_Mris._ Dorothy _discourses of mine Hosts misfortunes, As first how he
was cheated of a Silver Bowl. Secondly, of a thirty pound reckoning;
and Thirdly, was carried away Prisoner, and forced to pay Fifty pound
for his Ransom._
Thus, continued Mris. _Dorothy_, was this revenge managed by mine Host
and the Guests who had the reckoning of thirty pound to pay, came the
next day and paid it, and then appointed to come the next week and spend
the fifty shillings mine Host had gotten from the Fidlers, which they
did accordingly; and thus said she, did we finish our _Christmas_: and
now I hope, friends, said she to me and Mris. _Mary_, that you will give
me leave to finish my discourse; not so long as you can think of any
more of these stories, replyed I, and so did M. _Mary_; and thereupon we
both joyned in our desires to entreat her to proceed. Well, replyed she,
if I must, then I will alter the Nature and Quality of my discourse, and
as I have told you of mine Hosts good fortune, and wayes to get money,
so I will acquaint you with some of his misfortunes, and how he lost
money; for Fortune was the same thing to him as she hath been to me, and
I think to all others; we all have our several turns and changes,
sometimes we are on the top, and anon on the bottom of Fortunes Wheel;
and as that is, so is the World, round and rouling, and still in motion,
and so are our Fortunes various: I replyed, I had full experience of
this truth, and could freely subscribe to it; but, continued I, good
honest _Doll_, let us be beholding to you so much as to prevent your
discourse, and relate all the other transactions that you can remember
befel during your stay in this pleasant place, for by what you have told
us, I must needs term it so. We, said she, since you will have it so,
i’le endeavour to satisfie you, and then she thus began.
I have already told you of one of my Hosts misfortunes in the quart pot,
and how he was forced to pay twenty shillings instead of satisfaction
which he expected; it was not long before that, that he had a more
sensible loss, for one morning in comes a Countryman which calls for a
Flaggon of Beer, and desires a private Room, for, sayes he, I have
company a coming to me, and we have business. The Tapster accordingly
shews him a room, and brings a Flaggon of Beer, and with it a Silver Cup
worth three pound; the Countryman drank off his beer, and call’d for
another Flaggon, & withal for mine Host to bear him company: mine Host
seeing him alone, sate and talked with him about state affairs, till
they were both weary & mine host was ready to leave him: well, said the
Countryman, I see my Company will not come, and therefore I will not
stay no longer, neither did he; but having drank up his Beer, he call’d
to pay: A groat, quoth the Tapster; there ’tis, said the Countrey-man,
laying it down, and so he went out of the Room, the Tapster staide
behinde to bring away the Flaggon and Silver Cup, but though he found
the Flaggon, yet the Cup was not to be found, wherefore he hastily runs
out and cries, _Stop the man_. The Countrey-man was not in such haste,
but that he quickly stopt of himself; he was not quite out of the doors,
and therefore he soon returned to the Bar, where when he was come, he
said, Well, what is the matter? what would you have? The Cup, said the
Tapster that I brought to you; I left it in the Room, said the
Country-man: I cannot finde it, said the Tapster: and at this noise mine
Host appeared, who hearing what was the matter, said, I am sure the Cup
was there even now, for I drank in it; it is there still for me, said
the Countrey-man: Look then further, said mine Host; the Tapster did so,
but neither high nor low could he finde this Cup; well then, said mine
Host to the Countrey-man, if it be gone you must have it, or know of the
going of it, and therefore you shall pay for it: Not I, said the
Countrey-man, you see I have none of it: I have not been out of your
house, nor no body hath been with me, how then can I have it? you may
search me. Mine Host caused him to be searched, but there was no Cup to
be found, however mine Host was resolv’d not to lose his Cup so, and
therefore he sends for a Constable, and charges him with the
Countrey-man, and threatens him with the Justice; all this would not do,
and the Countrey-man told him, _That threatned Folks live long_, and if
he would go before a Justice, he was ready to go with him. Mine Host was
more and more perplexed, and seeing he could not have his cup, nor
nothing confess’d, before the Justice they went, when they came there
mine Host made his complaint, and told the story as truely it was, and
the Country-man made the same answer there, as he had done before to
mine Host; the Justice was perplexed, not knowing how to do justice,
here was a Cup lost, and the Country-man did not deny but he had it, but
