be
executed themselves: whether there were any persons at this execution
that did soon after take his turn, I know not, but I am sure there were
present many Cheats, and Pick-pockets, and such sort of people, for our
Town was that day pretty well throng’d with them. Among other practises
that was used, this was one.
Two or three Cheaters going together saw a Country-man who had a Purse
of money in his hand, they had observed him to draw it to pay for some
Gingerbread he bought on the way; wherefore they closed with him, and
endeavoured to nip his Bung, pick his Pocket, but could not, for he
knowing he was in a dangerous place, and among as dangerous Company, put
his Purse of money into his Breeches, which being close at the knees,
secured it from falling out, and besides he was very sly in having any
body come too near him. Our Practitioners in the Art of Thievery, seeing
this would not do, set their wits a working further; and having all
their tools about them in readiness, taking a convenient time and place,
one of them goes before and drops a Letter, another of his Companions
who had joyned himself to our Countrey-man, seeing it ly fairly for the
purpose, sayes to him, Look you what is here! but although the
Countrey-man did stoop to take up the Letter, yet the Cheat was too
nimble for him in that, and having it in his hand, said, Here is
somewhat else besides a Letter, I cry half, said the Country-man: well,
said the Cheat, indeed you stoop’d as well as I, but I have it; however
I’le be fair with you; but let us see what it is, & whether it is worth
the dividing; & thereupon he breaks open the letter, & there sees a fair
chain or neck-lace of Gold: Good Fortune (sayes the Cheater) if this be
right Gold: how shall we know that, said the Countrey man? let us see
what the Letter says, which being short and to the purpose spake thus:
_Brother_ John, _I have here sent you back this necklace of gold you
sent me; not for any dislike I have to it, but my Wife is covetous and
would have a biggar, this comes not to above seven pounds, and she would
have one of ten pounds; therefore I pray get it changed for one of that
price, and send it by this bearer to your loving Brother_, N.B.
Nay, then we have good luck (said the Cheater) but I hope, said he to
the Countrey-man, you will not expect a full share, for you know I found
it, and besides, if we should divide it, I know not how to break it in
pieces, but I doubt it would spoil it, therefore I had rather have my
share in money. Well, said the Countrey-man, I’le give you your share in
money, provided I may have a full share; that you shall, said the
Cheater, and therefore I must have of you three pounds ten shillings,
the price in all being as you see, seven pounds. I, but said the
Countreyman (thinking to be too cunning for the Cheat) it may be worth
seven pounds in money in all, fashion and all, but we must not value
that, but only the Gold, therefore I think three pounds in money is
better than half the Chain, and so much I’le give you if you will let me
have it: well content said the Cheat, but then you shall give me a pint
of wine over and above; to this the Countrey-man also agreed, and to our
town they came, and into our house, and there the Cheat had the three
pounds, and the Countrey-man the Chain, who believed he had that day
risen with his A--- upwards, because he had met with so good fortune.
