subject while walking. Do not introduce to young ladies under age without
the chaperon’s or guardian’s consent, and ladies of age without their
approval having first been received. Do not present or attempt to present
a man of whose character or reputation you are doubtful; for thousands of
serious results have been thus occasioned.
[Illustration]
PROPOSING
A gentleman, when he is sure that his attachment to a lady has attained
perfection, and is positive of being ever afterward so attached to her as
to permit of no disturbance of that affection by force of circumstances,
may then and only then have the right of asking for her hand in marriage.
It is a much-mooted question whether a gentleman should ask the parents’
or guardian’s consent to the proposal, if the young lady or himself
or both are under age. If we follow the continental rule, this is the
proper action in the matter. This course is certainly more honorable.
It matters not which parent is first consulted, though the father is
preferred. The parent, or parents, or guardian may be consulted in person
or by letter. After their consent has been gained, the proposal is made
to the woman chosen. If she refuses, then nothing more on the subject
need be said till subsequent proposals are attempted. A refusal need not
be reported to the parents or guardians. If she accepts, he immediately
informs them. If both parties are of age, or independent, it is not
essential to a proposal that parents or guardians should be consulted.
HOW TO PROPOSE
Remember that you are a gentleman, and success will be yours if the lady
possesses any love or affection in her heart for you. It is best not to
force your suit upon a woman, for such engagements often cause either a
breaking of the engagement between the parties, or unhappiness to both.
It is far better to undergo the pain of a refusal for the time being,
and endeavor to gain her affection afterward in view of another and more
successful trial.
Never propose in any way but in person. Letters are very poor mediums of
the affection; besides, a woman prefers personal tenders of affection.
When you propose, never do so unless alone with the lady, either in-doors
or out, but not in public, when promenading, driving, or riding, or on
any occasion where she cannot give you her undivided attention.
A proposal is, next to a marriage, the most important event in a man’s
life, and, if looked favorably upon by the woman, is such also in her
life. Therefore take plenty of time to think over the seriousness of the
step; consider how much interest the lady has previously shown in you,
and the result to your feelings if refused.
If a lady appears uncertain in her answer, you can depend upon it that
she is weighing in golden scales the results, the strength of her own
affection; and, above all, you may justly and correctly construe that the
greater cause of her hesitation is uncertainty of your regard for her,
whether true of the heart, or falsely stated. For no woman cares to have
a man know that she entertains affection for him unless she is confident
he will appreciate it. Thus if it be not a positive refusal, but
hesitation only, always be determined, and decide for her by describing
the happiness that only you could furnish her. These arguments, if
anything would avail, will help to strengthen and control her decision.
Always plead your cause with eyes and speech only. When accepted it is
left to the option of the suitor as to what mode of procedure will best
express his delight and happiness. But perhaps for those of timid and
bashful nature it is advisable to suggest a standard course of action,
viz.: when the lady replies affirmatively, immediately clasp her in your
arms; this is not, for true lovers, a very embarrassing position. Let the
embrace be gentle, simply to signify and give strength and proof of your
affectionate expressions prior to the acceptance.
Always stand when proposing, as it lends dignity to the occasion and
allows of more freedom in expressing the feelings; besides, it savors of
very little earnestness to remain in any other attitude while making so
important a confession.
Before proposing it would be best to ascertain how the lady regards you
in any particular light. If she speaks favorably of any one of your
fascinations, then on that foundation you may attempt to build your
future happiness. Do not propose in an uncertain manner, bashfully, or
yet too boldly. Be serious, desirous, and speak to the point; confess all
your feelings, state everything correctly and truly, and in as telling
language as you can possibly command. Do not laugh or smile, or cause it
to appear an amusing matter. It would be utterly impossible to illustrate
the language of proposals, for many and varied are the methods employed
and the language used. But if a gentleman adheres to all I have stated
on the subject, it will only be fate which will prevent the fulfilment
of his anticipations. A gentleman never makes free with the lady, at the
time of the acceptance, beyond the conditions stated herein. And from the
moment she accepts him, through all her life he must be constant in his
attention to her.
[Illustration]
PRESENTS
Under the general head of presents is classed anything given to another
at one’s own expense. Give presents to your own family, relatives,
_fiancée_, or very old friends, but not to mere acquaintances.