gone it was, and although the Country-man was pursued he did not flie,
he had no body with him, and therefore it could not be conveighed away
by confederacy, and for his own part he had been, and was again
searched, but none found about him, and he in all respects pleaded
innocency: this, though considered and weighed in the ballance of
justice, he could not think that the Country-man had it, and therefore
to commit him would be injustice; he considered all he could, and
inclined to favour the Country-man, who was altogether a stranger, and
he believed innocent, especially when he considered what a kind of
Person mine Host his accuser was, of whose life and conversation he had
both known and heard enough, and cause him to believe that it might be
possible that all this might be a Trick of mine Hosts to cheat the
Country-man, and therefore he gave his judgement, that he did not
believe by the Evidence that was given, that the Country-man had the
Cup, and that he would not commit him unless mine Host would lay, and
swear point blank Felony to his charge, and of that he desired mine Host
to beware. Mine Host seeing which way it was like to go, said no more,
but that he left it to Mr. Justice, who being of this opinion I told you
of, discharged the country-man, and advised mine Host to let him hear no
more of these matters, & if he could not secure his plate, & know what
company he delivered it to, then to keep it up. Mine Host thanked the
Justice for his advice, and so departed, the Countrey-man going about
his business, and he returning home, being heartily vexed at his Loss,
and the carriage of the whole Affair, which was neither for his profit
nor credit; but he was forced to sit down with the Loss, being heartily
vexed to think how he should lose the Cup: he threw away some money in
going to a _Cunning-man_ to know what was become of it, but all they
could tell him was, that he would hear of it again, and so he did
shortly after; though it was to his further cost, and to little purpose.
He had some occasions at our Country-Town during the time of the
Assizes, and there seeing the prisoners brought to their Trials, among
others he espyed the Countrey-man whom he had charged with the Silver
Cup, by enquiring what was his crime? was told it was for picking a
Pocket: Nay then, said mine Host, I may chance to hear of my Bowl again,
and thereupon when the Tryal was over, and the Prisoners carried back to
the Goal, he went and enquired for the Countrey-man, to whose presence
he was soon brought; Oh Lord, master! said he, how do you? who thought
to have seen you here? nay said mine Host, who thought to have seen you
here? I believe you have not met with so good friends in this Countrey
as you did at our Town, of our Justice; but let that pass, come let us
drink together, whereupon a Flaggon of Beer was call’d for, and some
Tobacco, which they very lovingly drank off, and smoak’d together; which
done, said mine Host to the Countrey-man; I would gladly be resolved in
one point which (I question not) but you can do; I suppose you mean
(said the Countrey-man) about the old business, of the Silver Cup you
lost; yes truly said mine Host, & the losing of it doth not so much vex
me, as the manner how it was lost; & therefore, continued he if you will
do me the kindness, to give me satisfaction what became of it, I do
protest I will acquit you although you are directly guilty. No, this
will not do, replyed the Country-man, there is somewhat else in the
case: well then, said mine Host, if you will tell me, I will give you
ten shillings to drink. Ready money does very well in a Prison, said the
Country-man, and will prevail much; but how shall I be assured you will
not prosecute me, if I should chance to be concerned? for that, replyed
mine Host, I can give you no other Warrant but my Oath, which I will
inviolably keep: well then said the Country-man, down with the merry
Griggs, let me handle the money, and I’le be very true to you; and as
for your charging me with it, I fear you not. Mine host being big with
expectation to know how this cleanly conveyance was wrought, soon laid
down the ten shillings; and then the Country-man thus proceeded: I must
confess that I know which way your Cup went, but when you charged me
with it I had it not; neither was it out of the room, and I must tell
you this, that if you had sought narrowly, you might have found it, but
it was not there long after. We who live by our wits must work by policy
more then down right strength, and this cannot be done without
Confederates, and I had such in the management of this affair, for I
left the Cup fastned with soft wax under the middle of the board of the
Table where I drank, which place of the Table by reason it was covered
with a cloath, as you may remember it was, it could not well be seen;