They drank off their drink, and were going away, but the Cheat not
having yet done with him (intended to get the rest of the money from
him) offered him his pint of Wine, which the Countrey-man accepted of;
but before they had drank it off, in comes another of the same Tribe,
who asked whether such a man, naming one, were there? no, (said the
Bar-keeper,) our Cheater and Countrey-man sitting near the Cheat, asked
of the enquirer, did you not ask for such a man? Yes, said the enquirer,
why said our Cheater, I can tell you this news of him that it will not
be long e’re he comes hither, for I met him as I came in; and he
appointed me to come in here and stay for him: well, then I were best to
stay, said the Enquirer: but (continued he) we were best to take a
bigger Room, for we cannot stir our selves in this; agreed, said the
Cheater, so the reckoning was paid, and they agreed to take a larger
Room, leaving word at the Bar that if any enquiry were made for them,
there they should find them; they went into another Room, and our
Countrey-man having done his business would be going; no, said the
Cheater, I pray stay and keep us company, it shall not cost you nothing;
well, then said the Countrey-man, I am content to stay a little: they
being now entred into their Room, call’d for a quart of Wine, and drank
it off, what shall we do to spend time, said the last Cheater? for I am
weary of staying for this man, are you sure you are not mistaken? no,
said the other: one of them then pretends to walk a turn in the Room,
and coming to the window behind a Cushion he pretends to finde a pair of
Cards (which indeed he himself had laid there) look you here, said he to
the Countrey-man and th’other, I have found some tools, now we may go to
work, and spend our time, if you will play; not I, said the Country-man,
I’le never play; then I will, said the other Cheat, but not for money:
why then, said the other, for six pence, to be spent, and the Game Putt;
they being agreed, and my Countrey-man being made Overseer of the Game,
fell to playing, and the Countrey-mans first Acquaintance had the better
of it, winning twelve Games to the others four: come, said he, what
shall we do with all this drink? we will play two pence wet and four
pence dry; to this the other agreed, and so they play’d, and at this low
gaming the first Cheat had in short time won of the second ten shillings
in money; the second seemed to be angry, and therefore proposed to play
for all money, hoping to making himself whole again; nay, said the
other, I shall not refuse your proposition, because I have won your
money; and therefore to it they went, and the first Cheater had still
the same luck, and won ten shillings more; then the other would play for
twelve pence a Game, no, said the first Cheater, I am not willing to
exceed six pence a Game, I will not alter what I have begun, lest I
change luck, unless this honest Countrey-man will go my halves; I have
no mind to Gaming, reply’d the country-man; you need not play said the
other, I’le do that, and you see my luck is good, venture a Crown with
me, you know both our lucke have been, and I hope will continue good;
well, content, said the Countrey-man, and so they proceeded, still our
first Cheat had good fortune, and he, and the Countrey-man won ten
shillings a piece more of the other, which made them merry; and the
other was mad; he therefore told them he would win the Horse, or lose
the Saddle, and venture all now; and drawing out about thirty shillings;
said, come take it all, win it and wear it; and so they played; but they
had now drawn the Countrey-man in sufficiently, and he was flush; but it
lasted not long thus, e’re he was taken down a button-hole lower, for
the fortune changed, and all that he had won was lost, and forty
shillings more: He was now angry, but to no purpose, for he did not
discover their foul play, and he in hopes of his good fortune ventured,
and lost the other forty shillings; and then he said he would go halfes
no longer, for he thought he would be merry and wise, and if he could
not make a winning, he would be sure to make a saving Bargain, which he
reckoned he should do, because although he had lost four pounds in
money, & given the Cheat three pounds for his share of the Chain, that
yet he should make seven pounds of the Chain, and so be no Loser: they
seeing he would not play, left off, and he that had won the money was
content to give a Collation, which was called for, but our first Cheat
pretending much anger at his Loss, was resolved to venture more; and to
playing again he went, and in short time he recovered much of his
losses; this angred the Countrey-man that he had not joyned with him,
and in the end, seeing his good luck continued, and that he won, he
again went halfs, but then it was not long that they thrived, but the
Countrey-man was forced to draw his Purse, and in the end lose all his
money, which was near twenty pounds: He did not think his condition to
be so bad as it was, because he believed he had a Chain worth seven
pounds in his Pocket, and therefore he reckoned he had not lost all. By
this time several of the rest of the Gang (having been abroad, employed
on the same account, Couzening and Cheating of others) now flocked all
to our House, being the place appointed for their Rendezvouz, there they
acquainted one another of their several Gains and Prizes; and then they
fell a drinking, they drank about lustily for joy, and the Countrey-man
for anger; and mine Host was called up to make one in the Company; he
soon understood what kind of Guests he had, and how they had cheated the
poor Country-man; and therefore he was resolved to serve them in the
same kind; he therefore put forward the Affairs of drinking, and some
being hungry call’d for Victuals; he told them he would get them what
they pleas’d; and they being determined to take up their Quarters there,
for that night, a Supper was bespoke for all the Company, such as mine
Host in his discretion should think fit, he told them they should have
it, and accordingly went down to provide Supper, he soon returnes and
helps them to drink whilst Supper was dressing; by this time they were
all perfectly drunk, he then commands up supper, and they fall too with
a Shoulder of Mutton and two Capons, eat and drink hard, and call for
more, he tells them it is coming, but they now having sate still a while
were all fallen asleep, he makes use of this opportunity, and brings up
half a dozen empty foul Dishes, or at leastwise full of bones of several
fowls; as Pidgeons, Partridges, Phesants, and all the Remains of
Victuals that had been left in the house that day; and strews and places
some on their several Trenchers, and thus he leaves them. Some of them
sleeping, and sitting uneasily fell from their Chairs, and so awaked
themselves; and their companions being throughly awaked, they again fell
to eating and drinking; some turning over the bones that were brought,
said, How came these here, I do not remember that I eat any such
Victuals? Nor I, said another, whereupon mine Host was call’d, and the
question was asked him: why surely, Gentlemen, you forget your selves,
said he, you have slept fair; I believe you will forget the Coller of
Brawn you had too, that cost me six shillings out of my Pocket; how!