and therefore you and your servants missed of it: you know that very
willingly I went with you to the Justices; and whilst we were gone those
Friends and Confederates of mine whom I had appointed, and knew the Room
and everything else, went into the house, and into the same Room, where
they found the silver Cup, and without the least suspition went fairly
off with it, and at a place appointed we met, and there acquainted one
another with our Adventures, and what purchases we had made, we equally
shared them between us. Mine Host at the hearing of this discourse was
mightily surprized, although fully satisfied; but yet, said he, I would
be resolved one question, which is this, how if we had found it where
you had put it whilst you were there? why truly replyed the cheat (for
now I may call him so) then you could have charged me with nothing, and
I would have put it off with a jest, and if that would not have done,
the most you could have done, had been only to have kicked and beaten
me, and those things we of our quality must venture: you know the old
Proverb, _Nothing venture, nothing have_, and _Faint heart never won
fair Lady_; and we have this other Proverb to encourage us, that
_Fortune helps the bold_; as it doth commonly those of our quality, and
she did me I thank her in that attempt. And there did this Varlet
descant upon his Actions, to the great satisfaction of mine Host, who
finding there was no more to be had of him, left him, and soon after the
Town; coming home, and giving us an account of this adventure; and this
was another of his misfortunes, which was soon after followed by another
worse than the last, and thus it was. A Company of pretending Gallants
one evening arrived at our house, and there was in their company a young
lad of about ten years of age, on whom they all waited, giving him
respect equal to a Person of Honor, and their Master; they were soon
furnished with Lodgings, the best in the house, where they bespake a
plentiful supper, which was provided, drest, and sent to them. Mine Host
enquiring what, and who the young Gentle-man was, whom he supposed was
their Master; they told him that he was the Son of a _French_ Marquess,
giving him a name to that purpose, and that his Father their Lord and
Master, would in few dayes be there; likewise that they being recomended
to this house by a Friend of his, who warranted them good usage, they
were come thither, and there they intended to stay till their Lord came.
Mine Host was highly pleased with this recital, and he questioned not
the truth of it, because the young Gentleman could not or would not
speak any thing but a little Gibberish _French_. These Guests staid
there a fortnight eating and drinking in most plentiful manner; and
every day some or all of them did ride out, leaving only one person to
wait on their Lord, and they came home very honestly at night. They had
now been fourteen dayes and lain at Wrack and Manger, they and their
Horses; and their Bill amounted to thirty pounds, which being a round
sum of money; he began to try if he could get any, and to that end spake
by the by to him that was chief person next to the young Lord, but he
was deaf of that ear, and told him that it would not be above two or
three dayes e’re he was sure their Lord himself would come, and then he
should not only be paid, but also rewarded for the care, and respects he
had shewed to his Son: Mine Host was satisfied with their reasons, and
so went about his business; and so did this Blade about his; for calling
a consultation of his Brethren, they resolved to be gone the next day,
and give mine Host the go by for his Reckoning, and therefore they so
ordered the matter, that that night whilst they were at supper, and mine
Host with them; in enters another man, a new face, and enquired if my
young Lord such a one, and his Attendants were there? yes said the
Hostler, who took his Horse, and then calling the Chamberlain, he was
conducted into the Room where the rest of his Acquaintance were, he
being entered the Room, made his obeysance to his young Master; and then
putting his hand into his Pocket pull’d out a Letter, which he presented
to him; and another who sate next him took from him, opened, and read,
telling mine Host that the Letter was from their Lord, who promised to
be there with them by the next day at noon; glad did they seem to be,
and so was mine Host, who thought now he was near the receiving of his
money: the company then told him that he must provide a plentiful
dinner, and that they would all ride forth in the morning to meet their
old Master, only they would leave their young Master behind to his care;
to this mine Host was content, and the next morning they arose early,
mounted their horses, and away they went, leaving their Lord in Bed.