Brawn! said one, I, Brawn said mine Host, you had it, and are like to
pay for it; you’l remember nothing anon, this is a fine drunken bout
indeed; so it is, said one of the Company; sure we have been in a Dream;
but it matters not, mine Host, you must and shall be paid: Give us the
other dozen bottles, and bring a Bill, that we may pay our Reckoning.
This Order was presently obey’d, and a Bill brought, which in all came
to seven pounds; and I verily believe he misreckoned them for meat and
drink, the one half, and told them he used them very kindly; they were
bound to believe him, and therefore every man was call’d to pay their
shares; my Countrey-man shrunk behind, intending to escape, which one of
the Company seeing, call’d him forwards, and said Come, We must tell
Noses, and every man pay alike; the Countrey-man desired to be excus’d;
and said he had no money; which they knowing well enough, at length
agreed to acquit him. This done, they went to their several Lodgings to
bed, and it was time, for it was past midnight, they all slept better
than the Country-man, who could hardly sleep a wink for thinking of his
Misfortunes, and having such good luck in the morning, it should prove
so bad e’re night; But morning being come, he and they all arose, and
the Countrey-mans money being all spent, he knew it was to no purpose
for him to stay there; wherefore he resolved to go to the Goldsmith’s in
the Town, and sell, or pawn his Chain, that he might have some money to
carry him home: Being come to the Goldsmith’s he produced the Chain,
which although at the first sight he thought to be gold, yet upon trial
he found it otherwise, and that it was but brass guilt; he tells the
Countrey-man the same, who at this heavy News was like to break his
heart: The Goldsmith seeing the Countrey-man in such a melancholy dump,
enquires of him how he came by it? he soon acquainted him with the
manner, and every circumstance: the Goldsmith as soon understood the
Cheat, and advises him to go to the Justice, and get a Warrant for him
that had thus cheated him: and the Countrey-man telling him that he had
no money, nor friend, being a stranger; he himself went with him to the
Justice, who soon understanding the matter, granted his Warrant; and the
Goldsmith procured a Constable to go with him to our house, where the
first Cheater was apprehended, and carried before the Justice; who upon
examination explain’d the Case, and finding the fellow guilty, ordered
that he should be led to the whipping post, and there be whipped, and
then be sent on a horse back, with his face towards the horsetail, and
so led out of the Town; and withal, the Justice sent away the Constable
to our house, to apprehend and bring the rest of the gang before him;
but he came too late, for the Birds were flown, doubting some such
matter; so that only the first Cheater suffered the punishment
aforesaid; but I remember he was so impudent that when he came by our
house on horseback, with his face to the horse tail, Ah, ha! said one,
what is the meaning of this? nothing, said the Cheater, but that this
horse is given me, and I am resolved to ride this way to make good the
Proverb, _that I may not look a gift horse in the mouth_.
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