Mine Host provided dinner according to the directions, and noon came,
but no Lord, or Attendants; at length dinner was forced to be taken up,
or spoiled, and then the young Lord was enquired for, who was still in
Bed, and could not rise, for they had taken his fine Clothes with them:
in fine, upon search, an old Country Suit was found, which now our young
Lord owned to be his, and could speak _English_, saying, they were gone
and carried away his fine cloaths. Mine Host hearing he could speak
_English_, asked him several questions, which the Boy answered readily
enough, and by that he understood that they took him up in those
Clothes, and other rare matters if he would go with them, be ruled by
them, and learn a few heard words; and so in conclusion mine Host found
to his cost, that they were a company of cheats, who came to do that to
him, he had done to others, and though his loss was great, yet he was
forced to sit down contented; as for the Boy he being absolutely
innocent, he was only turned out of the doors to seek his fortune. Thus,
said Mistress _Dorothy_ you see he had his bitter with the sweet, and to
his sweet meat he had sower sawce; and although his loss was
considerable enough, yet soon after he had another of worser
consequence, and thus it was:
You must note, that it was now in the time of rebellion, and there was a
small garrison of Souldiers quartered in our Town of the Round-heads
Party, and about ten miles off there was another Garrison of Cavaliers.
Now one day there came to our Town two Gentlemen very well mounted and
armed, and they had a Pass from a round-headed Collonel our Neighbour,
and coming to our Town, and enquiring for the best Inn, they were
directed to our house, where they took up their Quarters; they pretended
themselves to be Persons of Quality, and therefore spent pretty
handsomely at the first, but in their stay there, which was about eight
dayes, they had run five pounds on the score; mine Host desiring his
money, they told him suddenly he should have it, moneys were coming to
them, but if he had not the patience to stay until their money came,
then (he knew) that they had two good Horses in his Stable, and he
should in lieu of his money have which he pleased, at such a rate as any
indifferent person should adjudg the best of them to be worth: mine Host
seeing them answer him so fair, was as kind as they, and told them that
he did believe them to be Gentlemen of quality, and that he scorned to
undervalue them so much as to dismount them, and as they came on
Horse-back to depart on foot, but that he had rather wait a while longer
for the Money, which they said they staid for: they kindly thanked him
for his courtesie, and promised him to requite it; and thereupon all
Persons rested well satisfied, but no money coming at the time they said
they expected, he again asked them for moneys; and indeed it was their
desire that he should do so, or else the design they had in hand, and
intended to carry on, could not be well executed; and therefore that
they might bring their project to execution, they again offered him one
of their horses; he had a great mind to one of them, having a Customer
ready that would give him a very good price, told them that since they
were so willing he was so too, and that they might possibly have their
Horse again when their money came: it is all as one for that, replyed
the Gentlemen, we had rather go without horses than you should be
dissatisfied, and therefore choose which of the two you will have: they
being both, said he good, I care not which of them, and to that end if
you please to morrow we will all three ride out of the Town a mile or
so, and then you may conclude which you like best, and as for the price
we will well enough agree upon that; to this mine host consented, and
the next day they all three mounted their horses, and away they rode,
but to the great sorrow of us all, for these Gentlemen who had lain thus
long in our house were Caveliers, and belonged to the adjoyning
Garrison, and when they had drawn mine host with them as far as they
could willingly perswade him, and that he offered to return, they then
drew, and with Sword in one hand, and Pistol in the other, they came up
to him and commanded him to stand, for he was their Prisoner, he asked
them for what? and would have disputed the case with them but it was to
no purpose; they were deaf to all perswations, and he living in a
Round-headed Garrison they concluded him to be one, and therefore he was
their lawful Prisonor, and as one they would guard him to their
quarters; so they said, and so they did, and taking his Sword from him,
they caused him to ride on apace, till they brought him to their
Quarters; before their Commander they conducted him, who adjudged him to
be a Prisoner, and the next day resolved on his Ransome, which he valued
at a hundred pounds: the one half he ordered the Gentlemen should have,
and the other to be devided among the indigent Souldiers? this was his
doom: and now my poor Host was delivered into Custody; he writ away to
his Wife to acquaint her with this doleful News, she could not raise so
much Money, and therefore he was like to continue; but in the end, by
the assistance of some Gentlemen who were Guests to the house and
Caveliers, she got one half of the Ransome to be abated, and so the
fifty pounds being sent, he was delivered up, and came home to chear his
Wife and Family.
[Illustration]
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